What would you say/do?
 

I was cleaning my home office (i.e. putting more paraphenalia in it) and my husband's cell phone rang...he forgot it at home. We were waiting on a call from FEMA and so I answered it. The person hung up. I caled the number back and she denied calling the number and even went so far as to ask her sister if she called. I told her who I was, who my husband was, and she denied knowing him. The next day I was cleaning the office again and she called on my home phone and said she was sorry that she did in fact know my husband but was a coward. She said as one Black Woman to the next she respected me and the only thing she could tell me without my husband being a part of the conversation is yes she knew him...

Re: What would you say/do?
 

she had your home phone number as well... :(
are you hesitant to ask your husband about it directly?
this sux, because she left you with more questions than answers...

why do women claim they respect each other when one has slept with the other's husband.

the man is your husband. ask him any damn thing you want. are you scared. does he beat you. if so, give me his number and i will ask him for you and see if he tries to beat me.

Amen for the strong men.

:o :D :cool: I did just that while reading this post. Soror, speak to him because there are only so many answers she will be able to give you. And if you do feel like he's going to act a fool, round up Professor and some of your linesisters.

slight hijack, but I hate cowards!! :mad:

I love my Sorors!!! She went on to say that she had met him at a professional convention and that they were "business" associates at first. I kept pressing her gently, all the while hammering nails into the wall to hang paraphenalia. I'm actually surprised I was so calm, but I figured I could get more info from her. Anyhoo, she said after I told her she was being too vague and to just come out and say what she had to say since she respected me so much. So I asked her, "Are you/did you sleep with my husband?" She said all I can say is "I know him". I asked her if she was a Christian and she said yes. So I told her that the Bible says to avoid even the appearance of sin, so if she didn't do anything wrong why all the lies. She started talking about how she wasn't perfect and that she and my husband had really "clicked" and she had a husband too and he doesn't like her having male friends, he doesn't trust her. I said, maybe he has a reason to (couldn't resist). Anyhoo, I told her to have a good day "sweetie" and she replied in a strange tone you too "honey". I called my husband he didn't answer the cell phone and she called me back...

Call Cheaters

Well, you seemed to have handled it in a classy way. I don't think I could have been that calm.

Greek love and support!!!

Ummm, are you going to finish the story?? What did she say? Have you spoken to your husband?

Re: What would you say/do?
 

Sidenote:
My FEMA adjuster JUST came to inspect my place Tuesday. :rolleyes:

add me to the amen corner......
 

i have NO PROBLEM confronting my husband on anything. you need to deal with him and forget..for now...this broad.

Re: add me to the amen corner......
 

Co-sign. Twice.

does this mean she had is cell phone? like were they together? What did she call back and say:rolleyes:

My advice...think whether you trust your hubby or not and whether he would tell you the truth about any situation. If they clicked as much as she says they did then she would have already told him about your little convo with her and he should be smart enough to talk to you about it before long. He may try to make it look as innocent as possible and he may be telling the truth, it'll be up to you whether you believe it was innocent or whether the reason he was hiding it is because he knew it would make you uncomfy:rolleyes: . Give him time to talk to you about it and after as long as you can wait :p confront him.

good luck soror

I wouldn't put it past him to have been there while she was talking to you. She definitely slept with him and more than once. If you asked me if I slept with your husband I can come out and tell you NO! However Miss Thingaling can only tell you "I know him" and "they really clicked", which to me sounds like a yes. I'd knowingly click him upside the head with a hard biskitt or start making some hot grits! Here you are worrying about your house while he's at someone else's. Definitely confront him because if you don't it will only eat away at you. Lawd Jesis:rolleyes: :mad:

I don't think I would assume anything until you speak to your husband. There are three sides to this story, his, hers, and the truth. You at least have to get his side to even began to speculate the truth.

Your loyalty and alliance is with your husband. Should he have been unfaithful, he would be in the wrong. Exercising fidelity (is that a correct phrase?) is one of his duties as a husband. However, as a wife, you owe it to him to at least get his side of the story.

I wish you much luck. I hope this is some unrequited love problem this chick is having. But it is possible that they began to have an emotional relationship? Would that bother you more than a physical one? You cheat with your heart and mind first, before you ever cheat with your body.

So is this the new R Kelly soap opera?

To add some clarity to this situation. She was calling a few states away and in fact calling from work per caller ID. Her tone was different this time, extremely apologetic. She started off by saying that she just had to call back because she felt that she had not made herself clear enough and that I was probably extremely upset and she had not been gracious enough to me? I told her she was annoying me with all the inuendos and vagueness. She hadn't told me anything for me to be upset about. Then she started in on how she has a husband and family as she knew I had because she and my husband had many conversations about it. She would never do anything to jeopardize the families. I asked her again point blank did you/have ever slept with my husband. She initially said you should ask him, then denied that she had slept with my husband and that she wasn't even mildly attracted to him. "You have NOTHING to worry about" and laughed (like he was butt-ugly.) She then promised me that this would be the last communication from her ever. I started to call my husband again since he hadn't called me back, but I decided to wait until he got home to see the reaction in his face.

Why wont the trick just come out and say YES or NO! What is up with the "You should ask him"??? Well I guess you are going to have to since her sill ash wont answer.....mmmm, mmmm, mmm...lawd hammercy.

Perfect Pearl do not confront your husband right now. You need to get yourself together and think about your options. The only thing confronting him will do now is turn into a big fight. You need to decide whether or not you need to retain a lawyer, pastoral counseling, or another maritial counselor. Until you decide how you want to approach it don't go into this battle blind. Pray for guidance. Then confront your husband.

She is playing mind games with you and she needs to be put on notice that you are a woman that does not play with trash like her. You have her work number. Have a friend call it and find out what company she works for. Call her human resources and inform then you don't appreciate receiving harrassing phone calls from this obviously disturbed woman. That you hope they can provide her with the mental help she so very much needs. Homewrecker.

Something obviously happened or else she still wouldn't be calling all the time trying to get ahold of him.

:eek: I'd confront the truth in love, oh honey, did you know your phone was at home today, and guess what? I got a call from one of your business associates?:rolleyes: Why does she have our persnonal number too? Play dumb and let him confess to it all.

(Gives you something to think about-has his cell phone number and personal phone number, if he has nothing to hide why didn't he tell you about her?:confused:

Ok, so did you see his reaction? Did you speak to him, soror? What happened? Is the situation resolved?

This seems like a good suggestion.

When he got home that evening he kissed me and acted normal. He said he had a stressful day and I said me too- I then asked him did he know someone that works at blah, blah, blah. He said yeah I was introduced to her at a conference by a colleague(I have spoken to this female colleague) and we were supposed to be working on a project together, but I haven't heard from her in months. I asked him if he slept with (I named her) and he said no. He looked like that was the craziest thing he had ever heard. I got street on him and said triggas are like dogs and rarely turn down cat, except in the worst conditions and if you've seen some of the pregnant women I've seen these conditions can be waived. I then told him what Sistagirl had said. He then began saying how crazy she is, overly flirtatious, etc, etc. She has come on to him several times but he never reciprocated That's when I got ANGRY!!! He has presumably known this chick for over a year I have never heard of her. I have never heard of these flirtations. And I told him out an out - I don't believe you. He said how many times have triggas flirted with you and you came home and told me about it. I said exactly I told you about it-we had a good laugh. This you NEVER told me about- you must have something to hide. He denied it vehemently, he had to take our son to practice so he said we would talk about it when he came back...

Uh...Ok Soror...I'm having Trapped in the Closet flashbacks of Cleophus and his wife on the floor laughing about their "eventful day". Don't sleep on your "situation". I don't know 'bout you, but I'd be in private investigator mode right about this time if I was in your situation.

I'm thinking the same thing. :confused:

I hate to say this but some women are home-wreckers. It is not ALL the time that men screw up. :eek: Her husband might have shunned the woman and the woman took it upon herself to be a vengeful B$##H!!! :mad:

However you MUST go with that gut instinct. Don't play dumb and blind becuz the truth will always reveal itself no matter how many ways you shield yourself from it. I am not a married woman so this is where my advice stops.....BUT I wish you resolve in this situation and a stronger marriage. ;)

Real Life
 

Rra had to get the idea from somewhere...


Good luck to PP with whatever decision(s) she make(s)!

When my husband came back we had a long talk and he vehemently denied doing anything with this chick. He admitted she had come on to him and he hadn't told me because he thought it was silly. He said she was overly flirtatious and he wasn't attracted to her at all. He told me he had called her to resolve the matter and when she didn't return any of his calls he left a message saying she was interfering with our marriage and it was best she didn't call anymore, he was not interested in working on any projects with her. He said he felt that she probably felt slighted as she thinks everyman wants her and was trying to get back at him for the message to refuse to do the project. Well, I told him he should have been honest with me and that I still don't know if he did or didn't do anything. But I don't trust him. I pulled up her picture on her company's website and if she looked like Jill Scott I knew I was in trouble- either it was a bad picture or she looked extremely plain. That didn't make me feel better but I didn't feel worse. Anyhoo, I wish I could say this is resolved but it isn't. I don't trust him and now I have to seriously think about the possibility of what his potential infidelity could mean for me- (i.e. HIV/AIDS). African-American women are being infected and dying at an alarming rate. Thanks to all who gave me advice and was ready to open up a can of wa.

good luck....
 

im glad that it seems that things were not as 'bad' as it could have been. i can't help but be struck by what you have said..what you are feeling, that is. i suggest that from this point, you pray, speak with a spiritual advisor--someone that can offer neutral advice, most importantly continue the dialogue with your husband. it is imperative that you work through with him all that you are feeling. i get the sense that this is not new behavior or your feelings have been nesting for a while.

lastly, be mindful of who you invite into your 'marriage' and who you share your marital business with.

i wish you the best!

Darling 1 I was aondering some of the same things. Soror Perfect Pearl, are your only reasons for not trusting your husband based on what this woman said, or were you suspicious of him all along?

Remain prayerful about the situation, and before you jump to any conclusions, seek wise counsel.

I am distrustful of men in general, but I always thought (after hearing sisters,clients, etc talk about how their mates had treated them) "not my husband". In addition I cannot count the number of times I have been approached by (wedding finger on the hand) married men who don't understand what the big deal is about having sex with someone other than their wives. The most scary thing is the sistahs that r dying of HIV/AIDS. "I'm sorry baby" doesn't cure you. I can't explain why I'm not stark raving mad, only that maybe things were going so well for us that I was waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. And that there is still the possibility that they didn't sleep together.

I'm sorry, I really wish you the best of luck but I really don't believe your husband at all. You know him better than any of us. I guess it took your son's entire practice for him to come up with that one huh? As someone said on the prior page(s), just go with your gut.

Me too! I love my brothas...all of them, but especially the good ones.

I would ask him some questions...in a calm, non confrontational way.

Add me too

Pardon me but....
 

This sounds a little too over the top (1) Why would someone bring their personal business to a forum like this? (2) Why did it take so long to confront the guy?(3) Even if it is true a public forum is not the place for this personal type of problem.

Like my grandma used to say...opinions are like a##holes-everyone has them. ENJOY YOURS!!!!

Hi Perfect: edited because I typed your user name incorrectly!

Just another viewpoint: When I first got married, there was a woman who called me to tell me that she was with my husband the previous evening. On the surface, she could have gotten away with it because we were living in different cities during the week.

So I have woman telling me she was with my husband the previous evening but I was with him (I had gone to see him in the middle of the week)

Some garden instruments just like to make trouble. My experience is anytime a woman calls your house and "wants to talk, but she's married" is f*king crazy. If she ever calls again , call her husband, that will shut her a** down.

TO AXEAM: Buddy, you were way out of line, if you don't like the topic of this thread...NEWSFLASH....don't post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Jody for your input. Unless someone has experienced it they don't know how confusing it can be.