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You Know You were Born/Raised "Black" When...
-You know what "no hometraining" means.
-You've told your mother you had a headache and her remedy was to take a crap or some Robitussin. -You were always able to find a Jet, Ebony, Ebony Jr., or Essence somewhere around the house. -Your dad had the uncanny ability to wake up just as you were changing the channel and yell "I was watchin' that!" - no matter how quiet you were... -You fell asleep in your mother's lap while getting your hair cornrowed, woke up, fell back asleep, and woke up again and she still wasn't finished. -Kool aid was the only "sports drink" you knew... -You knew about the controversy of the barbershop/beauty shop dialogue way before "Barbershop" or "Beauty Shop" came out. -Many of the people you grew up calling your aunty, uncle, cousin, sister, or brother have no blood relation to you at all. -You have the tendency to describe people's complexions in terms of food. -Your family had Sunday dinners. -OJ taught you that Black or White doesn't matter. . .So long as you've got green. -You've been told to stop crying before you got something to cry about. -Your parents whooped your behind if you wasted food. -Catfish was a popular meat at your barbeques. -Your parents told you to not even THINK about asking for toys when you go shopping with them. -Back-sassing a parent was the last thing on your mind… if you wanted to live. -You saw your community as part of your extended family. -Your barbers or hairdressers were your friends. -You knew ladies who wore big hats to church that you can't see over when sitting down. -Robitussin was a panacea. -Food with too little spice was simply unbearable. -You got baths in the sink as a baby. -You were told "I'll get mine and forget everyone else" was a terrible mindset. -As an adult, you still look over your shoulder when you know you're doin' wrong... -When your white friends talked to their parents, you ducked... -As an adult, your parents deny ever spanking you... -You feared your friends’ parents as much as you did your own... -You know how to drive a car with no brakes, or lights..Or windshield wipers... -You put hot sauce on everything including macaroni and cheese. -You compulsively barbecue when the warm weather arrives... -When someone makes something good to eat, you say things like "You put yo foot in this" -If you hear your jam you dance despite the location…You could be in the bank, and you would lean and rock with it...(slightly) -You know about forty eight variations of hand shakes...and you can perform the black combination without training..You know the one which starts by locking thumbs, and then a series of other moves... -You can make seventy dishes, including spaghetti with ramen noodles. -You would not be shocked if someone passing in a car shouted out your name without stopping the vehicle...and then you compulsively shout back "Whaddup" -You almost starve to death from December 26 to March due to your families Christmas shopping debt. -Even though the neighbor's kid wound up in prison, your auntie makes sure to remind you of how bad you were as a kid because you painted the dog. -You know what cod liver oil taste like. -“oohh un hun” is an appropriate response to something you don't like. -You know what it meant to be told to go get a "switch." And you bet not bring back a sheisty one. -Sucking your teeth in front of adults ....ummm... bet not happen. -"good hair and bad hair" -When James Evans died you actually grieved -Tremendously loud bass is an acquired musical delicacy. -Your momma told you to put vaseline on your legs because "it's just like lotion". -Dessert choices were sweet potato pie or pound cake. -You were warned not to drink coffee because it made you black. -Your momma's momma was "Big Mama" and Your dad's momma was "Muh Dea" -You pronounce AUNT like UNTEE, not ANT -You could buy frozen koolaid pops and faygo sodas from the back door of an old lady in your neighborhood |
LMAO!! That was a good one!
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I like this one!! LOL... thanks TonyB!
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Ok, some of these are too real! LOL.
How many times did my mother threaten to give me something to cry about if I started crying. How many spoonfuls of cod liver oil did I have to take at night *just in case* I was going to get sick. How many times did my daddy wake up from his nap when we tried to change the channel only to inform us "I was watching that dear." LOL. Buying koolaid and candy from the backdoor of the neighbor, barbequing *every day* during the summer, not even thinking about backtalking - being smacked in the mouth before I could complete my sentence and seeing stars the one time that I thought that I was going to backtalk. LOL. Staring in amazement at how others backtalked their parents and got away with it or threw temper tantrums on the grocery store floor when I know that my mom would have shot me "the look" (ya'll know the evil eye) and I would have **straightened up** right away. Quote:
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Hey now...the majority of these go for anyone raised in the South! (And by South I mean counnnnnnntry South by country Southern folk.) :p Anyway, seriously, where do you wash babies if not in the sink?
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OMG! i was reading these and was like "Yup" "Yup"
Thanks for this! Ya made my day Now to school Mr. 1228 on some of these things :) |
I gots a short attanetion span, I didn't read it all, so I hope I don't repeat any...
-mama spits on her hand and smooth your hair down when it gets messy -you gets a whoopin with house shoes, phone cords, switches, and wooden rulers -yo family gets put out of hospitals, whenever gramps get sick, because we get too loud and bother the white folks -yo family too poor to buy new chewing gum. whenever you get tired of chewin', you just stick the gum on your bed post and even behind your ear. when you wanna chew some more, just pop it back in your mouth -whenever you clown at school and the teacher calls your mama. she comes to school and whoop your azz right in front of your peeps -choir rehearsal ends early because some fools break into the churych tryin' to run from the policeii -you wear all white on first sundays -you wear pastels on fifth sundays -the choir director demands that the girls always wear ponytails. cuz if they wear their hair hanging down, jeri curl with stain the robes. -you record songs from the radio by holding a tape recorder up to the speaker -when you replay the music you recorded, you hear pops yellin' and your brother being spanked by mama, in the background. -whenever you go to play in the sprinklers or fire hydrants, you wear a plastic grocery bag on your head as a shower cap -when you travel, you try to pack as many people into the car as you can. three big people sit in the front, and three big people sit in the back. five little people sit in the big peoples lap who ain't drivin. 11 people total, voila! -whenever you be bad or tell a lie, yo grandma says "the devil gonna get ya!" -if you get in a fight and lost, you got another azz whoopin when you get home, for not taking up for yourself -you only knew "laffy taffy" as a chewy candy -whenever there was a storm, mama made us turn off all the electronics and then bounce downstairs -you stuffed your bra AND your booty |
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How come my dad washed my mouth out with Zest soap because I said "dang"?
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Now we used to get popped in the mouth for saying such "bad" words as
"but" (You were supposed to say "my bottom" not "my but") "lie" (The correct word was "story". It was not "Ma, he telling a lie on me." We were supposed to say "He telling a story on me". We couldn't even begin to think about what foods we didn't like. You had to eat it anyway. I hated liver, sauerkraut, salty fish and watermelon. We had to chew it, swallow it cause there wasn't nothing else to eat. I could get away with not eating the watermelon because that was a treat. |
LOL
Add to the food list: beets :gross: I thought that if a curse word, such as damn was in a song, it was okay to say it. After the back of my mother's hand left my mouth, I understood that even if in a song, it was NOT okay to repeat. :o |
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I know that's right. I recall an incident with one of my cousins who speaks very properly. She was telling on one of our other cousins who was sitting or laying down on her. She told my grandmother that so-and-so was 'lying' on her. Well, she almost got her behind whooped because, according to grandmother, she should have said 'fibbing' or 'telling a story'. I had to step in and 'interpret' :cool: |
This is absolutely hilarious. I got one for yall.
When it's okay to mash your cornbread and collard greens together and eat them with your hands. |
somebody please tell me what's in caster oil (sp) and why it was the cure for everything?
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I thought it makes your bowels move and when your colon is cleansed then everything works better.
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:D @ the rest |
WHAT - LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL LLL
-You were warned not to drink coffee because it made you black. |
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Okay, I got a few:
When an adult on the block tells your Mama she saw you doin' something bad, and it wasn't you, so you say, "Mama, I didn't do that." And your mother says, "Oh, you callin' Miss So-and-So a liar?" "No, but I didn't do it." I can't count how many times that happened to me. When your Mama said to be in the house when the street lights came on, and you waited for the last light on the block to come on before you went in the house. When you couldn't afford the Fun Dip from the ice cream truck, so you put koolaid in a sandwich bag, and dipped your finger in it until your fingers were red. BTW, my grandmother's house was the place on the block to get your backdoor treats for sale: icy pops, candy, sodas, chips and lots of other stuff. When you were in biiiiiggg trouble if you attempted to iron clothes on a Sunday. My Mama and Grandma would say, "This is the Lawd's day! Put that iron up before I slap you into next week!" And speaking of getting slapped somewhere, can anyone tell me where Kingdom Come is?:D |
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Don't forget the fried chicken and red Kool-Aid. Can't leave those out and, if they're in here, they're worth mentioning twice. :cool: |
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quote, coffee:
one cup of coffee can,t make you:
any blacker. cooooooome NOW.:( Quote:
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This thread is HILARIOUS! How did I miss this? And for the record, I still don't say butt, lie, and piss around my parents. That's a curse word in front of them.
I have the perfect story: About six years ago, we had some friends at the house and we were watching a football game. One the dudes said something like, they need to kick butt. My dad said, "there's no cursing in this house young man." My friend had the most perplexed look on his face. Whew, yeah. Anyway, you also know you're black when...there are about thirty Bibles all over the house, with that one REAL BIG ONE with the BIG HANDS on the cover. |
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I don't know how I missed this before either, but I swear Tony B06 must have been part of my family. One more to add: When lard was used for everything from frying chicken and fish to making biscuits and pie crust. Yanno my grandmother lived to be 102, my grandfather and step grandfather in their 80s, my mother to 84, her sister in her 80s, my Dad at 81, and they all grew up on lard, butter, etc. And none of them died from heart disease. Makes you wonder what else is behind all of these modern day health issues. |
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___ Another one: You know you're black when when at church, the first thing people say is "First giving honor to God who is the head of my life..." |
^^^LOL!!! What about at the end of church service when everyone joins hands and sings "Reach out and touch somebody's hand"?
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For the food: How come my grandfather mixed his bacon, eggs and grits together in one pile on the plate? Then, how come my dad did it too? It's all goes down in one tube...
For the church service: Aside from the Miss Haynes who's 100, and sings some song no one can hear and rocks the mic for the chorus, how come as a child, you had to kiss all the elderly folks? For family: How come my mother was the foremost authority on family decisions, caregiving for my grandmother and was the CEO-CFO of the household? Like, my dad had to give her his check and she gave him an allowance... My dad: "I may the head, but yo mama's da neck, an you cain't do anythang without the neck..." |
^^ Hilarious. I think we can go on forever about this topic.
You know You Born/Raised Black when... 1. You've drank out of a jar instead of a cup or glass in your lifetime. 2. Church is jam packed on Easter Sunday. 3. That one deacon prays that same prayer every single Sunday! |
old school
You know You Born/Raised Black when...
A fathers soothing words would start.... :mad: "CUT THAT CRYIN' OUT!" :mad: TonyB... you remember the EDGE story.... finding out what the next hottest temperature beyond hell... the room you had to sleep in while visiting your folks in the south during the summertime THEN finding out that AC meant wave your hand faster....Momma and nem had the Funeral Fans... ooooooot |
You know you were raised black when...
You give your kids that "look" and they instantly know to DUCK. |
How about when your mom said these very famous words
" I put you in this world and I can take you out" "Suck your teeth again and I will knock them down your throat" "When we get in this store don't ask for nothing" "For the nine months that I carried you" Yall are sure bringing back memories:) |
Funny stuff, although not everything applied to me. My folks sort of bought into the integration Kool-Aid. But I do remember being spanked by MamaTrap when I was 6 or so because in a jealous fit, I called my nephew "a stupid dog." :o
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How about getting that azz beat and your mom is expecting you to answer questions while she is beating you? "Didn't (whap) I tell you (whap) not to do that (whap)? Why did (whap) you do that? (whap) (whap) (whap)? Answer me!" WTF? |
So true Jill!
You know you were born/raise black when you own a cast iron skillet! |
Reminiscing about...
- Easter speeches - Hair pressings with the comb on the stove or hot plate - The "switch" bush in the backyard (Damn I used to hate having to get one) Hmmm I'll have to think of some more later... This thread is hilarious! |
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"Why'd you jump?" Uh hello! That is an involuntary action, hon! And how many people went to school with burns on the ear or an "extra set of eyelashes" And they were never happy with the switch you picked...they would come back with the whole tree trunk and whup ya |
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