Double standards among sexes
 

I was reading this a few days ago and it really pissed me off. Debra Lafave who had sex with the 14 yr old student got off with a slap on the wrist. The link for the story is below. I know if I "raped" a 14 yr old my ass would be carted straight to jail. I would be called dirty, filthy , perverted, child predetor. Yet this Lafave is being referred to as being "hurt", "confused", "lonely", "mentally unwell". It just makes me sick. I was talking to a female friend and she was telling me about how someone she knows was having an affair and pretty much it was all the husbands fault for the affair. She basically made it sound that it was justifiably right that her friend was unfaithful because her husband works 60 hours a week and is too busy to give her all the attention she wants. OK, that makes sense. I know if I ever cheated on my girl it (for not giving me enough attention) I would just be a horny cheating bastard. No one would have any pity on me for being "confused", "lonely", "hurt".



http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051123/...teacher_sex_14

It is a total double standard...one of many in our society. That woman should have gone to prison.

I think I'll worry about that once the disparity in wages is equalized.

Yes, I can be cynical.

Cosign.

I can be cynical too.

Equal pay. That's a joke.

Maybe when women (like this one for example) stop taking the victim role, they will be looked at like equals. Until then, there are always equal reactions.

Please clarify.

I can't remark about the situation PIKA2001 described, as all I know about it is his post. But the teacher? You cannot tell me that the 14 year old boy wasn't bragging to his friends about it! Women who are raped do not brag about it - that's a large part of the difference.

But I digress: these issues will change considerably when women who are doing the same work as a man are paid equally.

I don't think it's all women....it's only prettier than average women that get away with it. Uglier women like Mary Kay Latournau (or however her name is spelled) went to jail.

In another famous "teacher-student" sex case, Mary Kay Laturno ( spelling? ) did do time for her relationship with the young student whom she had an affair with. But they are now married adults raising their two daughters. Que sera sera. Kind of interesting that the legal system tried to keep them away from each other and in the end, they are together ( legally ) again.

I think that the teacher in question in this thread should have done jail time just like Laturno did.

You know, that thought crossed my mind, too...

Yes, I agree it is a double standard. So is the thing about how if a guy sleeps around he's a major stud, but a girl who sleeps with more than two or three men is slapped with the 'slut' label.

I can't remember where I read or heard this (Oprah show maybe???) but I think it was a psychologist and he or she said that there is a difference in between men and women who commit statutory rape. For most of the men, it wasn't about a particular girl. It was just about girls of that particular age. Basically, the girls were interchangable to these men and many of them had been with more than one underaged girl. For the women, it was about a particular boy. The women became obsessed with one particular boy and for them it was about more than sex. In their minds, they imagined that a relationship with this particular boy would make them happy and make all their problems go away. I know it's kind of a generalization but I think it is sorta reflective of the way men and women cheat. Just generalizing but I think men cheat just for sex or just to boost their ego/feel more like a man (when their wife or girlfriend doesn't provide that) whereas when a woman cheats, there's more of an emotional cheating element added.

As far as punishment for women who commit statutory rape, there is still this feeling in society that women are supposed to be gentle, nurturing creatures. Therefore, it's difficult for a lot of people to see a woman as a predator. It's easier to believe that there must be something wrong with her.

In utter seriousness, this may possibly be the most intelligent post I've read here in quite a while!

I believe I read somewhere that in South Carolina, the wording of the law makes no mention of a women being able to be charged with statutory rape. I dont know if there have ever been any women charged with it in the state.

If you look at most of the laws, they are worded in a male-centered way, so this isn't unique to just this statute. That's what happens when, up until recent, nearly all the lawmakers had penises.

You are an absolute idiot and ass for making a statement like this. I can't even begin to believe that you can be born and raised in this day and age and think like that. You're a sad individual.

ETA: Criminals of all types play the "victim" role. If we want to talk about the same situation, guys saying oh, she was dressed slutty, she was asking for it. Or oh, she came on so strong I knew she wanted it.

Mary Kay Letourneau is ugly? God, I must be a dog from hell then. She's not drop dead gorgeous, but she is cute in her non-getting dragged off to jail photos.

I would wager the reason she went to jail is because the kid she hooked up with was in FIFTH GRADE and she was in her thirties. This chick in Florida is much younger and the age difference is smaller. I don't think that justifies it, but I'm betting that's what was taken into consideration, not her looks.

Well, once again you have shown that all it takes is a little antagonizing for you to start name calling. It's sort of a joke how easy it is to get you to start yapping like a lap dog.

It's even demonstrated in this thread how people try to make excuses for females that commit a crime. There are people making up excuses to try and lessen the crime (the age difference isn't that big), and then you have people here bringing up entirely other issues to deflect from it (the pay issue).

It's still a crime and until all things that are unequal are addressed, stop bitching about points that only stand to benefit you.

Well yeah, you make an unfounded, sexist pig statement like that, you're gonna get called out on it. If you actually said anything logical, maybe we could have an intelligent discussion.

Who's made excuses for a female that commits a crime? I have no sympathy for anyone that commits statutory rape. ANYONE- male or female. The law isn't very secretive. If you're over the age of majority, you can't sleep with a minor (though some states have as part of their law an age difference- if it's less than 3 or 4 years age difference, for example- i.e. an 18 year old could sleep with a 15 year old).

I thought minors could be charged with statutory rape as well...I wanna say I went to high school with a guy who slept with a 13 year old when he was like 14 or 15 and got arrested and charged with statutory rape...now he is a registered sex offender and listed on SLEDs website.

It wouldn't be statutory rape, unless the state called it something like that in its code. It wouldn't be what's really known as stautory rape. They may have some sort of offense, PA doesn't have that to my knowledge.

Statutory rape is when an adult has sexual relations with someone under the age of 17. The victim of that, for example, cannot be charged with statutory rape. The crime of statutory rape is designed to protect minors, therefore a minor can't be charged with it. Geekypenguin may be able to reword that differently, i forget how they word in law school that sounds better.

excuse me it was Criminal Sexual Conduct with a Minor

Am I the only one who is bothered by the word "rape" being used for this kind of situation? When I think of rape, I think of it being completely non-consensual. It doesn't seem like this was against the kid's will.

I think we all knew kinds in high school (and possibly even junior high) who were having sex, often with people who were of legal age, but it was consensual.

I definitely think having sex with a minor is wrong, but I just don't like the word "statutory rape". But maybe it is just me.

This is a term that I think makes more sense.

It stems from the minor not being able to consent. Just as they can't sign a legally binding contract, they can't consent to sex with an adult.

The law, of course, is imperfect. But what would you guys who think this isn't right suggest as alternatives?

I understand what you're saying completely.

As for alternatives... I can't say that I know enough about the law to offer a suggestion. :(

I do know that if I had been 15 and my mom cought me sleeping with a 20-yr-old... She would have pressed charges.

It's a consensual as two people having sex under the influence. At the time it can be consensual, but since the gov't ruled that you can't be held accountable for your actions while drunk it doesn't count.

Same in this situation. The person may want to have sex, but since they are not of legal age it's not consensual.

This is misinformation. You're only not responsible for your actions when you are INvoluntarily intoxicated- i.e. if someone drugged you without your knowledge. Voluntary intoxication may be used as a defense only for specific intent crimes, a category of which does NOT include any sexually related crimes.

Thanks for clarifying. I thought that sounded a tiny bit strange.

I'm pretty sure that you misinterpreted his point - he's not talking about using intoxication as a defense.

I think he's actually referring to the inability of a person to give legal consent while intoxicated, which I believe has been the precedent nationwide for some years now - especially with regard to sexual crimes. Generally, I'd guess that this is separate from your use of the phrase 'not responsible for your actions' but YMMV.

ETA: It's also important to note that this standard is NOT explicitly only for women, as it also applies to men - although I'm not aware of many (or any) cases where it's been invoked.

*shrugs* His post was very cloudy, I got from it what I did, especially in line with his other posts in this thread. It's a grey area, but as always folks, remember that NO means NO, no matter if drunk or sober.

Yeah, word, no worries - he very well may have meant what you responded to, but the other way makes more 'sense' (not that that has much to do with it).

Regardless, it's important to remember the "no" rules:

1 - No means No.
2 - Everything/anything means No, if the person is not able to actually say yes (as in, drunk/passed out/drugged/hypotized/under duress/mute and you can't read ASL but it's "probably yes, amirite?").

These could also be shortened to "don't be stupid."

Regardless of whether or not their age difference is not that big, she had sex with a child. Should it matter that he was a he and she was a she? As a teacher she is bound by law to report sexual abuse, not cause it herself.

Would it have been any different had it been a 14 year old girl and a 26 yo man even if the girl wanted to do it as some people have implied about the boy? People would be saying "he should be punished to the fullest extent of the law" if it was a man.

The point of the matter is that she should be in jail. House arrest is a bit mild for her...and using that "she is too pretty" to go to jail as her attorney did was LAME. :mad:

This pretty much sums it up perfect.