Getting pregnant before marriage
 

I was talking with a friend about this. She said she had friends that dropped out of school or never went to school and got pregnant. I was like listen d, I guess I grew up around people from good families because that stuff didn't happen and if it did it wasn't to anyone I knew that well.

What are your thoughts on it?
Did you know anyone that was knocked up before marriage?
How would you describe them (poor, trailer trash, ghetto, etc.)?

-Rudey

are you serious?











no, really, are you serious?

-tld221
--either way, my gavel is out, cause i'm totally judging you.

What she said!!!!! Seriously Rudy, sometimes you completely come from left field.

There is a certain validity to Rudey's questions.

I think that society views having children before you get married differently than having a child after being married.

Especially if the mother is young, or there is more than one child and they have different fathers.

As far as how young mothers with no husbands were viewed . . . If they were poor there was a trash component to the way they were viewed. If they came from some money they were just deemed irresponsibile, or unlucky.

As a general rule, I have never seen a girl that had a child young and unmarried that achieved their full potential, economic and educational.

But I have never really seen women that married young do that either so who knows?

Also, I have yet to see a young male that has to pay child support really succeed.

Our homecoming queen got pregnant senior year of high school (after she was homecoming queen). She pretty much hid it until graduation - she was kind of short & round to begin with and had huge boobs so it was easy to do. :) She was from a good family, all the kids were popular, and the guy who married her the same. They are still married 20 years later.

Rudith you need to see this movie!

http://www.relishmagazine.com/websit...or%20keeps.jpg

I'm totally serious. It's more prevalent amongst those from lower socio-economic backgrounds. That's not saying that a socialite from Park Avenue couldn't get knocked up, but it's more than likely she won't.

And then there's the issue of kids born out of wedlock. What if the dad decides he doesn't want to live in the trailer with this girl he got preggers and run?

So a lot of guys are like "Damn, I don't want that baggage" and don't give those girls a chance because they don't want to share a trailer with them.

And even the couples that do marry get snide remarks about them. Look on this board and you'll see girls always talking about how they like being single and laugh at those who marry young and say they won't last.

-Rudey

I can't believe I haven't seen this. It's now on my netflix list. :)

-Rudey

She will, but she'll have the money to a) go to France for the year and then give it up for adoption or b) pay her fancy Park Avenue doctor for an abortion.

Trust me, LOTS of girls, and probably some you would never expect, find themselves in this situation.

p.s. You can do a Molly double feature with The Pick Up Artist where she Does It in the back of a car with Robert Downey Jr and dirty talks. Midnight Express was less disturbing than that little interlude....

Midnight Express is very disturbing. I was cold, I was so cold.

Oh, Billlyyy

This weekend, we saw Jimmy Pardo perform . . . he's probably the best comedian you've never heard of. He was riffing a guy in the crowd, it went something like this:

Sir, are you a married man? Yeah? Excellent - how long you been married? 4 years - wow, how old are you? Jesus, 23 . . . 23 . . . kid? Yeah? Let me guess - 5 years old?

Perfection.

Maybe it's that the poorer, probably less-educated, girl is surrounded by people who made that exact same choice and doesn't see anything wrong with it. I think a lot of people see it as, "it was good enough for my parents/grandparents/siblings, and it's good enough for me!"

I never understood it. I mean, it's not hard to not get pregnant.

I think a big part of this discussion is to define "young." Are we talking 16, 18, 21, etc.? I got married at 24 (my wife was 23), and I had quite a few people say "Well, aren't you a little young to be getting married?"

That said, I think environment does have a lot to do with it. I know of a couple of places of women who had babies before they were 20, and it was actually more acceptable in those households/families than going to college. They were starting a family, while going to school would have just been delaying the family. I have quite a few family members (on one side in particular) who feel that way; me going to college (and eventually law school) and even getting married couldn't hold a candle to having a kid.

There are definitely exceptions to the rule, women who have children young or before marriage, and who are fantastic mothers. It can work both ways, and that should be acknowledged.

I couldn't imagine being a teen parent, or even a parent before I graduated college, but that's just me. I was in no way ready or mature enough for that.

My Jr. Year this girl got preggers. She tried to hide it, but the whole school new. It didn't help that she was poor. The principal had her line up outside infront of the school while we all threw rocks at her.

Accidents happen.

can't take you seriously if youre not gonna take yourself (or the scenario in question) seriously.

-tld221
--oh yes, still judging you.

(and i agree with 33girl

I think wealthy, better-educated girls are also more likely to use contraception.

I think so too. I mean how do you drop out of school with a kid and think it's OK? Or how do you have kids by different fathers and not one father is around? I mean doesn't it suck having to look after all these kids, not going to school, not having anyone for support? So what makes them want to live like that in the trailer parks and places like that?

Yeah there are exceptions. But that's all they are, exceptions.

-Rudey

Abortions are cheap these days. If you want to avoid the doctor you can spend 5 bucks on an over the counter med and get it over with also. The France thing...I mean it's not like they keep them in the woods. If some chick I knew had to drop out of school and was like "Listen party people, I'm taking some time off in Paris and won't take calls or visits" I'd be a little suspicious. There was an awful movie about Irish girls that were forced to live together if they had kids called Magdalene Sisters (it had me depressed for a week).

The Pick Up Artist? Is it funny? I'm not looking for bad 80s drama.

-Rudey

Another time, this girl go pregnant when I was a Sr. in HS. The principal dunk tanked her right after we tarred and feathered her. The whole time we screamed, " You're a Hoe bag! CLAP CLAP, clap clap clap! "


-bobby
--I'm judging you back

I told you about that guy I knew who made his girlfriend do jumping jacks and punched her in the stomach because she wouldn't abort, abort, abort the mission right?

-Rudey
--He's probably in Sing Sing or ryker's right now

Oh dude. There was this gir right. She was about 18, but she still played with cabbage patch dolls. But her mom told her, "listen, you are too old to be playing wtih cabbage patch doll, only way you're gonna get told somethin like that is if u get preggers".

So what did she do? She grabbed her best guy friend (who eventually turned gay) and had sex. She got preggers. Now her little baby isn't a baby anymore :(

He had it all wrong, you have to make your girlfriend push your car down the street.

No, FOR REAL THOUGH.

You guys have GOT to be kidding me. Really. No, seriously. If you all don't know any woman who's had a child before marriage that has been successful, you guys need to get out and meet more people. For real. I have many friends who are single moms and are college educated. I'm a single parent and I have a Masters Degree. I am not the exception to anyone's rule.

Go make more friends, people. I'll be your friend. :(

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1808630455/info

That's a movie about a girl that gets pregnant early in life. It sucks as a movie and I bet if a girl watched it, she'd get so scared she'd have to take xanax or something to calm down. But then she wouldn't bring babies home anymore!

-Rudey

Which isn't always foolproof. Someone has to be that 56/100ths of a per cent. That's why I was so shocked when I found out about the girl in my example, not because I was shocked they were having sex but because I assumed they would use contraception. But like I said, there are people who can do everything by the letter and still get pregnant.

Rudey, my digital TV synopsis says Pick Up Artist is a comedy. As to whether it's funny, that's your call. :p

I got pregnant and I'm not married. I was engaged when it happened. I had the baby in January, we are planning to get married in December. My family wasn't exactly thrilled, but what could they do? I'm engaged and have been with the guy for years. I'd hardly consider myself white trash, poor, etc.

I was on birth control for over 6 years and I still got pregnant. It for sure isn't foolproof.

Did you drop out of school?

-Rudey

That's rare and that's when you make her push a car down the street with a sock in her mouth!!!

-Rudey

No, I was done with college before I got pregnant.

I mean you were set to get married and done with school and all that so you're not really the demographic we're talking about. I mean sure, you had to wear a red wedding dress and couldn't wear white but it's not as bad as having to drop out of school and have a car that doesn't move but a house that does.

-Rudey

Well, I'm still not married yet, but I'll try to remember to wear a red dress.

Do you take xanax? Like after the pregnancy to deal with the stress psychologically.

-Rudey

LOL. You all are insane, I swear.

:) It's so refreshing that mulattogyrl gets our jokes. Or atleast finds weirdness funny


Mulatto...did you have brothers growing up or something?

LOL! Yes, I have a brother, but I get my weirdness from my mom. :)

Ditto!! LOL

Sex before marriage is a sin.
So expect to receive curses if you plan on sinning.
(i.e. std's, unwanted pregnancy, dropping out of school, baby mama drama, deadbeat fathers, STRESS, emotional and physical pain, generational curses, daughters growing up without positive role models, boys turning into hoes, thugs or homosexuals and the list continues......

My suggestion keep your legs closed.

:o

Thank you for your generous lesson in morality.

-Alpha
--Speaking of people being "full of it":rolleyes: :rolleyes:

You were my example as well as another Soror who was a teenage mom and went to college and became an attorney as well.

Pregnancy before marriage may not be ideal but it happens. Some use that to stop trying and others don't allow the pregnancy and child to stop them from succeeding.