How do you tell them nicely...
 

how do you tell your girlfriend/wife/husband/boyfriend nicely that they have gained weight and need to lose it?

I think that they probably know and don't need to be told.

What PnC said.

I should also add that they only need to lose weight if THEY feel that they need to lose the weight.

Your opinion shouldn't matter.

Re: How do you tell them nicely...
 

You say, "Honey, you're beautiful and I love you just the way you are."

Re: Re: How do you tell them nicely...
 

Have you ever heard that song that goes:

"Back to life, back to reality"?

Bobby, I would take them jean shopping. If they don't get the hint when they can't fit in the decent sizes, then I'd say things like "I'm gonna go running, come with me" and drag her out.

-Rudey

Re: Re: Re: How do you tell them nicely...
 

Yes.
But my reality is nicer. :)

Go to exercise classes or the gym and drag them along. If they don't want to come, mention the Paris Hilton lookalike that never wears a bra and loves doing jumping jacks.

If you are becoming unattracted to them because of the weight gain, please help them to head it off before it spirals out of control.

Re: Re: How do you tell them nicely...
 

I fixed this for you, or at least for the vast majority of people/relationships.

Re: Re: Re: How do you tell them nicely...
 

do you then call them a weenie?

The desire to lose weight / get fit has to come from within. No amount of nagging by others is going to get someone to put down the Whopper and get on the treadmill.

But there are things you can do, especially if you yourself want to lose weight / stay slim / get fit. Drag your S.O. out for a run, or to the gym. If you're out together and want to grab lunch, don't let her/him go to McDonald's; go to Subway instead (not that you can't find unhealthy food there, but they are more low-fat / low-carb friendly than other places). Set a good example and try to bring your S.O. along for the ride.

Also, point out that the fitter you are, the more stamina you will have in bed. That will certainly get a man's attention. ;)

If looks are your only concern, you might want to consider not being in a relationship.

Looks fade, and shit happens. This way you can just bounce from woman to woman (or man to man) and not worry about telling them they are gaining weight.

There's a difference between looks fading with age and being 25 and letting yourself go to hell when you are physically able to do something about it. (Obviously, if the person has become disabled or such that's another story.)

Ask the person if they are pregnant.

Normally I would agree with you wholeheartedly, Sandy. But if you're in a situation where your loved one medically needs to lose the weight and isn't doing it, then its a whole different ballgame. You're not only hurting yourself, but the people who care about you. In that case, I would say that a person has every right in the world to speak up and voice his concern.

I know whereof I speak. :(

I always gain 5-10 lbs. in the winter and I admit, it's cuz I am lazy and stop going to the gym cuz of the cold. Also, I find that because I am in a relationship, I tend to do a lot more things that revolve around eating. As Peaches pointed out, I am well aware that I need to get my butt in gear again and get back to the gym. I also realize that my boyfriend and I need to start saving our money and staying away from the restaurants. Not to change the subject, but do any of you ladies feel that birth control ties into weight gain? Just curious :) .

Yes that's true. But if one let's themselves go it's their own fault, and they obviously don't care. So then what's the point of even telling them they need to lose weight?

I wouldn't tell them that they need to lose weight. I would do things like... go to healthier restaurants with them, cook dinners that are healthier, stop having junk food around the house, say "I want to get in better shape and I'm going to start exercising, I think it will be a lot more tolerable, or even fun, if you'll exercise with me". Focus on a healthier lifestyle for the two of you rather than on her losing weight.

My weight has yo-yo'd all my life. I know when I'm out of control and I know when I'm doing good. I have dieted very successfully at times and I have lost tons of weight due to illness too. However, when I was trying very hard to get in shape while I was married, he would suddenly bring home donuts, Hostess products, candy, cookies, cakes, etc. and leave them on the kitchen counter at all times. I would ask him to keep them in his car or briefcase or at least get them out of my sight, but he wouldn't. He also started working too late for me to go to the gym. I was at my heaviest weight ever when he met me and married me. I weighed less during most of our marriage than I weighed the day we got married, but he complained about my weight all the time and then sabotaged things when I tried to lose weight. Our marriage counselor agreed with what Sandy said though. He said that my weight was mine, and that it was none of his business and that if he really loved me, it wouldn't matter how I changed physically.

I have a co-worker who is a real athlete, she swam competitively in college and does triathlons now. She's in great shape, but her husband rags on her about the stretch marks she acquired while pregnant with HIS TWO CHILDREN! If I were her, I'd slap the guy!

Yes, the pill or Depo can cause some slight weight gain. So can some illnesses.

Dee

Re: How do you tell them nicely...
 

Just tell them they're getting fat. They'll be upset for a little while but eventually end up doing something about it.

I love how different this advice is from the "My boyfriend is growing his hair out really gross, how do I get him to cut it?" thread.

To be completely honest, I would just tell them that you're not as attracted to them as you once were. Let them decide whether they want to make the change or break up. If somebody changed their personality -- or their priorities regarding things other than weight -- over the course of the relationship, and you were no longer attracted to them because of that, you'd have no problem breaking up with them. If you got into a relationship with someone who was really nice and over the course of the relationship they turned into a big bitch to the point where you were no longer attracted to them, you'd break up with them. If sexual attraction is important to you in a relationship, why should you treat that differently?

(I'm assuming we're talking, you know, 40 pounds here and not 10.)

"say, do you hear that?"
"what?"
"sounds like someone here is getting fatter...and I think it's you"

Bobby has hit a touchy subject. You have to be the right type of person to the right person to be able to tell them "hey you've gained weight.".

When I was with my ex-bf we both gained weight towards the end of our first year together. We were just kinda looking at each other after eating at Applebee's and at the same time we said "omg did we really do this to ourselves?". It was like we hadn't noticed or something. So we agreed to start working out more and together, and we ate healthier.

Now if Nick had looked at me and said "baby you got fat" or "baby you got a lil' tummy". I would have flipped. But with both of us doing it at the same time it was okay.

But.... if my significant other had gained weight i'd prolly tell them.

I think you can just tell the guy . .. "Yo dude you are picking up some weight." Guys are easy.

With a girl. I can't see any polite way to tell her. Or any way to tell her that won't cause other long term problems.

So my advice with a girl would be to just not tell her and if you find her less attractive . . break up with her and give no reason.

I don't believe in changing people.

My fiance and I joined a gym together last week. Was that his way of telling me that I am fat? :eek:

Probably not.

But hey... you could use the membership to get some killer toned arms for your wedding dress. :)

Yeah I didn't think so, but after reading this thread you never know, lol.

I forgot about the wedding dress stuff. I'll do arms tomorrow! :)

I bet he just wanted the couple discount.

In Richmond I almost made my Kappa Sigma boyfriend join a gym with me, and he was in great shape. But damnit, for $100 off he was joining.

My fiance has been getting into shape the past few months b/c the physical examinations for the police academoy are strenous at best. Seeing him looking better and better has made me realize that I don't want to be the "chubby" girl w/the hot (IMO) fiance. I don't consider myselft fat or overweight by any means but I could definitely use some toning in my arms & abs. A little fitness never hurt anyone so I decided to get a trainer. I don't have his discipline to do it on my own & our work-out schedules are different. I do mornings & he does evenings so we can't work out together.
He never said I was getting a little round but I have a mirror so I know what I look like.

What gym?

I'm looking for gyms to join for after graduation.

Honestly, I would be outrageously offended if a guy i was dating told me that I was fat or that I needed to be at the gym or criticized what I was eating, especially since I struggled with an eating disorder in my younger years. Shit like that is what gives women complexes and body dismorphia and eating disorders. It creates this insecurity..."oh my god, the person I love most is disgusted by my body therefore I am worthless etc etc". And then guys bitch and moan when a woman says "i'm getting fat!".

No, saying that doesnt bother us. Because if you keep telling yourself that you'll end up doing something about it. What we bitch and moan about is when you say it ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!!!!



-take a lesson, ladies. Dont say you're getting fat more than twice a day.

HAHAHA...I love it.

In all honesty though, I wouldn't have the first clue how to tell my boyfriend that I think he's getting fat. I solve this problem by simply not having a boyfriend. ;)

As for girls developing eating disorders and distorted images of their bodies and such, honestly I think the criticism from other GIRLS is a bazillion times worse than coming from your boyfriend. Girls, especially in jr high/high school/early college, can be just flat out mean for no reason (I know this b/c I totally was...oops ;) ). I don't think that your significant other telling you that you might think about losing some weight (and doing it nicely of course) is going to hurt you as much as one of your girlfriend's giving you the once over before you go out together and asks if you're "seriously planning to wear that?".

I don't know what I am trying to say, but if your significant other needs to lose weight (health problems, etc.) I would put worrying about hurting their feelings aside and tell them straight up that they have a problem.

There's a difference between telling someone they are fat and need to lose weight because their weight has gotten out of control and they are putting 20, 40, or more pounds on. Yes, there is the person's health at stake and saying something (but saying it tactfully) is not a problem. Telling your SO that they are fat and need to lose weight because they put on 5 pounds over the holidays is not right.

Ditto

That seems like a reasonable reaction re: 8 pounds.