Letting go—or maybe not
 

Interesting article about how some parents doesn't want to let go of their kids when they go to college. My freshman year in college, my parents help me moved into my dorm, mom hugged and dad gave me a handshake and they drove back to NYC.

Link to the article

My parents didn't even move me in. My brother did! (After the twelve-hour drive, he unloaded the car, looked at me and said, "Don't fail out!" before he drove away. :p )

And this was in 1997.

One of my roommates in college called her mother three or four times a day. I called my mother once every two weeks or so, only b/c she would get mad and flip out if I never called her.

This article just reiterates my belief that kids today are way overprotected. This is definitely something we as Greeks have to deal with.

I called my parents once a month. This was back in 1994. The only time I called them is to ask for money.:p :p

My mom insisted on making my bed when we got to campus, and they always came and picked me up for holidays (I never had to get a ride w/ anyone), but other than that, they were really good about leaving me alone, considering how sheltered and naive I was.

These are the kids who will never get married and move out because what's the point?

I think we're seeing this in our chapters as well. When I was in college, parents attended things we invited them to and were at home the rest of the time. They didn't intervene in sorority business at all. Now, they are calling advisors, higher level volunteers and headquarters over things like attendance fines or late fees that they feel are unfair. I've been a volunteer for 16 years now and just started getting the parent calls in the past 2 years. Quite odd to deal with. They aren't members, their daughters are!

It really makes me wonder if we're raising a helpless generation.

My parents moved me in. My mum helped me set up my computer. They waited around to try and meet my roommate who didn't show up until later that evening. Everything else I did myself. I would only call home to ask for money, tee hee or or I would call once every 2 weeks or so to chat to my mum. If I didn't call for a while she would call me and get upset.

Some parents are way too involved when their kids go to university. These kids are supposed to be adults now, I wish the parents would let them be.

I'm still laughing about the mom that called my old college for six months because the kid didn't get in.

These helicopter parents are insane! I saw the show on tv the other night about them- I can't believe how overly involved these parents get. When I moved out, my parents helped me and when I move home in December they will be helping again, BUT they have NEVER gone overboard on their involvement. I can survive in the real world without my mom calling my job for me, without them calling the university every day for something trivial, and without her scheduling my life.
I do talk to my mom almost everyday, but that is because we are close. I could go longer without talking to her, but I like to know what's going on with my family, since there is always something new going on.
I can't imagine my sorority having parents call us over little things. To my knowledge, a parent has never called us after recruitment or for anything else of that matter.
These helicopter parents need to let go of their kids, let them live their lives, and move on with their own lives.:rolleyes:

I am/was a child of helicopter parents. :o

They have gone behind my back to talk one of my professors, and TWO of my past employers, when I has having some issues. :mad: :eek: They have also contacted a past friend and someone I dated.

If I would've chosen to attend a school outside my city, they would've not assisted in paying my tuition.

Last spring, they told me "I wasn't ready" to attend grad school out of town, and I'm almost in my mid twenties. :eek: The only reason why I stayed home was because I grew to like my school.

In the past, my mom has tried to hook me up with some of her students, because her and my father do not trust the people I pick to hang out with or date. :rolleyes:

There was many more stuff that happened, I just can't remember it right now.

They have not lighten up a bit, so now I just don't say much about what's going on in my life. If they continue to probe, I just lie.

I am sorry if this seems a little insensitive but you are an adult and you could move away. There are ways of paying for grad school other than mom and dad.

They'll get over it...someday.

Oh, they're not paying a single penny for my grad school. As I said, it eventually was MY decision not to go out of town.

Well you hang in there. Hopefully, if you ever have children, they won't be "helicopter grandparents!"

I see no problem talking to your parents often, that just depends on the relationship you have with them. The problem is when you aren't making your own decisions and that they are doing it for you. It's good to have occasional advice but at 18 years and older people are considered adults (and for good reason).

okay, I finally read the whole article, and now I have mixed feelings about the article.

I pretty much agreed with everything that was said, except for the part where they said that college students should not ask their parents for advice. That only leaves them with two other options (that I can think of):

1. Ask their friends for advice. I don't know about you all, but most of my friends in college gave awful advice. It was like the blind leading the blind. The "friends" who did know things were not willing to share it. Or, if they did share, you had to pay a "price".
2. Ask no one for advice and take a risk. I guess this is the "correct" answer, but let's face it, sometimes mistakes can cause permanent change in your life. It seems dumb to reject advice that could save you from a lot of trouble, no matter who it's from.

One thing I've learned, especially since graduating from college, is that my parents don't always give the best advice, or even have the right answers.

Definately true. I should've been more specific. I'm talking about the kind of the questions that you know they have the answers.

When I was an undergrad I was really frustrated that my parents weren't more involved in giving me advice on things like school, etc., but now I realize I'm glad they didn't. It wasn't necessarily because they wanted me to learn to make decisions and figure things out on my own, it was just that they didn't know how to help me (my mom never went to college and it'd been years since my stepdad did, so I was more familiar with the workings of the school than they were), but at the time I interpreted it as that they didn't care. But like I said, now I'm glad they let me sort of fumble around until I found the right answer, and I'm really glad they weren't the sort of parents that had their nose into every area of my life. How much would that suck?

I saw the Dateline episode about "helicopter parents". if my mom called me that much, I'd go insane. The lady they featured calls her sons every day when they have class to make sure they are there, schedules their CLASSES, talks to their advisors, and uses their personal university passwords to check grades, assignments, syllabi, etc. They even have a CURFEW (and they don't live at home).

Freshman year, my mom attended the one day parent seminar, helped me set up my TV , computer, and other heavy stuff, then she said "Bye. See you in a month."

The closest she came to being a "helicopter parent" was the occasional "How's school?" to which I replied, "fine."

She cared about me and wanted me to do well, but she understood that I have a free will. She told me I could skip class, do crappy in school, and flunk if I wanted- but that if I did, I'd be looking for somwhere else to live when I got home. :)

Helicopter parents - that's a neat term. I'd never heard that before.

Honestly my parents let me go off and do my own thing. I knew they cared and that they were there if I needed them, but they were never oppressive or overbearing. Part of that may have been that I only went home for holidays; I made it pretty obvious I was happy at school and had made a place for myself there.

Another ingredient was that I was working and paying for most of my expenses. I was self-sufficient in a lot of ways, so there wasn't much room for them to "butt in."

I've seen the opposite though; I don't understand how parents can expect their children to grow up if they won't let them.