What happens when you break up?
 

If you asked me a week ago if I would ever be in this situation again I would have denied it but of course crap happens and you find yourself getting dumped on again. So what happens when that person that dumps you was the person you spent all your time with? How do you move on? For me I have found it both easy and difficult because there are always friends to pick you up in the beginning but what happens when you think your sadness is over and your friends aren't quite as there for you anymore? How do you cope? Just wondering what everyone else thinks.



By the way this isnt my first post....I was Thetakates but I forgot my password and changed e-mail address.

do you have any guy friends? i mean like, cool guy friends? homies? let your guy friends take you out. screw girl friends. your girlfriends will just be like, " nah uh girl friend, whah whah...well he probably has a small dick" blah blah.

your guy friends will take you out to paaaartay. and you guys can rock out to some awesome 80s head bangin music. one of my girl friends got out a bad relationship recently. i told her that her new song was White Snake - " here I go again". she loves it. it pumps her up. she rocks out to it every morning while gettin ready for work.

http://img44.imageshack.us/img44/2150/pimp7mz.gifhttp://img44.imageshack.us/img44/2150/pimp7mz.gifhttp://img44.imageshack.us/img44/2150/pimp7mz.gif

Hehe if ya know what I'm sayin.

Re: What happens when you break up?
 

Welcome back thetaKates, its a genuine pleasure to see you post again :)

I just wish the circumstances were better for you :(

Thanks for posting guys, but I think the worst thing for me about the break up is that he told me he was losing his best friend as he was doing it. Which made me realize that is exactly what was happening to me. Its been a little under a week....and I am still trying not to pick up the phone to tell him everything that happened to me that day. It sucks royally. Anyone else out there going through this right now?

I am not going through the same situation right now, but I definately know how hard it is not to pick up the phone and call him.

My recomendation for that is to find a good friend (preferably guy but girl too) who will tell you that you can call them ANYTIME you have the urge to pick up and call the guy. I have had friends who have done that for me, and it was such a big help! Most of the time, all you need is SOMEONE or something to keep your mind off of it for those few minutes. And as time goes on, you won't need to do it nearly as often.

My other recomendation to get through this time, when you are thinking about it constantly... Whenever you're sitting around and can't stop thinking about it, go work out. My best friend did this after one of her break-ups and she got into the best shape EVER! The endorphins will raise your spirits, and looking even better will help you feel even better about yourself! That will make you more likely to be in the mood to go out and show yourself off and meet new people!

And actually, what Bobby said is a good idea too. My guy friends are often the BEST ones to turn to when I'm having guy problems because they will take me out and have fun. And if you're not in the mood to be hit on by random guys, going out with guys will almost always keep that from happening. :)

I went through this two years ago....and really it took me a year to get over...so really just a year ago. I'm glad you are here posting b/c sometimes even faceless people over the internet can help wonders!!

Take Bobby's advice about hanging out with guy friends. Guy friends are gonna tell you straight up what some of us girlfriends can not. aka - "blah blah he has a small...." Plus guy friends hate to see you down, and will do anything to make ya smile. As sometimes us girls just wanna pity party with you.

I can honestly say that Nick, my former, was my best friend. And losing him meant losing all of those special best friend moments. Which I'm not gonna lie, its harder than hell to get over that. Because you want to have your best friend back.

So I tried really hard at just being friends with my ex, because of course I missed our friends moments. IT DID NOT WORK!!!! Somehow in every conversation we ended up talking about the past and about us. Which made us either angry or upset.

But this incredibly wise man, named James, told me "Jen, drop him. Lose his number, his aol screen name, everything. DON"T TALK TO HIM!" And wouldn't you know as soon as I did that, I felt better.

It sucks losing your best friend. But in end had we kept talking we would have completely hated each other and resented our past. Now its just nice to look back on.

I hope I helped a lil' bit. I ramble... but if you ever need anything feel free to pm me. Hope you feel better!!

Awww, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. :( But I agree that "losing" his phone number is a good idea. I haven't spoken to any of my exes, except for one but that was a special case, since we broke up unless we've just happened to run into each other out somewhere. I find that it's easier that way, although some people would disagree with me. I've always envied the people who can stay close friends with their exes after the breakup, because I am just not one of those people; it's just too weird, and a lot of times, too painful to really be friends anymore. If you can't be friends with him, don't feel bad. If you do end up being friends later on, cool, but in the meantime I would suggest distancing yourself from him and focusing on something else (working out was a great idea!).

I went through this once before & it brings up such horrible memories just reading your post that I honestly still get a little choked up. First of all, I cried alone for two weeks straight & then I found a hobby-working out. I increased my hours at work & spent at least 2 hours every day at the gym. I used all the time I used to spend with him, at the gym.

Get a hobby that you can use to fill your time until you can meet up with your friends. And write in a journal-its so therapeutic.

Re: What happens when you break up?
 

You should start sleeping with his best friend.

I know that a break-up can be hard... but when it's your best friend it makes it even worse. If both of you are good friends I'm sure things will come full circle in time where you will be just that...friends. I don't suggest calling him either. I'm sure both of you are mature adults and will find a happy ground to base a friendship off of.

Finding a hobby can be a lot harder than you think... first I would suggest doing all those little projects that you have been meaning to get to... I'm sure you have an old hobby or something that interests you that you just haven't done in a while. After all what did you do with your time before you started dating?

Re: Re: What happens when you break up?
 

That only makes things worse..... Trust me, I've done it. :p

Re: Re: Re: What happens when you break up?
 

What about the rest of the guys on the football team?

Journals are awesome! Also I am totally 100% about finding a new hobby. Working out is a great one.

I have to second UKDaisy's senitment about it just not being the same when you try to be friends w/ an ex that was your best friend. It really just isn't the same. I tried that w/ my latest former, but really, I found the same thing she did: most of the time we just kept talking about things that happened or things we did when we were together and honestly, when I realized what was happening, I realized it wasn't worth it.

I know when my former & I broke up my friends were there for me, always whenever I wanted someone to talk to, but after awhile I realized I was repeating myself over and over and over again. What's the point? Even I got bored w/ it. I had to find other outlets. I wrote in my journal a lot, I got a puppy (that took a bunch of time!) and started teaching her tricks, I started working out.

For a long time I even distanced myself from our mutual friends b/c I knew it would be weird, ya know? I still talk to them & hang out sometimes, but even now (several months later) it still just seems weird. I spent a lot of time w/ new friends and people that I wish I had spent more time w/ when I was w/ the former.

Like someone else said, I think the best remedy is to just cut him off for awhile. Maybe in a couple of months things will be different and you can go back to being friends? Who knows. In the meantime though you need to take care of yourself and do things you want.

Thanks guys, I'm sorry to those people that said they couldn't be friends with their ex but I really think that Marc and I will be able to work it out. But who knows. But right now I have cut myself off from him. Although I have seen his screen name online and am constantly checking to see how long he has been on but hell its only been a week!! haha. But I am actually throwing myself into a new kind of job and going to try to start working out more because hell if we do end up getting back together I want him to be jealous of what he is missing! But I am giving myself time to be away. If he needs me he knows where to find me!

Thanks for the advice everyone it is nice to have a strangers advice and not my moms and roommates anymore....because I love them to death but they are only so much comfort.

Delete his number from your phone, and delete his AIM name from your buddy list. If you ever really need them, you'll be able to get them from someone else. For now, it's too painful and too much temptation.

There is no good break ups really.

Thats what sucks about them.

Being involved with someone you really like is quite a high. Its like doing adrug. If the feelings fade in intensity, like they do for most people, and lands you into the "comfort zone" of most relationships, you lose the high, but you suffer pain if you are deprived of that person.

Anyway, the recovery is very similar to escaping a negative addiction.

ITs a watiing situation. You know you won't die. You know you are going to hurt for a while, and you know you the pain will grow less over time.

Your mission is to totally avoid the person/addiction as well as take care of yourself.

Make sure you sleep at least 8 hours, drink plenty of water, eat regularly, and excercise.

Remove the person from your aim list, and screen all calls . . . I can hear you resisting . . but would you leave Crack in your kitchen if you were trying to quit?

And also make the conscious decision its over and act accordingly.

ITS OVER. NO CONTACT. Every time you have contact its like doing a line of cocaine . . it makes it really hard to quit and starts the whole recovery process over.

When I res your post about thinking about getting back together . . well thats not the way to get over someone . . thats like fantasizing about doing crack this weekend after telling all of us you quit.

Just say no to Crack.

If you talk to him at all in the first month or so . . you deserve pain.

James, I love you :)

Agreed, James was right on with this one. I think it is POSSIBLE to be friends with an ex, but you have to GIVE IT TIME first! You have to have at least a few months where you don't have any contact what so ever.

My ex and I tried to force the friendship thing for about 4 months right after we broke up. It was a disaster. So, I said goodbye and deleted him from everything. Then, about 6 or 8 months later, he called me to say happy birthday, and we have been friends since then.

Re: Re: Re: Re: What happens when you break up?
 

Not football team.... Fraternity brothers. And I wouldn't recommend that either. :p

If you are determined to sleep with someone just to piss him off, you have to go for that hot guy that he absolutely hates. But, you also have to realize that when you do this, yeah it will hurt him and piss him off, but it will also ruin any chance of a friendship for the future. He will hate you. :)

This is adorable. And there's no dick joke in the whole thing!

Oh wait.

James,

I have to admit, I really like your drug analogy, because it's so true.

The last guy I dated was a loooong relationship... but it was one of those on-again-off-again ones. We were usually "on" more than off, and after our last breakup that lasted about 6 months (which was a record for us), we got back together.

This latest instance though, I told myself time and time again, "I can't relapse... I can't relapse". He was like a drug. I knew he was bad for me, but I wanted to go back anyway. Unfortunately they don't have an Ex-Boyfriend Patch that will help you ease your way to quitting, so I had to quit cold-turkey.

No calls, no emails, no nothing.

cold turkey is the way to go. It took my ex moving back to TX (away from IL) and then declaring no email, no IM, no phone...nothing. It was a 2.5 year relationship and anything that has been going on for a long time just can't handle the strain of "maybe we can be friends". It's called a break up because something was broke...and it probably can't be fixed.