Needing advice about joining
 

I've got a little bit of a dilemma (and be patient, because it requires a little bit of background info). I'm a second semester sophomore, and I rushed both freshman and sophomore years. Freshman year, I decided I didn't feel comfortable enough at any of my 3 remaining houses to accept a bid, so I didn't fill out a bid card. I hadn't planned on rushing my sophomore year, but I became really close with four or five girls in one house, and they talked me into it. Unfortunately, I had had a bad year academically (my major was definately not something I was suited for) and my GPA was under the requirement for every house on my campus except one, including the one my friends are in. I dropped out at this point, because the only reason I had rushed was to (hopefully) be a part of my friend's sorority. Since rush ended, I've become very close with most of the girls in that house; I'm there a few nights a week, and my nickname is "Honorary" (since they consider me their honorary member). The problem is with another house. Both times I rushed, I was pursued pretty heavily by this other house, but I never really considered joining them, because, although they are an amazing chapter nationally, they don't have a great rep on my campus. They invited me to some spring recruitement events, and I've gone to one and plan on going to the next one. They are really nice girls, but I'm having trouble deciding what to do. So here's the problem: I don't want to alienate my friends in the other sorority, because they are my best friends, and I don't want to feel like I can't hang out with them as much. Also, I'm worried about the rep of the spring rush house...would it be worth it to join a sorority at this point, or should I just keep things as they are?
Thanks for sticking with me through this ridiculously long post, and for helping me out with this!

do you have the option to rush in the fall? has your gpa improved enough that you could join your honorary sorority?

Why would you be alienating the girls in the other sorority? If you didn't receive a bid there, and there is another group wanting you, and you can see yourself a part of that group, go for it. I don't know that I would rush a third time, but that's just me. Do you want to join the one having spring recruitment, or is this your "last ditch effort"?

If you like the other group, then give it a try. If the 'honorary' girls are your true friends, they will remain your friends regardless of the letters you wear. Keep us posted.

Thanks for the replies y'all :) Just to answer a few questions, at my school, you can only rush as a freshman or sophomore, so informal rush is sort of a "last ditch effort" for me. I decided to take it one day at a time, so I'll definately keep everyone posted on how the next round turns out!

Good luck! Either group would be lucky to have you.

I doubt that this is an actual Panhel bylaw....if it is, it would violate national NPC bylaws. Any undergraduate woman is permitted to rush.

Having had someone be an "honorary" member of our chapter only for her to turn around and join another sorority, I will state that if you join the other house, it's unrealistic to think that the first group won't be upset. Quite frankly I don't understand why you're even looking at this other chapter. If the only reason you are is because they have a low enough GPA requirement for you to get in, that's a really bad reason to join anything, let alone a sorority. It just sounds as though you want to have your cake and eat it too.

How do you know that when this poster has only made TWO posts on this board? You don't know anything about her.

I'm agreeing with kddani here. Remember while although it's almost always good to encourage someone to rush, and to wish them good luck, advise them to follow their heart and all that jazz, it's best not to say things like, "Any group would be lucky to have you" when in fact we have not the faintest idea of who the OP is. It can instill false hope that will make her look back and go, "But so and so said they would be lucky to have me! Why didn't I get a bid?" At which point she will be directed to James's thread answering that question and then will burst into tears and never be the same again.


This is not to say that the OP is such a loser - this is a general example.

mv93 - I would personally advise you to get your GPA up for your own benefit, and not to join the other house. If my sorority was someone's last ditch effort, I'm not sure I'd want them to join. You don't sound the least bit interested in them for themselves. If you have been seen as an honorary, and you get your GPA up, you never know what opportunities could present themselves in the future.

When I rushed I had a 3.0 G.P.A and I had to have recommendations to get in; it wasn't that difficult for me. Here is some advice on rushing.


#1 Don't call members Soror if you are not a member.
#2 Don't refer to yourself as a future(What ever organization you are interested in or a future AKA,ZPB,OPP, etc.)
#3 Never where the organization colors to their event.
#4 Don't try to and mock their calls or any greek organization at parties or events....ex: do strolls, chants, call,etc.
#5 Sorors and Frats carry themselves as ladies and men nothing less of.

Good advice, but I the impression that I've gotten is that she's been rushing for NPC sororities. It's a whole different ball game. Although a 3.0 and recs wouldn't be a bad idea - they would be a big help.

When I said "last ditch effort," I was quoting something another poster had said...I realized how harsh it sounded when I reread it a little later. I genuinely like the girls at the new house, which is part of my problem, because, if I had gotten to know them this well the first time I rushed and before I had a "set group" of friends at school, I would have definately wanted to join. And 33girl, thanks for your perspective on the issue; it's hard to see it from their point of view, so it's good to hear from someone who has been there. Thanks again everyone for all the advice and support (and some needed criticism :))--I'll keep you posted.

Still our sorority might not be NPC, but we do the same thing that they do;we are trying to get our sorority Inc. The people that sponsors etc. are apart of national organization. Of course there is always a dark side of organizations people just don't say anything. Our sorority doesn't take everyone that wants to get in, some people walk with their head hanging low because they don't get in; they think because one of their friends pledge they think that it is easy when it isn't.

I fail to see the relevance of this post in regards to what the thread starter asked in her first post.

In fact, I can't even understand what the hell you're saying.

And apart does not = a part. That is all.

First time I've agreed with OTW, but I have to say ditto!

LOL :p Hell hath frozen over.

Believe it or not, I am open-minded at least in regards to poorly-written posts like the one we don't like.:D

First of all I wasn't responding to the Thread Starter, I was responding to MTSUGURL, thank you!

Lets just stay cool.
What the previous posters have been trying to say is that recruitment for NPC sororities is VERY different from NPHC organizations. For example, I don't know of any NPC sorority that uses "Soror" they use "Sister" instead. (Brother for fraternities) Also, most NPC sororities don't have strolls or calls.

Your recommendations are valid for NPHC but do not really apply to the original poster's concerns or this thread's discussion. This isn't a value judgement. There's nothing better or worse about NPHC over NPC. No organization accepts everyone, and there is a proper way to represent yourself to increase your chances of joining any organization.

The other comments were made in regards to your spelling and grammar. As on any forum, you will find your posts get better respect if you spell correctly, use complete and not run-on sentences, and use the right form of "where" vs "wear" or "you're" vs "your," etc.

Try not to post in anger but look at what the previous posters were trying to tell you. Usually what may seem like a dig at first is nothing more than a helpful tip!

:D

Thank You so much, everyone makes mistakes in typing you know. I am a very good typer, I type 130 wpm. I am not really angry anymore, so lets just move on ok.

Everyone does make mistakes! But when they add up they can make a post unreadable.:)

Which is true!

It's called an opinion. They're like arseholes.

And we all know that you've got one.

to the OP:
if you are interested in this sorority whose events you are going to and think that you would accept a bid if they offered it to you I think that maybe you should talk to your friends in your "honorary" sorority. Tell them how you feel and that you are interested in sisterhood and being a initiated member and that is something that is important to you. If you were my friend and talked to me about it I might be hurt, but I think that it would only be good to be honest and tell them how you feel and that you respect their sorority that you are considering joining this other sorority. I mean, how hurt can they be if that sorority did not offer you a bid?

Okay, i hope this make sence. I have had a headache all day.

good luck.

These two points are true regardless of whether you're pursuing membership in an NPC, NPHC, or any other org. Honestly, if a PNM told me during recruitment, "Oh, I know I'm a future AEPhi" or showed up dressed head-to-toe in green and white, I'd be a bit weirded out. Similarly, if someone turned up decked out in, say, red and green, I'd conclude she has her heart set on AXO.

Anyway, to the OP, I'll say what I always say... follow your heart. If your friends are truly your friends, they will remain your friends no matter what sorority you join, if any. If you feel comfortable at the sorority that's doing spring rush, go for it! Otherwise, wait until fall and go through formal recruitment. It may be hard for a junior to get a bid, but they can't stop you from rushing. There's nothing wrong with saying that you didn't have a great GPA when you rushed before, but now you've pulled your grades up.

Also, keep in mind that the sorority that's holding spring rush may not extend a bid to you.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I went to my second event at the spring rush house tonight, and I had so much fun! I really like these girls, and I can definately see myself fitting in with them. I still don't know how to bring up this topic with the girls in the other house, though, and it's giving me a lot of grief. Assuming I do get a bid--which I know isn't at all guaranteed--I think at this point I would accept it (especially considering some of the things that happened this weekend with the other girls that definately made me feel like an outsider), but at the same time, I would feel sort of like I was betraying my friends. It's a hard decision, but I've really appreciated everybody's advice and I'll definately be keeping y'all posted on what happens!

PS-I was invited back for an event on Thursday night where I'll get to meet more of the sisters and hang out with them outside of the house atmosphere, so it's probably going to be a big factor in my decision making...

You can join a sorority and be friends with whomever you please-- women in your sorority, women in other sororities and non-Greeks! Being in one sorority and being at home there, and having friends in another sorority is what we call "Being Panhellenic." It is a very positive thing to seek out friends from many different places!

If you have a lot of friends in Sorority A and feel at home with them, ask them if the are holding COB. If they are, it would be a natural fit. If they are not, it doesn't impair your friendship with them.

If you are enjoying recruitment with Sorority B, who initially didn't impress you until you got to know them better, and they've expressed interest in you, enjoy the time and see where it goes.

Sorority B is a great opportunity to make new friends and to possibly become part of a sisterhood. Sorority A comprises all of your friends, who will be your friends no matter what. Sorority A has made you feel welcome as a friend, but they have not mentioned the prospect of sisterhood, correct?

In 3 years, will you be happy to be a member of a sorority where you can be yourself, and be friends with whomever you like? Or will you be happy to not be a member of a sorority and to still be friends with whomever you like?

This option is about YOU. You have to do what feels right for you and your future.