Baby Daddy/New Girlfriend
 

How would you feel if the guy you was dating had a child with another woman? Mind you he and this woman are very friendly with each other. Because his child lives out of town he usually spends weekends at the mothers.

Would you be willing to date a guy if he told you upfront that he still sees his baby mother but nothing serious? Or would you let it go because in the long run, you think they might work it out?

Also, before you became serious he said you had to meet his baby's mother to see if you met her approval?

Also can be look at as if you were the baby's momma. How would you feel if he had a girl?

I was talking to my friend this weekend and he cursed me out...because I said no matter what I would always love my child's father because he give me little man. My friend cursed me out and said if I told the average n@gga that, they would think we would still having sex together.

I'm just trying to figure out why so many people have a problem understanding when parents remain friends even when they are no longer together. A lot of friends have little if any contact with their child's father and hate on me because my relationship isn't full of hate like theirs.

Just wondering if anybody has had any experience with baby daddy/mommy

Sisterfriend: Maybe you were typing fast, but I barely understood your question. What I could make of it, is that you feel people are hating on you because of your "LOVE" for your childs father. Well I'm not hating on you, for the child's sake I think it's great that you two have remained friends and get along. But if that "LOVE" you have for him, keeps you from loving another, or keeps getting in the way of you having a healthy relationship with another then you are setting yourself up for problems. I believe parents need a working relationship, but all this getting approval of a new mate from an "EX" is ridiculous. Alot of women use their kids to sabatoage any relationship the baby's daddy might have. They use their own children as pawns. I don't blame your friend from being upset to hear you say, "I'll always love my son's father." That was very disrespectful to say in front of him.
Just my 2 cents.

Ditto that. But not only that, it is disrespectful for the Dad to spend weekends with the mother when he is supposed to have a relationship with someone else.

Amen to you soror,

I agree fully, you don't stay at any womens house like that you are completely disresepcting the relationship

Preach on ladies.

Esperho Fall '00

[i]And Goodness no my love for him doesn't stand in the way of future relationships or did it degrade with past relationships. And the friend I was referring to was a friend..Nothing more nothing less. But he just gets pissed off.

And yes I will always love my child's father...because he gave me my child. What's that movie with George Clooney and Sharon Stone. The little boy asked his divorced mother did she still love his father...and she replied "yes because he gave me you." and that's how I feel about him.

It's just that I see so many people that have children but they hate that child's mother or father.

Originally posted by PrettySqueaky:
How would you feel if the guy you was dating had a child with another woman? Mind you he and this woman are very friendly with each other. Because his child lives out of town he usually spends weekends at the mothers.

http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif

Would you be willing to date a guy if he told you upfront that he still sees his baby mother but nothing serious?

NO.

Also, before you became serious he said you had to meet his baby's mother to see if you met her approval?

Hell no.

Also can be look at as if you were the baby's momma. How would you feel if he had a girl?

If I were in that situation, I think I would be too busy worrying about me and mine to be worrying about him and his.

I was talking to my friend this weekend and he cursed me out...because I said no matter what I would always love my child's father because he give me little man. My friend cursed me out and said if I told the average n@gga that, they would think we would still having sex together.

I don't share the spotlight. If a man has a problem with that, he can be replaced.

i pretty much agree with everything that's been said thus far!

the question was asked had anyone had an experience with a baby daddy/momma... a few years back i dated someone who had a child and i learned alot about myself (what i like and dont, and what i will tolerate in a relationship). not that things were negative, but it was a learning experience.

------------------
http://www.iun.edu/~sgr/sghrostickfigs.gif Rhoyal Blue and Gold...I LOVE my SGRho!

[This message has been edited by prettypoodle6 (edited February 09, 2001).]

Hey sorhoros! I was just browsing through and I had to respond to this topic. I coming from the perspective of a baby's momma. First, I think that its important to have a cordial relationship with the baby's daddy for the sake of the child. But spending the weekends over the baby's momma's house is ridiculous as well as the new girlfriend getting the approval of the baby's momma's. My advice to the girl in this situation is to move on and find someone else.

The only part that I could see as far as baby's daddy's or momma's in relationships with someone else is not to have to many partners around their child, because that causes to many problems example, child could get attached to John or sue then things don't work out another man or women is in the picture. My point is this, as long as the other woman respects the child and not try to come between the father or his child then there shouldn't be any problem.

seeing it in 22 ways.

Tinese
Zeta Nu Sigma Alumnae Chapter Boston, MA

I think that....
 

Me personally, I would not date this man if he told me up front that he had a child (just one of my no-nos in dating). Having a child is a lot of responsibility for him and maybe for you in the future (you never know) . If you guys get serious, it may be like a ready made family if the child has to come live with him for some reason. While I applaud him that he is a stand up father, it is not the wisest move to mess with a man who has a child. (I also applaud him for telling you up front...because some men don't -- at least that's what I've seen from my friends' expereinces)

Just a sisterfriend's opinion :)

Sorors and Sisterfriends,

Now the issue of the BabyDaddy/New Girlfriend is too much drama for me and I would say to anyone don't get caught up in that Babydaddy or Babymomma drama! I don't have the time or energy to waste on such trival matters.

Serioussigma22:cool:

Well...
 

I dated a man who had a child ONCE . I really did my best with both the man and the child (and the drama), but if I knew then what I know now, I would have shaken his hand, and said, "Don't call me, I'll call you. Have a nice life."

And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

:D

Re: Well...
 

Ditto SoRHor!!!!! I was also in a situation similar to yours but he had the Brandy Bunch.... He lied and told me he had TWO kids and he had FOUR...I quickly got out of that hot mess... :D

Oh no, Kizzie!!!!
 

Not the Brady's!!! LOLOL!!!! See, now that's the kind of thing that makes you change your number (and your locks) without telling folks!!!!

:D

Sorors,

The last few messages are just too funny! The moral of the story is. . . don't, I said, don't get caught up in the baby momma/baby daddy drama. Some brothers are so nice but they just have too much D@## drama!:D

Serioussigma22

i had to respond
 

i have done the baby's momma drama once also. when i hooked up with the guy, i didnt know he had a daughter. then after i had fallen hard, i mean hard, for him, he dropped the bomb. i was back at school and he told me while i was watching ally mcbeal. i was upset and hurt because he didnt tell me the truth.
needless to say, i stayed with him because i already had feelings for him by that time. i really tried, i really tried. i met the baby's momma and even encouraged him to be a better daddy to that baby. before i came into the picture, he was denying it was his and just angry and resentful towards both of them.
me, knowing what it was like to be in a single parent household, encouraged him to have a relationship with the baby's momma. i would go with him to pick the baby up and then we'd go to the mall ( i bought her some things) and we even went to the beach once. my mom was calling me the "stepmom." i was all caught up and crazy. but it didnt work out and i became an emotional wreck. so now i know better and i ask whether the guy has any kids right after i ask him his name, age, educational background, goals, arrests record, and the M.S.M. question. (thats for those of yall that read essence!)

Okay...
 

She said she broke out with the MSM question!!! See, you should have been here a few months ago when we were discussing that label. I guess you are not even trying to lead any part of one of those "invisible lives."

:D

hahaha
 

you know i'm not girl. i try to cover all the bases when i'm talking to guys. like my mom says: you never know so you betta ask.
:D

Sorors and Sisterfriends,

I have a very good friend that had the nerve to bring this fool around me! I called him a fool because he told a serious no no! First, he stated on the phone that he only had a nine year old and then when I met the bama in person he has a nine year old and a two year old. He keeps calling my good friend wondering why I won't give the brotha the time of day! He must have fallen down and bumped his head! I refuse to get caught up in the drama!

Serioussigma22;)

have to get this off my chest....
 

my cousin just called me to tell me that she is pregnant with some man's child. so i ask her if this will be his first (its her's) and she says no and that he has an 8 year old. so i'm like ok i mean thats bad but its not that bad.
but here's the kicker: then she says "he also has one coming." i'm like "coming from where?" and she's like "this other girl thats due three months before me."
wth is this world coming to????

please my sisters and sorors....

Bluz4,

I feel your pain! And I'll be praying for her and hoping that more sistas will wise up before they get caught up in the baby daddy drama!

Serioussigma22:eek:

Had to revive this one..
 

How would you feel if the guy you was dating had a child with another woman? Mind you he and this woman are very friendly with each other. Because his child lives out of town he usually spends weekends at the mothers.

I am ok with dating a man that has a child. The first thing I would look for is if he actually takes care of his child. If he does then he's aight with me. Now when we get to multiple children then I have a bit of a problem with that. Secondly, he does not have to spend the weekend at the mothers to see his child. I would neva allow my BD to stay with me. OH Heck no. If he is in a relationship with someone else, he definitely has no business staying with the BM.

Would you be willing to date a guy if he told you upfront that he still sees his baby mother but nothing serious? Or would you let it go because in the long run, you think they might work it out?

If by still seeing you mean he sees her only when picking up the child then that's cool. If you mean seeing like they go out together and hang out, naw, because thats them trying to hold on to something that supposedly ain't there.

Also, before you became serious he said you had to meet his baby's mother to see if you met her approval?

:eek::eek::eek: thats all I can say on that.

Also can be look at as if you were the baby's momma. How would you feel if he had a girl?

My BD has a woman and I say "THANK YOU JESUS"! I only want him to take care of his responsibilities.

I was talking to my friend this weekend and he cursed me out...because I said no matter what I would always love my child's father because he give me little man. My friend cursed me out and said if I told the average n@gga that, they would think we would still having sex together.

I agree that if you told the average man that, it would send out a red flag for them. I love my BD like I love any of my friends.

I'm just trying to figure out why so many people have a problem understanding when parents remain friends even when they are no longer together. A lot of friends have little if any contact with their child's father and hate on me because my relationship isn't full of hate like theirs.

Its good to stay friendly for the sake of the child. However, staying friendly does not require us to go hang out together, imo.

Parents should get alone that makes co parenting the children more functional. There has to be a line drawn somewhere. The idea that his ex girlfriend has to approve me is silly. I would not put myself through that at all AT ALL!! I am married and my husband has a 10 year old daughter... beautiful girl who i love dearly, I understood her needing to get to know me and making sure that she and I got alone because I would be in her life.....but her mother does not have the authority to approve me as long as I treat her child right. she is cool actually she and I have a pretty good relationship....Families need to get alone but sometimes we can take this leave it to beaver stuff to far. Much love

Sigma Gamma Rho

;););)

I used to say that I would never date a man with children. But as I get older, the likelihood of finding a man without children gets smaller and smaller--though not entirely impossible.

I dated a man with a child once. He was very upfront with me about being a father. In fact, his child was one of the most important parts of his life and a factor in most of the major decisions that he made in his life, both facts which I admired to no end.

That being said, I would never date a man that tried put me through as much drama as the original post, because that drama suggests that their relationship is not as resolved or finished as he claims.

Although I had dates who have children after this particular jacked up situation, I just unfortunately got intertwined with a twisted and foul person who I now hear is homeless.

The scenario:

I was in my young 20's (awhile ago... :rolleyes: ) and I met this dude who played for the NFL--a relatively "(in)famous" player for this team. Anyhow, we dated off and on, and because I was a dumb 20-something year old, I did ran up under him. Call it the "groupie-effect" or wanting to live the Californian lifestyle on the red carpet at movie premieres, nonetheless, I was stoopid.

Now, he did not hid the fact that he dated other women, but I knew I had a chance because I was in grad school for my Ph.D. and surely brains overruled beastily beauties--or silicone parts. Was I wrong...

Eventually, he impregnated this women who use to be married to another much more famous NFL player that was crafty. Moreover, she was not African American and at that time, I had issues with that fact.

Moreover, I found out this chick was pregnant by seeing her at 9 months. :eek:

Needless to say, I was forced to let go. That was why the team lost the Superbowl that year because he couldn't pay attention to his job. He later got traded with lower funds because no money is guaranteed in the NFL...

As for me, I got my Ph.D., relocated and am married to a extraordinary man who does not have children. I am truly blessed.

If I was single these days, I would not date a man with multiple children--or who has a latex/durex allergy. I can see if the man was married and had a child then got divorced. I could see if the man has older children out of the house and is restarting. But I do have a problem with a "random inseminator" and leaves the relationship.

I guess, what I am saying, I looked for somebody who could provide be a strong loving relationship, not just a cute butt :rolleyes: , then went from there.

Good thread to resurrect!

That was funny AKAMonet! People get what they deserve in life. I have a similar story. I was in love with a man when I was in my early 20's. He told me about the 8 year old son that he had but only because the boy lived down the street from me. What he didn't tell me was that he had another 2 year old son who lived around the corner from him. He didn't tell me until we had been together around 3 months. I was hurt but nevertheless I stayed in the relationship because I was of the same mindset that I would win out because I was the "educated" one. This baby mama had an 8th grade education, was raised on welfare and currently on welfare herself.

Well after he stood me up numerous times and other incidents involving this child, I finally broke up with him about a year later. It was obvious to me that he was still involved with her. About 10 years later I run into him and he had ended up living with her and had a daughter. He couldn't stop bragging about this "golden child" son of his that he broke my heart for. Now I understand that this is his child and he should love him and think the world of him but I was still hurt to hear him talk like this and he never apologized for hurting me back then. Oh his son was "this" and "that" and an honor student, etc...

Two years ago his obituary was in the paper. The golden child got caught up with the wrong crowd and his murder remains unsolved.

My advice to younger women is to break it off if he doesn't tell you up front about his child. I don't care how good the sex is or whatever, cause if he lies about his own flesh and blood he aint no good for you.

Sorors and sisterfriends,

Since we are talking about BD and BM, it seems from the thread that not too many of us would have a problem with dating a person with children with certain stipulations like them revealing that info upfront and taking care of them, etc. Would you feel the same way if it were your younger sister or daughter who wanted to date a man with children? What if the man was a good guy who takes care of his children, would you want him dating your younger sister or daughter?

If I had a younger sister and she chose to date a man with children, I will be honest, I would not like it, but I could not stop it. Especially if she is older in her late 20's and 30's+.

Let me flip it. I have a younger brother, he has a son, if he dated a Black woman with 1 kid that is ~3+ years old, I would not have issues. But, if he dated any kinna woman who had a <3 month old infant... I would have a BIG problem with that. But, then he's old enough to do his own thang because he is 35 years old and he can make is bed and lie in it...

That woman would have to have a "magic coochie" for my brother to worship the ground she walks on.

Then again, my brother does not believe in baby's mama's although he, himself, has a son.

This was the situation with the guy I dated. He was a few years older than me.

@ Incontrollable, I think the circumstances surrounding the birth of the child would determine how I felt about my sister dating a man with children. If he were around her age and had children, I would wonder about him. If, however, he were older and perhaps had been married, that would change my perception of the situation. Bottom line, I think his behavior towards his children would ultimately determine how I felt about the relationship; and, of course, my sister is grown, so I can't tell her anything. :)

I know for sure if my sister was 18 -23, I would be upset if she brought a man home who has kids. I wouldn't care if he acquired the kids from being married or not. I feel that 18 is to young to fulfill the role of step parent which she would have to do if they got serious. JMO.

Does it really matter how the person got the kids? I mean, shoudn't the emphasis be on whether or not the person is taking care of his kids? I would rather date a man with 2 kids from 2 different women that is taking care of his kids vs. a man with 2 kids from the same woman who is a dead beat dad. Don't get me wrong, I know there are men who make it their business to try to increase the earth's population and they are definitely the one's to avoid because they are irresponsible. But what about the man who was in 2 different committed relationships which resulted in children. Should we ignore him because of the 2 different BMs?

my children are grown and expect any man I date have the same or none with no plans of having any...

I was at a wedding where the bride-- was about 19-- and was marring a man that was about 20 years older, he had grown children-- and grandchildren

:rolleyes: