Ghetto Funerals
 

Funerals are a time for rememberance, celebration of life, and a time for peaceful mourning....but some folks take things TOO FAR.

Ever been to a funeral that left you shaking your head in shame?

I went to one that left me speechless.

I attended a funeral with a co-worker/friend. It was her cousin, who was shot by another woman over a man.

Ya'll, why was there a CRACKHEAD CHOIR???? Seriously, there was a group of people who acted and looked like they were on something singing 'His Eye is on the Sparrow' regardless of what the REAL CHOIR was singing. They had their arms interlocked around each other, singing, sniffling and snotting, and waving their tissues in the air like http://www.freesmileys.org/emo/gen151.gif.

The church was packed like it was a club! People were spilling out into the streets. Girls, friends of the deceased woman, had on these t-shirts with the woman's picture on it and this funky looking writng. They were a hot mess!

Then they had the nerve to start showing out when the casket was being closed. Screaming and carrying on talking about, "The war ain't ova!! We gonna get her for you, girl! This s^$t ain't ovaaaaaaaaaa!!! LAWD, don't take my girl away from meeeeeeee!!!!!!"

And that's not all. Behind me, this one girl went to hug another girl, and the chick flipped out on her! She yelled, "Aw NAW, Don't you TOUCH ME!!!" I moved just in case they started scrapping up in there.

The pastor was HEATED at this display of ghettosopy. There was more fighting, cursing, yelling, etc. than a doggone party!!

The Crackhead Choir was the best behaved out of everyone there!!!! They sang through the entire thing, swaying back and forth like they were busting out a rendition of "We are the World" or something.

It was a HOT MESS!

:o


So, share your stories...I know everyone's got one!

Well my story doesn't touch yours.

My cousin died last year of diabetes. For the past two years, his girlfriend had been taken care of him.

Well at the hospital the doc ask my other cousin who was the next of kin. Doofus says R. had a wife. Most of us in the family never even knew he had married that girl and he hadn't been with her in 15 years.

The problem was my cousin was to be an organ donor. In turn the hospital would give the family $5,000 for the funeral. But the next of kin had to sign the papers for the actual harvesting.

So after being called by the hospital, in comes wifey (high as a kite off of crack) hysterical about losing her husband and telling the doc, she doesn't want to talk about such things right then, she was grieving. So the doc says if you can come back in 6 hours after you have had time to calm down that would be fine. But that was the window of opportunity for being able to take the organs--and they had three receipients waiting--for his heart, his liver, and his eyes. Well she never went back--so no organ donation.

So we have the Wake and afterwards when the funeral home director asked to speak with her, she came and got me. (The driector knew me from high school.) He told us that the funeral could not occur the next day if he didn't get payment.

So I told my cousin's brother, and uncle what was up. Every family member all said they had no money. (And I know they don't--but that's a whole 'nother story.) That's when I heard the story about the organ donation--everyone figured it was taken care of.

Luckily St. Louis has US BAnk, which is where I bank here in MN. I went the first thing the next money and got a cashier's check for the amount. (Since the director knew me he only charged me his cost for the funeral.)

Of course I have not seen one nickel from his brother or his uncle.

And I'll save the wifey/girlfriend drama for another time.

i live a block away from a funeral home, and since i live in the hood, lemme share a story or two.

1. first of all, this is how you know i live in the hood--the funeral home is across the street from a supermarket, a 99cent store and a liquor store. the liquor store, for some reason, has a parking lot. so one day, i guess a funeral had just gotten out, and tell me why these fools decided to have a BBQ in the parking lot! they blew up a picture of the dude who passed (some uncle Leon type that everyone knew) and in the 15 minutes i waited for the bus at the bus stop, they were sending this little boy (clearly not over 21) back and forth to get liquor, cups and ice from the store.

what took the cake for me was this:right next to the blown-up picture of the guy who passed was a memorial--people stopped to put flowers and candles on the ground. this one dude walks past and pours out one from his 40--and he didnt even know dude!

2. this isnt as triflin, but i guess this one family didnt have enough money to rent a hearse, so all the guys of the family, on the way out the funeral hall, decides to carry out the casket out to one of the family members' station wagon! and of course the casket didnt fit all the way--these fools are tying twine around the back door.

SMH at it all, especially cause i live here. lawdy lawd help the hood out.

^^^^okay, this had me rollin'

Girl, you know the BBQ was the repast, cuz Uncle Leon would have wanted it that way.

:D

Now the wifey/girlfriend drama. It's not as good as PVs, because there was no crack choir or threats.

Wifey sits in the front pew in an ill-fitting Goodwill outfit along with my cousin's brother and his wife. She also has her four children including the second oldest who she claims is my cousin's (girlfriend obviously didn't know that cuz's diabetes has rendered him sterile in his teens.) She makes a show of having this teenage girl say good bye to her "Dad." The child is crying as if she really knew my cousin. And of course the family is meeting her for the first time.

I am in the second row with my cuz's nephews and the girlfriend is behind me. All I hear is this whispering and I tell GF just to be cool--the family knows who took care of him in his last years. So she chills out and after viewing the body goes over and offers condolences to wifey. Then during the funeral wifey has her children constantly turning around to see what GF is doing and report back to her. I don't think any of them heard the eulogy.

At the end of the ceremony, there is one limo (now remember I paid for this funeral.) Wifey gets in with her 4 kids and takes off to the cemetery, not inviting any family members to ride with her. Then at the end of the burial, she tries to grab all of the flowers, even the ones the GF and family members purchased. We all stayed cool.

There is no repast scheduled so wifey invites us all over to her house. GF says she wants us to come to her house. Half the family went to GF's house, the other half just went home. We haven't heard from wifey or "daughter" since.

^^^that is wild

if it isnt too off topic....could someone give me their best guess as to why people make such a big deal about riding in the limo to the funeral? i see the main ones, momma daddy spouse. but other than that I dont see the big deal

Oh no!!!

That is hilarious!

:D

Ok see, you live in the hood for real for real! LMAO!!

When I think of ghetto funerals, I think of folks trying to climb into the coffin, esp when they barely knew the deceased. At my grandfather's funeral, his sister's son's Puerto Rican girlfriend tried to climb in the coffin with him; nevermind that she had never laid eyes on him until that moment! :eek:

I know all about ghetto, but sometimes, I can't talk about how people react. I have been known to CUT UP at a funeral. Sometimes, you get so overwhelmed that you lose all sense of reality. You don't care if you look like a fool. You just know your pain and black everyone around you out. So, I cut some folks some slack, but then there is ALWAYS someone who is really doing it just to perform and get attention.

Funerals vary from state to state and across cultures. I don't know about any other place, but I know in New Orleans, your body won't even be cold and stiff before folks are gathering pictures from a t-shirt. I HATE them!! I can't stand to see those people, that I know are gone, staring back at me on a tee. I've seen them for everyone from babies to old folks, who could give a dayum if they got a memorial t-shirt in their "honor." I did get one for a friend who passed away about close to three years ago, but after one wear, I threw it away. I couldn't stand a memory like that.

That's very true. But you can tell who's sincerly grieving and who's doing things for show. This is not the time to be trying to win an Oscar for 'Best Performance by a Mourner'. :(

Yeah, those t-shirts bother me a bit.

I've seen folks with pictures of their deceased relatives on license plates on the front of their cars. Tattoes of the deceased relative bother me too. But like you said, everyone grieves in different ways.

My grandparents have both passed away, and one of my cousins made lockets with a picture of the two of them for all of my aunts and uncles to have or wear. I think that is a good idea.

I have one...

My mother's oldest brother died several years ago. He was not married and had no children. He was basically a recluse after he stopped working.

As some of you know at country funerals they have people get up and give "rememberances of the decesed" (three minutes please). Anyway, I think one of his old drinking buddies got up and said something and a member or 2 from my grandmother's church basically taking about the family. Remember the man had no friends and only left the house to take my grandmother to the store or something.

Finally this lady that no one knew gets up and starts talking about what a good family man he was and how he loved his children and wife and what a man of God he was (he had not been to a church since my Grandfather died about 25 years earlier!). She just went on and on. My mother and one of my aunts was in front of me and I could see their shoulders shaking and my aunt started crying and choking, trying not to laugh. One of the ushers thought she was over come with emotions, so they came over to fan her, which made my mother laugh even more.

The minister final had to get up and say amen a couple of times to get her to sit down and shut up.

We thought the woman was at the wrong funeral, but one of my great aunts said she was a professional funeral go-er and would always try to say something, even if she did not know the person!

Someone needs a hobby. What is someone gonna say about herI at her own funeral? Bless her. Her comments remind me of my great-aunt's funeral last year where someone said she minded her own business and never had a mean word to say. My mom was sniggling next to me because errybody knew that Aunt Lou will let you know how she felt about everything, even if it's not her business. She might have originated the phrase, "Keepin' it real." LOL

I agree about the t-shirts with the deceased's picture. I attended my cousin's funeral about two weeks ago. He died of natural causes at 33, but it was a complete shock to everyone because he was so healthy. So, plenty of people (including myself) were still in shock. Somebody wasn't too in shock to pull out shirts which were on sale for $10 at the funeral. I hope it wasn't a real moneymaking effort, but I had never heard of such a thing. I had never even been to a funeral where those shirts were worn during the service.

The interesting part is that the t-shirt wearing folks were his mother's country relatives that I never need to see again. One chick was dressed like she wanted to get one more wear out of her black and too much silver club gear from Saturday night (the funeral was Sunday afternoon) before returning it to the store. My cousin was conservative and more bourgeios (sp?) than I was. He had an MBA and was president of his condo association. Nothing ghetto about him. His father's side of the family was also more conservative so it was a trip to see the ghetto antics. It was still a lovely service

ETA: Both sides of my family came from the country, so I'm not discriminating against the country...completely. I have a country side, but not at weddings or funerals. Come on.

That woman just reminded me of Weeping Wanda from Good Times. She went to EVERYONE'S funeral, whether she knew the deceased person or not, lol.

Tld221 - those are hood funerals for real.

I don't have any ghetto funeral stories to tell. The ones I've attended have been your standard ones. No drama.

Not necessarily ghetto, but I felt inclined to share.....
 

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.

*If I gets kilt, I hope my girls cut my killa with some box cutters.
*Having my picture on shirts ain't good enough. Shiiiii don't stop there, add some mugs, bumper stickers, banners, etc. Oooooooh, do you all know what would be tight!?!? Someone should copy my picture to those latchkey pattern thingies and peeps can make latchkey rugs in my memory.
*I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone!
*I want my choir to THROW DOWN! They can sing Laffy Taffy and Lean With It. Those are my favorite songs (shhhhh...yeah I know I ain't supposed to be listening "unchurched" music but whateva).
*My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant!
*Come as you are! This is a life celebration, put the "fun" in funneral! My peeps shouldn't hesitate to wear stiletto pumps, bling-bling, sequin tops, coochie cutters, mini-skirts, wife beaters, or anything else they would wear at a club.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/mi...smiley-002.gifhttp://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/mi...smiley-002.gifhttp://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/mi...smiley-002.gif Shamika, I think I stopped breathing at some point reading this particular post.:cool:

Oh Mylanta!!!

:D


You are too much...

CTHU
CTHU
CTHU

Latchkey rugs? LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

My grandma is kind of like that. What's worse, is that she's the "cool" grandma, and not the "crazy" one. :o

I don't think she's ever been to a flat out stranger's funeral before, but she goes to just about any funeral she hears about. It can be her cousin's friend's grandma's husband or her mailman's funeral. She's old, lives alone, and has no car, I think she just treat them as some kind of social hour because she usually sees some friends and/or family. lol What's more funny, since she doesn't drive and neither does her sister, they make my dad take them to all of these funerals. tehehehe

reminds me of an episode of the Golden Girls when Sophia is reading the newspaper and Dorothy, says, "hey ma, what are ya doing?" and Sophia says, "updating my address book."

This post is classic.

Some of these stories are too funny. I've been to some bad funerals but dayum they have nothing on these. Goodness I guess the dead can't rest in peace. The funniest funeral I went to was when this obviously gay guy cut the fool by crying and yelling, falling out in the floor, and then laid all over the deceased in the casket and would not sit down (or shut up). That was the longest funeral ever. The expression on the preacher's face was priceless. He almost made the preacher lose his religion that day. Talk about ghetto funerals I've been to some ghetto weddings too.

this has GOT to be my favorite part of the post. the zeta nalia, the keys to her towncar, and the pic of RM and N4L?!

just like mcdonalds, im lovin it!

Please do share. I think we could use a "Ghetto Weddings" thread. I'm enjoying this one immensely.

This was my personal favorite.

I believe there's one already started on AKA Avenue!

Thanks for the bump. I thought I remembered one or two lyin' around, but I wasn't sure.

How about ghetto Bar/Bat Mitzvahs? A girl I knew had hers in a church.

I've never been to a funeral recpetion. Now, I've been to gatherings where they served food after funerals. I wouldn't call that a "reception" though. Is this what she's talking about?

^^ We call that a repass.

After I posted here I saw the link for Ghetto Weddings in the AKAs Forum. That's too funny. The worst ghetto wedding I attended involved females showing up at the wedding dressed like dern strippers, talking loud as hayle during the ceremony, and just over all acting like they have never been out of the house. How are you going to show up at a wedding with a blouse on cut down to your navel? (This girl was easily a D cup spilling over) WTF? And how are you going to crash someone's wedding and try and fight the bride over the groom?! Times are changing and obviously NOT for the best.

That's funny because I wouldn't necessarily regard this as "ghetto." I have been to a number of funerals and I can say that the closer you are with a person, the more likely you are to notice EVERY SINGLE imperfection with the preparation, regardless of how minute it may be to the average man. And again, when overwhelmed with grief, you act out of character (or if it IS your character, it's magnified tenfold). However, I would consider it EXTREMELY extra to engage in a physical fight with the funeral director. :eek:

My father's aunt died. Well she was not a very well off women so her brother had to bury her. So we go to the church and her best friend who grew up with her is a minister (they told me he was, but I still do not believe it). So he get up and starts preaching about there child hood etc. Then he goes on saying to the people in attendance:

*you know she never was married and had all her children out of wedlock
*You know all her children had different daddies
*you know all her children have never been married
*you know all her grandchild have been born out of wedlock
*you know she was ugly

So I was finished after that. I know my dad's aunt was not the perfect person, but she always made sure that the family stayed in touch with each other and I really loved her for that.

alk about ghetto!!!
 

Once of my classmates was killed in an car accident in 2004. He was to marry that next weekend. Why the fiance' wore the wedding dress to the funeral busting all out of it?!?!? The son had on his tux also. And in the casket they had the champaigne class and the napkin.

You know how the class present a resolution. They didn't even had that on program. My friend had to basically walk up to the podium and present it. Im my mind I was thinking this is the most GHETTOEST funeral I've ever went to in my life!!!!!

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

I know I'm late, still catching up on my reading from the hiatus I took, but Shamika T, girl I don't think I even have enough Puff Plusses after reading this post. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....^5 to ya!:D

Ghetto or just sad
 

I do not know if this is Ghetto or just sad. I know a person who married a man that was in prison. When he was released ALL she wanted was to have a church wedding with all of the fanfare. Well she ended up passing because of a heart aliment before the wedding occured. To make a long story short, the man told me that they (her family) buried her in a wedding dress. I looked at him like. "what?" He said that she lookeded so beautiful.