Tricky sorority-side rush question
 

Hey all...I've found myself in somewhat of a sticky situation, and I was hoping you could offer up some advice.

I'm the VP Recruitment for my chapter, and I've been setting up rush pairs this summer. Because our chapter is large, not everyone gets to rush every round...but there's this one girl I'm reluctant to let rush at all.

This girl, while a really nice person with a great personality, is in all probability suffering from an eating disorder. She is extremely extremely skinny. While we are trying to give her the support she needs and help her get healthier...while her well-being is obviously the top concern, at the same time I'm nervous about the impression she'll give off during rush. Appearances aside, she'd be a great rusher, but I'm afraid she'll make the potential new members uncomfortable. Also, as much as it sucks to admit it, rush is often a very superficial process. It just takes one PNM commenting to her friends about the super-skinny girl in such-and-such chapter, and boom, we're the anorexic house. It doesn't help that such a rumor feeds into one of the more commonplace stereotypes about sorority women in general.

At this point, I'm leaning towards letting her know ahead of time that she won't be rushing anyone and having her help out in the kitchen or something (where there will be about 15 other people, so at least she won't be alone). I would LOVE to be able to let her rush...but at the same time, I can't pretend like every PNM will take the high road and not judge her, and the house by extension, based on her appearance.

Any advice anyone has would be great. None of the recent VPRs have dealt with anything like this issue, so I'm kind of making this up as I go along.

Jeez, what a quagmire...I don't envy you.

Honestly, I'd be hurt if my chapter asked me to stay in the kitchen (ironic for someone with an eating disorder, no?). Perhaps you should pair her up with a sister who is more on the "healthy" side of weight, even "heavy", and go for diversity in your other pairs as well. Diversity of body types, ethnicities, religions...show off that your chapter can't be typed by one girl.

On a side note, are you CERTAIN, as in 100 percent, swear on the bible, certain that she has an eating disorder and not a digestive problem or an endocrine disorder? One of my great friends is unbelievably skinny due to a stomach disorder that leaves her unable to keep food down most of the time, and therefore making her skinny. She's also a dancer, which means that people are constantly whispering about her weight, but she can't help it. Sooo...I guess what I'm saying is be tactful and find out what is REALLY going on, maybe not you directly, but perhaps her big sister or the house mom. And even then, DO NOT spread it to the house, even if it is a medical problem. Once again, discretion is the key.

If she is going to be a good recruiter then you should definately let her on the floor in one of your pairings. I think this for many reasons.

First, she is a sister the same as the other women and should be given the chance to help choose her new sisters just like anyone else - unless she has turettes (sp?) or can't help talking about things that don't pertain to recruitment (boys, booze etc). She should be able to recruit loke everyone else.

Second, what kind of message is this sending to PNM's that we "hide" the women we don't want them to see in the kitchen??? Big, small, tall, short they are all our sisters and we should be proud of all of our chapter. Yes, I know this is hard at times, but we should still all try.

Third, what kind of message is this sending to your sister if she does have an eating disorder? Eating disorders are caused by a variety of things, but I seem to hear that predominately it is a lack of self-worth or value and in some cases a feeling of disgust by what your body looks like. By putting her into the kitchen you are reinforcing that she is not valuable enough to help recruit new members and that possible it is b/c of the way she looks.

None of these are things that we want to happen in our chapters. If you really feel under pressure to not have her recruit, speak with your Membership Advisor or Chapter Advisor. If you truely think this woman has an eating disorder then you need to speak to them anyway.

Like PhoenixAzul said...are you 100% certain that she has an eating disorder.

Since i'm not in a sorority... i guess i could tell you how i would react. My first reaction would be wow she's thin, but I wouldn't automatically assume she was anorexic. I have several friends who are on the fraile side, but they are nowhere near anorexic.

Even if you lock her in the kitchen, there is no guarantee that one superficial PNM wouldn't see her. Even if she was anorexic, maybe she could reach out to another PNM who had the same problem or was contemplating anorexia. What would happen if you had a sister that was obese? Would you hide her just because you don't want the stigma of being the "fat house?" People will say what they will, no matter how much you dont want it. Let her rush...if I was rushing your group, I would 100% guarantee that i would drop you just because one sister was anorexic.

I know its not a real good way of thinking, but if I was in the situation I would think if they are gonna drop us for that superficial reason, we don't want them.

First things first!

You have a sister who you think is suffering from a deadly disorder, and you're worried about how she'll look to PNMs?!?!?!?! Are any sisters coming alongside of her, and seeing if she indeed has anorexia? If she does, has anyone thought of making sure she gets the help she needs? Because if she does have anorexia so badly that she looks that awful, the chances are good that a good therapist will make sure that she's in a hospital, getting the care that she needs!

Hiding her in the kitchen would only increase her anxiety level and make her feel more inadequate.

If you or your sisters can't get through to her, and her family doesn't seem to care, talk to your alumnae about getting her help. This is a very real and nasty condition!!! We had a sister who managed to get herself down to 48#, and has to report for a weigh-in every six months to avoid being committed, even to this day. I hope you can show a little sisterhood to her before she gets that far gone!

If she is anorexic, she may not be willing to admit it. She's the only one who can get help for herself -- nobody can make sure she gets help if she's not ready.

I guess I wouldn't assume that they're NOT trying to help her. They might be, and the rush issue is just something else they're dealing with right now.

I thought of that after I reread the original post, and realized that I came down somewhat hard. But then I remember what "Susie" looked like, the last time I saw her - she was so gaunt, so aged, I had to excuse myself and throw up (honestly). And I suppose if I had to do that, so would a PNM.

So, I admit that I was speaking from emotion, but surely there's something that this sister can do, that won't set her back even further?

BTW, the easiest way to get her unwanted help is to find a mental health facility that's attached to a regular hospital, and somehow get her to visit. A qualified therapist can have her committed within minutes.

On a different note, one of my pledge sisters had come out of the hospital just weeks before she went through recruitment. She looked awful - I remember thinking that her legs looked the size of my arms - but she found women that appreciated her for what she was inside not what she looked like outside. She eventually got back to a healthy weight and also became a leader in our chapter.

I agree with everyone else (in general). The most important thing right now is to just be her loving sisters and lift her up enough to the point where she's ready to get help if she needs it (and if it's not what you think, figure out what it is). And I say if she's up to the job, then you should be, too! Just put enough different body types out there to let all your PNMs know that there's a lot of diversity in this house. After that don't worry about it. What if the PNMs don't make a big deal about until they see you keep glancing at your sister? The last thing you'd want is for everything to go fine until you bring attention to it! ;) Remember, girls can be judgemental, but they can be impressionable too--especially if they're trying to prove they'd be a good fit for a sorority. I've never been through a rush, but I know that if I was unsure of how to act to impress a sorority, I'd probably take my cues from them. If you act like everything's fine, they'll probably follow suit. Until then, I'll pray for your sister and whatever condition she might be in.

We have tried to help her...numerous times. The trouble is at this point she's not willing to admit that she has a problem. She has a small frame to begin with, so there's a lot she can kind of excuse away. We're hoping that once she moves into the house, it will become easier to keep an eye on her behavior and get a better idea of how to handle it.

I want to re-emphasize that my, and the whole chapter's, primary concern is with her health. I wish I didn't have to think about it from a rush standpoint at all, but that's kind of the position I've been placed in. In large part, I wanted to figure out how to handle this in the best way possible as to not make her situation worse.

I really appreciate all the input...I think I'm going to talk to her pledge mom, who knows her better than I do, to get her opinion on things.

would it be possible to have her assist you with the paperwork? a job helping keep up with recommendations and checking and rechecking the invitation lists might help her self esteem, and make your job a little easier. at the same time, she might be able to circulate the room, joining groups to meet pnms when she can be spared.

I would hate it if I was not allowed to rush, however, if it was to help out the chapter I would get over it. Apperance is very important during recruitment and also very superficial. If she is a good rusher I would let her rush girls. First you need to make sure if she does have an eating disorder or if she is just naturally like that. You and the rest of your exec. council should decide if she could rush or not.

Tricky question
 

As someone who once struggled with anorexia and was skinny for years before and after I have quite a few thoughts on this dilemma.

First, she is not receiving treatment for her eating disorder and you need to get her help immediately! Consult with advisor on how to do this but her parents need to get involved. I was saved when a friend called my mother. I know it sounds strange but my mom simply couldn't see what was going on, she was too close to the situation. It was a horrible moment but ultimately it stopped my anorexia before it was completely out of hand.

Second, once she has acknowledged her problem and is working through it then I think that if she's a great rusher and can handle the duties, put her out there! Your life is so much easier when you have a rusher you don't have to worry about.

I was in college before I could really talk about my struggles. It was during a standards program in chapter one evening that I saw the hands of 1/3 of my sisters go up when asked if anyone had struggled with an eating disorder. For the first time in many years, I no longer felt alone. The longer we force people to be ashamed of eating disorders, the longer we will see people we care about suffer.

Lastly, as an advisor, I have seen more young ladies than I'd like to count suffer from eating disorders. I think the earlier suggestion to have her help with paperwork and invitations is great, but please don't just relegate her to a backroom. You never know who a PNM will connect with during recruitment, having this sister out during the parties could help a girl say, "Hey she's like me." It could make all the difference in the world.

For you, your sister and your whole chapter, I sincerely hope she finds the help and support she needs.

Fraternally,
CrownSister

That's true. Been there, and I know what I'm talking about.

That said, though, I don't really know what to tell you. Yes, rush is superficial and she might be judged harshly by some PNMs, but she's also a sister of your chapter so she should have the opportunity to rush just like everybody else. I think this is something you're going to have to sort of play by ear--it may sort itself out.

I know you wanted input on what to do during Recruitment, but to me that's the least of my worries. I'm glad you and the rest of your Chapter are trying to help your sister. It's none of my business, but what exactly have you done to help her?

As an advisor I've unfortunately dealt with this situation more times than I care to recall. There is no right way to do it, but there are several things that can be tried. No matter what you all do, it may won't matter until she is ready to face her problems herself. But that doesn't mean you should stop trying to get through to her.

First and foremost, contact your University's health center and speak to someone who specializes in eating disorders. Sadly it is such a prevalent problem now days that I would be shocked if any University did not have someone on staff who is trained in this area. If for some bizarre reason they didn't, I'm sure they would know of some health care people in the area that could help.

Our University has a "crisis committee". It's made up of various admin and staff that have been trained to deal with a variety of student problems including: eating disorders, alcohol/substance abuse, domestic abuse, and a variety of other psychological disorders. They have protocols and health care contacts already in place to aid students in trouble.

As already suggested, perhaps a speaker could be brought in to discuss this with the entire Chapter. Perhaps she (or anyone else suffering that you don't know about) might be reached and then be willing to seek out help on her own. Not likely, but there's always that possiblity.

Has anyone talked to her directly about the problem? We have asked close friends or big sisters to approach a member in as positive and non-threatening manner as possible. The key though is that those friends need to be prepared ahead of time to know what to say and what not to. Guidance in this can usually come from those folks mentioned above.

Someone needs to contact her parents to make sure they are aware of the situation. In the past we (the sorority) were not allowed to do this because of the Buckley Ammendment that basically said that anyone over 18 was an adult and contacting their parents would be a violation of their privacy. However according to a presentation given by Peter Lake (an attorney who specializes in legal issues facing Universities and Greeks), recent court rulings have changed things. The legal standard is now "What would a resonable person do?" In this case, a reasonable person would inform a student's parents. It could even be argued that if parents are not informed about a known health situation/crisis that there would be cause for a liablity action.

However, talking to Mom or Dad doesn't always help either. We once had a situation where Mom suffered from the same problem. Her daughter had collapsed and was taken to the ER. Mom refused to accept that her daughter had a problem and instead insisted it was the flu. Dad was just as detached about the whole thing. So sad.

I hate to use this route, but we have in the past when other things have failed. Our standards code is written so that we have the authority to require a member to attend councelling whether it be for situations like this or others that are detrimental to a member. We've only done this twice in my memory, once for alcohol abuse and the other for the above situation. It didn't work in the first instance and the member turned in her pin. But it did with the second. The member came back later and thanked us for requiring her to seek councelling. At first she didn't want to go and only went because we made her. She said by about the 3rd or 4th session things started to "click" and she admitted to herself she had a problem. She started dealing with her problem and wanted to get her Mom help as well.

Something else and I hate to say this because it sounds so harsh and uncaring, but as an advisor it is my responsibility to look after the well being of the entire Chapter in addition to the individual members. You mentioned you are all looking forward to her moving into the house so that you can "keep an eye on her behavior and get a better idea of how to handle it." This might not be a good idea and I was actually told by our org's Grand President (who conferred with a lawyer) that we should not knowingly allow a member with an eating disorder to move into our house.

I'm sure some folks will think not only is that cold, but possibly discriminatory. However, there's a major risk management/legal liability issue here. In our particular case the member in question suffered from bulemia. Her purging placed all the other members and cleaning staff in jeopordy for health risks. Plus, if God forbid she collapsed in her room, nobody found her and she died, we could be held liable because we knew she was at risk. It's a double edged sword, you have to help the sister with problems while at the same time protect the rest of the Chapter.

I guarantee you are not alone in dealing with this problem. I strongly urge you or your President to contact your Advisor and/or nat'l officer to find out how to proceed. In addition, contact your University health care facility. This girl needs help and as her sisters, you must do everything in your power to get her that help. She may not want to do it, but then again she may be so touched by your concern that she's now ready to face it. I pray this is the case.

But unless she has admitted the disorder and is in treatment for it, they don't know for sure she has an eating disorder. It's not like having cancer where you have a written diagnosis from a doctor.

I understand what you're saying, but unless we're talking someone who's been actually hospitalized or treated I doubt anything legal would hold weight.

It sounds like the women are trying to help her and she makes excuses and denies having a problem. Honestly, if I were in that situation -- if I had a problem and denied it when confronted, if anybody went to student health or called my parents behind my back, I would be LIVID. I would probably leave the sorority and never talk to them again -- that's how angry I would be. Whether it's legal or not (and I wouldn't be too quick to make assumptions about that because the law differs from state to state), it might not always be a good idea.

I'm sorry, I don't understand uber competitive rush. But she is your sister, you need to be supportive and not hide her like a bad habit. Maybe she is only roated in once, and maybe that is during the first time so the PNMs are overwhelmed to begin with and it won't get too noticed or you do it at the end when they've been through a few parties and start to relax. Whatever. But to hide her is just sad.

I think sisterhood is reality. There is nothing perfect or ideal in it. It is the real world where people have problems and being part of the sorority means working with the issues your sisters face. A woman who is going to cut you because you have an anorexic sister? I personally would say good riddens. Why do you need such a judgemental snob in your house? Besides, someone who does have such and issue is probably not going to be helpful in helping this anorexic sister deal with her issues and if she is loud could make it much much harder.

I wouldn't mix people based on diversity, go for personality compliments. To be honest, if you put her next to someone overweight she will look worse. Her personality will probably be what comes out the most and remember that it isn't like she is a transvestite, she's anorexic. Chances are that the PNMs have seen, know or have personal experice with this. Give her a chance.

The basic approach we've tried is to have people in the chapter who are close to her voice their concerns. However, she's not willing to admit that there's a problem...most of the weight loss she'll attribute to training for a fitness event (marathon, triathalon, etc.). So we're not just sitting around and waiting for the issue to resolve itself, but until she's willing to ask for help, we're pretty limited in our options.

As far as having a speaker come and talk to us, as she's not able to acknowledge that she has a problem, I sincerely doubt that listening to one is going to bring about that ephiphany moment where she realizes that she needs to get help. We've had similar programs in the past, and there have been several campus programs recently that have addressed eating disorders, so I doubt that one more is going to make much of a difference.

Not allowing her to move into the house would be, in my opinion, extremely counterproductive. All legal issues aside, by yanking away her place to live, we'd be adding a nice topping of stress to her life in addition to everything that she must already be going through. In past cases of this issue (though nowhere near as extreme) in the chapter, living in has been really helpful. For example, our house mom has talked to parents of girls we/ she has been worried about.


And as far as the rushing deal goes...I think we're putting her in as a bump (floater) in one of the first two stages. After that, we do a lot of specialty rushing, so she'll be talking to girls she's made a connection with already...no worries about those who are on the superficial side (and who might tell tales to their friends) being paired with her.

Sorry this is so long...I have a verbosity problem.

Understandably. But when you talk about mental health - under which anorexia falls - student health or a doctor or clinic have an obligation to report her, if not 302 (commit) her.

It's actually easier to do this to someone than most people think (even for a non-professional), once you know the system.

Right, which is why I would be BEYOND ANGRY if someone reported my problem to student health or a doctor.

I mean, sure it's possible that reporting her to student health or a doctor could result in her getting treatment, thanking her sisters and living happily ever after. It could also result in her quitting the sorority and losing what might be the only support network she has, or worse. I just don't think it's safe for a bunch of people on a message board to be telling the original poster that she must report this girl's problems to someone -- I don't think it's that simple, and want to present the other side.

Discussing the situtation, while keeping her name private, with someone who is WELL trained in this area could maybe help. But the OP asked us about rush advice, not helping with the anorexia, maybe we should trust they are doing what they can at this point.

Eating disorder-related websites
 

I know this is a little off-topic, but I PM'd a few of these links to Hownowbrowncow and thought some others on this board might find them helpful.

SomethingFishy.org is a comprehensive website supporting eating disorders recovery.

Gurze.net is a website selling e.d.-related materials - books, videos, etc.

EDReferral.com is a database of eating disorders professionals to help you find one in your area.

National Eating Disorders Association is a huge philanthropic organization related to eating disorders awareness, prevention, and recovery.

ANRED (Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders, Inc.) tons of information about specific eating disorders (not just anorexia) - symptoms, statistics, causes, and warning signs, as well as more specific topics (such as eating disorders and pregnancy, diabetes and eating disorders, etc.).

Sad... if I remember correctly, the number of college women with symptoms of bulimia (if not the disorder) is like 1 in 5.

Hownowbrowncow,

Just to play devil's advocate for a minute, let's say her excuses make perfect sense (and they do, really). Is there any other proof that you have that would be reason to tell an authority, or make any other moves to get her treatment? Have you seen any behavior that might back up your suspicions other than "she's extremely skinny?" I'm just trying to help--b/c if you are really serious about getting her help, you're going to have a lot of explaining to do. Before anyone will stick their neck out and intervene in this young woman's life, they're going to need really good reasons and a bunch of them. Look up the "signs" of someone who may have anorexia and see if they apply to your sister, then you'll seem more credible and have more of a reason to do whatever it is you plan to do. Because if you aren't 1,000% positive that her problem isn't some sort of illness or stress or training, then your case won't be solid when you lobby to get her help. It could majorly backfire and her trust in you guys could disappear and that's the last thing any of us want for her.

Maybe this seems ridiculously simple, but have you asked this woman if she wants to participate in recruitment? As I believe someone mentioned earlier, many times women with eating disorders suffer from esteem issues. Maybe she would rather not be judged by others during rush? AND you could talk to her about this without debating her (potential) eating disorder.

A little over a year ago a left a residential treatment center for my eating disorder. At the time I left I was very involved with a co-ed honor fraternity, they were as a group unsupportive and pushed me away because of what they thought people would think. No one offered help or anything of the nature. Because of the way I was treated, I kept in touch with some of the brothers but in general I wanted nothing to do with the group when I returned. I joined a social sorority when I returned, and when I was going through recruitment I was still visibly sick. I was still quite underweight and exhibiting many of the signs of an anorexic, and some of the groups were quick to release me, but I found my home because I found a group that was willing to support me during the rest of my recovery.

Letting her participate in recruitment (if she wants to) may help her gain self-esteem or help her reach out to someone going through recruitment with the same problem (if she does truly have an ED). But to just push her out to some extent will make her feel that she has no one left or that she's a failure. The worst thing for someone with an ED, because it just reinforces the eating disorder and that she's not good enough.

On top of that, someone said that it's very easy to commit someone with anorexia or bulimia, truthfully it may be easy to get them committed for 72 hours in a psych. ward but this will do little to help them and may actually reinforce their behavior or make them close themself off to even more people. Getting someone real help is difficult, going through proceedings to force someone into treatment rarely work in most states because of the information required to get them court ordered into a program. (I'm saying this from personal experience and things I learned from others in my treatment programs). I had a heart attack before I could be forced into anything, and even then, they could only keep me in the cardiac icu. I had to agree to going inpatient into a facility for eating disorders.

My advice, talk to her and be there for her. Suggest but don't force anything because keeping the lines of communication open is more important than anything.

honeychile, once someone is over 18 it is very very difficult to force them into treatment for an eating disorder. You essentially have to go through the court system and convince the judge that this person is basically slowly killing themselves -- and that is harder than it sounds. Most women who don't get treatment for their eating disorders before age 18 never go, and even then, it is practically always because they've chose to make a change. As the poster above said, a therapist may be able to get them committed briefly, but that will do nothing for the eating disorder -- in fact, I bet that 9 times out of 10 it would make it worse.

Personally, while I understand the dilemma, I think it would be a bad idea to put her in the kitchen. Speaking as someone who has suffered from eating disorders, I would have had a breakdown if my chapter had tried to put me in the kitchen. No matter what reason they gave me for it, I would convince myself that it was because I was too fat. While I agree that first impressions are important during rush, and this girl may give off the wrong impression, if you treat her like something's wrong it probably will affect her mental health -- and I'm assuming that's not something you want on your conscience.

I like the idea of pairing her up with a rusher who is healthy looking, but if that's not possible, I would honestly just proceed as if everything is normal. Chances are that unless she's frighteningly sick-looking -- i.e. she looks like a cancer victim -- the rushees will probably not even notice. Even if she's really thin, they may just assume it's genetic. You may be taking the rush portion of this too seriously. If I was rushing a house and was rushed by a very skinny girl, even if I did realize that she had an eating disorder, I wouldn't let that reflect on the house itself. Given the staggering number of women with eating disorders, there probably isn't a sorority on campus that doesn't have at least one girl with an eating disorder.

For those of you advocating "getting help" for this girl -- while your intentions are in the right place, you have to realize that eating disorders are extremely complicated and some of your behavior may just be fueling the problem. For example, there are some women who use their eating disorders to seek attention, and any interventions or attention from professionals may just push her to starve herself further. When I got attention from people for being "too thin" or my friends told me that they were worried that I didn't eat, I secretly felt proud of myself and vowed to go even further with my eating disorder. Other times, girls use eating disorders as a way to deal with difficult family relationships, and contacting her parents may just lead to drama/fights/issues that will push her even deeper into using the eating disorder as a coping method. I know both of the above were true for me. And if the sorority tries to push things beyond this girl's comfort level (by contacting her parents or pushing incessant e.d.-related programming on the chapter or whatever), she may end up getting so upset with them that she might leave the sorority, and then you'd have no way of helping her.

Of course, you don't want to let this girl deal with her issues in a vacuum, and sororities can be a very positive vehicle for helping women with eating disorders (contrary to popular sorority stereotypes, when our chapter president had an eating disorder a few years ago, it was her sorority sisters who convinced her to seek help for it). But usually help for eating disorders comes in a more passive form, rather than an aggressive one. When someone is over 18, it's almost impossible to force them to get help, and if they're far enough into the eating disorder, any attempts to force them into treatment will likely end up in them cutting ties with the "forcer" instead -- whether that person is their mother, their boyfriend, or their sorority sister. It's sad, but almost any action that is meant to help someone will in fact usually push them further into eating disordered behaviors. As valkyrie said above, once someone is over 18, it is pretty much up to them to decide they need help.

This sounds really shallow in light of the last two wonderful posts, but something else to consider is what you're wearing. You might want to go with pants and shirts that cover a little bit more rather than short shorts and strapless sundresses.

Actually, it's not shallow at all. I know I dressed to hide my eating disorder. So, having the outfits cover more might make her more comfortable and make it harder for the PNMs to notice how skinny she might be.

I also wanted to let you know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your chapter in this difficult time. Please, stay strong and be there for her in any way you can.

I don't necessarily know if this woman will be upset if you confront her parents with your suspicions. One of my sisters when I was a collegiate suffered from anorexia and it was another one of our chapter members who told her mom about what was going on. If the she hadn't said anything, my other sister most likely would not have gotten treatment and would not be here today. I think she may have been a little annoyed at first, but she did remain active throughout her treatment and recovery. We all cried when we watched her eat her first french fry out of treatment. In fact, our senior year, she was the senior speaker at our preference and in her speech, she basically said that if it weren't for Zeta, she would be dead, so this is something to think about. She may be annoyed at first, but you will ultimately be saving her life.

One thing to really look at is too find out who in the chapter she's closest too and let them if anyone talk to her family or her. It's easier in the end to be accepting, but at the onset of letting this "secret" out, she may have a harder time accepting it from someone she doesn't see as a close friend. But always talk to her first directly, don't go behind her back without giving her some opportunity to open up. You don't know for sure that she isn't struggling still but getting help. She may just feel uncomfortable talking openly right now about being therapy or other such treatment options.

My thoughts and prayers are still with y'all.

I'm sure that the laws in each state differ, but what we did with our sister was to have a few of us feel like we needed throat cultures and/or birth control, and managed to convince her to come along. Once she was in the hands of the Student Health, well, it was out of our hands. None of us reported her, the Student Health Clinic did - and got her into the court system. Again, we didn't put her there, the hospital did.

And, from what I understand, she's still in the court system, and must report for weigh-ins on a regular basis.

I so agree!!

My sister-in-law passed away from this 2 mos ago
 

All of you have offered really great advice in offering help to this chapter for their sister. HOWNOWBROWNCOW, I am sure you and your sisters will take their advice to heart and help your sister to get help..and to be quite frank, SCREW what PNMs think. My sister-in-law died two months ago from her battle with bullemia/anorexia...leaving behind a small child who will never know her mom. Continue to FOCUS on the health of your sister and forget all of the superficial crap that goes along with rush for now.