Why it rocks to be a man..
 

From my friend Michelle..

Men Are Just Happier People--


Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Finally, You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

That's the best part. Everyone please excuse me while I go play choo-choo.

I disagree with "One mood all the time."

HA! HA! I say it again: HA!

50 reasons why it's great to be a woman...

1. Free drinks.

2. Free dinners.

3. Free movies (you get the point).

4. You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay.

5. You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay.

6. You know The Truth about whether size matters.

7. Speeding ticket? What's that?

8. New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.

9. You never had to walk down the hall with your binder tragically positioned in high school.

10. If you have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, you're not the devil.

11. Condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex.

12. If you have to be home in time for 90210, you can say so, out loud.

13. If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.

14. You can sleep your way to the top.

15. You can sue the President for sexual harassment.

16. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.

17. It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.

18. No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.

19. Brad Pitt.

20. You don't have to fart to amuse yourself.

21. If you cheat on your spouse, people assume it's because you're being emotionally neglected.

22. YOU never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.

23. You'll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clipper.

24. No one passes out when you take off your shoes.

25. If you think the person you' re dating really likes you, you don't have to break up with them.

26. Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.

27. If you forget to shave, no one has to know.

28. You can congratulate your teammate without ever touching her ass.

29. If you have a zit, you can conceal it.

30. You never have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates are still there.

31. If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.

32. You don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

33. You have the ability to dress yourself.

34. You have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.

35. You can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

36. If you marry someone 20 years younger, you're aware that you look like an idiot.

37. If you're wearing cologne, you don't have to pretend it's aftershave.

38. You'll probably never see someone you know while peeing in an alley.

39. You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.

40. You can quickly end any fight by crying.

41. Your friends won't think you're weird if you ask whether there's spinach in your teeth.

42. There are times when chocolate really Can solve all your problems.

43. You've never had a goatee.

44. Gay waiters don't make you uncomfortable.

45. You'll never regret piercing your ears

46. You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

47. You'll never discover you've been duped by a Wonderbra.

48. You don't have hair on your back.

49. You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.

50. You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can.

Ah, Buddha Mama, thank you for summing it up so nicely so that men can soak it up easily sans conferring with a buddy. :D

Don't bet on it. (not directed at anyone woman)

True, I once saw a woman with her upper lip hair shaved into curlicues like a bad guy from old westerns/cartoons.

Ewwwwwwww!!!

Thank you Buddha Mama
 

Buddha Mama, you have definitely just made my day.

Yeah, most of the guys I've had this debate with concur that it's better to be a girl. So I always try and remember that when I'm reaching for the bottle of Midol... :p

Re: Why it rocks to be a man..
 

My toys make me pretty happy :cool:

Re: Why it rocks to be a man..
 

Good Post, Dude.

Budda Mama's #20 pretty much sold me!

I think our best advantage is that our bathrooms actually have private stalls.

I just don't get how they do that in front of each other

Paging AXOAlum! Where's that email you sent me about the difference between the way guys and girls take a shower?

Fuck that! Women bleed every month. :o

I had a female co-worker who was a bit of a tomboy (but definately not a lesbian) who once told me to never trust anything that bled for 4 days and didnt die, lol

Was it about how we can get clean with a bar of soap and one bottle of shampoo vs. all that other girl stuff thats gotta take up all the space in there (like a loofa, face scrub, 3 kinds of conditioner, two shampoos, 2 soaps, can of shaving cream, 8 razors in various stages of dullness, apricot flavored whatever, etc.)

Yeah, but it went further, something about the girl is in her shower covered with fragrantly scented bubbles while the guy is in his- passing gas and laughing hysterically.

Ahhh I've seen that e-mail forward also.

Since AXO Alum hasn't responded...




Joke: Men vs. Women - Showers

How To Shower Like A Woman...
* Take off clothing and place it in sectional laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
* Get in shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash you hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
* Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
* Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on for 15 minutes.
* Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red and raw.
* Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
* Rinse conditioner off of hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
* Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
* Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
* Turn off shower.
* Squeegee off all wet surfaces inn the shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
* Get out of the shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country.
* Wrap hair in super-absorbent second towel.
* Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
* Return to bedroom wearing bathrobe and towel on head.
* If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to the bedroom to spend an hour-and-a-half getting dressed.

How To Shower Like A Man...
* Take off clothes while sitting in the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
* Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making the "woo, woo" sound.
* Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see your pecks. Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your balls.
* Get in shower. Don't bother looking for a washcloth. You don't use one.
* Wash your face.
* Wash your armpits.
* Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
* Wash your privates and surrounding area.
* Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.
* Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner.
* Make a shampoo Mohawk.
* Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
* Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when you checked your Mohawk.
* Partially dry off.
* Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles .Admire wiener size.
* Leave shower curtain open and wet mat on the floor.
* Leave bathroom light and fan on.
* Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your balls, shout "Oh yeah, baby!" and thrust your pelvis at her.
* Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed.

Hahahaha...truuuueeee!

*looking up*


that is so gross!!!! :eek: