Is he into me or is just my imagination?
 

Now this threat is about one of my ex-boyfriends.
Sweet and rude, there for me and keep me waiting without a call to cancell.
We were together for 4 to 6 months. 6 years younger than me. We loved each other but I decided to break up since I was afraid of a relashionship with that age difference.
He is the kind of guy who thinks he is cute when he is rude and insulting but he does it in a way you don’t even notice.
He says he loves me but he confuses me. He invites to the movies or to play pool or once in a while to accompany him on his fraternity trips.
But when I tell him I love him and I can’t sleep with him being his friend. He says:”I don’t want to ask you to be my girlfriend since I haven’t changed, I am afraid to mess it up again and loose you…and he starts telling me neverending reasons (if it's my lifestyle(I have a lot of guy friends and hang out with them all the time) or his, that I am not ready for a relashionship, that he is too young..etc).
Sometimes he stood me up and whenever I called he said he had things to do and hung up.

Sometimes he sleeps over and he is sweet before you know what. After that he is the same budy, he doesn’t cuddle me or anything.

But then he get jealous when I go out with someone else even though he dated a sorority friend after we broke up.

Does he like me and he is afraid of a relashionship or he is not that into me

This is a textbook example of "he's not that into you but will have sex with you if it's convenient."

Maybe he does care about you somewhat. But, he doesn't know what he wants. I don't think you should give him the time of day until he is SURE of what he wants.

EDIT: Stop sleeping with him. That is often the quickest way to figure out how a guy feels about you.

Tell him not to call you until he knows that he is ready to commit. AND STICK TO IT!!

If he doesn't call, he wasn't worth the tears.


ETA: If you want to be TheBest, start acting like it! Don't settle for being an also-ran!!

Ditto

Tell him to kick rocks....

He's so not into you. He knows he can get away with standing you up, treating you rudely, and still have sex with you at his convenience. You said it so yourself that he hasn't changed. He doesn't care about you. He may have said he "loves" you but he's not acting like it at all. All he cares about is getting what he wants when he wants. Until he wants to change, he's not going to do it for you or anyone else.

Lindz928 is right. Cut him off from sex. Take time for yourself to regroup.

The "six years younger than me" part is the part that tripped me up. I'm assuming you are either in college or in your 20s (correct me if I'm wrong), in which case this situation ranges from "illegal" to "he's probably way too immature for you at this point."

And I agree with everything above.

Nothing says "success" like having to register as a sex offender!

I'm 26 and he is 20. I can't blame him for the inmature part, because I am not 100% mature enough either, but what concerns me is that I still have feelings for him, moreover I love the social life I have when I am with him...is that being selfish in a way?

No, it's not selfish, at all. In my opinion, it is a symptom of having low self-esteem. In short, you have feelings for someone who treats you like shit. It is my hearty recommendation that you spend some time alone, without dating or hooking up with anyone, so you can really figure out who you are and what you want in life.

I'm 24 and last year, I dated a guy who was 20. My friends made fun of me for dating a kid who I couldn't even take out to the bar.

I didn't think much of it until I heard myself saying the words, "I'm going to meet him at the fraternity house for beer pong...." Yeah..... Not that 24 is old, but a year and a half out of college, it was time to stop partying at the frat house. :p

And no, you are not being selfish.... HE IS!!!

So this ISN"T the married guy? wow, good taste in guys. ( I would hardly call them MEN)

You're not selfish. You're selling yourself short No wonder his life is at the fraternity house. He can't get served in a bar or go to a 21 and over show. But he can tell you to wait by the phone and tell you not to date other guys. Oh he's a keeper.:rolleyes:

Imagine if you had a daughter. Would you want her to date a guy that treated her like you're being treated now?

No type of social calendar or boy is worth losing your sense of self.

You can't take him to the BAR???? What's the point?

He's a jagoff, dump him, unless you're into being treated like yesterday's garbage.

Well, you have to admit, at least he's not married.

To put this bluntly, he doesn't care about you. Cut him off from sex, and while you're at it, cut him of from any and all contact with you.

It will be hard, but if you stick to it you will thank yourself later.

Why would you waste your time on a guy who is obviously not going to change anytime soon?

You should read "10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives" by Dr. Laura. It was fabulous.

I must be reading your original post wrong.

It seems to me that you broke up with him by saying that he was too young for you. Which is really patronizing.

So how do you expect him to act towards you?

Also, you went out with him for 4-6 months. Thats a significant amount of time, if you were on completely different mental levels you wouldn't have been that attracted to him for that long.

It looks like you blew whatever chance you might have for a real relationship with him and he is just fitting you into his life as is convenient for him.

If you can't handle the relationship you have with him either ask him to change it or stop talking to him completely.

Is the number 10 stupid thing reading Dr. Laura?

Sorry. That was too easy.

He's sooooo just using you.

I went through this situation with my last gf, where she played games like this for about a year after we broke up.

Basically she knew she had me by my balls and could snap her fingers and I'd come running.

It took me a damn long time to finally get it through my skull that nothing I was ever going to do or say was going to be able to bring her back to me.

We're back to being friends now, though, so it's all good. We're just not as close as we once were even on a friendship level and may never be again.

Yea, that's it. Number 10, "you're a big fat loser for reading my book."

:rolleyes:

I thought I was on your ignore list. :confused:

Oh goodness, my ignore list is an incredibly exclusive club. Anyway, I can't put you on it if you're going to advise people to read Dr. Laura -- somebody has to call you out on that and I don't see anyone else doing it.

My work here is never done.

As long as you were sleeping with her and not spending much money on her she wasn't actually using you.

She was just paying as she goes.

Sorry ladies, but thats how guy think. ;)

Let's see, the chapter I was refering to was on STUPID ATTACHMENT to men, when their relationships are going nowhere and they are being used. Sounds a lot like her situation. Of course I also recommend that people read the Bible and I believe you said that was your favorite Christian fiction book. So I guess we will continue to disagree on just about everything (wait, there was one time I did agree with you) but can we do it without calling each other stupid? That'd be fabulous. :D

Sure, but, um, where did I call you stupid? Please cite.

No, that's number one - she wants you to read the whole book first. :)

Sorry if I misunderstood, I guess you were saying it would be stupid for her to read it....but I thought you were saying I was stupid for reading Dr. Laura.

lol I know!
One night I sat down and asked myself "what kind of guys am I dating lately?, Oh my God this has to change!"
Then I erased and blocked the numbers of guys I considered trash.
Now I will take a big break with the dating thing.
I'll focus on myself and recover my (Inner ;) ) beauty.

I bet if you quit calling him, he'll suddenly take an interest in you. Of course, you won't want him when he does call, but at least it will be a lesson for him and he can see firsthand how you've felt all this time.