Immigrant husbands that abuse their American wives
 

I know this girl who is dating this immigrant dude.

I think he emotionally abuses her and possibly physically abuses her.

What should I do to rectify the situation?

-Rudeu

Re: Immigrant husbands that abuse their American wives
 

Redeu - is that a pen name?

You should stop beating your girlfriend.

Problem solved.

Re: Immigrant husbands that abuse their American wives
 

Most women who are in abusive relationships will not leave until they have reached their breaking points. The best thing you can do for her is let her know that you are there for her and can assist her when she decides that its time to leave. Knowing that she has support could aid in her decision to leave.

You should kick that guy's ass.

You should stay out of it. Its hard to understand what is between two people in a relationship.

Also, you never how she behaves towards him in private.

So you can be sympathetic, but you shouldn't invest yourself emotionally in a situation that you can't control, and she refuses to control.

Re: Immigrant husbands that abuse their American wives
 

Well my third cousin’s (yes we track the tree that far) husband was treated to an old fashioned ass kicking for hitting her. Normally I wouldn’t even know about such things but when you get a call from your uncle about such matters, you show up with your boots on. Note: this is probably the most country answer you’re going to get to this question.

My ex husband was an immigrant who was emotionally/verbally abusive and mildly physically abusive. (grabbing, pushing me, not hitting)

My friends let me know they were there for me, that there were safe havens to run to and that helped me make the decision to kick him out. I was ready for the decision, just afraid of him in a way. And when I did, they were there to make sure locks were changed, etc.

Just be her friend and let her know you're there for her.

What the hell is that supposed to mean!?

It is my destiny to marry a hot Polish woman. Although I will not be living in Poland and I'm not abusive.

This also has nothing at all to do with this thread.

Stay out of it. It's not worth it. You will understand what I mean after reading this.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/6...s=det&psp=news

People in Detroit have weird last names...

People in Detroit are just weird.

But weird last names freaking rule.

Re: Re: Immigrant husbands that abuse their American wives
 

holy hell i spit my cheerios on the screen!

im just wondering, is the fact that he's an immigrant change things for you? cause any man, regardless of citizen status, is capable of beating his woman. and that isnt cool. not only should you kick his ass, but you should get him deported.

ok, seriously, im going to mirror my soror jubilance1922. my father, a U.S. citizen (which isnt important, but i guess for conversation's sake) beat my mom until she wasnt having it anymore. too bad that took approx. 10 years into their relationship.

she has to see on her own that it isnt acceptable, cause chances are shes doing that justification thing (ie. well if im nicer/prettier/smarter, etc, maybe he wont hit me, or the age old "he doesnt really mean it, he just gets upset sometimes"). just be there for her and dont do the whole "i told you he's an asshole" thing.

If he's an immingrant can't the INS get involved? I would think if they get divorced his green card gets yanked.

Thats not how it works. Think of all the people who just get married so they can stay in the country then get divorced once the green card comes in the mail...divorce has nothing to do with it.

Rudy how has she changed since she's been dating this guy? Or does he just give off the I-abuse-women vibe?

alum , they are not married just dating.

I have three suggestions:

1. She needs to seek help. She can get free assistance from a spouse abuse shelter. She needs counseling because a woman who allows herself to be abused has very low self esteem.

2. She should go to the police and get a restraining order. She should also press charges for assault and battery.

3. She should take a martial arts class... really. It's very empowering and will boost her self esteem and self worth. She needs to know she can defend herself. No woman should ever tolerate anyone laying a hand to her.

If he's here on his own, can't the INS get involved?

Not every immigrant is here illegally. He could have a work or student visa, and I don't believe they would pull a visa for suspected abuse (verbal abuse is next to impossible to prove).

Rudey, if you want a serious answer here it is:

There is absolutly nothing you can say or do with your friend that is going to make any difference. You can be there for her and let her talk to you, but she's not going to leave him because of anything you say or do. And if you say or do anything to him, she's just going to be pissed at you.