Things You'd Love To Say At Work
 

1. I see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my
way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point
of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

Re: Things You'd Love To Say At Work
 

Thank you Soror cause you must be reading my mind. I'm a silent person but inward I'm thinking especially #6.

Pardon me for crashing, but I think I need to print that out for my office!! And include, " 38. One more bit out of that apple, and I'm whipping out the Luger!"

39. Do you see concern on my face? If you do, let me know so I can change it.

40. You are a figment of my imagination.

41. Do you kiss a@@ on the weekend or just during the weekday?

42. Your pot-luck string bean casserole tastes nasty.

43. Do the supervisor have prostate cancer, cause you are really far up his a@@?

good one!
 

43. Did you just leave the club and come to work dressed like that?
(every office has a hoochie)

44. Although you aren't speaking english, I STILL know you are talking about me; quit being a punk.

45. you should have never got a promotion.

I could use over 1/2 of those today! People are just on my nerves lately!
I need a breather!

This applies to my co-worker right now:

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Shut. Up. Already!

46. I'll do my work, and you do yours. I have a mom that lives 3 miles from my house, I don't need one at work too.:p

47. You must be related to Charlie Brown's teacher. When you talk, I only hear, "WONK...wonkwonkwonkwonk."

48. Can I have the abridged version of what you call an explanation?

For those who have co workers who have no morals at all...


Who the hell keeps stealin my pens?!!

Re: Things You'd Love To Say At Work
 

While I do find them them all very funny, my personal fave is:
24. Do I look like a people person?

Things I'd LOVE to say at work...
 

.... is a simple STFU! :mad:

unabbreviated, of course! ;)

Sorry to crash, but I really needed that list after a crazy Monday like TODAY! Thanks Ninja Poodle!

:)

I showed these to a co-worker and she laughed her head off!

Now this bothers me....

I work in a fortune 500 company and one lady in particular that works near me drives a 05 BMW... has florida beach front property... doesnt have to work because her family was already well off...

All of that material wealth and she cant afford deodorant???

I wanna say sometimes... WILL YOU PLEASE KEEP YOUR ARMS DOWN, YOUR MUSK IS TAKING THE LETTERING OFF MY KEYBOARD!

Ohhhh...dayumn..:eek:

Its so bad sometimes i buy axe spray to spray around my cubicle... and i dont even wear that stuff...



but if it had the affect the commercials say it does.... :) ;)

You are a mess! :p

I should prolly start a thread about that but man... if it were that easy to catch GOOD women then i'd buy the company lol...

so wait......I don't get a nice office because I'm not sleeping with/related to anyone in management......Welll, scew you guys I'm going home!

Today's thing's I's love to say at work: PHONE 1ST!! Go home and get it right, next time!!

http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~bpotterf/cartman.gif

49. Don't start none...won't be none
50. People like you are the reason people like me take medicine
51. Your village called, their idiot is missing..
52. No I really don't like you..really..
53. Chaos and mayhem has been accomplished, my job is done.
and my personal motto:

53. Lack of planning does not and WILL NOT justify and emergency on my part. :mad:
Get it, got it, be gone!

1. Why can't we all be on the same page?

2. T, stop saying we need a uniform due to how some people dress and you come to work with your breast out and tight jeans on.

3. Janitors, turn the vacuum off while were at lunch watching TV.

4. J, stop wearing that tacky delta shirt on Fridays and that tired jacket with that elephant popping out of that recycle sign.

5. D, stop wearing red lipstick.

6. R, you need to up your looks as a pretty girl wearing twenty pearls.

7. N, are you really an AKA?

8. J. E., find a hairstyle that fits you. Gold is not your color.

9. M, leave the drama at home.

10. I'm not going to pick up the charge because it's not my fault.

you hit "R" pretty hard in #6...

1. Why are you trying to take a completely FULL 8 1/2 X 11 sheet of paper and blow it up to another 8 1/2 X 11 sheet of paper? 2. Why are you shocked that it didn't all fit??

Suck a fat one

I knew that idiot

Can you get away from me

Duh

Ok am i your damn sec

to the inappropriately dressed intern: you actually DO look nice today. please keep up the good work, i'm proud of you!

to the assistant: please tell you husband, your kids, and your friends to STOP calling. we have WORK to do 'round here

to the dude from HR who comes down EVERY DAY to see who is here and who isn't: i got this! you'll know when we send up the timesheets. dag!

*exhale*

You are dumb. I don't care if the kids are special ed. You are dumb and have no business teaching them. It will catch up with you sooner or later.

I really would love to tell some of my coworkers to go sit your "Monkey Ass down" and stop with the foolishness. Some grown adults act worse that the students.

Serioussigma22:rolleyes:

you can kiss my big yellow hiney. It is NOT my fault this mess fell through the cracks.

PHONE 1ST!!!
If you are late, then whose fault is it!
SO SORRY!! You have to go to the end of the schedule book (I am now scheduling in October!!)

Are you slow?
Do you have an IEP?
Sit down and let me make one up for you.

i'd love to tell my department chair " stop laughing at everything you say, you are not funny" (she laughs like very two seconds trying to act like she's likeable or warm and fuzzy)

i'd love to tell some of my girl students to stop flirting with me, i'm still going to give them a D at the end of the semester if they don't do the work.

Sorhor Ninjapoodle,

Too funny!

Serioussigma22:cool:

this is pretty sad but it definitely applies to where i work...

"can't we all just get along??" :confused:

I'd love to stand on my desk and scream

"Stop walking off with my damn pens!!!! I have to walk to the supply room and get things for my desk just like everyone else, you should do the same!" And PLEASE stop taking my sticky pads without asking! Geez! :mad:

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Sure, I get how you might say that he might be better than me even though I have been here longer - but 40% better than me?!?