Tacky wedding "invitation"
 

is it tacky to invite people you KNOW cant attend?

Honestly? Just play nice and buy them some cheap towels.

That does sound tacky to me, they should've sent out real invitations. When I was in the Dominican Republic, we met a couple from Canada that got married there. They had about 20-30 people total in their wedding party. The bride said that because she knew that most people weren't going to make it to the wedding, she was able to invite people that she didn't really want there but was obligated to invite (family friends, work colleagues, etc.) without feeling guilty. She said she send out several hundred invitations, but they were actual invitations. I've gotten invitations to weddings in Israel and Italy before. I think that you should still get them a gift, but you don't have to worry about getting them anything too expensive or fancy. Just get them like measuring spoons and a salt and pepper shaker or somehting small like that off the registry.

i have a friend who married in jamaica and he sent out tons of real invites to everybody even though he knew most people would not be able to attend... i think it's just the appropriate thing to do

- marissa

I hear huge complaints from people who receive destination wedding invites when it's obvious that they won't be attending. My opinion is that, if you're having a destination wedding, then you only invite your immediate family and close friends. It seems more tacky to me to say "Hey, come spend $2000 to come to my destination wedding" than to simply not invite people and, if asked, explain "We're having a small, private destination wedding".

I see where you are coming from, but as I had a destination wedding, we sent them to everyone(a whopping 70 people) because we didn't want to be rude. His family(most of whom he hardly sees) had a big enough problem that we did it abroad and we didn't want to offend them further by not including them. We tried your suggestion, but people were pissed anyhow.

I agree though with the OP...extra tacky. However, being that this is your dad's partner's son, it would be nice if your dad gives them something small. If the son doesn't know your dad well, he probably felt like he had to invite your dad as he is a partner - though he went about it in a tacky way, an invite or save the date card worded better would have been much more appropriate. We sent out save the date cards with hotel, airline and other information to people we knew were coming regardless (parents and friends who we knew were invited and wanted to go), and then just sent invites to other people.

/side bar

Ok does anyone else here think it extremely tacky that I was invited to a friend 's(well I thought she was a friend, guess not so much-but I digress) engagement party, but not her wedding? That's a big no-no in my book, and the etiquette book I have too, but anyway...opinions?

Yes, definitely.

Was it an invitation, or was it a "Save the Date" with an invitation to follow? That might be the case, and as someone else said, maybe they didn't want to leave anyone out.

In some cases you're going to get grief either way; if you don't send the invite, people will be upset, and if you do send the invite, people just think you're fishing for gifts.

You could always include "No gifts necessary" at the bottom (especially if they're homemade), or "Gifts are appreciated, but not necessary", if you want to be more classy about fishing for gifts.;) :p

I don't know if it's tacky. It's not how I would handle it. This is the couple's wedding, and they can do whatever they want. You can't satisfy everybody. Someone will always complain.


The groom is the son of your father's partner. I think it is nice that they even thought of inviting his father's partner. I'm not sure what business they are in or how close your families are. I think if your parents opt not to attend the wedding, they should send an appropriate gift, not a cheap gift. This gift is a reflection of a professional relationship. Case in point, my sister invited all of my mother's law firm partners to her wedding because that is what our mother wanted. Most attended, but the few who did not sent beautiful gifts like crystal from the registry.

Sounds more like a Save The Date... which I get these days and they range from ultra slick "pre" invitations, to an informal notecard.

Want to hear tacky? I have a distant relative getting married. My mom lives in the same state as the relative and received a shower invitation. At the bottom, the bride's mom wrote: Dear ADPiUCF-Mom, We know you probably can't make it. Please don't feel obligated to come or send a gift."

Now THAT is tacky.

My SO and I were discussing what to do about invitations. There are some people that we need to invite, but we know for whatever reason may not come (distance, illness, children, etc). Since we're not having a destination wedding, we were discussing putting a "bride and groom are registered at XYZ, but would appreciate donations to X foundation in their name as well." We figured that the donation idea would save a lot of people a lot of time...no shopping, no shipping, they can just fire up the computer and donate through the net or write a check. It's also not a "what will we get them, is this too much from us, is this enough?" problem...they donate what they want and that's that. If you know a particular foundation this couple is partial to, that's what I'd do. I'd make a donation (in appropriate size) in their name and send them a card explaining.

Hijack: when did you get engaged? I didn't know that. Congratulations!

Yeah, sounds like a save-the-date notice which is actually thoughtful

Every wedding website and etiquette book I have read has always said not to include anything about gifts with the invitation. There are numerous ways people can figure out where you are registered: phone calls, internet, etc...
Be careful when you think people won't show up...I have a friend who did that, and a bunch of the folks she thought wouldn't come, did. :)

Don't put registery information on the invitation. People will know to call you, your parents, or whoever, and you can inform them where you are registered and that donations to certain foundations would be welcome as well.

Ehh, if it's an actual invitation then yes, it's tacky, but if it's a save-the-date thing its not.

And I think if you're having a destination wedding, it's perfectly fine to invite a lot of people. I think it would be a lot ruder to not invite someone just because you assumed they wouldn't come. Maybe some people want a nice little vacay!

haha...we haven't yet! I'm wondering what he's waiting for...every day he does this, "so when we get married, can we ...." and the, "who do you want in your wedding party" thing, and it isn't me initiating it, it's all HIM! And yesterday he told me, "yeah I almost brought the ring when I came over to visit you in Belfast."

Part of me really wants to kick him and tell him either do it or quit talking about it, but part of me enjoys the not knowing.

READ: I'm too chicken$hit to ask without making 1000% sure you'll say yes...:p

I actually just got back from a jamaica wedding a few weeks ago. Invitations were sent to a lot of people (both have mid-size families and tons of friends) and they were real invitations - done about 6 months ahead of time. But, they also had a reception in their hometown for those that could not make it and that information was on the invite as well. About 40 people attended the Jamaica wedding and around the same went to the reception, with quite a few going to both.

I don't think they ended up saving much money by having a destination wedding, especially with the "second" reception......I would have saved more, but then I wouldn't have gone to Jamaica either.:)

It does sound a little tacky what the above couple did. It's sort of a "save the date" notice, but not really. They should have left off the part about "let us know if you want to go so we can send a real invite later."

A friend of mine who did a destination wedding only had her dearest family and friends with her down in Hawaii. Then when the couple returned home they sent out invitations to a party their parents hosted for them that said something like, They tied the knot down in their favorite spot or something like that. It was done very nicely and their party was huge. They didn't register for gifts because they didn't need anything since they had been living together already but of course some guests did bring them gifts.

I can't stand it when someone I barely know invites me to their wedding and includes like a card with the places where they are registered....this girl I had one class with in college invited me to her wedding, I was like who is this? I think some people invite everyone they've ever met to their wedding just to get presents!

My advice - don't listen to too much on this board. A bunch of people on here tend to be hyper-critical (and at times nasty) about other people's weddings. If I had paid attention to some of the things on here when my wife and I were planning, it would have stressed me out. A wedding is one of those things that most people think they can do better than the married couple.

If you have questions, ask friends who will be truthful but not nasty with their opinions/viewpoints.

My husband and I were "forced" into having a "religious ceremony" with all the trimmings--dress, invitations, reception, etc... And it was destination--thinking that the location was a "spiritual one" that would enhance everyone's mood for love... Boy, were we wrong...

No matter what you do, somebody will ACK a fool 'cuz folks are getting married...

However, I do think it tacky to include a gift registry card in a "save the date" kind of thing for a wedding... Sounds like a "shotgun" wedding to me...

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles. :p

PA - don't include registry info in your wedding invite. People will know to look in the stores and if they can't find it, they'll call your or his parents and ask. If they don't, well, you'll just get lots of towels and you always need towels. :) As for the donation to the foundation - I wouldn't go there because unless you know everyone you're inviting espouses the same causes as you do it could get VERY sticky. You might think (for example) Animal Friends is perfectly safe, but you never know who had a bad experience with them or something.

That's how I always heard it done, too. Friends of mine were married in San Francisco, and when they got home, had a lovely housewarming. Since it was a second marriage for both, it really was a nice way to do it.

adpiucf - if I were your mother, I think I'd send a shower gift anyhow - like a good etiquette book!

Oh she is! My mom is the type to send gifts to showers of my friends when she personally has not been invited! We were both floored by our cousin's message. I don't expect to get an invite to the shower b/c I'm out of state, but if I did and had gotten that message, I wouldn't have hestiated to tell my cousin how tacky that was!

One time I got the tackiest invitation from some girl. So tacky that I knocked the black out of her. She's white. Well...now she is :p

They should give them a gift and I think your parents are being overly analytical and paranoid.

This is a common invite for people who are getting married overseas--or simply out of town. Why are they concerned about the couples motive for getting married overseas, anyway? Every couple has the right to choose their wedding logistics based on budget and convenience. The family members and friends who can attend will attend without being pissy about it.

I never knew this was taboo...I could swear I always saw registry info on invites? hmm...i need to go back and look at my scrapbooks. And I totally get you on the non-polarizing foundations thing. I was thinking along the lines of the Children's Hospital Free Care Fund or the American Diabetes Assoc. (since both helped me out a lot when I was little).

EXACTLY. I don't know what he's on about...my mom and dad love him, his parents call mine his "mother and father in law". He knows I'd say yes, we've been dating for 5 years now...his 7 year time limit is getting close *kidding!*

In my big Italian family, all aunts, uncles, cousins are considered "immediate family" and can't be excluded from any invite, so I would think of your husbands family as "immediate". It's different than inviting work partners of your parents to a destination wedding.

[QUOTE=PhoenixAzul]I never knew this was taboo...I could swear I always saw registry info on invites? hmm...i need to go back and look at my scrapbooks. [QUOTE]

Just because other people have done it doesn't mean it's right! It is most certainly considered tacky to include registry info or any mention of gifts (unless it is "No Gifts, Please") on your wedding invite. I would also agree with the asking for donations things- not everyone is going to agree with your cause.

A lot of people put registry info in the shower invite. Most of the people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower (and no one invited to the shower should be left out of the wedding!!!! very tacky to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding, minus extenuating circumstances). Therefore most people will know where you're registered, and those that don't will either call and ask someone, or just give cash.

To ANY bride to be, getting married under any circumstances- go pick up Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006...654545?ie=UTF8
It's a smart investment and will answer tons of your questions as you go along. I've taken to buying it for my friends that become engaged. It's a great reference.

Ya know, weddings, funerals and family reunions bring out the fool in folx!

We had a destination wedding too but I would have never done anything so tacky as the "let us know if you are coming and we will send a real invite" :rolleyes:

Why oh why do stores give you cards to put in your wedding invites to let folx know where you are registered! HOW Tacky! better yet, why are folx dumb enough to put them in the invites. It looks like you are trolling for gifts!


Tell your most gossipy friend and/or relative where you are registered...it will get around!

I second that ...about the it being tacky to invite people to the shower and not the wedding.

I also second the etiquette book(I have the full deal one). As a joke, one of my friends gave me one for my shower because a guest brought another guest she shouldn't have who wasn't invited....but anyhow. She and I had a good laugh about it.

PA- theknot.com is a great reference tool. They talk a lot about all sorts of this stuff there, and if you are planning your own wedding they give a great timeline as to when it's good to have stuff done.

KSigKid - I hope you weren't referring to me. I've only ever been to one wedding that was bad, and I've not mentioned it on GC. :)

I wasn't referring to anyone specifically; I just think people on here, in general, tend to be very harsh on others about their wedding planning. If I was planning a wedding, this is the type of environment I would avoid (and did when my wife and I were planning).

LOL - This just might be one of the best lines I've ever seen on GreekChat!

That's exactly how I would have interpreted it. Tacky, tacky!

Very tacky and very cheap. Common if you use the word as 'low brow' or 'lacking in class'.

This must be a city thing. When I was growing up, showers were for bridesmaids, VERY intimate friends who for one reason or another weren't in the wedding party, and the family (aunts, grandmas, first cousins). I've been to showers that were bigger and more elaborate than some weddings I've been to, where pretty much every female attending the wedding must have been invited, and I just can't get over thinking it's way too much and on the "gimme gimme" side.

This also sounds like a Save the Date to me. Unless you are positive they said "we'll send you an invite if you're interested" I wouldn't jump on the tacky bandwagon. These are very much the norm nowadays especially with a destination wedding.

Since my wedding was in my town, but a "destination" to many of the guests, I included a little card with their Christmas card that had a website with travel info. I also sent an invite to all those guests.

However, my parents wanted me to invite some people we were positive were NOT coming. I said I did not want to do that because I didn't want them to think they needed to give us a gift. If this couple did put something like "let us know if you need an invite", perhaps they were actually looking out for their guests so people wouldn't feel the need to send a gift if they were not attending the wedding.