To be a Deb or not to be a Deb?
 

Ok I have watched a couple movies now that talk about Debutantes and Debutante seasons and Debutante balls.

So people please explain about debutantes for me.

Should we want our daughters to be debs? Should we be upset if they are not?

Thanks.

I always wince when I see you've started a new thread.

Sing it sista.

Especially about a female/sorority/dating related topic.

Totally agree on all previously mentioned points but... I'll go ahead and answer.

I think being a debutante is a lovely, but superfluous type thing. I live in North Carolina, so we have deb balls but they are not the huge deal that they might be in some states.

I was not a deb (lol mostly because I'm not rich) but I do know several girls who were, including my grandlittle. It seems to be a very fun and enjoyable experience, so I can't see why anyone would NOT want their daughter to be a debutante given the opportunity. Deb balls are lots of fun.

However, I don't think that debuting is a make-or-break-you event anymore. I know lots of rich people who didn't debut (lol now doesn't that make me sound like georgewallace?). It hasn't affected their social life or standing, as far as I know.

I have no idea what debutantes is.


So I'll just start using it anytime I ask my friends if they slept with a girl.


"Hey dude, did you debutante that chica?"

I believe it's the redneck/hillbilly version of a sweet sixteen party.

Ohhhh

So is that why Molly Ringwald was pissed? Because she didn't get debutanted? (my defintion applies here as well)

What movie was that?

No broseph, but I debutanted her momma!

-Rudey
--All...night...long?

If anyone wants to see a hilarious satire of the New York deb season, get Walt Stillman's "Metropolitan" from Netflix.

One of my all time "Oh my, those silly Manhattanites" movies.

KR that is a great movie. Hey James which movies did you see that inspired you to make the thread?

I saw metropolitan a long time ago, it was a cute movie.

Wrigley, there is no particular movie that mad eme post this, its more of a culmination of movies about coming out parties or debs.

The last movie I saw that mentions it was "She's the Man" A teen movie spin off of Twelfth Night.

But in that movie's case the daughter didn't want to do the deb thing but the mom was fanatic about it. And it seemed to be set up by the local junior circle. Also, I think it was set in the South.

I'm sorry that some of your friends were in abusive homes :(

Actually the whole deb thing sounds pretty cool. A rite of passage.

Its always nice to have an excuse to dress up.

So basically people within a certain social group are likely to be picked? Like daughters of junior leaguers? So its less about money than who you know right? That sounds cool.

What happens during deb season? Are there like rounds of parties?

Do men factor into it at all?

What age are Debutantes normally? Is it just a high school thing? Does it help at all with Rush?

Debs are alot of fun, I have been in a few. I think that they are alot more prestigious in the South though.

So your a debutante?

More prestigious in the South? I thought that they only happened in the South?

I haven't let my daughters be debutantes. Here, the Symphony Guild invites certain fifth grade girls to be ribbon bearers for the debutantes and those girls are usually the Symphony Guild Debutantes after their freshman year in college. The thing is, you have to donate at least a thousand dollars to the Guild and then there's the cost of dresses, parties, etc.

When they sent a letter to ASLFRose in 5th grade, I said, "We are not doing this even once, much less nine times...we'll have too many college bills someday to drop over $9000 on the Symphony." We've been satisfied with the decision too, because so many of the debs, although they might be considered "high society", are simply druggies and drunks..we didn't see the point in hanging out with that crowd.

Anyway, my husband would have shot himself before doing the "daddy dance" in front of all those people, lol.;)

No NY has them and I saw an episode of the OC where they had it. I haven't met any Cali debutantes though so Bobby might know better.

-Rudey

No, I have been an escort in a few debutantes. And no, they are not exclusive to the South...but they did originate here. Debutantes, cotillions, and symphony leagues occur all over.

They do have them out here on the west coast, although I don't know that they are that big of a deal. There was one going on at the Ritz Carlton Laguna Niguel when I was there for a wedding a while back...all kinds of young women dressed up in pretty dresses. It seems fun, but pricey.

We know that James recently watched "Something New," which has a debutante scene...

-tld221
--putting james on blast

_____________________

(ripping off rudey's signing off style)

JocelynC, what kind of perks do you get after becoming a debutante, aside from going to swanky dinner parties and such? and is this the kind of thing you put on a resume?

and could, in some way controlled only by the gods, can someone who wasnt rich be debutanted? sort of like an affirmative-action thing? (that's the only way i can describe it)

or is it one of those things that have remained purely for the rich?

I know a few people who did the deb thing-- all lived in Wisconsin or California. In Wisconsin, there was a community service club that held a ball for high school seniors who did so many hours of event/ fundraising community service. Seemed pretty innoccuous to me: I think some girls didn't like it because of all the work they had to do!

I think that, 100 years ago, or even 75 years ago, Debutante Balls served a purpose - "introducing your daughter to society" and marrying them off. Women didn't get out as much then, and to have your daughter meet men who weren't gold diggers was definitely a good idea. These women grew up learning the ways of their own society, the social aspects, the manners, the mores, and such - which isn't necessarily a bad thing - and usually were engaged by the end of the year.

But now, nobody seems to care about manners all that much (this message board is often a good example of that!), and marrying within your own social class has gone by the wayside. The women who would normally be Debs go off to college, and don't really have the time for a "Deb Year" (the traditional year a woman would expect to spend as a Deb).

Unless you're very much into whatever society is sponsoring a Deb Ball, I think it's mostly a waste of time and money.

That depends on what area of the country you are in. In the South, it stilll is a big deal, that is heavily influenced by the society in which you live and the prominence of your family. Sure, it is no longer a deal concerning marriage and things of that nature....but rather a time when high society can mingle together for a couple weekends and get trashed at flashy balls, parties, and presentations. It was alot of fun for us guys...mainly because all we had to do was slap on a tux, wear a few suits, and get trashed all day long....but I think it would be horrible to be a girl in it. They pretty much spend all of their time at luncheons and getting their hair and makeup done and wearing outlandish dresses.

In Texas, the debs mostly come from old money, socially prominent families. It is still a big deal in many cities.
My cousin was a deb when she was at TCU. I didn't want to do it, so I never put a lot of interest into it.

James, Do You want to Be a DEB?;)

Do You have a fixation or What?:p

Yeah I did Rose Festival, Austin Jewel Ball, and Waco Cotton Palace

To be a Deb.....

http://www.sunherald.com/mld/thesunh...g/16102991.htm

http://www.gulflive.com/living/missi...4101417260.xml

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a deb, I was one and it was actually a lot of fun. All of my fellow debs and stags were kids that I had grown up with and gone to school with for many years. In Omaha, if your family donates lots of money to different organizations, especially the Omaha Symphony (since they are the ones who are in charge of it all), you can be one. I took cotillion classes when I was younger and this was basically an extension of those, with some more fun events thrown in besides etiquette and dancing lessons.
Plus I loved my deb ball, getting escorted out on stage with my daddy and getting introduced (they introduce you by name, who your parents are, where you're in college at, and what sorority/fraternity you're part of if you're a member).

At the same time, I don't think it's a tragic ordeal if a girl isn't a debutante, her life will be just fine with out it. If it's something she and/or her parents want to do, great, if not, that's cool too. ;)

My only complaint about being a deb is that I still have an actual wedding gown (we were required to wear wedding gowns) stashed in a closet at my parent's house and I have no clue wtf to do with it...:confused: :o

I was a deb (in MS) and the only people I've ran into that even know what that is have been in the south. Asking about being a deb here in Kansas gets you a :confused: look. No where here do they do this, not even at the high end country clubs (which totally blows my mind because there is only so much golf you can play when plunking down a minimum of 20K a year). I'm sorry but if I'm paying that much a year, my daughter would be coming out of cannon through a ring of fire!

Anyway, depending upon where I live, I doubt if I will care if my daughter is one or not.

Not all debs come out at a ball. There are girls who have "coming-out teas" usually held at the girl's home. A 1940s-1950s etiquette book describes how one should introduce their daughter at a tea, including what she should wear:

"Some debutantes wear their white 'coming-out' evening frock, with white gloves and slippers. But many prefer to keep their dance frocks in reserve and appear in pretty, light-coloured afternoon dresses, which is more in keeping, as the mother will wear an afternoon dress, although of a richer colour"

(Gertrude Pringle, Etiquette in Canada)

The hostess also usually invites other girls who are making their debuts that season to help out with refreshments.

Sell that sucker on EBAY!!:D Seriously, EBAY or Craigslist.org esp at halloween time. That's how I got rid of mine.:cool:

I was an escort (belle) at a Beautillion (for the dudes). Ours included h.s. seniors and college froshy's and sophmores. It was Jack and Jill (of America, Inc) sponsored. I think it's a nice right-of-passage type thing and if you like it, like it, if not, whatever.:cool:

Deb balls only work for me because there's usually scholarship money and/or social networks to gain from participation.

If you don't stand to gain either from a deb ball, even if it's a cultural right of passage, it's pompous and tends to reinforce gender expectations.

Yes, there are rounds of parties. At least around here, each deb is expected to host a party (often a group who live near each other will go in together to host the party) to which many if not all of the other debs, their dates and others (friends of the hostesses) may be invited. Ms. MysticCat thought that was the second best part of the deb season.

Yes. Fathers of the debs are involved, as well as their escorts. Ms. MysticCat considers the time she spent with her father during the deb events to be the best part of the whole thing, and she still looks on it very fondly. In her mind, that alone was worth the whole experience.

Around here, the main deb ball is at the beginning of sophomore year of college, with the parties during the preceding summer. For many if not most of these girls (at least those attending Greek schools), Rush is an in-the-past event by this time.

Smaller, more local balls may be held during freshman year or at the end of hugh school.

HK1974, that is the funniest thing that I have read in a long time.

I was a deb many moons ago as were lots of friends and it was fun. I would hope that my daughter(s) would like to do the same.