"Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue
 

DISCLAIMER
A friend forwarded this to me, and I think it's funny. Before the flames start, let me say that I'm an independent, and I'm sure the red states could come up with an equally funny "letter". If anyone knows of one, feel free to post it here.

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Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

Ok, I'm generally conservative...but I find this hilarious. I guess maybe because I try to stay out of party things, so I can laugh at things from both sides.

Pretty funny.

hmmm...

If only it were true, the Red States of America would have:

no Kennedys, Clintons, Kerrys
no leaky borders
plenty food from the midwest grain belts and FL
lots of seafood
probably 85% fewer abortions
lower taxes, more business growth
Southwest Airlines
real BBQ
Fort Knox
real college football and tailgating
Terapin Beer
Jack Daniels
Jeff Foxworthy
Duke basketball
Grand Ole Opry
Daytona 500
GA Peaches

Ok this is stupid.

Why would cool states like California, Oregon and Hawaii want to be associated with Wisconsin, Michigan, Minnesota and whatever crap. We don't want to be part of the North East.

You notice that most of the cool shit you named is California? You can have your Harvard. We all know that school is overrated anyways.

The three of us will form our own alliance called the " Screw all of you" Country.

(ETA: Sorry, I forgot Washington. Washington is part of us as well)


(ETA again: We'll also take Colorado)

That will work really well when California breaks off the coast to go hang with Hawaii.

.....Alaska can come too. :)

ETA: Wasn't Colorado a Red State in 2004? That means we get to keep the good skiing. :p

You can keep those...and as far as 85% less abortions go please see the following:

Ooooooohhhhhh noooooooo, we're gonna be soooooooo devastated that we don't get to have Jeff Foxworthy. :p

Re: "Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue
 

This line made me laugh so hard I snorted. Where is Brandy? LOL!

What really makes me jealous of you blue states is that you don't have hoosier. :(

Colorado a red state? Meh. We don't need them anyways.

We'll stick with Cali, Hawaii, Oregon, and Washington. ALaska can be part of Russia.

the Blue states will implode because the Northeast will realize that the midwest states are nothing without them. So they will break off. Poor ole Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Illinois and whoever else will have to come up with a new name and will call themselves the " We like to eat Food country".

The Northeast will be called the "Annoying Chowds"



Then we'll just let everyone have a ghetto brawl


ETA: Ohhhh crap. hey, we are taking Las Vegas with us. Not Nevada but just Las Vegas. Oh and we are taking all of the hot women from Arizona. Only the hot women. So many the females from Scottsdale and what not.

If the Northeast states didn't have the rest of the country to piss off and annoy....just what would they do?

Teeheehee!

Um.... Eat fresh lobsters from Maine and race sailboats? :p

Bobby, aren't you a Republican? :confused: If I am remembering correctly, then that would mean that you might need to just move to a red state rather than stick with Cali.

Lindz, the OC seems to think of itself as a seperate entity than the rest of CA. :p

LOL. Good to know. :)

Just keep being awesome, probably.

Sounds good to me. :D

Haha, yeah I figure most New Englanders would be happy with that.... The cool ones would be anyway.

But...who wants those?

Well, I wouldn't mind the tailgating and Georgia peaches. The rest of it.....meh.

and they need to be sure to make san francisco the capital of this new country.

Does that mean instead of a first lady, the president is gonna have a first drag queen? It would certainly make things more colorful.

We have enough flatland people in our mountains who don't know how to drive in snow already.

I hope you enjoy the lobster because you won't be getting any steak or anything from the midwest anymore.

Besides...99% of the northeast probably doesn't even know what a sail boat looks like.

And we've got the cars, steel, cheese, wine, NYC, LA, Seattle, and Chicago. We've got the Great Lakes. We've got mountains in the North East and North West and beaches in California. And, most importantly, we've got Motown! :)

Dont let the door hit you in the ass.

Oh and P.S. What you should do is take your lobster, place it in a sailboat, turn the sailboat sideways, apply grease liberaly and shove them both straight......... ah nevermind.

HAHA! Couldn't have said it any better myself;)

Amen. None of them are that appealing to me anyways. Who is proud enough to have Jeff Foxworthy that they brag about it?

( ) = my additions

nothing personal hoosier - just a good laugh cause i do live in the south... ;)

- marissa

MEMO TO YOU: Wisconsin has cows. LOTS OF THEM. Cows make steak.

I always thought Wisconsin cows only make cheese. You mean they can make steak too? Your cows are talented. :)

It's that great blue state education. ;)

Who needs 100% beef when the blue states are all a bunch of liberal, vegan, hippies?

I'll just enjoy my Napa Valley wine. :)

[/sarcasm]

1. Cause where was bill clinton from?

2. Have you ever been to Texas? Seriously, our borders leak like a broken pipe. I'd bet half of south texas is here illegally.

I'm proud to be from the south, but some of those were incorrect.

American cars....which suck.
Steel...the industry is going to be gone soon anyway.
Cheese...lol. maybe velveta and american, but I'd take some good french brie over that anyday.
Wine...most people don't know the difference between good wine and bad anyway. We do get whiskey though-and that makes the rest all worth it.

Great Lakes...full of mercury.

The trade offs are definitly worth it.

I'll assume your post wasn't directed at me, but just in case.... I'm from Texas, and we have our own steak. :)

You may have Motown, but we have (in addition to the Grand Ol Opry) - Graceland, Sun Studio, Stax, Beale Street... ;)

ETA: Rock n roll, blues, jazz, bluegrass, country, and rap... lemme know if I'm forgetting any

Yeah, but all the major recording labels are based in NYC or LA...