Meddling Mother-In-Law
 

EEK!

Yep, been there, done that, got the T shirt.

The best thing you can do is to not discuss your personal business with her. That way, she won't be able to dish out unsolicited advice. If she asks pointed questions that you can't ignore, give a vague answer. For example, if she asks how much you're paying for your house, answer "Too much" or something else noncommittal. If she asks about your continuing school, just say something like you'll manage. One important thing is that your fiance seems to side with you. That is very, very good.

If you keep refusing to get involved in a conversation that you don't want to have, she'll eventually quit butting in. It does, however, seem to take a long time so hunker down!

BTW, if all else fails, you should check out http://www.motherinlawstories.com . Believe me, reading some of those stories will make you feel better about your future MIL!

GOOD LUCK!

LOL Tracy, why did I know when I read the title of this thread that there would be a reply from you? ;)

I thought my MIL was going to be bad -- she even made me cry the night of my rehearsal dinner. My husband was an only child, and they were very close. So much so that when he and I first started dating in college, he talked to her on the phone practially every day (I, on the other hand, spoke to my mother once every two weeks, or as little as possible).

Once we were married, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Now, he hardly ever speaks to her -- although part of that could be that she moved to the beach to live w/ her boyfriend (another long story). I asked him just last night when was the last time he heard from his mother, and he couldn't tell me.

KR does bring up the most important part: as long as your fiancee is siding w/ you and not his mother, you're golden. :D Things should get a little bit better once you're married and she realizes that she doesn't control him as much as she thinks she does.

I also wish you good luck!

You know me too well, my dear! :D I'm sure my MIL has no idea that she's a GreekChat legend.

Your fiance is the one who needs to handle this, not you. I don't believe I"ve ever quoted the Bible as advice on here before, but this PRINCIPLE is true. In Genesis it says that a man shall LEAVE his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. Ok, He has TO LEAVE HIS MOTHER AND FATHER. He is no longer a part of them, you and him are now/will soon be one. If he doesn't take care of this soon, I'd seriously reconsider. If she's like this now, imagine how she will be for the rest of your lives. MISERABLE.

KR, you are my hero, did you know that? :D
I have also been there, done that and got the T shirt. (Why do you think I sometimes call her "monster in law"?)

Tracy is right, definitely keep her out of your personal business. You all have to keep a united front and not back down for anything. Give her an inch and she will take 10 miles.

If you give in to her, that will only be the beginning

MIL Hall of Infamy!!


My Mother-Out-Law was a real piece of work. So much so, I don't know that I'd even put some of the things she pulled on a public message board, even though she's since passed away. For those of y'all who know about my marriage, let's just say that her son did no wrong.

Ya got one of those too? My mother in law is like that. Her son did no wrong.

No I am not talking about Mr. 1228 (the one who was adopted). Mr. 1228 worked himself through college, took her in when she moved out west after the other son's wife got terrtorial and tossed her out.

We are talking about Mr. 1228's brother (the one she gave birth to 4 years later, who was a high school dropout, sponged off his mother and didn't have the balls to stand up to his bitch wife when she disrespected her)


Yeah, her natural son, Mr. 1228's brother could do no wrong :rolleyes:


Ooops sorry for the mother in law vent. :D

Welcome to the club! I could tell you innumerable stories about how my MIL has tried to interfere in my and my husband's marriage and lives.

Definitely check out motherinlawstories.com and especially the forum there. That site has helped me through many a rough patch... some of the MILs I've read about there make my MIL look like Mother Teresa. :rolleyes:

You are both adults. You get to choose where you want to live. If it happens not to be near her, too bad for her.

Good luck. :)

I would move somewhere far enough away that it would be inconvenient to see her more than a few times a year.

Thanks for the advice & input. It's been great. Keep it coming.

My mother in law use to go everywhere with us. We never had a moments peace. We got married in Vegas, with the whole family, friends, etc. My family and friends left the morning after our wedding-- she and my f-i-l stayed an extra day. They called our room at 7am to go to breakfast-- my husband said yes (don't get me started) and we ended up speding the whole day with my in laws and the best man --i was livid-- i bawled all day long and no one could figure out why! (i didn't think anyone could be that dense) I couldn't get away from the woman!

She has sinced moved to Florida, and she doesn't ever come back up here. My father in law visits frequently (and stays too long) but she now can't understand why we won't come there. I tell her I get two weeks of vaca- she gets 3, i don't want to use up my vaca to go there-- she thinks it is easier for us to travel with 2 kids, then it is for her abled ass to get on a plane and fly here!

Mother in laws can be hell--- you are good if your husband takes your side!! As long as that happens everything will be ok.

Which is why Mr. 1228 doesn't have a mother in law from hell...and I don't have a mother that can consistently work my last good nerve! :D

Haha. I like my family and I like Mr. valkyrie's family too, but it's really nice to not have to see them all the time. When you live 1000 miles away, your family obligations are minimal, and that's just the way I like them.

Yep, I am part of that club, too...

My MIL said, "If that's what you want to do with your life," when we told her we were marrying. She said, "Well, if that's what you WANT to do," when we told her we were having Max.

I recently went on vacation with her, Mr. Tippiechick, Max, Mr.'s nieces, and Mr.'s grandmother. I did not want her getting her claws into him or Max for a whole week. The whole time she made me feel like the worst mother EVER. She did things I don't want to even talk about...

I actually ended the vacation by calling her and her mother huge bitches. My husband saw for the first time in four years what I had been going through. He FINALLY saw his mom and grandmom for what they are and saw what they had been doing behind his back. He hasn't spoken to them since.

It's been wonderful :)

You have to figure out if there's hope for your guy. If he sees the things she's doing will he put a stop to it or will he try to not rock the boat? You have to decide what you are going to do if he doesn't want to cut the cord.

I'm sorry Bette. My boyfriend and I aren't engaged, but his mom is kinda posessive too. She bought the properly across the backyard lake from her and thought that she could build a house there and then we could live in the current house while she lived across the lake. She wanted to build a bridge across the lake too! I totally sympathize with you.

Don't get me wrong, she's actually really nice and I guess it was thoughtful of her to offer that, but it really creeps me out! Maybe I should tell her that she won't have any grandchildren if she just lives across from us. ;)

I feel for you all with the overbearing mothers-in-law. My mom had the same problem, and it was not pretty...she says it gets worse after you're married, too. Maybe it's a good thing that I am no longer with The Guy Who Formerly Seemed Like The One, because he just couldn't seem to cut those apron strings...and she didn't mind one bit.

No fair, Tiffany! You can't tease us like that. C'mon, if you tell I'll share my stories such as when I was pregnant and living with the inlaws for a few weeks while Mr. KR was starting a new job in another state. I was in my first trimester (remember how exhausting that is?) and she woke me up at 5:45 am on a saturday morning to tell me I had to run to the market to get orange juice for breakfast because I'd finished the jug the night before.

I was very lucky. I loved my first MIL. She and I were great friends and the only difficult part about leaving her son was that I was going to miss her. I was more sad about losing her than anything else. My second husband's mother had died a few weeks before I met him, so I didn't have to deal with her either. However, I would say you're in good shape as long as your fiance stays on your side. I would avoid conflict if confronted directly by saying something like "I appreciate your advice and we will consider it while making our decision". Then you're allowing her to express her opinion, avoiding a fight about it, but you're making it clear that the decision is between you and your husband in the end.

Dee

Most of it was little stuff that finally added up.

Here's a few:

***On the way down to Florida, she got me in a conversation about m family. She proceeded to sweetly throw in jabs at each member she brought up. But, she did it in one of those ways that you really couldn't say anything about or she would have played innocent.

***Max had clothes that we had bought. But, she refused to put any of them on him. He had to wear the ones SHE bought because they were better.

***She took stuff out of the diaper bag I packed each day and put it in her diaper bag. Then, she would tell me there was no need to bring my bag.

***ANYTHING I told Max not to do she encouraged. Then, she'd talk about how cute he was doing those things and would make a point to show me.

***She told us we could have a day to ourselves and she'd watch Max. But, right before we were leaving for the beach she decided that she wanted time to herself and the nieces. This was literally as we were getting in the car.

***I wanted to go by my grandmother's house she had just sold on a nearby island. When we went by it, her and her mother made cracks about how spoiled I must be and no wonder I spend money like I do.

***I took them to another nearby island for sightseeing and shopping. When we got there they complained about having to drive so far from the house. (It was a 10 minute drive.) Then, they said they did not want to get out and be in such a ritzy area. She said she was refusing to even get out of the car. So, she made us all drive back to the house and play board games. (We only had her car, so we were at her mercy.)

***I wanted to take Max and Mr. Tippiechick to DisneyWorld. But, she refused to let us use the car to go because DW has an annual "GayDay" and she could not condone patronage of a pro-gay corporation.

***We went to a PRICEY, upscale restaurant for lunch. (Per her step-father's recommendation) As soon as she got there, she complained about the prices. Then, she rolled her eyes when I told Max to stop trying to pull the table cloth off of the table. She told me flat out that I was going to make him sick by giving him milk that was not watered down. She said she could not believe that I would do something that I knew would make Max sick. SHE PUT ON THE MASK THAT THEY GAVE IN MAX'S MEAL AND WORE IT ON HER FACE FOR ALMOST 10 MINUTES.


**She fussed at me for not letting the nieces watch Max while we played games. (They were in the same room, just a different area of it.) So, I finally gave in and let them watch him.
She and her mother had gotten upset because I had stopped the game previously to get something to drink. So, since the nieces were watching Max, I sat my plate with ketchup on the floor until the game stopped.
But, the brats decided to stop watching him without telling us. So he crawled into the ketchup and got it on him and the carpet. I fussed at them and asked them how they could do something as stupid as letting him crawl into ketchup while standing there laughing about it.
She told me it was my fault for not keeping an eye on him even though she had just fussed at me for not letting the girls watch him. She could not believe that I would blame the girls for the incident.

And the best for last...

***Her mother told everyone to make themselves at home. Whatever was needed, we were just to do or get ourselves. So, I did Max's laundry, because anyone who has kids knows they use at least 2-3 outfits per day. Her mother cornered me and told me that I was to immediately stop wasting her water and electricity. I was no longer to do the laundry, even though I had adjusted the loads to extra small.
*** Her mother then proceeded to make it known that she had told her family to make themselves at home. I was not her family. I was only a guest and should have acted accordingly.


Needless to say, my husband really got to see their true colors on this trip. I had bitten my tongue the whole time. But, finally we had both had it.

I have a SERIOUS MIL problem!
Its a LONG story too..I will post it in a few...

:eek: In a way, the little things are even worse than the big things because at least with the big things it's easier to defend yourself.

She sounds HORRIBLE, Tiffany! What's going to happen in a few years is Max is going to start to notice that she is an unpleasant person and he is not going to want to be around her and she'll be upset about that. That's exactly what happened with my daughters and Mr. KR's parents. So sad, too bad I say!

OMG if you have a friend (or you) who's proficient with a computer you could have SO much fun with her on this.

Find out her favorite stores etc and make up a website that says they are "embracing diversity in the workplace" and will hire only lesbians for the next 18 months. Then show it to her. :)

OH THAT is wickedly fun!!!!

dear god - i'm so sorry tippiechick... your MIL SUCKS!

i thank my lucky stars that i like my MIL and my in-laws!

- marissa

Ohhh this is soooooo my MIL--- I can't tell you the amount of times that my MIL has said "well that is nice your family can do that, but my family can't--we aren't rich like your family." That was her excuse for my husband's family not coming to our wedding or reception-- it was too far and my family could afford to fly around the world for that sort of thing.

You MIL sounds horrible, you poor thing! And it is the little things that are harder to deal with. If it was one big thing, everyone would see it, all the little things it is easy for people to say that "she's just trying to be nice".
As long as your husband is supportive, it will all be okay! :)

(((((((((((((((((Tippiechick)))))))))))))))))))

I can think of so many items that this woman could really use for Mother's Day, starting with SuperGlue for her mouth!

Oh, my Lord. :eek:

Tippechick,
Oh HELL NAW. Compared to your monster in law, mine ain't so bad!

Honeychile, you and I need to take a road trip. We are going to Costco to get a HUGE assed tube of Superglue and an even bigger tub of
http://www.bevnet.com/images/reviews...p_ass-logo.gif

(I think a tub of whoop ass is in order, don't you?) :D
Anyone wanna come along on our road trip? Tippiechick, KR????

Always happy to help - as they say, no matter what the letter, we're all greeks together!! You just let me know when to be by the highway - that woman needs to be taken down!!!!!

MIL HAYLE
 

For now, I'm "friends" with my MIL... I speak to her civilly... But I will NEVER EVA put myself out there EVA again...

Search my past posts about visiting my G-ma for Christmas and the lunacy I endured...

Anyhoo, I am having problems with my own parents losing their minds over my cute little nephew--a first in my immediate family... However, my dumbassed brother who should have not married PERIOD on general principle--married as straight as he could go to this chick that is clueless about my family and they way we are... We got use to her and the fact she married my brother. Then thru his vehement objections, she finds herself pregnant and subsequently has the baby... Cute little guy... And now my brother is acting a fool... A complete fool. There are allegations of him cheating, he is clueless as to how to take care of his son, he dumps the kid off at my folks house whenever (even though my mom wants the baby there, my brother takes waaaay too many liberties) and his wife barely has any family willing to take care of her son... It is a H.A.M.

And my family wants ME to be all up in this mix?

HAYLE... I live too far away... I am not gonna get strip searched to get on a plane for 2.5 hours to be yelled at because I wanna hang out with my friends whom I haven't seen in awhile... It's not my baby!!!

And then, my husband is not coming down... I think he has MIL problems...

I'm in!

Thanks y'all! Just having people validate my feelings means SOOO much to me.

He is the greatest guy. He told her flat out before we left that if she put him in the position of choosing one of us it would be me:). She LOVED that!

I am enjoying the fact that they are no longer speaking. It's the first peace I have gotten in four years.

I think the worst part of the whole vacation was that my MIL is just like her mother. They are JUST alike. So, everything was twice as bad since we were staying with her.

I do like the idea of messing with her. I think we'll just send a few fake forwarded e-mails to her. I'll really have to think, though. She does most of her shopping from "Christian" companies. Perhaps I can dig up something on Walmart for her? ;)

Thanks. Thanks again. I already feel a bit better about the trip.

www.snopes.com should have some good ones. She doesn't sound like the type to verify things. :D