What did I do wrong?
 

I rushed a a big state school and after the first party, I only got invited back to three houses, when most girls got at least 8 and the max was 12. I am a legacy and I got that house but even if this sounds cocky I am suprised that I got fewer than other girls. I was outgoing and asked questions etc (everything my sister told me to do) and I genuinely wanted to come back for the second invite but I am upset that I only got 3, two of which I did not like on both parties i attended and one I am a legacy to (which really doesn't count now, does it?) I really just want to know what exactly they are judging and what I said wrong.

My sister seems to not have any answers and I can't seem to come up with anything that stood out in my mind that would have really made me seem that awful that 16 of the 19 houses really didn't like me.

I understand that every girl cannot be in a house, but I find it hard to make a decision when I only get to see 3. I don't feel like I can make a wise decision from this.

I guess I just feel cheated because I feel that all my options were taken away so soon in the game (and yes, I defiantly made the GPA requirement and I dressed appropirately)

If you feel like you did your best, then you did your best and I wouldn't worry so much as to why you didn't get more invites back. You mentioned that you met the GPA, you dressed right, you asked the right questions, and you were outgoing. Sounds like you did everything you could to make a good impression.


The membership selection process is private matter, so the only ones who'd really know why you didn't receive invites would be the girls in the houses who cut you. There could be many reasons why, but that info would be their knowledge only.

I really wouldn't worry about it. You got your legacy house so far, and I'm hoping that you're happy with that. That's all that matters.

It sucks that you didn't get as many invites as you might've wanted, but you did get some invites! That's more than some people got, I'm sure. So the game's not over yet. :)

FWIW, at many schools, legacies can almost be at a disadvantage, if they're perceived as already having made up their mind - especially when there are mandatory release figures. You can hardly blame a house for thinking, "She's going XYZ anyway, let's give a spot to someone else."

But the important thing is that you did get a house. Think about all the women who didn't get any bids instead.

I understand that I am lucky to get bids, but I am not sure that I want to be what my sister was and I think that it is really unfair that they assume that before they met me. I wonder if I hadn't said that I was a legacy during registration I wouldn't be in this predicament.

I guess my point is that there were other houses other than my legacy that I feel I would have like and I never got to go to another invite.

I just feel very cheated, although I know that I shouldn't.

With release figures being as high as they are lately, almost every legacy I know has been harmed, as the other groups assume they'll want their legacy group and cut them. In-house legacies *really* have a problem with this. I knew a very outstanding PNM last fall who would've been fought over had she not been in-house...however, she was cut down to 2 groups from almost the first day.

There's a thread somewhere around here- in the rush forum- that's entitled "why you didn't get a bid."

Dressing appropriately, being polite, meeting grades and being a legacy are all well and good. But they're not enough to get a bid. Maybe you had a huge booger in your nose. Maybe you just weren't someone sisters could see themselves hanging out with. Maybe maybe maybe.

You'll never know, so why dwell on it? And if you don't want the bid you received, then drop so some other lucky lady can have your spot. There's nothing worse than sisters who don't want to be there or think they're too good to be there.

Editing after seeing another one of your posts-
It doesn't appear that you got three BIDS, you got 3 invites to second round and didn't accept ANY and didn't give ANY houses another chance? Then don't expect to find any sympathy here on GC. These houses, including the house you're a legacy to, took a chance and GAVE you an invite, wanting to get to know you better, and you didn't even give them the courtesy of going back again.

It would be one thing if you had really been offered bids by them and didn't want to accept a bid. That's fine, no one says that you have to join a house. But if you had invites, and dropped out, then it's your own fault. You are thinking and lamenting why those other houses didn't give you a chance in inviting you to a second party- but you didn't give those 3 houses, including your legacy house, another chance by attending their parties and seeing what they had to offer

I went to the parties and didn't seem to find a house I liked. I really tried but it's ok.

Re: What did I do wrong?
 

Sometimes things just go astray...

IF the houses you were invited back to really aren't options in your mind...is COBing an option for you.

Relax and get to know the chapters as individuals and consider that route.

Re: What did I do wrong?
 

If you're school has a competitive rush then I think you should be thankful and lucky that you were able to receive 3 invites. Think about some girls who did not receive any invites for the second round. Honestly, you should not be comparing yourself to the other girls who received 8 invites everyone is different and I do not think it's fair for you to compare themselves to them and vice versa. I understand you are not happy with how things turned out but sometimes you have to take it in stride and move on. Like kddani said, you cannot dwell on the past, what benefit does it serve if you dwell on why you didn't get in. I hate to tell you this, but you'll never know why things happened that way b/c they are not going to tell you.

I think it's beyond recruitment and how you are dealing with rejection and turn downs. I know for myself almost everything I applied for @ school I got turned down, but I realized there's no point in sulking and dwelling b/c it does nothing for me but reliving the fact that I got rejected repeatedly. Why do that to yourself?

If you didn't drop out already, please give the 2 houses and your legacy house a chance. Who knows those are the houses who may pose as the best fit for you. You never those houses may surprise you. But dwelling on reasons that are unknown to you is worthless.

Sorry for the long rant but when I hear about stuff sorority or otherwise, it drives me up the wall.

Honestly, you're coming off as negative and needy. Is it possible that you put off the needy vibe at the parties?

As the book says, "Maybe he's (er - they're) just not that into you."

Sorry to be harsh, but you're whining and I don't get the impression that you went back with the intention of giving them an chance, or trying to have a good time. I have a picture in my head of a girl borderline pouting at recruitment because she only got three invites while she's being rushed.

(This coming from someone also cut harshly.) Stop feeling cheated and make an honest effort to enjoy the women you're meeting. That goes beyond politeness.

I didn't act pouty at all. I acted very cheery and asked the members what their favortie part of being a sister was etc at both the first and second rounds. They seemed to respond well, and I acutally liked my legacy even more the second time I went but I still am unsure and don't feel totally comfortable yet which I hope will come in time. I also liked my other invite alot but I felt weird about their skit, they were definatly sending a clear message about how they felt about "susie sorority"girls and they made fun of them.

There are so many reasons why no one on this board could answer your question about what you did wrong.
1. We weren't there
2. Membership selection is completely private
3. We don't know you
the list could go on and on.

There are probably only a couple of girls who go through recruitment who are not cut at all. I mean, even the most "perfect" candidates are cut at some point by some house. The point is that no matter how many houses invite you back, you can only pledge one. It only takes one. Would you be happier if you had maximum invitations and couldn't decide who to accept a bid from? As long as you have at least one that you think has potential, you're still in good shape.

Wait...so are you still rushing, or did you end up pledging your legacy, or did you drop altogether? I'm confused. :confused:

Maybe the house with the anti-"Susie Sorority Girl" skit was just trying to emphasize the point that sorority members aren't all cookie-cutter versions of the same thing. Which I would think is good, unless they were being particularly mean and nasty...

I am not sure what that sorority was trying to convey. Maybe they were trying to say that all sorority girls aren't cookie cutter, but it seemd that they were saying that only they were not cookie cutter, and that every other GLO was "ditzy" except for them. they had their sisters immitate some girls, dressing and talking like a valley girl etc.

But did you drop out of rush or not? It sounded like you did before but not so much anymore.

it sounds from your description that they were making fun of the stereotypical sorority girl(think el wood),not so much the other chapters on campus. if you couldn't determine what the true gist of the skit was, i'll bet other pnms couldn't either. the unfortunate thing is that this chapter probably worked really hard preparing for this party, but didn't make sure that the their message was loud and clear.

if you haven't dropped out of recruitment, why don't you keep going? you do not have to sign a bid card. even though you feel your choices are limited, one of the houses might turn out to the perfect fit. but you'll never know if you don't give them a chance.

It's pretty clear what school you are at, and that is a very competitive recruitment where a lot of women go bidless. We don't know why you didn't get as many invites as you would have liked, but did you give your three remaining houses the best chance you could? If you are still in recruitment, I suggest you finish it out, because you don't have many options for re-rushing as a sophomore at your school.

I know how you feel, apsb1000. I was sadden that I've got fewer invites than the other PNMs. At my school, there were seven sororities. I was only invited back to one of them after the first round and was cut after the second round. There were many girls that were invited back as many as 3 or 4 or 5 or even 6 or 7. Like the others have said, be thankful that you have been invited back to some of the parties. There are few girls that get cut from all of the sororities.

Also, you have to think positive. You can't say that you're going to get released from all of the sororites.

With your manners, there's nothing that you can change about you. It's just that you are a sweet person. That's all.

One last thing, if you get rejected from all of them, take this rush as a lesson. You'll face rejection all of your life. I did just that. Rejection makes you a stronger and determined person.

If you posted picture of yourself we might get a more accurate "feel" for you. The way you dress, the way you carry yourself, etc.

Please don't listen to him. He's being an ass.

James, that's really not necessary to say something like this.

That's absolutely right! There were girls here (UNF) on rush day who received bids that weren't their first choice and some of them were just going to leave and not accept the bid, but the Pi Chis talked them into giving the sorority a chance, since you are not automatically initiated. Now those girls LOVE the sororities they're in! So, you really never know unless you try it and give it some time.

I know sometimes when sororities work on their skits... they accidently include inside jokes that are only funny to them. Also after being in the system sometimes things that are perfectly clear to everyone who is already greek, do not make since to PNMs.
I say give the sororities a chance. You never know how your opinions may change after you really get to know the girls.
When I joined a sorority I really didn't know what to think, it really was all greek to me. :D

Pardon my ignorance, but why don't schools reveal legacies only to the chapter in question? I don't know as much about sororities but I'm sure every campus is full of men who were legacies to an org on that campus but decided to affiliate elsewhere or not at all...?

Most schools do reveal legacies to the appropriate chapter. Offhand, I don't know of any that doesn't.

I know my school has a recruitment application, and on it, there's a space to put your legacy affiliations. These are viewable by ALL chapters.

Rush-Right/Wrong
 

Just keep this in mind four years from now when you are looking for work-same thing happens.
TTYT-it is even worse......
Good luck with rush-I do hope you find a good house with good ladies to spend your time with.

Heya-

I went through formal rush 2x(as a frosh then as a junior) and COB 1x at my school- Large greek system. During Formal Rush, I got cut very heavily every time...

Sometimes you're gonna get cut very heavily and its not your fault or any of the houses faults. You just gotta chalk it up and realize sometimes in life things happen for a reason you may not understand at the time. There really is no 'right' set of things TO say (even though there are quite a bit of 'wrong' or touchy subjects to avoid)

So, you could either try rushing next year once you find your place at your school, or you might realize maybe greek life may not be what you want to do. In any case, use it as an experience to learn about yourself and who you are...

I eventually did join my house- at the time it didn't feel like the 'right' house for me. But what you learn is no matter what house you join, the best thing you will take away from the experience is a few great new friends and having learned about yourself. In that case, with a positive outcome, it IS the right thing for you to have done...

feel free to message me if you wanna talk!