Need Advice on Another CRAZY
 

Don't get smart with me here -- I seriously need some ideas.

There's an unfortunate soul living in my dorm. She didn't go home for the summer because she works full-time around here. So, this child has attached herself to me somewhat. She's about 22 and graduated from a Bible college. She plays like she has great self-esteem, but she really doesn't. That's a drain on me.

Here's the real problem. The girl STALKS me. I'm in class just about all day Monday through Thursday. She works until 5 PM and it takes her 10 minutes or so to get home. As soon as she gets home and gets settled, she comes downstairs and the madness ensues.

EVERY SINGLE DAY this summer (including weekends), she has come and knocked on my door or called me. I'm not into that. LEAVE ME ALONE!

Yesterday, between 6 and 9, she knocked on my door four different times. I never answered but I was here. I knew it was her because of the way she knocks and also, she calls out to get my attention. She also called twice because she couldn't find me.

On most days, she'll go outside my window and either try to peek in or scratch at the window to get my attention.

I didn't used to have to lock my door because my dorm is secure, but now I do because if I leave it unlocked SHE WALKS RIGHT IN! I also have taken to hiding out in my room. OHHH - here's the best - I keep my phone on vibrate so she can't hear it ringing since she'll go outside the window and call to see if I'm here and hiding.

Every time she comes by, she wants something from me - let's go to the store; can I borrow some money?; can I use your internet?; can I use your printer? (which, by the way, she never chips in money)...

So, I have to figure out how to deal with her. Right now, I just hide out. The biggest problem is that, whatever I do, I have to live with this girl in my dorm for the next two years.

If I confront her, she'll get defensive and pissed off and won't do anything to change her ways. I already tried to confront her on the printer issue and it was a disaster.

Advice??????

Just say, "Hey stalker, knock this crazy sh*t off!"...well, maybe be a little nicer about it. I'd say hey, I understand you think I'm great, but I need some time to myself. IF she doesn't get it then, tell her to piss off. It sounds like she needs some more friends.

How cool are you? You have a stalker.

Seriously, tell her youre not that much of a people person and you need your space.

Or, plot with her to do something against the law, get her on tape and then turn it over to the feds. Send her ass to gitmo. It will teach her to mess with you.

LOL! I'm not so much "cool" as I am "not a stick in the mud." I've told her that I'm not really a people person -- she doesn't seem to get it. That's why I've resorted to hiding.

But, I like your second idea!!

ETA: The longer I'm here, the more I see that these folks are seriously repressed and in need of counseling. It scares me to think that these are future pastors and missionaries.

So, I'm not at all surprised at the turn-over rate of both of these occupations. People jump in with a fervor for God and aren't in touch with themselves.

Sorry to hear about your stalking problem-just remember that it is her with the problem not you. Document all unwanted and excessive contact for a few days. Then.....................................

talk to your RA or House Director about the situation. They will most likely intervene in the situation. It is part of their job to counsel students with problems on their floor or dorm or refer them for further treatment if needed with the counseling center at your school.

Ive had two different people tell me that the way to get rid of Jehovas witnesses knocking on your door 24 7 is to show up at the door naked. While extreme, maybe you could get some ideas like that...you know, just scare her ass off! That way u can avoid confrontation AND get the job done...

Oh god, she would totally irk the crap outta me, especially cuz I am one of those people that enjoys her time alone and hates when people drop by unannounced. I would attempt to have another sit down with her and tell her that she really cannot come by unannounced anymore. She sounds like someone you are going to need an initial compromise with. Ask her to call before coming over to see if you are free. If neither of these work, I think you are going to unfortunately have to be mean to her. I agree though that involving the RA's may be a good intervention with her. Maybe pointing her out to some clubs/activities too.

After giving it some thought rereading the posts, why not just tell her to leave you alone? Guys say an awful lot that the problem with women is that we never say things in a direct manner, so be direct...and if you're a little bitchy in the process, oh well. Life's too short to be hiding in your room from some crazy.

And document everything. Psychos....the nerve.;)

When she's at your door, open it and then Mace her. *nods*

LOL that reminds me of some of our visits with Jeovas Witnesses-my husband would always invite them back because he enjoyed a good debate of scripture. He saw it as fun entertainment. However, they stopped coming around after the birth of my 4th child. I answered the door with baby in hand, wearing P.J.s and commenting on sore a certain body part was from trying to breastfeed. I was so dead tried with being up at all hours of the night, feeding the greedy bugger every 1 1/2 hours when he had a sucking problem from being premature and recovering from my C-section-I didn't edit what I was saying and babbling a mile a minute. They never returned and hubby had to find a new source of entertainment.

Take a poo in her bed. That will freak her out.

-Rudey
--I don't do anything in moderation I suppose

My dad does the same thing with J.W.s. :) Ok - unfortunately, we don't have RAs in that sense. We have an ARD (assistant residential director) married couple. They don't handle things like this because it's a graduate dorm.

I just don't have it in me to hurt someone when she's down. However, at some point, she'll knock on my door one too many times and I'll open it and say, "You're driving me crazy. I DON'T want to go out. I DON'T want to give you money. I DON'T want to sit here and talk you again about sex and explain what FGM is and why it's horrible. I DON'T want to listen to you whine about how little money you have when you spend your money on frivilous things. And, I DON'T think you are as confident as you claim to be."

It's now turning into a game. The more she calls and knocks, the less I want to see her. And, she's getting more insistent with it. For now, I'm going to have to leave her alone and see if she stops.

Seriously, if she stops the stalking, I might be inclined to hang out with her (because she needs a normal person to talk with - and she IS my sister in Christ). You know what I'm saying? It's not that I hate her by any means but she just so NEEDY!

I feel like her boyfriend or something. Now I know how guys feel when we smother them.

Rudey -- you would be the answer. I could fly you in here to have a "talk" with her. Perhaps then she'd understand.

You know people that just don't take a hint and don't seem to read body language at all? That's this girl but she's worse, since I've actually SAID I'm not as social as she is.

Rudey, did you ever know that you're my hero?

Am I the wind beneath your wings?

-Rudey

BWA HAHAHA! Dang, Rudey, you made me spill my coffee all over myself. Too funny!

Simple. Freeze your pee in a baking pan, slide it under her door for melting. Eventually she'll figure it out.

Introduce her to other people in the dorm or on your campus. I don't think that she is as much a stalker as she is lonely. You might be the only person she knows or feels comfortable around. If she knows a group of people, she will have less free time to annoy you.

Tell her she's really adopted. Or, she was really an accident.




:cool:

you're horrible.

Suddenly develop a huge daytime sleeping habit. You might have to leave the lights off in your room, but no one, even an annoying someone, wants to disturb someone while they are napping.

That's a good idea, but I'm not sure if it would help in this case. I mean, standing outside someone's window and then calling to see if she can hear a cell phone ringing inside? That's weird. No, that's downright creepy. I would say try getting her some new friends, but if that doesn't work, go to the RA/dorm director. This is ridiculous.

It's funny you should mention that. A while back, when I used to leave the front door unlocked, I was in my room - with the door closed - taking a nap. Apparently, she came and knocked on the door and I didn't answer. So, she took it upon herself to walk into my apartment, open my room door and wake me up.

@Rudey - You ARE the wind beneath my wings!! I'm so glad to finally be able to tell you!

Man this sounds like a situation in need of Mike Jones!


Who?

Mike Jones!

Get out of your apartment. Instead of going straight home after class, go to the library and study. Go to a coffee shop. Get some dinner or go to a game with friends. Work out. If you have a regular schedule, it makes it that much easier for her to stalk you because she always knows when you're going to be there. Varying it up a little bit will be good for both of you -- you get some peace from her, she will probably get bored of stalking if you make it a little bit harder.


Also, tell her that this is bothering you. If she still doesn't listen, THEN talk to your residential directors or whatnot if you can. I understand that you anticipate she may not listen if you talk to her, but honestly, I think it's really stupid to complain to an authority figure to take care of a problem for you when you haven't even addressed it with that person yourself.

I know you say you don't have it in you to "hurt her," but then honestly what are you doing posting this thread? The only way that her behavior even has a chance of stopping is if she knows it bothers you, and the only way that is going to happen is if you tell her it bothers you. It's pretty simple . . . Not to mention that if you do it when your temper is cool, you can say it in a way that is less hurtful than how it will come out when you inevitably explode later if you don't say anything.

This is exactly what I would say and do if it were me. Tough love, ya know? If she can't get the hint from you saying in a nice way, that you need your space, then you might have to get a bit more assertive, rude even, if that's what it takes.

But by varying your routine, she'll be forced to vary hers.....that could work.

Dang y'all! Ugh! Ok - I've talked to her on the level of "I'm not as social as you are and I really don't have time to do anything right now." So, I'm going to have to get to the level of "You're coming by too much and I really prefer to be alone." Then, see where to go from there...

It's so much easier to do things gently when more people are around who know the situation. I feel like most of the time it's easier to hear news you don't want to hear from friends than from the person who's in the situation with you.

You have confirmed what I already knew!! I really was hoping that there'd be an easier way.

Well, as someone who once had a stalker of her own, let me give you my schpiel. My senior year of high school, there was this freshman girl who adopted me as her target. She pestered me constantly, then revealed she had a crush on me. Girly followed me to my locker, popped up in between classes and hunted me down in the library/cafeteria/wherever-the-hell I went. So this is what I'd recommend for the coward's way out:

1. Stop being so predictable. Don't become an outcast to your own home, but go lots of different places and never stick to one place as your haven. Take the advice of the people here, go out to dinner, go to the library (not all the time), go dancing, boost your social life. It may hurt your stalker's feelings that you didn't invite her along, but she'll see you have better things to do than sit around with her.

2. Don't stop for conversations. If you see her outside your building, just say hi and keep going. It's best not to linger so she can't ask you about your plans for later.

3. If you are in your room, try to invite other people there. That way, you can do the "I have company, can we hang out later?" thing.

I'd definitely say this girl is just lonely, but she needs to learn to branch outside of her comfort zone and make some new friends. She probably doesn't have very high self-esteem if she believes you're the only person who'd be willing to hang out with her. Seeing you have more of a social life, she's probably really attracted to that and wishes she had that kind of confidence. Now, if you want to do the compassionate thing, you can talk to her when she calls (but politely cut it short if you really have to go), take her out with you when you go places, introduce her to people. You could gently take her aside and tell her she's bothering you, but that won't cure her loneliness. It'll solve your problem, but not hers. It just depends if you want to take time out of your life to help little ms. lonely, or if you just want her away from you. That'll show which route you need to go.

That's solid right there. Thanks!

You're welcome:). Sooo.....*turns into Grandmother Willow* "Which path are you going to take, Pocahontas??

I'm going to bear with her and start suggesting *other* people to hang out with and things to do (as so many of you have indicated to me!)

christiangirl - don't think I didn't see you call me a coward!! :p

BWAHAHAhAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

(Dang, how does one clean dietCoke from a laptop screen anyway?)

Oh, I'm not calling you a coward, those are just the suggestions for the coward's way out (like I did:) ). Oh, and if anyone can help with that "soda on the laptop screen" problem, I'd appreciate it, I still haven't found a way to get mine off...

I second this. She seems more clingy/annoying/lonely than a psycho stalker. Let her hang around you for a while and "teach her how to fish". And you can have her do things for you, if she refuses, tell her you won't be her friend.

Since you're basically non-confrontational, have you thought of making a sign that says, "Free to Talk" and "Do Not Disturb" on the other side? Tell her than you will talk to her when available (no more than a half hour every day), and that's ALL. Tell her that someone has been looking in your window, and the very next time, you will call 911 - and do it! Being a Peeping Tom is against the law, after all.

In other words, set your perimeters, and KEEP THEM!

I was going to suggest calling 911 about a peeping tom as well. I wouldn't even warn her that you will be calling the police. JUST DO IT. Once she is caught, you don't have to press charges the shock of being apprehended will be enough to convince her to stop.

HAHAHAHAHAHA....I didn't even think of that one, DO IT, DO IT!!!

Jeni, you know you are easy to talk to, so I can see why you wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, but everyone is right, give her boundaries and keep them. She needs to find new people to spread her "joy" to. Encourage her to join a club...hey! suggest a Theta Nu Xi informational to her!!!!

Just Kidding :D

LOL! That just one more thing about her. She actually makes fun of me for my love for TNX. And, she gets SERIOUSLY jealous when I put sorority work before talking to her.

Y'all I finally broke down and called mama who said that God brought the child into my life for a reason. And, perhaps that reason is learning how to deal with difficult people gracefully and also setting boundaries just like people here have mentioned.

By the way, thanks for the compliment!! I am LOVING me some Zeta Sigma Chi between you and rocketgirl!!! You ladies have represented your sorority splendidly.