Dating a "sort of" married man
 

Ok. Before everybody says :"Oh my God how dare you!" I will put the cards on the table.
My Ex invited me to a club with his friends, he introduced me to this guy who I guess he liked me We danced and talked and he told me he was separating so I said to be brave and wait for the right girl for him (to cheer him up). The next weekend we went out again with the whole group and there he was. My ex and our friends told me that he was really in a tough situation with his bitchy wife and that he was the kind of guy every girl would like to marry.
True. We started talking and I offered myself as a good friend and made very clear I didn't want anything else besides friendship, but he started to take me out, buy me flowers, music and for my birthday like a week ago he took me to this fancy restaurant, gave me a handmade(he made it) jewerly box and inside a three gold necklace. I was wow!

Facts:
I like him but not 100%
He still lives in the same house with his wife, sleeping in different rooms (friends and ex confirmed that)
He has a 1 year old son (yeah I forgot this guy is 6 years older than me)
He said he is waiting for his broker to end the paperwork to move out to his own place.
This guy can't divorce since they got married in a catholic church (they are supposed to be married till death set them apart)

What do you think? Should I keep going out with him or disappear from his life completely.

Sketchy!



Moral issues aside, he is obviously very much on the rebound, and I think that if you do get involved with him, you're going to get hurt.

Seperating is not the same thing as seperated. This sounds like a con to get a sympathetic girl to go along with his situation, that of not confronting his psycho or bitchy wife until the time is right. He gets to have his cake and eat it too.

Re: Dating a "sort of" married man
 

Actually, Catholics can get marriages annulled, but if it is just because his wife is "bitchy", it probably wouldn't happen. They're a big deal and hard to do. I agree with sugar and Psi though. And it would not be worth it to try to "date" a married man! Just because he's nice and buys you presents... he has a kid, man.

Sounds about right - this guy could be "seperating" for a long time.

I wouldn't have any kind of relationship with this guy until he was divorced or had the marriage annulled. Until then he is STILL married and you should not put yourself in the middle of that marriage.

Re: Dating a "sort of" married man
 

Um, no. I'm a woman who would prefer not to be married to a guy who takes out other women and buys them flowers and jewelry. I'd venture to guess that MOST women would not like to marry a guy who does that.

Um, first of all, if he still lives with his wife, RUN. What kind of pansy-ass mofo needs to "wait for his broker to end the paperwork" so he can move out of the house? If he wanted to move out, he would. Period.

He can divorce. The trick is, he won't. Why should he, when he has his wife at home (and no matter what you think or what anybody tells you, you don't know a darn thing about what goes on at their house when nobody is there) and you on the side?

Also, I'd wonder what the point of being all Catholic-married and not divorcing is if he's going to be getting some on the side. He's a wuss and a hypocrite. I don't mean to sound harsh, but the fact that he thinks you're stupid enough to fall for this crap is enough to piss me off -- if I were in your place, I'd be LIVID.

Don't date him until he is living in a separate residence from his wife. And even then, proceed with caution.

Run like there's a rabid Rotweiller chasing you. The fact that she's a pain in the butt doens't make them almost married. He's still married. Why bother if you don't even like him 100%? Sheesh, sounds too complicated to waste any more time on.

My father did the same thing for the entire 30 years he was married. My parents finally got a divorce--and yes we are Catholic so it is possible. Actually, our priest encouraged my mother to do it, so it is not unheard of in the Catholic Church.

By the way, my father told many people how "bitchy" my mother was--trust me, she wasnt. I wouldnt trust that label at face value. Im not saying that this guy's wife is sweet as pie but something made him marry her and have a child with her-recently! She cant be that bitchy.

Since you are asking for advice, I would say to run and never look back. My father had no intentions of leaving my mother--but none of his girlfriends knew that. I would also be very wary of such an extravagant gift so soon after meeting you. Men like that always make better boyfriends than husbands.

Sorry, but this really struck a nerve with me. Please get out before youre too emotionally involved.

That "waiting for the broker" excuse is B.S. Only two possibilities: (1) he doesn't really want to move out and is lying to you, or (2) he has some really crazy financial problems. I'm not saying a guy isn't worth dating unless he's rich, but if he is old enough to be married and have a kid, he should be responsible enough to be able to pay rent on a cheap little apartment for a few months.

Until he is PERMANENTLY no longer residing there and LEGALLY separated or divorced (I would demand to see the documents), you should stay far far away. If the wife finds out about you, there is a possibility that you could get dragged into their mess. You could find yourself getting subpoenaed to testify at their divorce hearing as a witness. Or worse, some states would allow the wife to sue you for "alienating the affection" of her husband.

If this guy really is Mr. Wonderful, he will still be wonderful when he is divorced and has a new address.

Ok well you can one of either two things.

continue to go out with him and get lots of sunblock because when you die, you are goin to hell.

ok well the second thing is go egg your neighbors house, but that advice is for my 12 year old cousin.

He can still get a divorce. He just won't be considered "divorced" by the Catholic church.

My dad has had a divorce, and we're Catholic.

And dude, RUN. FAR and FAST. Nothing good could come of this.

His being "sort of" married is too much like being "a little bit pregnant".

Run. Run hard, run fast, and tell your ex not to do you any more "favors"!!!

Besides, look at your screen name: TheBest. At what? Breaking up a marriage? Breaking a child's heart? Letting yourself be used? Because that's what you're going to be accused of, in the long run.

LOL.

How is someone "sort of" married?

"Hey buddy are you married?"

"Well, sort of, but only on the first and third Thursday of each month."

Wait until homie is divorced...

Wait until he is divorced.

I'm Catholic, I've been divorced twice. I had the first one annulled-it really wasn't that hard, just a bunch of paperwork, like writing my autobiography and his biography. If I choose to re-marry in the Catholic church, I will have the second one annulled too, but I don't want to marry again, so it doesn't really matter to me. If he is so concerned about the Catholic thing, then he won't have sex for the rest of his life (without having it annulled) because it will be adultery. It sounds like he's using it as an excuse.

As for still living with his wife, that may continue to happen for a while. I had to live in the same house as my ex while waiting for our divorce to become final and for 10 months afterward. Whoever moves out of the house essentially gives up rights to the house, but must continue paying on the mortgage if their name is on the mortgage (depending on the state). In my situation, the ex wanted the house and I couldn't afford to move out to a 3 bedroom place (we have two kids, opposite genders) and still pay half of the mortgage on the other house. I was stuck there. In fact, I was stuck there until he bought me out of his half of the house, which was 10 months after our divorce was final. It was the most stressful, hellish time of my life. I dated some during that time but it was very screwy and I was a little surprised that anybody WOULD date me given the situation. I wouldn't have believed a man who fed me such a story...lol.

IF that guy is contemplating divorce, he needs to make that decision without a 3rd party being involved. It doesn't sound to me like he is contemplating divorce though.

Dee

It ain't worth it.
(Sorry to say, this is from personal experience.)

If you like him and can accept the situation . . just have fun with it.

Oh no, horrible advice!!! ;) It's just trashy to continue on with this. Sorry, but it's true.

Separated is not divorced. End of story.

Of course, if you're okay with your set up, then who are we to judge?

SeparatING is not the same as separatED.

If you start dating him now, he is probably going to be "separating" for a very long time. He'll stay married, always coming up with excuses why the separation/divorce hasn't gone through yet, and you will be the bit o' stuff on the side. Is that really what you want?

Tell him you want to wait until they are at least separated, if not divorced. If he's serious, he'll accept that. In the interim, keep him at arm's length.

As others have pointed out, he can get divorced. The divorce will not be recognized by the Catholic Church, but the marriage can be annulled.

I think the fact that you're making excuses for him and trying to explain his behavior already shows that you know what he's doing is NOT okay. In my opinion you should never have to explain or justify a person's f*cked up behavior to other people. He's married. You know he's married. If you choose to keep seeing him then know you are having an affair with a married man. That's it...no matter how you try to explain it.

Run far, far away and don't look back.

This is a very sketchy situation. Red flags and alarms all over.

I know a guy like this. He and his wife have been thisclose to divorce (so he says) as long as I've known them. (4 years) He actually DID move out for about a year but he was over at their house every day of that year (they have 2 kids) and when his lease was up, guess where he moved right back to? Meanwhile he has his mistress (and a few others on the side) whom he keeps telling he's going to leave his wife next month, two months, any time now...then they'll be engaged, blah blah. It is just a bad situation all around.
(For the record, I have not been involved with this guy in that way - no thank you! But I do know a few people who have.)

That is sooo true
 

You are right. I haven't felt good about this whole thing, but when I tell him that I can't go out with him as something else. He starts calling me and says he won't let me go, that he will go to my house everyday if possible because he always get what he wants.
I know it's not right and I needed to confirm with your point of view that what is happening is totally wrong and denigrating.

Beleive me I'll RUN AWAY FAR FAR AWAY.

Re: That is sooo true
 

That's when you call the cops and get a restraining order. I don't know why you needed us to help confirm that this guy is no good? You need to cut off all communications with this guys NOW.

I say you break him off a piece and be done with it. Pop it and Drop it. If he calls you afterwards just tell him his dick was too small for you and he'll leave you alone. Your problems are solved.

Keep the presents and run.

I'm a little bothered by the fact that this is the exact same advice you just gave me. Are you lying to me James?

The one thing I didn't see her say, and I may have just missed it, but is she actually being physical with this guy? If so, then that is a bad idea.

I know she already said she was running away, and that is really good. I also think the divorce thing is an excuse.

There's no 'sort of' about it. He's married. He's living in the same house as his wife. Until he's moved out and got those divorce papers in hand, leave him the hell alone.

Unless you like being named as the 'other woman' in a divorce suit?

I'm sorry, but that is actually frightening. Please stay away from him.

Re: Dating a "sort of" married man
 

WTH was your ex thinking for introducing you to such a jackass? If they are calling his wife a bitch, just imagine what they are saying about you for getting involved with a married man with a kid.

I'm glad you decided to get away from him. I'd return the stuff he bought you and send it addressed to his wife.

Just because someone is Catholic doesn't mean they can't get divorced...that is a big crock of sh*t excuse quite honestly. This guy has a one year old child. He should be more worried about how much he is about to f*ck up his kids life than where he's getting poon at this point, but it's obvious he's a self centered bastard.

You can't be sort of married...:rolleyes: He's married.Period. Put yourself in his wife's shoes, or better yet imagine his wife is your best friend...would you be messing with him then? This woman, no matter what he says and everyone else says about her being "bitchy", is human. Do unto others...

Yes. Yes it is.

Ain't nuthin' a married man can give you but a headache...

My maternal grandmother--Mama Lucy...

Who the hell raised you that this situation is even KIND of confusing for you?

Re: Re: Dating a "sort of" married man
 

I like your style!!! :D Excellent advice!!!

Wow that is shocking.
I guess sometimes we get in situations without even noticing it.
Last night he called and said I was mean to him and saying in a sad tone of voice: "I always loose."
I told him: "don't try to be the victim now", and I hung up.

AOII_LB93 with that comment you scared the hell out of me.
Now I won't even answer his phone calls.

GOOD FOR YOU. :)

Whoever moves out of the house gives it up? That's absolutely not the case (well in my state anyway). If it were the case, it sounds like a dumb rule, and besides, he'd be entitled to some share in the equity anyhow.

What's his plan? To stay quasi-married for 30 years because he's too afraid/uninformed to get an annulment, and he's afraid of losing out on some marital property?

This guy has some major issues. I'm Catholic also, and an annulment isn't as hard to get for you and I as it was for say.. Henry VIII. Does the wife even know that he's seeing other people?