Calling all moms!
 

First of all, I'm not meaning to exclude ANYONE! But I think that rush from a mom's perspective and from a PNM's perspective is differently, obviously. I participate in several on-line forums where there is a "parents place" and it's a safe, comfortable place where parents can ask questions, vent, support, etc. other parents going through similar experiences. And as I watch some of the recruitment threads start to pop-up, I thought maybe the moms out there (and dads are welcome too although I haven't seen too many of them on this site, LOL!) could gather and share.

When I went through rush way too long ago, I was totally clueless and made some of the stereotypical mistakes (the main one being of only liking the group that I wanted to be like, not the ones I would already fit into and being incredibly close-minded) and not surprisingly was cut and then dropped out. Luckily, a year later, my future sorority re-colonized and I joined that and had a wonderful time.

My daughter rushed twice - as a freshman (not-so-wonderful experience) and as a sophomore - where she found her home and is very happy. It was agonizing both times with the second being almost worst than the first. First time around, I helped her get a rec to every group, advised, helped shop for rush clothes, made sure to get updates every step of the way and cried just as harder (if not harder - it'd be a close race) as she did when it didn't work out. Second time around, I did very little knowing that it was all on her. I got one (glowing) rec to the house she was most interested in (that cut her anyway), offered the credit card if she wanted to go shopping, and let her contact me when she was good and ready. But I was on pins and needles every second of every day during rush (it took 5 days) thinking of her CONSTANTLY. I tried very, very hard not to let her know how high my anxiety was because I did not want to put any undue stress on her. I tried to remain calm (especially when I did talk to her), think that "whatever will be, will be" and leave it all up to her.

I think if she knew how anxious I was feeling she would have said I was way too over-involved in the whole thing and she may have been right. But that was my little girl out there and my gut reaction is to protect her at all times and want so desperately for her to be happy. When it's your baby (I don't care how old she is), and you know how much it means to her and how badly you don't want her to get hurt and how happy you are for her when it all works out, it's overwhelmingly emotional for us moms. When she called to tell me that she had gotten a bid, I was ecstatic and cried such tears of joy for her (after I hung up!).

So for you moms out there, good luck to your daughters. And if need be, stop by here and let some of us other been-there, done-that moms help prop you up.

And for you daughters - if you've read this far - your mom is ALWAYS there for you, no matter what happens. We love you...just because. We don't love you any more if you pledge ABC and we don't love you any less if you get cut from ABC, we just love because you're our daughter!!

I know for a fact that I'm much more stressed over this recruitment for my daughter AND her friends than I was when I was going through rush decades ago. In large part, it's the schools themselves. Greek environments vary from campus to campus in terms of percentage of Greeks, perception of Greeks etc. The other stress factor is the proliferation of listserves like this. Although I would rather have too much information than not enough, the advice is often contraindicatory to say the least.

I think proudmom has written this much more eloquently than I could ever begin to communicate. I hope all the moms and daughters read this and really take it to heart.

I only wish my mom had been so supportive! Although my mom was greek in college, she had a bad experience and was very against me joining a sorority.

Where do I start?

Five of my daughters have rushed, none at schools that have Pi Phi. Three had great rushes. Two had rough rushes, oddly enough 2 who are loyal, involved, have high grades but they're quiet...one re-rushed a year later and got her top choice and the other picked up a COB bid.

Recruitment is awful on parents, whether or not they're Greek. Your child is being judged--that's the only way to put it. Although I won't have another one rush until next year, my prayers are with all of you who are about to rush in spirit with your daughters. Good luck! There are a lot of you on GC this year!

I am right there with you! I have three daughters, the last one is rushing this fall, and I am so worried as she will be rushing at a big SEC school where anything can happen.

We have prepared as much as possible, but beyond that, there is nothing you can do, and as a mom, it just kills you that this is something you can't "fix" for them. You know they will get cut, at least by some of the houses. It is the rare pnm that has the perfect rush, and rejection always hurts.

Then there is the possibility of not getting the house you want. With my oldest, we went through that, and it was awful! She ended up not pledging at all! In retrospect, it was a miracle she got a bid, as we knew nothing about rushing in the South at the time.

My middle one had a little better experience, but went to a smaller greek system, and still didn't get her first choice, but her second. It worked out well in the end, as she is very happy where she is, and can't imagine being in the sorority that she originally preffed first.

And now the last one has chosen to rush in a very competitive greek system, and I am a wreck!

I just keep remembering the devastation on my oldest daughter's face when she was not offered a bid from the house she had her heart set on...I think I cried as much as she did. She had the option of rushing her sophomore year, and her sorority friends wanted her to, but she said, "I would rather cut off my arm then go through that again".

I am just praying that the youngest has a good experience. She just asked me the other day, "Mom, you don't think I'll get cut from all of them, do you?" What could I say? It is possible, but hopefully not?

Lord, I wish it was over!

My daughter rushed last year, and it was not too intense because she is at an ACC school with a small number of sororities, but I won't say that I wasn't worked up the entire week. She was in a good position to make all the decisions on where she was going the next day, and some of them were very hard (on which house to drop), but she got her first choice and is very involved in her sorority, leadership roles on campus and Panhellenic. As much as she loves greek life, she says she doesn't think that she would've rushed at all if she'd been forced to go to her backup school (SEC) just by what she knows from her HS friends.

We shopped for her wardrobe, she called me every night and described every party, called me every morning and told me what decisions she had to make. After Bid Day we never heard from her until Thanksgiving, so I guess she was pretty happy with her choice!

When they went around the room after pledging to talk about what they knew about sororities and why they went through rush, she was one of the few who had parents who were greek. We think it may be because she is our oldest and we were in our 20's when she was born (which put us in college in the early 1980's). Most parents were there in the 70's when greek life was not as popular, so I think there may be fewer girls with that background going through rush. Her favorite teachers who are all a few years older than me, with kids in college, told her they never would've dreamed of being in a sorority in college. So I think there are a lot of moms out there who are really stressed because they have not been on either side of it....and there are a lot of moms out there who are really stressed because they HAVE been on both sides of it!

Other than the PITA of trying to find specific clothing items, this summer hasn't been too bad. We needed the break....we start college apps for daughter #2 soon, and the waiting and hoping is a big stressor. Then it's time to start the rush process all over again.....

For help with college selection go to talk.collegeconfidential.com. For those who think the GC parents are overinvolved with their kids' lives, this will be a real eyeopener.

I also graduated in the '80s but did not go through Southern School Sorority rush. Our Panhel was much more low-key, hence the stress of today!

I've been on that site, and it is very intense! I enjoyed college, but the only way I'd want to go back is if I knew everything that I know now! LOL!

Those people are definitely helicopter parents on steroids!

:D

I love to the copy threads from college confidential and send them to my kids with the comment, "and you think I'm involved too much?" I then get many "thank you for not being CRAZY."

I only wish my kids knew about helicopter parents that I've known or heard about. Parents who call college professors and curse them for their child's grades, harass principals 24/7, I've heard it all in my years of teaching. The worst helicopter parent we know did everything she could to make her kid the queen of everything, no matter how it hurt other students. The kid went downhill fast after she graduated--went to a state university and pledged but spent all her weekends getting blasted at another university and had to come home after 1 semester. She now has a newborn and doesn't know who the dad is.

Hey, could you guys tell me some of the best threads to copy from college confidential?:D

Any of the "assess my chances" threads. These are the typical 2300 SAT, Intel Scholarship, NMS students wanting to know why they didn't get into HYPMS.

Parent's Cafe is amusing sometimes. Search the entire board with "sorority and "Greek Life" in quotes and you'll pull up interesting thoughts and opinions.

Warning: the political views on this site are very liberal. Lots of New Yorkers and New England parents and kids are on CC.

Is that Harvard, Yale, Princeton, MIT, Stanford ?

ex-lurker: the first post you'll want to go to on CC is the sticky "abbreviation thread" on the parents forum -there is a whole other world of lingo there! And yes HYPMS is exactly that. There's some discussion of greek life there but most of it tends towards the parental head scratching of "why would my child want to do that?" Much of the discussion centers around the correlation between being Greek and alcohol use. Parents there can seem to be helicopter parents but they're mostly just like the moms here: care deeply about their kids and want them to be happy. They're trying to do the best they can by getting as much info as possible to help them in the grueling admissions process. I have often thought of rush and college admissions as similar from a pick me! pick me! point of view. Both of them can be a parent's nightmare.

Ditto, proudmom!
I think many of the CC parents are very willing to make the next major investment in their child's education (about $200,000 for a 4 year "top-ranked" private university or LAC), but want to get advice from fellow parents about the process, the school, etc.

With the advent of the Common Application, the most competitive kids are applying to 8-10 schools now, and many are applying to more than that. The above 4.0 GPA, perfect SAT and AP scores, 3 sport/4 year varsity athlete who is student body president and long-time volunteer at a local charity will not necessarily get into the college of his/her choice. Colleges love this trend of applying to many schools because more application fees are added to the coffers and also the selectivity rate increases because there are still only x numbers of spots going to be offered even when there are more applications.

Another CC reader/poster here! (But I think I was on GC before CC)

Anywho, my daughter will not be attending a college with a Greek system. However, I was a Girl Scout leader and I can't wait to find out if/where my other "daughters" pledge!

And on another note, I have had a blast writing recommendations for so many girls I know this year!

My daughter will be starting recruitment in 2 weeks at a competitive school (not SEC), but with 13 sororities for 1100 rushees. I went through rush at the same school 30 years ago and joined a sorority I loved. I had a blast during rush, even though I was cut by some of my favorite sororities (I wish I had paid more attention to my grades in hs.) Anyway, I'm with "proudmom" on the fact that I'm so anxious for my daughter, but excited as well. I know how disappointing it can be to get cut by a house that you love, and we moms don't like our children hurt. We all know that our daughters are the smartest and the cutest, but we can't hold their hands during rush (I would if I could!). I too, like "proudmom" have helped with recs, clothes shopping, advice (probably too much), and now after finding this wonderful network, realize that I need to back off and put this all in my daughter's hands. She is a capable young woman, and I need to let her guide her own destiny. I will still be a wreck from Aug. 13-18, and will try try try not to offer anything but a sounding board, and pray that she finds her happy home. I'm hoping also, that being a legacy won't hurt her chances. I have absolutely no strong feelings about her joining my house, and have conveyed that to her explicitly. Anyway - good luck to your daughters, good luck to you moms on keeping your sanity during the process, and good luck to the dads and brothers who have to deal with us all!! Happy Rushing!!

wow this is intense! I go to school out in California where greeks are hated and resented by the vast majority of the student population....

my parents went to college in 1976-1980 and were NOT greek.....they HATE that I'm greek now and keep trying to get me to quit as they feel it takes up too much of my time (I'm vice president of my chapter).

I heard stories about how at our Grand Chapter (national convention) there were stories of alumni crying when they saw their sons get pinned as Sigma Nus and I was shocked! I could never imagine my parents, let alone my father, coming to my pinning ceremony. I'm pretty sure it's a cultural thing in California where fraternities and sororities are seen as evil backwards right wing organizations or something....

weird

We're doing the countdown now at our house. Going over the "move into dorm list" daily. Our guest room has been overtaken with crates, bedding, mini fridge, bags from target, wal-mart,etc. My daughter and I are doing the "this may be the last time we do this together..." thing. When we asked my son, who is in a fraternity at her school, if he could get a couple of guys to help us with the dorm move, his reply was " Gee Mom (pointed sarcasm), a gazillion girls going through rush, moving into the dorms - I could make some money selling raffle tickets for that!" So, I guess we'll have all the help we need. I really would like to hear if other Mom's out there are getting knots in their stomach like I am. My daughter is as cool as a cucumber, just excited and ready to get it started! I try not to let it show, as I'm excited as well!

If only justamom was still on GC (JAM for short). She was awesome and her daughter went Delta Gamma at LSU.

whatever happened to her? she was great

I don't know the specifics, as to why she left. I think she had had "enough" of GC, for whatever reason.

I think it was some sort of political issue.

I'm bumping this thread up as we start the "season." It seems like there's several recruitment threads from moms (some of whom have already posted on this thread) but maybe there's a few new ones who could use some cyber hand-holding. Trust me, every mom out there is keeping fingers crossed and fervently wishing and hoping that every little girl, oh, excuse me, daughter, out there gets her magic wish fulfilled!

Remeber when they were little and you'd be in a crowd and some little voice would yell out "mom!" and you'd automatically turn your head - as would every other mother in the vicinity - and it wasn't even your kid? Same thing here - the universal mom is still turning her head ready to come running! Every PNM is someone's daughter and we're all rooting for each and every one.

Rush is a-comin' (I mean recruitment)
 

I from the old school when we called rush, rush. I tried to use the new term, "recruitment" and someone said, "I didn't know she was joining the military." So, rush it is!

Daughter goes through rush in three weeks. She's going out of state and knows nothing specific about any of the sororities, which is good for all the "keep an open mind" advice. A few people have offered to write her letters, which we have gladly accepted, but the Greek website for the school says they are not necessary, so we are believing them.

She is excited, and not too nervous...yet. I'm only a little nervous, partly because of this website..., but the information has been invaluable. I just can't believe how clueless I was 25+ years ago when I went through rush. I had no clue...

Good luck to all the pnm's, and to the moms. Not only is this whole sorority thing a bit nerve-wracking, but so is sending our dd's off to college. It all happened so fast!

My daughter is a senior at an SEC school and is preparing for the final Recruitment experience. When she went through recruitment 3 years ago it was really tough on both of us. All of you are right about the parents having a tough time with their kids being "judged". She was looking to forward to a very positive experience; then, her best friend(at a different SEC school) was cut (she had a full party schedule through six party) by everyone!!! My daughter's expectations immediately changed. She was very nervous. THings worked out really well and she is a proud member of AGD.

Friday evening I get to go to Friends and Family night and see all of the skits that they will do during recruitment. I have been every year and have always become very emotional during the pref performance. this year she will be part of that and it will be just as exciting and emotional for me as it will for her.

I was part of that seventies group that someone has already mentioned and did not join a sorority. I always wished that I had. I have to be very careful not to live vicariously through my daughter. I can enjoy the experience though her but with no pressure on either of us.

A few people have offered to write her letters, which we have gladly accepted, but the Greek website for the school says they are not necessary, so we are believing them.

Don't believe it!!!! My friends daughter, a legacy, was cut by everyone pretty quickly. Just look at it this way.... it never hurts to have a rec but it might be fatal not to.

Agree-----Get a resume and picture to each NPC chapter on campus!

I've said this before, and I will continue to say it (til I pass on!)----SET YOUR daughters, granddaughters, neices, friends, etc., UP TO SUCCEED!

Thanks for the cyber "hand-holding", proudmom. My daughter is going through Rush/Recruitment in a couple of weeks at a Texas school. I think what we're dealing with is a fear of the unknown, at least in our case. I have to say that these threads have been a great help to us over the past few months. At least now we know what a "rec" is, though that term could also be used to describe my mental state at times!

I'm not a "mom" but I was VERY nervous when my niece went through recruitment 2 years ago. I hoped she would get a bid..yea she's terrific, etc. but at this large SEC school, unfortunate twists happen through no fault of the pnms.

Thankfully, she got a bid and is very happy with her sorority. She's not an AGD but she got 2 of the letters;)

Take it from a Chapter Advisor, it's tough on us too! We see all the wonderful pnms go to through, wish we could take all we wanted but know that we can't.
Esp. when the CA's don't get to vote, lol.;)

I am so glad after reading this thread...
 

I AM THE MOM OF THREE BOYS!! :)

tryouts vs. pref night!!
 

OK, I am just a mother venting here! My daughter's state school has delayed rush this year until the second week of school; no big deal, or so we thought. She has been looking forward to being a member of the school's dance team, one of the reasons for attend this ACC school. The coach just posted the date for tryouts; yep, they are the same night as Pref night!! :( My daughter has emailed back and forth with the coach to see if there might be an alternate date and he has said no; come then or not at all. Of course, he isn't having cheerleading tryouts until the next week after rush!:confused:

Now we don't know if my daughter would have even made the team, but she will never know without trying out. She is not willing to give up sorority to try out as she has a better shot of being in a sorority, something she also wants to do. I have no idea if the coach didn't even take other school activities into account, or if rush week being changed was the problem. I can tell you that my daughter has been trying to find out the date of tryouts since last year. She always got the run around from the secretary who would say the date will be posted in the school newspaper, which it was on Monday.

Thanks for letting me vent; I didn't want to be upset around my daughter as she is upset enough. This is one mess that mom can't do anything about and baby bird will have to deal; but boy does it make me mad!!!:mad: :mad:

Tell daughter to immediately talk to her recruitment counselor! This happens...I think the sororities can work through it. I'm sure they'd LOVE to have someone on dance team in their chapter!

Recruitment kick off isn't until next week so she hasn't been placed in a RC group yet. Even if the RC gave the go ahead for my daughter to attend the tryout, wouldn't she be missing an important day as it is Pref night, the night before Bid Day? I don't think my daughter would want to miss this night, expecially if she didn't have a strong first choice chapter. Of course, I am assuming she will have several choices as I am her mother!;)

Cause there are no conservatives in the North nor liberals in the South, right? ;)

Teasing!

i hadn't heard this term before thursday. i was at the library and while waiting, a newspaper targeting people over 50 caught my attention. the article was about helping parents adjust to sending their kids off to college and how some colleges are responding to helicopter parents. i will post some of the things from the article if i have a chance this weekend. it was funny.