Lame?
 

Ladies: Would you honestly consider a young man who doesn't drink, is drug-free and a virgin lame?

No, that sounds like pretty strong character to me.

How old is he?

Nope... sounds like my kind of guy.

My boyfriend fit all three of those when we started dating, as did I.

/not commenting on the current status five years later

21 years old.

Your reples are refreshing but it doesn't seem like a lot of women do appreciate it. It sucks being different.

then no, not lame

LOL, what age would have made it lame?

If you're like 34 and are still a virgin, then usually that's a sign of something.

what? aside from not getting laid?

The general opinion I get from my friends is that they'd definately rather date the "clean" guy, and the virgin thing can go one way or the other. A virgin is almost certainly not going to have STDs, and if he decides to change his status, he won't have picked up any bad habits... so to speak.

Gaaaawd, I hope it won't be THAT long (lol)...but I guess the only thing it would show is that the person is that way for a reason, mostly likely of their own choosing.

Yeah that's true

A sign of not finding the right person yet? I know someone older than 34 that is still a virgin because he has chosen not to give himself to a person that he doesn't intend to marry.

I would never date him....seems like he is too clean-cut for me....I like people can drink responsibly in a social situation and have a good time....I find guys like him do not mix with my social responsibilities of my job.

Our lifestyles wouldn't mesh at all, so I wouldn't date him...but I don't think I'd think he was lame.

I wouldn't consider him lame -- however I probably wouldn't date him, because I engage in some of those activities from time to time.

Not at all! Please send him over here to me!

Well at 21 I think it would be fine. If he was significantly older, then it would depend on whether he was a virgin by choice (character) or by default (personality).

I would think he was gay.

And if any girl tells you it's OK, ask for her picture.

-Rudey
--And that's the best advice you will get.

That's what I meant by my earlier post. Thank you for putting it better than I did.

LOL, in the case you hadn't caught on yet, I was talk about myself.


Ouch!

How is it possible to be too clean cut? And just because someone doesn't drink doesn't mean that they don't know how to have a good time...in fact, the fact they don't need anything extra to do so would say a lot. What are the "social responsibilities" of your job?

I know some people's jobs "require" them to host clients in bars/restaurants and if you're not having a beer with them, there's something wrong with that.

Not sure I agree, but I wouldn't be having that job myself.

Some people assume that those who DON'T drink are preachy about it. While I have my own feelings about alcohol, and those who need it to have fun, I pretty much keep it to myself unless asked.

I do think drug use is stupid, though I've seen good arguments for legalization. I've never felt the need to impair myself to either relax or have fun.

There are girls out there, and yes Rudey, attractive girls, who will find you attractive. You may be hanging out with the wrong crowd though...

Exactly. I've never really been flat out wasted before, I'm only a social drinker, and was a non-drinker up until my early twenties. I am in NO WAY a prude or too clean cut. I'm naturally an unhibited person, I don't need that much booze, if any, to act a fool, be outgoing, or do crazy things. It sucks to be stereotyped as some introverted party-pooper who does nothing but play chess and the violin on your weekend nights.

You do realize that you're the god wine, right? ;)

Oh Rudey - some WOMEN are looking for a man of conviction. :)

You might not have intended it, but this quote reveals a bit of why I personally would never date a guy who didn't drink. There seems to be a little high-and-mighty about the way you say "the fact they don't need anything extra to do so would say a lot." What, exactly, would it say? It seems you're implying that people who drink "need" to do so to have a good time. That in itself comes off as preachy to me.

As for the virgin thing, again, not my cup of tea, but I'm sure some women would appreciate it.

There's a difference between those who drink socially and have fun, and those who feel they HAVE to drink to have fun... or to meet guys or whatever.

The first is not a problem, and I think most would agree that the second is bad. Not drinking means you're definately NOT in that second category.

I don't consider myself a drinker, though when in Ireland and Italy I had to drink SOMETHING so I drank hard cider in the Irish pubs and red wine (only a little, I hate red wine) in Italy. Heck I even played circle of death with cider.


Non drinkers aren't bad people... nor are we more preachy. How many times have I had to listen to... "You Don't Drink? LOSER!" etc..

Actually that was in respose to this:

I don't think it makes me high and mighty because I don't drink but I find the purpose of doing so meaningless other than to have a good time. And all I'm saying is that I'm not dependant on alcohol to do so. If it is possible for a person who drinks to have a good time without doing so, then why drink?

You asked for people's personal opinions, and they're giving them to you, so what's the sense in arguing? If you don't want to hear the opinions, then don't ask :)

For me, the drug thing- well, that's a plus, as I think it would be for the majority of women.

The drinking- no so much a plus. I myself am not a big drinker, I have a few when I go out but I can't even remember the last time I was "drunk". However, nondrinkers (as a whole, because each person can of course be different) kind of bother me usually because they can tend to lecture, make fun of, or just be somewhat of an inconvenience. I don't want to be made to feel bad because i'm getting a drink with dinner. One of my best friends doesn't drink, but it's not an issue there. But then I went out on a few dates with a guy who was a nondrinker, and he was a pain in the ass.

The virgin- sorry, not for me and not for a lot of women this day and age. If it works for you, great, but it's a turn off to many women. I'm not going to judge your values, but can only say that it would be a turn off to me personally.

It's funny, because the guy who was also a nondrinker ended up also being a virgin (declared waiting for marriage- he was 26 when we went out), and was really preachy.

My intent isn't to argue but just to see where people with an alternative perspective are coming from. Plus, I was accused of sounding high and might and was simply explaining that I wasn't. Question to you: Why is the virgin thing a turn off?

I try not to discuss my sex life on GC, but I will try to answer your question, but i'm guessing it's not an answer you haven't heard before. I'm not interested in someone who is inexperienced. I am not interested in someone who would likely judge me because I did not make the same choice they did. I believe that sexually compatibility is important in a relationship and ultimately with the man that I marry.

It's not the "virgin" thing that's a turn off to me, it's all the stuff that typically comes with it....like the guy being super religious. Plus, guys who are virgins would probably tend to judge a girl like me who didn't wait for marriage.

To both responses:

Well don't you think that that's an unfair assumption about the person? I mean realistically the guy probably isn't expecting you to be a virgin, just at least not a ho. If you were in to the guy too (him as a person), then why couldn't you respect the fact that he chooses to wait, just like he respects the fact that you didn't decide to? And its another unfair assumption to assume the guy is "super religious" (whatever that means) just because he's a virgin. He could just be waiting for the right person and hasn't found her yet.

Would it be wrong for me to assume based off of your responses that sex is a major concern that you associate with the guys you go out with?

This is your original question, asking for our opinions:
You were given some opinions, now you're trying to argue with them and convince us otherwise. This is EXACTLY what would turn me off from someone who doesn't drink or have sex-this preachiness.

You're entitled to your opinions, but we're entitled to ours that it's a turn off to be lectured or questioned with something like this.

You gave very limited information. You said virgin, no drinking and no drugs. We have no choice but to make an assumption. No, I personally wouldn't date the guy. Might he be lame? Perhaps, that's not a word I usually use to describe people. I'd probably just say hey, whatever floats your boat, but it's not for me.

I can respect someone's personal decisions, but that doesn't mean that I think that they're compatible with mine.

Hmmmm...I'm not into inexperienced guys either. I guess that's bad, lol.

What is a ho to you (just out of curiousity)? I think that *typically* most people who have chosen to wait are more judgmental about that type of stuff. I'm not saying you are, but you asked a hypothetical question and we're giving our answers.

As for the religiousness part, *typically* (again) people who choose to wait do so for religious reasons....which wouldn't really mesh well with me because I don't consider myself to be very religious.

I think it's a fair assumption that sexual compatibility is important to me...that's not the only thing I worry about but if I'm going to be with someone forever I want to enjoy the physical aspect of the relationship :)

I not trying to disrespect you opinion, as I stated before, I'm just trying to understand where people with different values are coming from. I'm giving my perspective on things just like you are. There's a differance between debating and arguing...never once did I claim that my way of doing things is the absolute right way and your way is bad. But the questions that i am asking is based off of my values and are specific to them. Like I said, I can't help how you recieve the questions that I ask but my intensions are just to have a mature debate about what people value in the opposite sex.

The last part is understandable, but I wanted to know if its so important that it can't be over looked for you. A ho (in my opinion) is a male or female who randomly hooks up with people with no strings attached on a frequent basis. Have you ever given more than one abstainant person a chance to date you to form that opinion?

Well, I've dated a couple guys who didn't wait until they were married but felt a great deal of guilt because they didn't. One of them went far enough to say that he felt guilty for "acting like [he] was married". This guy was 31. Personally, it was just a bit too much for me. I don't have any guilt about my sexual past and I don't really need someone to try to make me feel guilty about it. So, like I said, in my experience people in that situation are generally not compatible with me.

Questions for you:

What does "right person" mean? Is this the person you are going to marry, or something less?

What reason, outside of religious reasons, motivates you to wait for the right person?