Things you want to say (but shouldn't) outloud at work
 

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.

At one of my old jobs I would have loved to tell some people ...
That's nice but I don't care. Now go away.

As a schoolteacher, I really love my kids but my favorite line is school's out now go home and bug your momma!

There's too much that I would list, however, the following is useful for all situations:

BWHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

Clipping your nails and coughin up lugees is just not appropriate for the office. Especially several times a week....

Crunch down one more apple and die.

If you shut your trap for 5 minutes you could do it yourself.

Just because you're twice my age, doesn't make you twice as smart as me...it just makes you old.

You annoy the crap out of me. Go away.

Stupid people shouldn't breed.

Ditto that. It sucks being the youngest person on this project.

We all know that don't want to be in school and you are only here to get your diploma to make momma happy.

I'm glad your taking the time to inform me about how the new system works but your chest is busting out of your shirt and i havent heard a word you just said. But thanks for the show!!

Money can't buy taste, class or style, and you are a glaring example of that.

You suck at life.

"This computer has ONE more time to try my gansta and tell me I performed an illegal action...before I pick it up and throw it out the freakin second floor window!":mad: :mad:

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

Sub thought: If you insist on it YOUR way, make sure YOUR way is at least consistant!!!!

How do I set my laser printer to "stun"?

Sorry, did you say something important?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

And at this job, I 'ain't' gettin' neither.

If I spend all my time explaining to YOU what I just did, and what I'm in process of doing, and what I'm planning on doing, that doesn't leave me much time to actually get any work done, does it?

Oh my goodness, the rumors were true!

Hire someone. You've had 6 weeks. There is a difference between picking up the slack and doing someone else's job in addition to my own. Either I want his full salary added to mine or get some one else in here.

Uh, whoops, excuse me. I'll come back when you and lady manager get off the top of your desk.

Yes, I was part of the solution - he got fired...on his birthday. His wife left him. It get's better. A year later, I got a new boss. A real BEATCH. Guess who's desk she got? Paybacks baby. :D

Denise

Stop being such a frickin idiot.

(Oh, wait, I did say that out loud. Never mind.)

Hey assistant--YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME (or anyone else!)

What the f*ck is a laser?

You're not a people person, are you?

Maybe if I smile and nod the crazy people will leave me alone and let me do my work since they don't seem to do any of theirs!

Can we nominate you for what not to wear so your wardrobe can get updated from the late 80s?

Those people should get spayed/neutered

I don't f**king care about what color your furntiture is just give me the history and why you are here today.

You are psychotic and I am not a therapist , go away please.

See, you don't like it when I talk to you the way you talk to me.:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Whatever kind of look you were going for... you missed.

New Changes to the Company Policy:
"We reserve the right to make any changes at any time by adding to, deleting, or changing an existing policy. The rules set out in this notice are as complete as we can reasonably make them. However, they are not necessarily all-inclusive, because circumstances that we have not anticipated may arise. The company may vary from the policies and provisions if in its sole discretion, the circumstances require. "

So, basically, the policy is whatever the person enforcing the policy wants to make it at that time. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of having a policy to begin with? I realize there will always be exceptions - but this is silly.

F#*K ME SWINGING.

Oh wait, I did say that. Never mind.

"Of course I can do more than one thing at a time. It's not mulit-tasking, it's being a woman! You can't, however, because your inflated ego gets in the way!"

"If I wanted you to know what I did on the weekend, I would tell you".