Is it just me, or is it girls in sororities mainly date guys in fraternities?
 

I noticed this trend back in the day when I was undergrad, and it appears to be the same way these days. I say this because I visited my old campus the other day, and overheard one of my neo's saying he hates dating girls in sororities because he noticed that most of them only date guys in either:

A) A specific frat or
B) In a frat period.

Which lead the both of us to somewhat believe that if brothas aren't affiliated with someone's frat, alot of these sistas "probably" wouldn't even know you existed, much less give you the time of day because you're not in the "right" circle. I know speaking as a guy, we could care less if a girl is affiliated or not, but for some reason, it appears (And I stress appears) that our female counterparts, tend to date along the greek lines exclusively, well, at least a lot of them tend to from what I see. Am I just imagining this or what? What do you guys think?

Have you considered that it may be JUST your campus?

I dont think it is your imagination I have heard people come out and say that they only date AKA's or they only date Ques or they prefer Alphas or just any one who is a member of a NPHC organization the bottom line is some people are caught up in that and some people are not

Men who aren't in frats are lamers.


Just kidding (a little bit). I personally never had a requirement that the people I dated were in frat. However, I will say that it is easier for a GLO member to date another member. I say that because it seems that non-greek significant others don't understand the time and money commitments that we make to our organization. It is always a fight about "why do you have to spend so much time with that? why so much time with your LS/LB? Why all the conventions? why spend so much money on this?" However, when you date another greek, they already understand and respect that.

Don't discount the fact that people tend to date people in their circle. GLO members hang around GLO members, it is likely that relationships will form within the group.

Also, non-GLO members often (mistakenly) feel that dating a GLO member will somehow increase their chances of getting them into a GLO. So, for example, instead of an AKA allowing herself to be used by some dude trying to be down with Alpha she may as well skip him and date an Alpha. LOL.

Likewise, don't get it twisted, many GLO members feel like GLO members are the best of the best. So they seek out GLO members to date. Seems like an easy screening process, if he's in a GLO you assume that he is intelligent, service oriented, etc. Why wade through the general pool of students for those qualities when you can just date a GLO member who SHOULD already have these qualities?

For a man to meet my baseline criteria, he is probably going to be Greek. Not automatic, but if you're a black man who graduated from college and you care about the community and like to have a good time, you're probably in the D9. Also, if I see you out and about at community service events or parties and I notice your letters, I can do a background check. :cool:

However, if I meet you at a club and you have gold teefuses and no one to vouch for you, there is going to be a much tougher screening process.

I've never dated a man in a fraternity since I've been a Delta.

WEIRDO!!!!!:p

LMAO!!! I know. It's great being weird. :D

Hey, BlackAdam06, it's not just you, frat. I've been on both sides of the fence. I've been non-greek and dated greek sisters, I've been greek and dated non-greek sisters, and I've been greek and dated greek sisters. It's not like I'm new to the fold--I come from three generations of Alphas, my mom is a charter member Zeta and my sister is AKA. In my personal experience, a sister being in a sorority doesn't make her any better than a non-greek sister. I've dated some GLO as well as non-greek sisters--some with issues and some with great personalities.

Being in a GLO doesn't wash away a person's personality flaws any more than eating a can of spinach will give you super strength, and being in a GLO won't make anyone any better of a person than before they crossed. I don't feel any different or better because I wear that black and gold. My circle of friends hasn't increased nor have my abilities to pull the ladies since I've always been pretty strong in both departments. I can say that I've befriended some exceptional brothers since being an Alpha that I wouldn't have otherwise met.

Basing someone's romantic elligibility on whether they're greek or not is not a luxury we as black people can afford, particularly our sisters. A brother can be greek and still have a criminal record. A brother can be greek and not have been financial for years. A brother can be greek and still have busted up credit. Sure, I've met many married couples that were both greek but there are millions more blacks out there that are non-greek than the ones that are. All I'm saying is this: Instead of worrying about if someone is greek, and if they are greek then, worrying about if they're in a specific GLO--whether they're making six figures, in a certain social circle, driving a certain kind of car, living in a certain class of neighborhood, are a certain shade of black or a certain height, what should be important is LOVE, COMPATABILITY, TRUST.

i guess i agree with the rest - if you are a member of the d9 you understand the issue of time and money. however, i'm not saying i would only date an aka - well, that's really true - i would date a women that's not in a sorority.

Oh yeah, I kinda didn't answer the question. No, I wouldn't date greek sisters exclusively. I'm a global thinker--I value love over the material. For a short period of time I used to think if a sister was greek then, it's all good. Then, after graduating from college and getting into the real world I began noticing sisters of various GLOs being just as shadey, broke, fickle, indecisive, indifferent, phoney, etc. as any other woman.

Even if I did date greek sisters exclusively I wouldn't localize myself to one sorority. Hey, to each is own. I'm not knocking anyone because they think otherwise. I just feel that the world is bigger than the D9.

I LOVE and appreciate your post. ;)

Especially about being a global thinker--DIG THAT!! :cool:
enigma_AKA

Hmmm......Crazy? Well, Skee Phi, let's just say I don't jump no hoops for no woman, ya Dig? ;)

Phi-Skee and ummmmm.....ok. :confused: ;)

enigma_AKA

Thank you for the correction but it was unecessary. I always say skee phi, (Skee Phi Skee sometimes) skee, skee wee, or my favorite: "eewee" when I run into certain sisters. It just depends on type of disposistion of the sisters I run into.

It's some of your sorors I've encountered that either don't know or have completely forgotten the (damn, dare I tell the truth? I dare) "Phi Skee."

I have to agree with you on the above statements.

I beg to differ on your statement. Just because someone is in a GLO doesn't make him or her a 'quality person.' Shoud a person automatically assume just because a man or woman is rich that he or she is a good person? No. That's how a lot of women, particularly, black women, get their hearts broken: They assume. They choose to see what they want to see instead of what's really there. I know a lot of GLO brothers that are very upstanding, reputable gentlemen, and I know some GLO brothers that are sitting in jail right now or are fugitives of justice.

The general pool of students at ANY college or university is a cut above the general populus of North America. I've dated or befriended many sisters while in undergrad that were scholars--one in particular had a 4.3 GPA and wrote her ticket to any graduate school she wanted to attend in the country. I've dated other sisters that were a cut above the rest of the general populus of the campus I was on, and they weren't greek. In fact, many of the top performing students on campus weren't greek.

Back in college, if I had assumed a particular GLO sister I was dating was the best for me, I would have been in some serious hurt. If I had a choice between a GLO sister that's finishing her residency at a prominant hospital and a non-GLO sister that is doing the same, I would choose the sister that I'm most compatible with ( do I love her?). Sure, it's relative to seek out a partner who has as many similar interests as you--specifically if you're in a GLO--but I wouldn't make it a top priority nor would I assume she SHOULD be the best for me solely because she is in a GLO. If I happen to be involved with a woman that is in a GLO it would make it all the better. But I'm more concerned with being in love than sharing GLO stories and responsibilities.

Funny, you quoted my statement but clearly you did not read it...and to think I purposely put the word "should" in capital letters.

SKEEphi, I understood every paragraph, every sentence, and every word of your post. In fact, I read it several times before I responded. As far as your emphasis of the word "should," I also picked up on that emphasis, which is why I used it myself in the last paragraph of my response.

I'm in a GLO just like you are, SKEEphi but I still feel there is a need for more than one point of view to be expressed especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships, which black people are failing at miserably, regardless of what other races of people are doing or not doing. We have the highest rate of divorce, the highest rate of co-habitation and the lowest rate of marriage.

I know I haven't been here long but I certainly hope this isn't the type of discussion board where everyone has to agree with popular opinion--whether that opinion is right or wrong--just to be accepted or avoid being ridiculed or alienated because someone may have a difference in opinion. Saying, "Yes I agree" or "Yes, you're right" may be okay to keep the peace in certain situations but how is anyone to grow and learn if their opinions and statements are never challenged?

two more.





:mad:

I agree, pham. I think that most of the regular posters on GC welcome open discussion and agree to disagree when necessary. You and I aren't necessarily in disagreement. I think you took an assertion that I made (i.e. that some people think that GLO members are service oriented, intelligent, best of the best and therefore only date other GLO members) and ran with it. You disagree with PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT, not with me (see below) :)


Future Respondants: For clarity, in my initial post, my first sentence stated that " I personally never had a requirement that the people I dated were in frat." The remainder of my post were GENERAL reasons that I think people who only date within the greek system do so. Because of my first sentence, I didn't think it was necessary to add a disclaimer that the remainder of the views expressed in my post were not necessarily those of SKEEphistAKAte. Carry on.

But y'all look so sexy when you're in your "Black and Old Gold" :D

Nah, my husband's a GDI. Does not like anybody's greek system. And thinks it's a bunch a whohaw.

But I love him... And he's the one for me... He definitely does not understand what it's like to have to deal with greeklife, generally. And I cannot explain it to him... Neither is he on point about what goes down in the community.

And I hate to say it, but one can say that he or she can do community service without the d9, but he or she actually does not, really make an effective difference... Really... At least that's how it works where I live...

See, that's what I'm talking about, AKA_Monet!! LOVE! Yeah, I know us brothers look good in black n' gold, especially when I'm wearin' my black tux with my gold vest and bowtie.

Speaking from experience, I've had my fun being an Alpha but if I could live life over would I cross them burning sands again? Well, lets just say I wouldn't have a stroke by some freak of nature I didn't make it through. But, hey, I'm proud to say aaaaaaaalllll of my heaaaaaaaart, and my sooooooooul belongs to A PHI AAAA!!

As for SKEEphi:

Once again, thank you but I don't need any clarification. As I said before, I read your post several times, and your message came across quite clearly. That one comment you made about not having a requirement for a GLO guy was counterbalanced by the rest of your post, which I chose to expound on from a different perspective--that's all--no more, no less.

I give up. May the spirit of Soror Ethel give me strength.

Phrat--

I think what my Soror Skeephistakated is saying is more on the lines that when you hook up with someone from part of the d9--because we all do want to make that distinction here--there have been several discussions regarding other organizations that are not part of the d9 and are a part of other councils--which is cool if that's the route folks wanna go, but for the sake of this discussion, let's just keep it in the d9, that one knows what one is getting himself or herself into...

Like you know when your significant other is gonna go buckwild when a special song plays at a dance... Or when folks are all up in a crowd--like at a step show.

When one is not in the d9, you don't know how it feels to be a part of that group. You may feel included, no matter what your friends who are a part of that group say to you, it just is different. You're an outsider... Regardless...

For some folks it's a big thing... For others, they could care less... I know I can NEVER ask my husband to attend an all Alpha event even though I come from a phirst phamily... Even though my father is National Life Membership Chair for Alpha... That breaks my heart because I grew up in the house of Alpha. Yeah, I can go by myself in my formal to all the events... But, no way am I going without my husband--he just does not like greeks, period... He's a GDI and that's final for him...

Now, I have older sorors who's husbands are Mr. AKA--come with them to EVERYTHING... But it's different for the Fraternity thing and men. Don't ask me why it is so...

Also just with everything else, you get a whole bunch of "high performance" bruhs out there, you are gonna get your groupies--just the name of the game... Something 'bout having "powerhouse" bruhs that are making things happen... Just activates all kinna female pheremones--like the AXE commercial...

And I hate to say it, but one can say that he or she can do community service without the d9, but he or she actually does not, really make an effective difference... Really... At least that's how it works where I live...

I'm not sure where you live, but I'm more than sure there are persons in your area whom are not D9 and actually make a difference in the community. What qualifies as making an "effective difference"? There is no one correct anwser to this question, because there is no way to truly measure how much you've touched someone's life even if you've done something as small as participated in a neighborhood clean-up. I'm now a member of a greek letter organization, but before I wore APO letters, I tutored neighborhood kids each week. No one can say that I didn't make a difference then, and they still can't say it and I'm not a member of a d9 organization.

I certainly agree - one does not have to be memebrs of D9 to do community service. In fact, many of us did community service prior to membership into our organizations. That's what makes many aspirants appealing - - - their interest in service!!!

You need to do searches on the subject before you speak... You are reading way too much into the comment.

Also there is a quote feature. Use it.

And given that one of the first D9's will be having it's centennial and numerous members made inroads, 100 years ago, in ways that are near to the level of impossibility now, like founding whole ideologies, philosophies and schools of thought, then we can have a better discussion...

Other than that, if you do know about each of the d9's founding principles and the community service they are obligated to do, then the discussion we are having is moot...

Sure, anyone can tutor kids. Anyone can build for habitat for humanity. Nothing is wrong with that.

But I have not seen the similar kinds of action records in various cities across the nation without a d9 organizational involvement. At best most folks who are involved are d9 members also...

I am saying this because I am actively planning a community health forum unlike that seen in my community before. I have procured funds without 501c3 nonprofit status along with several co-sponsors. My committee and I have been tirelessly working to make sure health disparities and health information is disseminated to communities of color, particularly African Americans so that they are better informed. Moreover, many of our African American seniors have not signed up for the medicare prescription drug benefit plan D by the cut off day of May 15th. Meaning that if they don't, they get penalized if they need it in the future...

I just do not see similar kinds of actions in my community even being done by the very organizations whose responsibility it is to make this kind of thing happen. I just do not see it. And why is that? Because I know for my Sorority, we are mandated to make sure we follow through on our commitment to community service as accentuated by what our partnerships that are made at our International Headquarters.

I don't know how other groups do it. But I do know that in my area, most of our bonafide health organizations have poor outreach into our community with the exception of a few African American health professionals...

Thank you for the reminder, but seeing as though what we are discussing goes above and beyond knowing how to use the quote feature...your point is menial

Please don't take my comment as a personal attack..once again this is a message board and what makes it interesting is differences of opinion...so before you go into attack mode and assume I don't know what I'm talking about, check your attitude at the door.

There is no need for me to know about each d9's founding principles or their community service initiatives to assert that there are definitely non-d9 organizations, and persons who are not affiliated with an organization that due very meaningful and effective community service regularly.

For example, Alpha Phi Omega has 17,000 student members at 361 campuses nationwide. In my particular chapter we conduct very effective and meaningful service. For example, this entire school year we have been working with seniors in our city to make sure that their most basic needs are met. It's one thing to make sure someone has signed up for their prescription drug benefit, but their lack goes much deeper when they can't even feed themselves. (disclaimer: I stated this to demonstrate how useless and condescending it is to even place a value on the service someone does. Some service initiatives might be more far-reaching in its impact than others, but that doesn't mean one type of service is better than the other). So, my chapter has founded an undergraduate division of the Emmaus senior services, where we make personal visits each month to seniors homes to socialize with them, to identify whether their basic needs are being met, and to report back to those agencies that have the means of supplying those needs. We're like their advocates.

I understand that you may not see similiar types of service as your organization does occuring in your area, but until you know each and every type of service done by each and every organization across the United States, and until you can vouch for the fact that each and every chapter of your organization has lived up to its mandate, then the statement you made concerning whether someone's service makes an "effective difference" is invalid, and thoughtless. You can't place a value on service.

You are right about the service fact.

I will only speak on my area where I live because that is where I do the greatest amount of my own service to all mankind. Other locations are important and sure I should be concerned. At this time, I can only make sure my backyard is cleaned up before I clean someone else's front yard...

And yes, the "search function" is your friend. This discussion ought to be placed in the "greeklife" or at least "philanthropies".

You responded to my comment which is not clear at first until I identified it as mine. My comment was made in response to my phrat Corinthian1906 who is speaking to my soror Skeephistakated about why one choses to date a d9 member over a non-member and what are those qualities and attributes.

Most of the time in all the locations I have lived in, I can id the men who are doing community service in the African American community particularly especially when they wear their d9 greek paraphrenalia.

Most of the time, folks in the African American community, especially African American women find that extremely attractive simply because to us it looks like African American men are making things happen in the community rather than believing all the negative statistics we all see on television. It is nice to see that often.

We rarely see other greek organizations effectively doing anything in the African American community with their greek paraphrenalia on that we can readily identify with. Although I cannot speak for every African American, I can only speak to my observations from my life experiences...

So that is what I mean about effective differences. Your organization may be working extremely hard to make that effective difference. But what is your target population perception? I don't need to know that answer...

But where I live, if you EFF it up once, they will NEVER give you a second chance again. There is a complete lack of trust with any organization that comes in the African American community that the "public" perceives as indifferent. The d9 just are not seen that way, often... Although I think that is changing for the worse--the young people do not think highly of the d9 although if it hadn't been for us, we still be jacked up with legalized Jim Crow...

I'll say one thing: people are overly defensive. Do what you damn do. Date Greeks or don't. Do community service or don't. Be in a D9 or don't. No one's begging and mandating--- to do one, you have to be part of the other. Also, who cares?

You don't have to justify or clarify ANYTHING. Damn.

enigma_AKA

LOL - yeah, just do what you do!

Thanks for clearing that up AKA_Monet....I think that what you and your organization is doing is wonderful. Be encouraged and know that the difference you are making is priceless! And now I digress...the original purpose of this discussion is quite interesting.

I agree professor!!!

Overly defensive? Where did that come from? A person stands by his personal experiences and opinions and all of a sudden I'm overly defensive? Wow.

:rolleyes: ......moving right along........ :rolleyes:

I think everyone's contribution to this thread was valid. Whether I agree or disagree is irrelevent. However, I don't think brother BlackAdam's question as to his personal observation was really answered. I've experienced the same behavior patterns BlackAdam alluded to from sisters, greek and non-greek, not only on my alma martar's campus but particularly on the HBCU campuses I've attended while completing my masters. So, it would suffice to say, from my experiences, no, it doesn't just happen 'only on your campus'.

Who is the young lady in the picture
The image “http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a1...906/kerry.jpg”

That's Kerry Washington. She's an actress and was in Ray.

Overly defensive AND paranoid. :rolleyes:

You called it, Soror SKEE! It is not that deep.

:rolleyes:

enigma_AKA

I promised myself before I wasn't going to say anything else in this thread but CORINTHIAN1906--it's really not that deep. Don't take it personal, really, but again, for the sake of getting it across, it really isn't that deep. You don't know what anyone was speaking of. You don't know why I said what I said. And you don't to whom I was speaking anyways.

Besides, you're being overly defensive NOW with all this explaining and carrying on. No one said anyone's post was invalid or valid. No one said another is wrong or right (some might've tried, but alas--that's not my point). Take a chill pill. Like I said before DO YOU. No one asked you explain ANYTHING. And if you believe and do as you've said, you don't have to! ;)

enigma_AKA
PS--I realize that this post might sound like I'm upset. I'm not; I just don't want CORINTHIAN1906 to possibly have an aneurysm over GreekChat. :)