You complete me?
 

I was listening to the radio yesterday and the topic of the day was: Completeness. Do you feel that you need a significant other in order to feel complete? Do you need someone to complete you? Just wondering how many of us do, and how many of us don't and why or why not?

Re: You complete me?
 

I don't believe in completeness through another person. Only I can complete me. I do believe in complementary mates, because I would like someone who could be stronger where I am weaker, and vice versa.

I also believe that each person should give 100%, not 50% to make it work...but that's just me.

Re: You complete me?
 

No

Growing up, I was always told to make sure I take care of my self because at some point myself is all I will have. I feel secure enough in myself to not define my life by having or not having a mate. I have so many other "things" in my life to take accomplishment in that I don’t have time to "fret" over something like that. Now, i would love to have that perfect mate but in my experience in life (+30 years) this is not possible. I also have trust issues. It's a dependability thing.


I agree with you soror.

Re: Re: You complete me?
 

Well said.

!
 

Relationships should compliment a man or woman, not complete him/her.

In order to find someone who is right, we must ourselves first be right. To much the same effect, to find someone who is whole, we must first seek to first be whole in and of ourselves. I think a lot of relationships fall apart because people get into them, expecting the other person to give them what they must ultimately seek within themselves. It would be a hell of a burden if my significant other expected me to help him become "whole".

Everyone has had a good comment on this. I'm glad that we have learned these lessons this early in our adult life. Just being with that one person cannot complete you.

Thanks to a singles ministry I attended several years ago, I learned that your single life is a time to work on your singluar self. It sounds selfish because it is. I don't have kids or a spouse; why shouldn't I focus on me??? :rolleyes: Once you are a complete person through prayer and bible study, your activities, and finding yourself through whatever else, then that special person who will complement your life will come along. The idea of a relationship or a person completing you seems more like a replacing a missing car door with a piece of sheet metal. That metal may fly off at some point, and you'll be incomplete once again.

I believe that you have to figure out what makes you feel whole through your own efforts, interests, etc. I know someone who now feels incomplete as she's approaching 40 because she focused her 20s and 30s on her husband and kids. She forgot about herself being a part of this world.

bump

No. I think we'll never be complete. There's always room to grow/improve and I don't think it lies in another person.

To some extent I feel that my boyfriend completes certain things/desires w/in me such as the need/desire for companionship and to receive romantic love from others. I feel like I do have these needs and if he was not in my life, I could get something reminiscent to the companionship and love that I receive from him from someone else or from my family although it would not be the same.

So yes, I would say that to some extent, he completes (needs/desires w/in) me.

I don't believe in completing, I believe in complimenting.

My completeness lies only in God. My significant other is a God-given partner whose primary focus is God, not me. If he started focusing too much on me, I'd be worried because I'm not God. :)

I like that a lot. I think that saying that another person completes you is quite dramatic and over-the-top. Basically, what it's saying is that you can't exist or function without the person. This is simply not true, you can do quite well most of the time on your own, although it's nice when you have that special someone there with you. The other problem with saying it is that it can make you place too much blame on partners when you're unhappy. It's saying that you need someone there for you always to be happy and fulfilled, when you need to look at yourself and see why you're unhappy or unsatisfied and realize that only you can do what needs to be done to make yourself fulfilled.

No I don't feel that another person can complete you. I do agree that partners should compliment one another. This is probably why so many relationships fail. It's like setting your partner up for failure. When he/she doesn't live up to your unrealistic expectations then resentment settles in and it's all downhill from there. I think it's best to love yourself first and then you can love another person. If you love yourself there are certain things that you aren't going to accept in a relationship. (Example, cheating, disrespectful partners, abusive partners, etc.) I think that it's wonderful when you find that special someone who can share in your triumphs and accomplishments and in general life's journey. For me I'm turned off when a man is just too focused on me. He needs to have a life of his own outside of me. Heather Headley's song Me Time is a perfect example of this.

I agree with this...100%

My completeness lies only in God. . . Ditto! He truly is the only one that can complete us all!

Serioussigma22:cool:

I really do believe I have found the one that seriously compliments me. Not completes me. But he does add to my well being!

You know, I told my husband that I loved him but that I didn't need him. He was shocked. I explained to him that a need is something you have to have by any means necessary. (food, water, etc.) My life doesn't end if he deceided not to be with me and my life did not begin with him. I told him that I was a whole person before he came into my life and with him I am still a whole person. We, as women, sometimes wait for someone so our life can begin. If you are living and breathing, well...you have life. I was single and enjoyed going out by myself. I know I sound like Oprah or something right now, but I just feel like as women we are so strong and we lose our dayum minds when a man comes in the picture. Be happy and love YOU first.

While I won't say that a mate can complete you, I do think that when you are with a person for a very long time, then they become a part of you (in a sense). Here we say, "My mate only compliments me, but I'm complete as I am." Yet if we were talking to a widow/widower, then we'd completely understand what they meant by saying "I feel like I've lost a part of myself" or "A part of me is missing". I don't think that these two things have to be mutually exclusive. True, you should be independent and able to love yourself and stand on your own, and all of that. However, I don't think that there is anything wrong with feeling connected to your spouse/mate, growing to depend/rely on them to a normal extent, getting joy/happiness from them, etc. This is what I think of when I think of the phrase "You complete me." I think that a mate does provide 'something' that you cannot provide to yourself. It doesn't mean that you don't love yourself or are missing something, etc. It just means that they are bringing something different to the table; just like you are bringing that back to them. This shouldn't be a bad thing. As Chrisitians we already know that Eve was scuplted from Adam's rib, so it seems that we are meant to be a part of/and connected to our mates. I don't think that you have to sacrafice your self-love, respect, worth, independence, etc to do this.

I totally agree with Marie.

Marie, I agree with your statement. You summed up well how I feel. I don't feel like saying that someone completes something in me is not showing a love of myself - I'm just being real with myself. I loved going out by myself and still do. Shoot, I have gone away for whole weekends to spa resorts just to get some peace and be by myself. And go out to dinner, etc. by myself all the time. At the same time, I would be just blowing smoke if I didn't say that I didn't feel so connected to my man (who was also my best friend at one point in my life) that he brings something to me that I can't bring by myself so I feel you. I also do believe that, as you said, G-D made us to complement each other. I wonder if Eve and Adam would think that the other completed them. Who knows.

I guess that I separate being needy from what I consider to be me humbling up and acknowledging that he brings something to my life that I cannot have w/out him being in my life. Perhaps it is a complement, perhaps a completion, not sure.

SC