Help!
 

Hi guys, I'm in a bit of a jam and I hope you guys can guide me in the right direction. This is going to be long. Here's my story:

I started college at a large state university (state) in the fall of 2003. I went through recruitment and was initiated into a national sorority (lets call it XYZ). I loved my school, loved my pledge class, and absolutely adored everything about my sorority. Unfortunately, in the spring of 2004, due to extenuating circumstances, I had to transfer to a smaller school without as large a greek system as the college I had previously attended, in order to be closer to home. There was no chapter of XYZ at my new school, and that was fine. I had way too much going on in my personal life to even think about getting involved in something as time consuming as a sorority. Aside from that, I was well aware of the NPC rule that states you can't be initiated into more than one group, and I really didn't want to anyway. I missed XYZ and desperately wanted to return to state U.

Unfortunately, as the semester went by I realized that it would be impossible to return to state. I still kept in touch with the sisters of XYZ through im/phone, but it wasn't the same as having a physical sisterhood. I checked out the alumnae group of my sorority, but everyone was a college graduate and I was not. I wasn't even 21 at the time so I couldn't go to happy hour or really relate to the sisters who were closest to my age (they had careers, were getting married, etc). Anywho, I started hanging out with some girls at my new school who were members of local sorority (lets call them ABC) with a rich history and all was well. They bidded me and I accepted. They had no problem with the fact that I was a member of a national and I was thrilled that I would finally have a sisterhood like I had state. Albeit, the sorority wasn't as large as the one at state, but that didn't matter. I had a wonderful time becoming a sister of ABC and I became a really active member in the sorority. I was elected onto the executive board as soon as I was eligible.

Flashforward to Spring 2005, it was about a year after I had been initiated into ABC when the chapter decided that IT wanted to go national after so many years of being a local. I was shocked and disappointed. I had a 1/26 shot of being able to go through initiation and ritual with the rest of my sisters in ABC. Knowing that I was a sister of XYZ and that the only way I'd be able to participate was if we became XYZ, the president of ABC contacted XYZ headquarters and told them that they were interested in becoming a colony. I also wrote a letter to XYZ talking the chapter up and saying how I could be of assistance because I am an initiated sister of XYZ. Unfortunately, XYZ was not interested in colonizing at my school due to our chapter's smaller size. I was crushed.

ABC continued to look for a national and eventually three came to present for us. They chose DEF. In the fall they will be going through the pledging/new member process and I won't be a part of it. Unless... the girls said they "wouldn't tell" anyone that I was an intiated member of XYZ and that if I wanted, I could go through the process with them. I don't know what to do. I loved my short time spent at XYZ and I don't want to renounce my membership, but at the same time I feel closer to my sisters in ABC than I do with the sisters of XYZ (probably because my active membership of XYZ was short-lived) and I just don't know what to do. When ABC goes national I (probably) won't be able to go to formal chapter(depending on how it's set up, at XYZ I wasn't allowed to attend formal chapter until after I was initiated), ritual, and be privy to something that they'll all share. They said that I can still hang out an do all activities with them, but I know it won't be the same. Do you guys have any advice?

I know what the right thing to do is, but my heart is telling me something else. Ahhhhhh.

Hello and welcome!

Sometimes it's easier on a person when there's no choice to make, isn't it? Especially when it's a choice between what you WANT to do and what you SHOULD do. I'm sorry you're in this difficult situation.

Instead of giving you the stock answer, "don't do it!", I'm going to tell you that this is something you need to decide on your own. The only thing I can add is that I've never known a secret known to an entire chapter of sorority women to stay a secret for long.

Best of luck in your situation :)

I agree with KillarneyRose. I don't think that kind of secret would remain secret for long. You know what the right thing to do is.
Besides, why should you renounce your friendships with these women even if they belong to another sorority?

so ur abc sisters know that u were once in xyz?

I mean if the organization is a npc org no matter what you will get found out wont you? so do you really have an option?

sounds like your not going to be apart of the chartering process which i kno sucks but i dont think you can really do anything about it.

Its against rules to be a member of another npc org if you have already been in one. so yea...u dont really have any options.

you could contact npc or somethin but i doubt that would make a difference

Isn't there a way that she would be grandfathered in to both of them due to the circumstances?

Absolutely not. She IS a member of the first one. She can nvever be a member of a second NPC. If she initiates into a second NPC, and is found out (and you will be found out eventually) she will lose her membership in BOTH forever. That is the rule. I do not think the sisters of the first group would be very understanding of her joining a second even if the second is OK with it all. It is better to not risk being kicked out of both. That would be devastating.

Ditto what KillarneyRose said. It's so easy to say "don't do it', but only you can make the decision that is right for you. I can't imagine how difficult a position you must be in, so I'll just say good luck.

I think AST has a clause, and I'm not sure if other groups do, where you have have an 'honorary' sister. This would be a woman who first attendend College X, rushed and initiated into XYZ. She then decides to transfer to College Y where there is no chapter of her national. The AST chapter can invite her to attend chapter and all non-ritual sorority events. I think she would pay local dues, the only thing is that she does not get to vote or get to be at ritual. I would liken it to social membership. I only have a rough understanding of how it works, but it may be worth seeing if this is an option for you. I'm not sure how common it is.

I know you feel like with the new sorority you won't share the same things as your sisters, but remember that you still have the local experience. You don't need to give up your friends just because they couldn't go XYZ.

Good Luck. I hope this helps. Feel free to pm me if you have questions.

I don't want to get your hopes up because I have no idea how this works or if it is an option for other sororities.

I know I'm going to get flamed for this one, but I don't care.

If ritual had as much weight as you are investing it with, wouldn't you automatically feel closer to the other sisters of XYZ you've met instead of becoming so close to ABC?

Those are always going to be your sisters no matter if you are in different national sororities because you created that bond in ABC. There are lots of different ways to be sisters.

What do the values and ritual of XYZ and ABC guide you to do?

If you don't go through the chartering process with them, you can still guide them and participate in certain activities with them while showing true panhellenic spirit and being a great example for other women.

Live that ritual...you will know what the right decision is.

PsychTau

there you go! i think every group has honorary status just most dont use it to often.

No.

zta does not have honorary sisters

no what?

[edit] ohhhh i see what u mean [/edit]

Even when we want someone to join us who is older and established and deemed "sister material" (for example, actress Florence Henderson), that person goes through the Initiation Ritual just like the rest of us. There are no "honorary" Delta Zetas.

DG doesn't have honoraries either, only alumnae initiates.

(Other DGs please correct me if I am wrong.)

Basically When You become an Initiated Member of Any Glo of National Status, You will be a Member of that GLO.

Keeping it a secret is lying. Disrespect can from many avenues.

You as an Initiated Memeber have been through and know the Secrets.

So, now comes a very important point, Why Not Try To Start a Group who would be of interest to Said National?

Most are looking to expand and colonize.:D

The best in your quest!

Not only that, but I imagine that if your ABC sisters try to keep your XYZ affiliation a secret, they would be in serious trouble / not able to charter.

NPC sororities have honor and alum initiates. BUT all that means is that they are initiated as alumnae IE Non-collegiate or as honor initiated some member thought that person to be of high value morally, done awesome things in their etc.... but they are initiated members of the sorority as is a traditional collegiate member.

I know our sorority does not permit "social membership" which is basically what you would have if you could not attend rituals b/c of your prior initiation. I assume most National GLO's have the same policy.

You should do the honorable thing and not be a part of the process but you can still be a sister and support the women. After all we are all Sorority Sisters even if we are not in the same chapter.

As has been previously stated, that is NOT true. Very very few NPCs have honor initiates, and only some AI on a regular basis.

Well, I for one being a Member of said Sorority would defenitly want to know why The Charter was pulled!

What and Why would be the first questions. Get Alums involved, they may have a little more pull.

Not knowing all of the circumstances, and the few posts by this individual I am coming to wonder how much She is really that interested?

Tom, read a little closer.........

Nowhere does she say anything about a charter being pulled.

OOPs
 

SmartBlondeGPhB, correcto MUNDO!


Thinking in and of anohter Thread.:(

Going to fix dinner now!:cool:

Thanks everyone for the great advice. I knew all along what the "right" thing to do was, I just wanted to express my frustration and see if anyone had any other opinions to offer. I have decided to follow the rules. It's an unfortunate situation, yes, but upon further examination, the negatives outweigh the positives in terms of being a member of both XYZ and DEF. I was initiated into XYZ and it's a damn fine organization and one that I am proud to be a sister of. PyschTau had me thinking about living the ritual and that's when I realized that I would never feel comfortable with myself if I did get initiated into DEF.

I spoke to my ABC sisters (because they were the ones who put the idea in my head) and they understand that it would be unethical for me to try and go through the colonization process. When I brought up the fact that their charter would be revoked if nationals ever found out about the situation, they realized it wasn't worth it to try and beat the system. When we go back to school in the fall they're going to talk to the DEF advisors about my situation and see if a social membership would be allowed, although I doubt it will be possible. Even though I'm not going to be in DEF with them, we'll always have ABC. And it's not like I have to stop talking to them or hanging out with them. There are plenty of things to do that don't have anything to do with DEF or XYZ or ABC. Watching tv together, going out to the bars, and gong to school sporting events have nothing to do with either sorority. I'm going to be a junior now anyway, and I'm 21 now so I'm going to try and get in contact with the XYZ alumnae group again and see if I can come to meetings and maybe I'll meet some people closer to my age.

re: my very few posts on the board, I've been an avid GC reader for years, since before I even started college. I just never felt the need to post and register until this situation came out.

well, would it be possible for you to act in some sort of advisor role for your local sorority or become an early alum of their group? I don't know if the national chartering makes their past members national alum by default or what, but our alumnae chapter is pretty active and somewhat younger. Like you said, you're always going to have those girls. It's a very hard thing to take and I for one am impressed with your maturity ! :)

I'm not going to post how I really feel because I know it's not a popular opinion on GC and I don't really feel like having this same debate again -- but what I will say is that I know a girl who was in a similar situation as you are in. If I had known her before she had made the choice to double-initiate, I would have told her not to do it. Since I did not find out until after she had initiated into the second group, and I realized how much good it did for her, I absolutely supported her decision. Ultimately, some arbitrary NPC rule is not worth making yourself unhappy.

Of course, the same rule also goes in reverse -- breaking some NPC rule is not worth making yourself unhappy, and you have to realize that you are taking the risk that your secret may someday escape and you might lose membership in one or both organizations. Just keep in mind that if you decide to initiate into the second organization, you ARE taking a risk. And with so many of your sisters knowing your secret, it definitely has the chance to get out.

ps: haha, I just read the last post so most of this advice is pointless, but maybe it'll help somebody else out there who is struggling with the same issue. I think your head is in the right place here, though.

1) To answer a few of the questions or comments... if the chapter colonizes as an NPC from a local the past alums are NOT automatically also the NPC sorority members BUT can request at the initiation (usually when the chapter gets re-colonized) to be initatied and they are considered alumnae members. Many GLO's go this to support the new chapter and create advisors who know the school and help the new girls.

2) the comment about an arbitrary rule about not joining 2 NPC chapters is a vital rule. How would you like people GLO hop-ing on campus b/c they dont like their sisters and they know your ritual--which is unique to each group and what separates each group---being shared.

3) When I said Honor initiate or alum initiate they are NO DIFFERENT from the "traditional" initate at any chapter EXCEPT that they are initated as an alum ( IE: they are not in college anymore) b/c some alum/collegiate thought they would be great contributors to the GLO and want them a part of the GLO. They are under the same rights and rules as every other member and I KNOW for a fact (I have many GLO friends who are involved on a national lvl) many GLO's have them as an option. Honor not meaning "just b/c" but usually b/c they are people of honor and are initiatiated at a convention by the national council.

Ummm... who said they were different in any way? Most of us here have become fairly well versed in AI (alumnae initiation) and it's been discussed ad naseum in other forums here on GC. And that FACT that you claim to know is NOT absolutely true for every NPC group. For instance, in my own group, AI is VERY rare. There are some groups that AI is very common, there are just as many others where it is rare or nearly non-existant.

In any event, it's absolutely irrelevant to this case because she is already an intiated member of her first NPC sorority.

I did NOT say all GLO's .. I said many.

I dont "claim" anything. I say what I know based on friends experiences as national reps for their GLO's and my experiences as an advisor.


and one of the previous posts asked her if she can be an honorary sister (suggesting a difference in types of membership/initation) to attend like socials, sisterhood, etc. and not formal chapters or rituals which is why I commented about being honor initate.. FYI there are people on here who are not greeks and may not be familiar with it.

If they were good people and good sisters (and naturally did not spill details of the first group's ritual to the sisters of the second or vice versa) I wouldn't care. But the situations I spoke of earlier involve girls who initiate on one campus, then transfer to another and join a second group there.

Honestly, I can't speak with much definite authority because I don't know each NPC group's ritual, but from what I do know, they are not all that different. At their heart, they all emphasize being a good person. I don't think you'll find any significant differences from group to group.

There is nothing in the world that is ever going to convince me that that particular NPC rule is not arbitrary or that it helps more people than it hurts. Your mileage may vary, of course.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by sugar and spice
[B]If they were good people and good sisters (and naturally did not spill details of the first group's ritual to the sisters of the second or vice versa) I wouldn't care.

me neither... but there are always "bad apples" in every group unfortunately..... hopefully those members respect ritual and dont share it

I wouldn't and didn't mean to make it sound like an honorary sister, but maybe this is just wording. It is really no different than a friend who happens to come to events.

A friend who comes to events would be just that. We would never use any term with the word "member" in it to describe her. The only non-members we've had at events are friends from out of town (in town during the time of the event) and women pursuing AI.

You are either a member of Gamma Phi, or not a member of Gamma Phi. There is no in between.

Exactly!! I totally agree! You are a member or a guest... :D

Yea i see what u meant now. the honarary status confused me a bit with the rules that go along with that kind of status.
And I dont think an org would initiate someone that is already a member of an npc org as an honorary.

good luck w/ whateva comes your way aquafina.

Aquafina-

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I completely understand because it is exactly what happened to me. I attended the University of Illinois, where I pledged AOII and loved it. During my freshman year, my family moved to Oklahoma. It wasn't until a few weeks before my freshman year ended that I found out that I couldn't return to U of I. My scholarship was no longer valid because I was considered out of state, and the out of state tuition was more than I could afford. I transferred to Oklahoma State, and there was not an AOII chapter there. I was seriously bummed. Not only had I lost my sisters from U of I, but I knew NO ONE at OSU because I had never lived in Oklahoma.

I became active in a business fraternity. I won't lie to you - it isn't the same as a social sorority, but it does offer many of the same benefits of ritual, brotherhood/sisterhood, and leadership opportunities. It helped me form great friendships and get very involved in a large university.

Now I'm out of college and have 2 kids and a husband and am an active AOII alumna.

You see, Aquafina, I was only "out" of AOII for a couple of years while I finished college. Remember that you will spend way more of your life as an alumna than as an active. Don't let your wistfulness about missing the collegiate sisterhood deny you of the privileges of alumna membership. That stays with you for the rest of your life.

Best of luck to you.

Aquafina, I'm really sorry that you're in such a tough situation. I definitely understand your wanting to remain sisters with the girls in your local.

You have definitely made the right decision, though, by deciding not to pursue initiation in the second sorority. College is a relatively short timespan in the whole scheme of things and you will be an ABC for the rest of your life if you choose. There will come a time when you feel that becoming active in your local alumnae chapter will feel like the right thing for you to do and I think then you will be glad you did what you did. :)

Irish pipes comments are soooo valuable! yes joina co-ed fraternity associated with your major or career... it can only help your fo long term adn you can still be an active alum in your GLO! Nice option!

PS: Irish pipes: a friend of mine was an AOII at Illinois and too loved the chapter!