When Shouldn't You 'Re-Rush'?
 

When should you throw in the proverbial towel and not "re-rush?" How many times is too many times to be a PNM?

Thoughts?

*if this becomes controversial, let's delete. Starting this thread as an honest question.

When you have rushed twice already at the same school and not gotten a bid.

When you reacted to the first round of rush rejections by becoming depressed or suicidal.

When your GPA is lower than the minimum (a given).

When you are a junior or senior at a very competitive school where upperclassmen are not free.

When you haven't given some serious thought to what went wrong the first time (were you too shy? etc.) and how to correct those things.



. . . this only scrapes the tip of the iceberg.

It depends on the PNM and on the school, and on why the PNM didn't have a successful rush experience before.

Speaking from an NPC perspective here.....

It's usually pretty difficult for a junior or senior PNM to have a successful FR experience, unless juniors and seniors are free or under a separate quota. A PNM would have to be pretty stellar to be favored over freshmen who can devote 4 full years to the chapter.

For sophomores, it's a bit different. A sophomore still has 3 years ahead of her, possibly more. If the sophomore was released across the board when she rushed her freshman year, she should think about why she was cut. (No sorority is going to tell her why she was cut, of course.) Were her grades iffy? If so, has she pulled them up? Did she have a bad reputation? If so, has she worked to improve it? If she is a better candidate now than she was a year ago, she should go for it.

But if a PNM has gone through FR twice unsuccessfully, maybe it just wasn't meant to be, and it's time for her to move on and devote her energies to something else.

If you rushed, pledged a house and then dropped out or were kicked out. No one wants ABC's sloppy seconds. (I tried to think of a nicer way to say that but I couldn't...:) .)

Smaller school, very laid back about recruitment..............

When you've gone through both formal AND informal recruitment (all houses do both, informal is for all non-freshmen) more than once and haven't gotten a bid.

Hmmm........maybe it has something to do with your personality and how you act at fraternity houses (RL experience) and that most women don't like you.

I think that after the second time that you rush is good enough. If all the sororities drop you twice then I don't believe they will have a good chance of getting into a sorority.

Kicked out would be one thing... But I have seen women join one house, decide they were not happy there and leave before initiation... Then go through recruitment in the fall again and find a better fit in terms of a chapter...

I'm sure it happens, but in my experience once you pledge a house you are affiliated with that house. People know you as being part of that organization. I think it's nice to say that you could go through again and not be cut hard first round, but in my experience it's unlikely. Just my opinion!

I too have seen where a young woman went to a house since she was a legacy, realize this chapter was not for her at all. Re-Recruit the next year and is very happy at her new home.

When you should not go through recruitment again:

When you went through, then wrote a story in the school newspaper talking about how bad recruitment was.

Then go through again, still do not receive a bid and write another story.

Then you also should not try and pledge the colony forming on campus.

Especially at a small school.

Maybe it was just my campus, but right off the top of my head I can think of:

a DG pledge that became a Kappa

a Kappa pledge that became an Alpha Phi

an SDT pledge that became a Kappa Delta

a DG pledge that became a Kappa Delta

a Kappa Delta pledge that became a Sigma Kappa

Not one of these girls would have been considered "used goods." They just didn't find the right fit the first time around. Yes, there was talk - people knew about it but it wasn't a huge negative.

Just my experience...

At the school I started out at, first semester freshmen could not pledge but there was fall rush. You could be extended an invitation to be an 'associate' member (basically you can attend their functions but you don't vote, pay dues, etc) for that semester. I actually had become an associate of one sorority and that spring when I went through rush I did not get any other bids because everyone thought that I would only join the sorority where I had been an associate - despite that sorority being moved down to my 2nd choice (in the list in my head) because I had gotten to know girls in my 1st choice better.

But, it really does depend on the school, the groups, etc, as to whether a 2nd time would be okay - I would not probably recommend a third time around!

Sarah

P.S. Just wanted to add that this is NOT AOII that I am talking about because I was initiated into AOII as an alum initiate. These are former local sororities (they have since become chapters of NPC groups).

i don't think you should re-rush if.....

...you dropped out of formal recruitment because you got cut from the most popular houses early on in the week and didn't like the ones you had left.

...you don't have the min grades for the groups.

...you are going to go into rush again dead set on one or two houses. or that you aren't willing to keep an open mind and see how the houses have changed since you last went thru recruitment.

-When you show up at the Greek Life Office, and the Greek Advisor suggests that you consider other options.

-When you announce to your Greek friends that you're going to rush again, and they respond with, "Oh."



I think it's safe to say that while a woman can depledge or be depledged from one sorority and bid another, but it's not a common occurance.

When you rushed once and couldn't shut up to your friends, family, roommate and the fry guy at Burger King about how XYZ was the perfect chapter for you.

And then after getting cut by XYZ you tell everyone tthat you've come to your senses and ABC is the one and only thing you want.

In other words, BE DISCREET WHEN YOU RUSH.

LOL at APhi SailorGirl's story.

You probably shouldn't re-rush if you have to come to a message board and ask a bunch of annonymous Greeks if you should re-rush...

If you don't mind me saying, this is the most honest and real advice I've seen about membership in a while here on GC. So opposite to blowing smoke up someone's @$$.

For NPHC we typically have a few interest meetings before a formal invitation to join is extended. It can be hard to see the same people show up to an interest meeting over and over when you know that for what ever reason (grades, reputation, attitude) they will not be extended an invitation to join.

Yes, and it's about damn time.

And for the love of dog, if you're someone who should not re-rush, chances are you are someone who should not pursue alumna initiation either.

I agree with this 100%

I realize there are women on this board who have rushed multiple times with varying results. Do what works best for you. This is just some advice from sorority women who have been on the "other side" of recruitment.

My recommendation? If Formal Recruitment (once) and COR (once) don't work out, then move on to another activity. There are plenty of college organizations out there to discover where you will be a valued member and a strong fit.

Or if you transfer, give recruitment a shot. Again, once through FR and once through COR if FR doesn't end up as you'd hoped. Then move on to another activity.

If you rushed earlier in your college career, didn't bid and moved on, but have learned that there will be a new sorority colonizing in the fall/spring, check it out. This could be a good opportunity.

But again, multiple recruitments--- not my recommendation. A sorority culture doesn't change so drastically in 2 years' time. You're going into an interview again with the same people who cut you last time. You shouldn't have changed THAT much in a calendar year just to fit in with other people. That's not being true to yourself.

Similarly, if you had your membership cancelled (as a new member), don't go through recruitment again. Go on to another activity. It doesn't matter why you were cancelled-- grades, policy violation, etc. It is really hard to cancel a member of a sorority without a strong reason. Most Greek Communities will buzz with rumors and half-truths about why you were released, and this will likely compromise your reputation at recruitment

If you cancelled yourself voluntarily, and you are dead-set on another sorority, ask yourself why? Do you have friends in the chapter there and do they know your plans? They can't guarantee you a spot, but in such a case, it might not hurt to do recruitment a second time in this case and see.

Someone should not re-rush when even the most sympathetic non-greeks are laughing at her. I know someone who's going to rush again for the 3rd straight year and I don't know whether to laugh or get her a cluepon.

I know a woman who rushed 3 times at Auburn, every time hoping to get into this one selective sorority. In the meantime, she built herself up into this incredible campus leader.

And would you believe--the third time she made it in! (Unusual, I know, but it does happen!)

Quote:

if you're someone who should not re-rush, chances are you are someone who should not pursue alumna initiation either

AMEN!!!

This topic just really came home to me a co-worker just told me the story of her niece rushing a few times with no bid extended. I think she was attempting to elicit some reason from me for this as the one sorority member she knows at work. Obviously I had none I don’t know the girl, the campus or the culture. Although I feel for her and her niece I can’t believe her family didn’t advise her to do something else, anything else!
Everyone understands that experiencing rejection is awful. The only thing that makes it feel better is time and living your life. Some rejections are worse than others, everyone knows romantic rejection can be life-altering and losing or not getting a certain job can be incredibly stressful. The best way that I have found to deal with it is to understand rejection as “re-direction.” My energy, my love, my time should not go to this particular job, man, creative project but should be re-directed elsewhere.
I think it is very much the same with sororities. If sorority membership has not been extended (esp. more than once) then it is time to concentrate your energies elsewhere.
Although it is admirable to go after what you want and try, try, again. This formula does not necessarily work out in terms of sorority recruitment. I wish it were different, but honestly one formal recruitment and one COR should be it, in fact I have seen that the more attempts at securing a bid actually decrease the chances of receiving one.
This has been posted about before, but I am worried about encouraging any woman to “never give up.” I think this is terrible advice. I’m also worried about any women who have this attitude. I think maybe there is something amiss in someone who has been turned away 2 or 3 times who goes back again. If the stove is hot, take your hand off.
Most, if not all, colleges and universities have counselors for undergraduate students. And I’m very serious in suggesting that if anyone is going back again and again to a place that has not welcomed them it is time to find out why they are pursuing the rejection, it is not a healthy pattern.

When you've suicided a different sorority each recruitment you've gone through. Honestly, wouldn't it be easier to go into recruitment with all those sororities as options the first time through?

Normally, after two tries I say it's time to give up. There's only so much battering a person's self-esteem can handle, and I have to wonder why a PNM would put herself through the wringer over and over again. I went through twice, so I understand that mindset. If I hadn't found my home my second time around, I would've just gone on to other things.

Still, I know of a woman who went through and basically suicided the same sorority three times. On her third try, she got in, and she's been happy beyond graduation. In that case, her persistence paid off. I believe that's a relatively rare scenario, though.

But when a PNM comes back over and over and even the trained Rho Gammas are exchanging exasperated looks, it's time to give up and move on.

When the members of the fraternity start giving you excuses like:

"Our headquarters only allows us a certain number of new members each semester. Yes, I know 19 is an unusual cut off point, but it comes from a very complicated formula that I'm not very good at explaining. I'm a political science major."

OR

"It's cause you didnt pre-register for rush with the chapter. Pre-registration is manditory with our organization. If you dont pre-register and rush, we coudl get in a lot of trouble just for having you out here during rush."

OR

"Our HQ mandates an incredibly detailed vetting process. We had a few questions about some things that came up on your application and we'd like to schedule a time in the next couple of weeks to go over it with you. Our membership chair will be in contact with you to see when you can meet."

OR

"The alums never got to meet you and they are real sticklers for that kinda stuff. They are a huge voting bloc in the chapter and its impossible to break."

Which is generally guy speak for "youre a tool and there was no way in hell you were going to get a bid, but we also dont even want you hanging around us because you'll scare off the girls."

If its a really wierd elaborate excuse about some 'process' that you werent even aware of, it didnt exist and we just dont want to be assholes and tell you directly it just wouldnt take.

You couldn't just flush guys?

At my school, during fall fraternity rush, if a chapter wasn't going to extend a bid to a particular rushee, someone (usually the rush chair or president) would take him aside and say something like, "We don't think you'd fit in with our chapter." No excuses, no beating around the bush, just a straightforward statement.

This was as much for the rushee's good as the chapter's - with 25+ fraternities and only about 24 waking hours between the start of rush and the time fraternities could start offering bids, a rushee wouldn't want to waste his time at a fraternity he's not going to be invited to join.

The trouble with excuses is that sometimes they don't get through, whereas a straightforward statement usually does.

One thing to remember (at least with sororities...maybe fraternities) is that on some campuses who do COR events, you don't HAVE to "re rush". Meaning that you don't have to sign up and attend every COR event advertised. There are a lot of chapters out there that can give bids without having an "organized, formalized" COR event. And if they are required to have an event before deciding on bids, they'll make sure you get all of the information and they'll make sure you get there.

If you know some women in the chapter you are interested in, and they don't say a word to you about their COR event or make sure you got a flyer/invite, that should tell you something.

PsychTau

Bumping for them GC newbies who don't think that my blunt answer was good enough.

What goes around will come around.
 

Why are you being so harsh to innocent girls on an internet forum? I'm not a fake person. Sometimes new people don't know the in & outs or the right buttons to push on a massive website like this. I hope you have the heart to realize that I just suffered a tremendous loss & was hoping for positive encouragement & advice from LADIES who are members of social organizations whose main focus is usually charitable.

I read the article for new members. I looked at the title of the posts on the first page. I am not Re-Rushing. I am completely new to the game as an upperclassman. At the time there were no visible posts that corresponded with my confusion. Many people do not know that you can rush as an upperclassman, especially when all that they are exposed to are huge state schools that take a loss when they choose a sophomore over a freshman.

If I offended you, caused you any personal harm, stress, or inconvenience then from the bottom of my heart I am truly sorry.

I hope you someday learn the value of treating others the way you wish to be treated.

Your comments were hurtful. I do not expect an apology. I do not expect you to understand, and that's fine. I can only hope that you will agree to disagree with me and stop referring to me/insulting me/degrading potential new members who are a little lost and confused. Being rude and being honest are worlds apart; Guidance and Judgment are worlds apart as well.

If you are the member of an organization, I hope you learn to be a rolemodel to potential new members instead of judging them from the start. Putting out negative energy & hostility will never win you anyone's respect.

Truthfully, and with the best intentions,
HEJ

Re: What goes around will come around.
 

Well said.

Re: What goes around will come around.
 

Be happy that you are getting a response. Over in the NPHC forums all posted questions about membership and how to join are usually given a nice 'Ask someone in your area', then the post is immediately closed and/or deleted.

Please understand no one is being harsh. Being harsh is ignoring your question. Many of these people are trying to give you and others in your similar situation *honest advice* based on their experience on both sides of the fence (PNM to member). It is much better to let you (the general you) know all of the possibilites that could happen, than to just say 'Oh go for it!!' Each school is different. At some schools rushing three times may work, at others you are just putting yourself in more misery.

As one poster said in one of these threads, it is best to ask those sorority members at YOUR SCHOOL. They can give you better advice than people who really don't know you or your situation.

why is this argument being continued in this thread? The other thread was locked for a reason.

And sigmadiva, well said.

^^^^^^

Thank you. :)

Re: What goes around will come around.
 

Oh, my dear, but she IS a member of a GLO. The reason she doesn't put her letters in her signature is so that she can make questionable statements in GC. She knows that she shouldn't talk the way she is talking "with her letters on" as it would reflect poorly on her organization. Instead, she feels free to just generally make Greeks look bad. I won't name her organization because I have respect for it. But, you could easily figure it out if you really wanted to. She's a moderator of her GLO's forum.

Believe me Daisy, there are plenty of Greeks who genuinely want to be helpful. Despite all the mud-slinging. There was some good advice in there and I hope you could see it even though your feelings were understandibly hurt.

We only did that on one occasion I can remember; it may have happened a couple of more times, but by and large the kid went entirely through rush and we made decisions at that time. However, I think it's a solid idea to let the kid know as early in the process as possible.

I think there's been tendancy on this board to be way too accomodating to rushees and PNM's. Not everyone is going to find a home, and that's the truth. Some schools have harsh recruitments. Not everyone will walk away from the process happy.

Personally, I think 99 times out of 100 you shouldn't re-rush the same org. I also think you need to assess the Greek system at your own school to see whether you should re-rush at all. If you're a junior or a senior, at some schools you're going to have a very tough time getting a bid; plain and simple, some orgs at some schools want to focus on underclassmen (and women). Again, it varies by school, but your chances as a junior or senior are much smaller than as a freshman or sophomore.

OK, guys, back to the original topic. :p I think a person shouldn't re-rush if they were cut before from either all the houses or the ones they were just dead-set on, and they had a really hard time dealing with it. Why put yourself through it again?

And now I think we'll close this thread for awhile!