Help me
 

I'm attending a family wedding this fall. My cousin is the first in our generation to be getting married. She is also the first girl in this generation of relatives to be getting married. (The rest of the cousins range from early 20's to early 30's. I am the oldest girl, the bride is 2 years younger than I.)

I KNOW I'll be assaulted by distant relatives whom I haven't seen in over 10 years, who will be cooing and clucking and asking me the dreaded question, "So when are YOU getting married?"

I don't want to insult anyone, but I do find that question to be completely invasive and rude. Is there a ring on my finger? No. Am I shopping for a husband? No. For all they know, I could have just gotten out of a relationship or lost my fiance to a tragic skydiving accident? (For the record, I hate when others ask married people, "So when are YOU going to be having a baby?" What if they've just gotten over a miscarriage? Or they don't plan to have kids at all? It's just such a nosy, yet well-meaning question!)

I don't want to be patted on the head and told, "Oh you just haven't met the right person yet," etc.

Any advice for how to put these people off in a nice way?

The only proper answer to "when are you getting married?" is "when I get sick of sex."

You could burst out crying when they ask you. Nothing makes people feel worse than making someone cry.

No advice but a big sympathy e-hug. My family does the same thing to me all the time. I got them off my back for a couple of months anyways a year and a half ago at a family reunion New Year's party when someone asked me how many children do I want to have and I answered "none, I don't like children" while holding my 2 year old nephew. Try telling them that you aren't looking right now (unless of course you are).

Its really just a lose lose situation no matter where you are in the dating scheme. If youre single you get hounded with "why are you single" questions, if youre dating you get the "so when are you 2 getting married" questions...it never ends...all you can do is just get liquored up enough to the point that you just dont care ;)

I like that idea. A lot.

sometimes I say "When the time comes, you'll be the first to know" and just start up another topic.

Or I just smile, and change the topic real quick.

Those two methods tend to work for me when confronted with nosy ass relatives.

hmm. I'll try this next time and see where it gets me lol

Aunt Bessie: "So... when are YOU getting married?"

adpiucf: "When my relatives start minding their own business."

Oh wait... you asked about NICE ways to put off this question. I'm afraid there aren't any nice responses that answer such an inappropriate question appropriately.

Just try the "This is the bride's day, not mine! I'll let you know when you need to reserve a day for my wedding" line. It's nice enough, but takes the pressure off you in a seemingly selfless way... focussing on the bride.

Bad news -- these sorts of questions do not stop when you get married. After marriage, the question just changes to "So... when are you going to have babies?"

I thought of another answer.

"Oh @#$%! I forgot! I was supposed to do it yesterday!"

Asking questions like "when are you getting married" or "when are you having teh babiez" is rude, nosy, and entirely inappropriate. Why should anybody be expected to coddle individuals who ask rude, nosy, and entirely inappropriate questions? Wanting to rise above it and be nice is all well and good, but I don't think there's anything wrong with telling people who ask these kinds of questions that it's none of their business.

Tell them you're gay.

OK. Don't.

I'm already breaking out in hives just thinking about all of the 8th cousins 4 times removed and the great aunts getting their claws on me... In case you couldn't tell, I'm not big on these family get-togethers. Lots of drama, eating, nit-picking and keeping up with the Jonestein's. My immediate family also is not as well-to-do as the rest of them, so I feel like we get to sit in the black sheep section (I'm the only one who went to college).

ETA: The Mother of the Bride had the audacity to invite my mom to the bridal shower and write on the invitation "We don't expect you come because it's so far away (about a 7 hour drive). Please don't feel obligated to come or to bring a gift." Is there a more refined or tackier way to point out, "We know you're poor and we don't really like you, so this is just a courtesy invite?" I was offended for my mom. My mom is the kind of woman, who if she had only $.20 to her name, she'd spend it on a gift for a shower or birthday gift for a friend of a friend even if she wasn't invited. Just so she could congratulate them and offer her best wishes to share in their happiness.

There is no nice way to say it. I get this all time from my boyfriend's parents. My new answer to "When are you getting married?" is "As soon as you stop asking me about getting married." Completely impolite but it does shut his mom up..... :o

Sheesh...usually, when people ask me, I always mention how I want to be financially secure before I get married; that usually makes most people shut up. I guess I have an excuse in that I'm just starting out and that I live in a really expensive city. They can't really argue with it.

I have a great-aunt who always asks me when me and the Mr. are planning to get married, and that answer doesn't faze her, as her 20-year old grandson has like, three different babies by four different women or something like that.

No. :p

Nice goes on vacation with those questions.

You could turn philosophical on them and make them tell you WHY you need to get married and start a huge discussion. They might get so sick of it that they never ask again.

Depends on how polite you want to be. Yes, these kind of questions are rude, but at the same time why alienate family? With my mom I used "When I meet a guy who isn't an a total a^&hole" that normally gets her started on going off on guys and off my back. With other family I normally say "Oh I am dating casually now because I am concentraiting on my career right now." Then I start talking to them about school, normally that either gets them off topic of my love life or bores them enough they walk off. Either way I am happier.

Ah, nagging relatives. I have those as well.

Just tell them that you have a very full life, and if you meet the right person to share it with, that's fantastic- but that if not, you are just as content. And if they don't get the hint, tell them bluntly "better alone than in bad company"- even if all the people you have dated in the past were good persons who simply weren't a good match for you.

And the "having babies" question is not only nosy and intrusive, but possibly offensive and hurtful. What if the couple does not want kids, or if they find out that one or both cannot have them, or even if they could it is rather risky to their health? If the askers want children that badly, they can go to the DCF orphanage and get a foster kid.

Every time my mother brings up how badly she wants grandchildren, I tell her to adopt. Then she gets mad at me because apparently I'm being rude. :rolleyes:

Well clearly you're a disobedient child who won't go make babies with a good Russian Jew.

Just tell her your girlfriend doesn't want kids.

I have the grandmother who not only wants me to date someone else (not that she knows my current boyfriend at all) but settle down, marry, have children and become a teacher.

Thanks grandma but you're going to have to stop making comments about how my nose isn't as cute as yours first. You BOUGHT yours.

I just found out that one of my friends is going through a messy divorce after being married only 16 months (husband had been having an affair since 8 months BEFORE they got married!). I feel terrible for her. But then next time my mom bugs me about settling down, I can just bring this up.

Seriously, if they really hassle you, start droning on and on about wanting the ideal marriage, there's no reason to jump into something, look at how many people get divorced, blah blah blah blah blah. Talk their ear off about it. Don't let them escape the punishment for asking you personal qeustions!!!

I can offer no advice different than what's been stated, except I can offer sympathy. The shine in my engagement ring has barely faded and yet I'm already getting the "when are you making babies???" questions.

Mmmkay... we've been engaged for a month...

Though there was this cool joke forward going around my emails for a while. I'll see if I can remember it.

"There was a single woman who went to her cousin's wedding. All of her aunts pointed at her and poked at her saying 'You're next!' About a month later, there was a funeral for one of the aunts. The single woman walked up to her remaining aunts and said 'You're next!'"

Probably not a good idea to do that... but it's funny though.

This no longer phases my mother, but it is a stunner the first time!

Oh but Muchkin, GOD WILL PROVIDE.

My wife and I get the baby question all the time, especially from one side of my family. I was the first to go to and graduate college on that side, and it seems illogical to some why my wife and I would want careers and advanced degrees. (Part of this is because I have family members for whom having children is a nice hobby) It's gotten bad to the point where I have given some rather pointed responses to end the questions from certain people.

My advice - a direct, polite answer, and change the subject. If they harp on it, walk away from the conversation.