Propose or not?
 

aRHOgance's question has made me think......

How do you all feel about popping the question?

Halle Berry did it. But things didn't work out too well for her and David. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

I'm liberated and all but, I don't think so.

[This message has been edited by MIDWESTDIVA (edited July 23, 2001).]

I think it's okay for other people to do it, but I just could not see myself doing it. It must be my Southern upbringing or something. I just believe a man needs to be a man at some point in the relationship.

My mother always told me that if I ever proposed to a man, she would slap me silly. I myself could and would not EVER propose. I can do the whole "I love you" thing first, but like TRSimon said, a man has got to be a man at some pont. I mean, if you feel like you're approaching that point in the relationship, he should definitely propose to you.

I am completely old-fashioned there....I will drop you a few hints,(bridal magazines, jewlry store shoppiong...etc.)

But yo have to do the asking

Girl...i know what you mean..i am old- fashioned too!

A closed mouth never gets fed!
Seriously, I would if I knew he would accept.

But if you know he would say yes...what is holding him back from asking you?

I don't know, I just feel that a man should lead when you slow dance, should pay for the first date and should propose to you.....and to go a step further he should be finacially stable enough for me to be able to stay at home with the kids if I want....but like I said I'm a bit old-fashioned.....and i know I have probably started something by my last comment...but that's just how i feel.

That might be true sometimes, but there is great wisdom in knowing when to speak and when to be silent. If you have your mouth hangin' open, yelling for food all the time, something bad could fly in (Halle Berry opened her mouth, and you see what that got her- David Justice and all if his issues)...

That being said, I know that we are supposed to be in a modern age and all, but I agree 1922000% with what Blu_theatrics said. Men are always yammering about how they are supposed to be the head of the household. I have no problem with that. It takes RESPONSIBILITY and STABILITY to be the head of the house. Financial stability and responsibility are included.

If a man is going to lead my household, the least he can do is express his intentions where a permanent arrangement is concerned.

Like I said before, I guess it's okay for others, but not for me.

I couldn't do it. I have trouble even asking a guy out.. I'm just not that fond of rejection. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif I think marriage is a bigger step for a man than a woman (being that we are mentally planning for that day our entire lives, basically), and I wouldn't want to make him feel like I was pressuring him into something he isn't ready for.

But like everybody else was saying.. shyyyyt, let that man be a man! Just like I have a vision of my wedding, I have a mental picture of the proposal.. and it's him on one knee - not me. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/cool.gif

I feel like this -- let a man be a man. Don't take that away from him.

LOL@SweetestDiva! That's true though. Let him ask...it's the least he can do...

but DO NOT provide me an engagement ring without my input...the dozen flowers (I prefer tulips, bulb based flowers and gerbera daisys to roses, but that's just me) and a simple piece of jewelery (a braclet, earrings, necklace) to commerate the proposal will be just fine. Let me pick the ring, cause I already know what I want http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif.



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Finer Womanhood: the "Cat's Meow" Since 1920

I would definately have to disagree with letting my future wife pick out the ring. To me, the ring is a symbol of my commitment, love, and what would be an undying trust within our relationship. After all, I am asking YOU! (This is what I have! WILL YOU BE MY WIFE?) The question within itself should back up the meaning of the ring.
By saying that, the relationship should be at the point of security that when he does propose, the ring should make you feel like you are wearing the Hope diamond :-) I feel that picking the ring out before the question, or after, takes away the passion from the man, and yourself for that matter. Let him show you how he feels with what HE has picked out.

I am old fashion. I say let him do the asking.

I agree with Icebergslim-let him pick out the ring. It doesn't even seem appropriate otherwise. If he is proposing-like he should, then he needs to go throw all the motions and that includes picking out the engagement ring. When your birthday comes around, you wouldn't pick out your own gift and tell your man,"Now buy it. This is what I want." Half of the pleasure in receiving a gift from your man is knowing that he took the time out to buy you something that he knew you would enjoy. Hell, if you're getting married, I would hope that he would know your likes and dislikes well enough to actually pick out a ring that is at least 90% in the area of the type of ring you would've picked out for yourself.

I guess you can never say never
 

I couldn't possily see myself proposing to a man. It's just my personal opinion. I always thought that was a manly thing. Plus, the idea of a man asking a woman is tantalizing!!!!! romantic!!!! Ladies not that we can't be romantic. I don't think that it is something that I will do, ut you can never say never.:rolleyes:

To me at least, theres something a little chivalrous about the traditional way, the guy asking. it's along the same line as a guy holding open a door for a lady, or standing when she leaves the table. Of course ya don't necessarily have to do it, but ya just do. I'd probably feel like an idiot for not asking first if my girl were to ask me the question.

If a woman has to ask then maybe he's not the one! I just believe that the man should stand up, take charge of the special moment, and profess his love the traditional way. I guess that I'm just an old romantic woman at heart.

Serioussigma22

i agree
 

i agree with iceburg too.... i dont want to pick out my own ring, i'd rather be surprised (by the ring and the proposal).

the thought of going ring shopping takes away all the fun for me and the whole concept of "poppiing the question" is kinda null and void if i pick it out and just wait for it to arrive so he can ask me?!

**i know some women dont want to be stuck with an ugly ring so thats why they want to pick it out, but material things dont really mean much to me (especially when it comes to things like this)**

also i read (from a man's point of view) that they want a woman who is independant, but if a man cant ever be THE man (provide for his girl, do manly things, i guess) then he feels like she doesnt need him.... and why should he be there?

its ok to leave some things to tradition!

Well stated Soror Prettypoodle,

Men, especially black men, don't need anymore black women doing everything for them when it comes to asking the woman he loves such an important life changing question. Brothers I have too much respect for you to just let you go out like that! Sistas we need to be more patient and wait for that special moment to happen. Now don't get me wrong we shouldn't have to wait for 5 or 10 years to hear those special words from our significant others. If he's waiting until eternity sorors and friends it's time to move on!

That's just my 22 cents!

Serioussigma22;)

I'm a little more conventional than people might think. My husband sort of accidentally proposed to me in conversation, but when he started sputtering (not that he wanted to cover it up, he just wanted to ask me in person), I told him that I was leaning the same way.

While I personally didn't ask my husband to marry me, I think I could have. If you know your chosen partner is the one for you, why wait? We ask for raises, we ask for respect... what's so different about asking someone to marry you?

So many of us have been waiting to exhale for so long, we're purple in the face and on the floor in convulsions :D

Personally, when it comes to mating and relating, I think sisters need to take more control over their romantic destinies.

Lil Sunshine,

I'm feelin' what your saying!

Serioussigma22!

So... if a guy asks you to marry him does this mean you're automatically obligated to accept? If not, then why would it be any different if a woman asks a man to marry her?

Nope..I wouldn't propose. When I think of a man proposing, it's romantic. When I think of a woman proposing, I think desperado. And, when a woman proposes, does she give him a ring? Proposing to a man is like wearing white after Labor Day...People do it but it really shouldn't be done.

And, on another note, how many times do you hear people saying that they are engaged and 6 months later...There's still NO ring!!! :confused:

ROFL! :D

You must be bored since you're bumping up all these old topics lately...aren't you supposed to be reading all the applications we've received for our University of Ghetto Pimpology?

:p

I don't plan on asking my honey. In my mind since I have been a little girl, I have dreamed of the guy asking me. It's too much pressure. Why put it on myself!

Question:

Do you all think that by making the proposal the man's responsibility, we are essentially giving him the reigns and allowing him to dictate when you two are ready to take the relationship to the next level?

And to answer the initial question...I'd much rather be proposed to than propose. I'm a hopless romantic as well, and I just think it would be so wonderful for him to get down on bended knee and profess that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Plus, I don't know too many men who'd react the way a woman would when proposed...that's part of the excitement and fun, seeing her reaction!

No, I don't think you are allowing him the power to take the relationship to the next level, because if you are not ready then you can say no and then the burden is on you. Who knows, you might have to propose to him and give him the choice of saying yes or no next time (if there is a next time).

However I believe that by allowing him to propose, you do know that he is ready and (hopefully) wants to make that commitment to you. I think that many people push marriage before either one of them are really ready to make that commitment (their friends are getting married, biological clock ticking, just the idea of marriage), so if a man has not proposed, maybe that can be a clue to the woman that he is not ready for that. Better to find out that he wasn't ready then vs. after you are married.

But, I'm a hopeless romantic and I want a man to "be a man" and propose to me also.

*hijack*

We'll need to set up a time to go over the applications, lil_sunshine. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people (you know since we're important and all we have 'people') :cool:

*end hijack*


Thanks for answering, divanred. I had this discussion with a friend and they thought that we were giving the man all the power as far as where the relationship stands and where it's headed are concerned.

Not to sidetrack this thread....BUT...

I know many people that believe that a declined proposal is a definite end to a relationship. Several theories why:

1. Weirdness factor - it's out there, and now either the girl starts to feel the pressure or the guy feels squicky for getting rejected.

2. Biological clock - He's proposing because he's ready to settle. If the girl is not ready to settle, it might be time to find one that is.

3. Why? - The guy starts to think about whether she's just not ready to get married to anyone, or if she's not ready to marry HIM. If she's not ready to get married period, see #2. If she's not ready to marry HIM, why continue the relationship further??

I'm not saying I agree or disagree, but I'm just throwing it out there.

The man has to propose to me. No ifs, ands or buts about it!


What if you knew that a man would never propose to you, based on the fact that he doesn't believe in marriage? He's perfect in every other way, just doesn't feel that the piece of paper is necessary? My friend and I had a long arguement about it the other day, so I'm just curious about how others feel about this.

IF you're in a relationship with a man who doesn't want marriage, and you do, you might have to ultimately end that relationship. I don't think that proposing to a man who doesn't value the institution would make for a highly successful marriage, but that's just me. :)

My husband did all the ring shopping and diamond research without any input from me. All I told him was that I didn't want something gaudy. I want something tasteful and beautiful that fit my hands. ( Not everyone can wear big rings). I was ecstatic when I got my engagement ring which is shaped like a pear which is the shape of his birth mark( I know TMI) just wanted to share. I would not have wanted it any other way.

Interesting question. :)

I guess I would vote for waiting for the man to ask the woman. One practical benefit that was pointed out that I agree with is then you know that he's ready. We all know that marriage is a big commitment for each party and for a man, he has to be ready to take on the responsibility as head of the household for a family. For that reason alone, I can't see asking him b/c how am I going to ask him to take on all that? I say he has to be ready and when he is, I think that most men will ask. Now I also feel like sometimes the women have to let them know that they are not going to be around forever and that the man needs to move it along if marriage is his intention, but I say let the man make that step. It's just the first in many that he must make to lead a family. If I can't count on him to take that initiative and trust that he will, then why would I count on him to take initiative for leading the household on a daily basis. But again, I think there's nothing wrong with a woman bringing up the conversation about what direction they are together and individually headed in.