Legacy: would you care if...
 

I have a very interesting question, would you want your child or silbling to rush the same organzation that you are or were apart of?

One of my good friends rushed Alpha Chi Omega at Fullerton and her mom and her sister were Gamma Phi Beta, and they gave her hella drama for her choice. I think that is pretty messed up. i would not want my son or brother to join TKE because of me, I would want them to make the choice on their own, I would feel strange, but as long as they go Greek it doesn't matter. I know at our chapter we have two legacies that kind of don't get along with the chapter. One of the guys only got in based on his brother involvement with our chapter. Which leads to another question...

Would you allow someone in our organization based on their brother or father, even if you know for a fact they will not fit in your chapter?

Yes, I would be in Hopes of a Sibling joining My Greek Organization.

But, it may not happen.

One of My Alum Brothers Son Pledged and went active with a Fraternity across the Street from us. Are either held in disrespect for this, NO!

Son found something that He felt more comfortable with. Isnt that the most Important Part?

Not All Chapters are that good, and the Members are just so so. So Why be saddled with Joining just to say Hey, I am a Legacy.

The Important thing is joining a Greek Org.

Be with Who You want to be with, it is for a very long time!:)

Yep...
 

True - not all chapters are the same... We can all attest to that...

However, if I had a son that went to a school where the chapter was excellent with an good rep ... By all means, I would definitely want him to share the same thing...

Ultimately though - it's up the individual...

And yes, I can attest to what Drunkie said about our legacies... Because one is my pledge brother... :mad:

Of course I'd love my future daughters to be Alpha Chi Omegas. However, I want them to make their own decisions based on what is right for them. If they don't like the chapter at their school, I'd love for them to do what makes them happy, be it join another GLO or be a GDI.

4 of my daughters have pledged so far, none at colleges with Pi Phi chapters. I want one out of the 9 to be a Pi Phi--please, God! I do want them to be happy. However, I don't know which would hurt more, to have them reject Pi Phi or for Pi Phi to reject them. And I don't want to know either.

I would love for my sisters to join my organization. However, I have told them to make a choice for themselve. Choose the place we they feel they fit, not to choose the organization that I am in.

This may sound weird or utopian, but when I was an active, many Alpha Delta Pi mothers brought their daughters to visit with us - always at least a year before they were going to school. If the mother is active with the Alumnae Association, chances are that the daughter has seen & met many of the chapter beforehand anyhow - and had an idea of whether or not they'd fit in. I know that I was at the house where I was a legacy several times prior to starting school, and felt that I really fit in - until I rushed. I'm really glad that my parents weren't freaked that I went to a different house!

some years ago, some friends I knew had three daughters. The oldest was a Kappa at SMU, and the second one went thru recruitment at a school in Alabama. The whole family was hoping that she would go to a certain sorority that mom and all the aunts were members of, but it was not meant to be. Actually, the girl was dropped by this group, and we happened to be at the house the day that Mom got the phone call. It wasn't a pretty sight. Regardless of that, she did find her home in another group, and was so happy to be with the girls. The youngest sister after seeing what happened with #2 told Mom she didn't want to rush , and as far as I know, she never joined.

I'm going to the first Greek in my family--and I would let my daugther make that decision. I would love for her to have the opportunity, but will let her make her own decisions.

I would really like my younger brother to pledge FIJI, especially if he goes to Ball State. I say that mainly b/c the other chapters seem to get into more trouble with the university and have trouble staying above the minimum GPA requirement for more than 3 semesters at a time. But if he goes to Purdue and he just doesn't mix with the FIJIs there, then so be it. Although, the FIJIs I've met there were really welcoming when I just dropped by while visiting a friend. I also think it would be cool, because I could be there for his initiation.

To answer the second question. Our organization doesn't have any official policy when dealing with legacies. But we are encouraged by headquarters to at least make two contact attempts and have dinner with the legacy.

Of course I would love it if one or both of my daughters pledged Delta Zeta. To be there when they are initiated...how cool would that be for any parent???

But I can honestly say that no matter where they pledge I will be thrilled for them. I'll even be fine if they decide not to go greek, although I really hope that doesn't happen :D

It's been my experience that in general legacies make wonderful members. When they pledge they're already committed to the sorority and love it. Right off the bat they've got a general understanding of the organization, our history, how things work, and what their responsibilities as members are (time-wise, financially, etc.) The additional connection to mom, sis, grandma just adds another level to their committment.

The "problem" legacies are those that probably should have pledged elsewhere because they would have been happier, but allowed themselves to be swayed by mom, sis, or grandma. Thing is you're rarely ever able to identify these women until after they're a member. Fortunately, these situations aren't the norm.

Here are some questions for all of you. When a PNM comes through Recruitment and is a legacy at another GLO on campus, do you assume they'll pledge the other GLO? Or do you give them the benefit of the doubt that they will have an open mind about all houses? Does it make a difference if it was their parent, sibling or grandparent? Does it make a difference if it was on your campus or at another?

Maybe I have a different perspective because I am the only Greek in my family, but I wouldn't care which organization she joined (provided they weren't hazing and so forth, obviously).

My little sister is rushing this year at a school that has a chapter of my sorority, and from what I understand they are a fairly strong chapter, too. However, I want her to go where she feels most comfortable, and if that's not my sorority -- or any sorority at all -- than I'll be happy for her.


ETA: In our chapter, we never treated girls any differently because they were a legacy to another chapter on campus, but if they were a legacy to a very strong chapter, we sometimes privately assumed they would join that house, especially if they were an in-house legacy. The UW has a very strong tradition of in-house legacies joining the same houses as their sisters (and mothers, probably).

I feel it is a thing a pride to be apart of something that your family has been in, but you should always checkout other house. I know at our school, one house got another soroities triple legacy. I feel it should be about who you are cool with. And you will be shocked, but i know at Long Beach, there are many people that got forced into their house and hate it. And now they either had dropped or became really bad actives

If I had a sister or any daughters, I would love it if they would go Greek. However, I would be happy with whatever organization they chose. Each sorority has beautiful things to offer, and I'd rather they found what made THEM happy, not what would make ME happy.

An example-- my mother was a professional iceskater. She had me on iceskates as soon as I could walk....hoping that I would follow in her footsteps. But it wasn't for me.

I ended up being a judo competitor! At first, she was horrified, but when she saw how much I loved it, and what judo did for me, she thought it was great! She even has a charm on her bracelet that says, "Judo Mom.":)

My sister decided at 13 that she didn't want to rush because of my experience getting dropped by my mom's sorority. I hope she changes her mind in the next 3 years. I remember not wanting to rush when I was her age because I didn't think sororities were all that great, but I love it now. I chalk it up mostly to age, and that'll change.

I recently had this talk with someone, and I came to a few conclusions.

First being, I wasn't happy with any other organization on my campus and if my mother had been greek and pushed me to join of of those groups, I would have been miserable. So I wouldn't make my daughter pledge a group just because I was a member. Would it be awesome- yes, but like my sister/roommates mom (who is a DZ) its more important for your child to be happy (and in my roommies case it was with Tri Delta and not DZ).

That being said, there is one exception...if my hypothetical daughter goes to my alma matter and my chapter is still active. I would be VERY dissapointed if she didn't pledge Tri Delta because my name is on that charter.

My older sisters didn't pressure me to join their sorority at all, but I think it might have been another story if I'd been rushing at the same campus they went to. :p I really hope my younger sister goes Greek (she's starting high school this fall, so I've still got four years to work on her), and to be honest, I'd really like her to join DZ especially since there are chapters at all the schools she might end up at. I think I'd actually be sort of hurt if she joined my older sisters' sorority, because they have that to share with each other and I'd really like somebody in my family to share my own affiliation with.

I'd like my future daughter(s) to join Theta Nu Xi for reasons that I could only really explain to her/them. However, if she/they chose to join another organization, I would support the decision (including financially) and do everything I could to make that experience enjoyable, just like my own organization has been for me.

Because of my own experience, if the chapter where my daughter(s) went to school declined her/their admittance, I would truly be horrified. But, if it was the daughter(s) doing the declining, I would be sad for the loss, but happy for my daughter's joy.

I was a legacy via my sister who is four years older than me. I knew the atmosphere of the house and felt very comfortable there, even though my sister and I weren't much alike when I graduated high school. I never felt pressured from her to join Kappa, and there were times I wondered if I had picked the right house, but ultimately, I knew I was where I was supposed to be.

Some chapters will drop legacies if they think that legacy is more likely to pledge it's legacy chapter (dang, that's a lot of legacies in one sentence) while others will work even harder to "steal" a legacy (particularily if s/he's strong or somebody's 'rush crush') from other chapters.

I kind of feel like this too...everyone in my family except for me is in the same sorority, so I'd like one of my sisters to join ADPi just so I can share it with somebody.

My younger sister is a senior in high school, and she'll be either at Miami of Ohio or Kentucky, which both have ADPi chapters. I have a chance!

I would love my sisters and future daughters to join Zeta Sigma Chi. I don't want them to join just because I want them to though. My little sister is starting at my alma matter in the fall and I'm trying desperately not to push Z-Chi at her to hard, because I don't want to either push her away because she feels too much pressure or force her into joining because I did. It's been hard, but I really try just to leave the Greek life conversation alone. When she asks me questions, I do answer them to the best of my ability and I try to be somewhat objective. My dad is a Que, so he's trying to get her interested in being a Delta. Poor girl...

At my school, I feel that when legacies go through rush, it's almost implied that they are going to go with the sorority that they're a legacy to. In that respect, other sororities will still keep inviting them to events and to pref parties, but just won't rush them as hard because they understand that there's a really good chance that the girls won't pick their sorority.

Re: Legacy: would you care if...
 

I don't have a sister.

If and when I have a daughter, I want her to follow her heart. She will be exposed to Delta and I would love for her to seek Delta. However, I do not want her to pursue anything without having done research and putting in the necessary time and thought beforehand. If she does not want to join a sorority or finds another sorority is in her heart, that's wonderful. Whatever she seeks, Delta or not, she will need to save money to pay for it herself and I hope she is prepared to be a hardworking and dedicated member.

Legacies are not "shoe-ins" as far as Delta is concerned. Some chapters may decide to give legacy status a lot of weight but my chapter didn't believe in that.

ETA: I will be openminded but I do hope she chooses an organization for sound reasons. If says something dumb like "their colors are cooler" I will have to get my belt. :p

Did I want my daughter to become a Delta? Yes, and she did.

Would I have minded if she had pursued another sorority? I think I would have, but it wouldn't have affected our relationship.

Would I have minded if she had decided not to pursue any Greek affiliation. No, not at all.

One of my Rho Chi girls was a double (theoretically tripple) legacy to one chapter on campus. Her family pushed her hard to go to that house, but she kept saying that it just didn't fit her. I got the feeling that in the beginning she was willing to pledge them, and I know that chapter put a lot of effort into her (not only because of her legacy status, but because of her grades and her awesomeness). She mentioned that she was leaning towards my sorority, which I obviously couldn't tell her at the time... But when I finally got to show her my affiliation (at our final party..PX's are allowed to go since silent period begins after that) she just kept smiling. I'm so glad we have her as a sister. I think her family was a bit sad, but glad that she joined our group. Her friends even painted her car with "A BRAND NEW TD KITTEN!", which was really sweet.

If I have a daughter and she goes to OC, I'd obviously love for her to be a Tau Delta girl, but I realize that especially on my campus, house reputations change DRAMATICALLY with each pledge class. We went from being a party house, to being the "lesbian sorority" :rolleyes: to now being the brainiacs. And i'm sure it will keep changing. I know my choice to rush was influenced by my brother's fraternity involvement and hearing stories of my grandfather's fraternity days...so I'd hope she'd at least rush no matter where she went. And if I have a son, I hope that he'd rush too.

I was just thinking...

My parents used to "pay" me when I memorized poems, play monologues, etc. They really encouraged scholarship in all areas, so this should be no surprise.

So, ummm, if I do the same for my kids, would it be over the top to have my daughter(s) memorize Theta Nu Xi poems and facts in the place of poems and play monologues???

LOL!

I know I posted this somewhere years ago but-- I think it's different when it's your daughter. I would've loved for my sister to be a Pi Phi but she never rushed and it never really bothered me. Over the years as I've been raising the girls, I never thought about legacies much until they got to high school and then the desire to have a Pi Phi daughter began to grow.

Now my 2 AOIIs have each other and my 2 Chi Os have each other. My fifth and sixth daughters won't be attending schools with Pi Phi. I want someone to share my sorority with! And the next one after them is only 11!

A lot of actives and young alums don't understand why legacies are so important. I didn't then. Now I do.

A lot of y'all have already heard this story, so this is for the newbies:

We had a 5-generation legacy rush our chapter - the first generation was actually an Adelphean! We were duly impressed when we got her rec, along with a letter from EO which basically said, "You have zero choice here!" Oh, when I say 5-generation legacy, I mean just that - in several of those generations, there were 4-5 ADPi sisters!

All well and good - but this woman did NOT want to be a greek. She went to the minimum of rush parties, made minimal conversation, and when asked, said, "I was told to rush or else." She was very nice, she just didn't want the greek scene.

We put her at the top of our list, and she accepted our bid (along with her roomie). Again, she put the minimum amount of time in that she could get away with, but it was obvious that her heart wasn't in it. We got another letter from EO, informing us that she would be initiated at Convention, we were not to worry about her. She was initiated at Convention, showed up long enough to get her photo on the composite, and we never saw her again.

But we did get her roomie - who was a FANTASTIC sister!!

So, I think she's a prime example of overdoing it.

I'm just thinking of how many letter shirts must go through your laundry every week. ;)

Yes!!!!! :p

No daughters yet (just a 15 year old stepson). i would love for him to Go Greek.

I do have a niece and a goddaughter and I would also be excited for them to join a Greek org. I would be fine with whichever one they join.

If we are blessed with a daughter...hell yeah, I hope she goes Greek!

Every woman that has pledged in my family went to a different sorority here at UT. My mom pledged DG and I've had an aunt in Chi O, A Chi O, Pi Phi, and Kappa. I believe my grandmother was a Theta at Georgia The men are all SAEs.

I guess it'd be interesting to see how different it would have been to be a 3rd generation legacy or something, but it's kind of comforting to know that they didn't expect me to join a certain one just because they all did.

All of the women in my family are Sigma Kappas except for my younger sister, who is a Theta. (There's no SK at her school.) I didn't really feel the pressure to go Sigma Kappa, my family, especially my mom just wanted me to find my home.

I do think being a 3rd generation legacy hurt me with some chapters, I think they assumed that I'd go SK and that I was an easy person to release. That said I love my org and I'm happy that my mom, g'ma and aunt were able to come to my initiation. Six of us showed up for my cousin's initiation this past spring and it was a blast!

If I have a daughter or a son, I'll make the same rule my parents had for me, you have to go through recruitment, get all the information and decide if it's for you. If not, that's fine, you don't have to do it. I just want them to make an informed decision, because you never know what can happen. One of my best friends was fairly anti-greek, then she saw how much fun I had and I convinced her to go through recruitment our sophomore year. She found her home and was a huge asset to her chapter.

I would love to have a family member or future daughter become an Alpha Xi. As far as I know i am the first in my family to go greek. It is something I will encourage any one in my family to Rush and find a house that they match with.

Legacies are awesome. When we installed our chapter we had two mother daughter pairs. As if initiaitions and installing a chapter aren't emotional enough.

This question was posd strangely! I would have expected it to posed in a positive fashion. Why would someone NOT want their child to become a legacy? Of course, the decision belongs wholly to the child but my take is this: I understand the problem with legacies being one of "peer pressure" and lack of fit in some chapters but what about the meaning of why someone not only pledges but remains active and committed to your organzation? Fraternitie embody certain ideals and values and,as one grows as a human being, these things grow in importance. I have brothers in my graduate chapter who bring their sons to service events and other social functions. These boys see what the Fraternity is really all about. I've talked to some sons of Ques(Omegas) who didn't become members but still respect the Fratenity and hold it in great honour because of the example set before them. It's a way of life not just a fleeting two or three years of "partying and carousing" that makes this life so attractive, even with all te attendant problems faced. Is there a somewhat different perspective that NPHC and PIC/NPC groups have?

"Que Psi Phi 'til the day I die"

Sorry, but sasy What?

So, a person who is a Legacy finds another GLO who they feel better with is bad?:confused:

Dang, let them find their way, let them be happy.

So a New Legacy will be born!:cool:

:confused:

Wow Andre! This group is bumpin'

YITB Sanchez

I think the OP was saying, would you want to put that pressure (even slight) on your child to join your org. Also, when you're in a group you do know some things about the chapters and you might not want your child to be in that chapter...i.e. if I know a chapter is full of very snobby and materialistic girls (and we all have some) would I want my daughter to be in that chapter of ASA? No.

There are some instances though where the pressure on the child to join the legacy org is tremendous and has very little to do with what is good for the child....it's all about carrying on the legacy...kind of like a child being forced to go into the family business even if they want to do something totally different.

I hope the future 33kids (if such a thing comes to pass, LOL) do whatever makes them happy, whether it's being a member of my sorority, in another sorority, or not Greek at all.