People asking you when you're going to have kids
 

Why is it that when you're young, married, female, and childless, people think it's ok to ask you (a) if you're pregnant and (b) when you plan to start having kids??

My team at work is about 1/3 female. As it happens, all the women are young, married, and have no children. One of the women recently announced that she is pregnant.

Yesterday, a group of us went to lunch, and out of the blue, one of my male coworkers asked one of my female coworkers, "So, when do you plan on having kids? My guess is a year, tops." She just sat there. A few seconds later, he apologized and said, "Sorry, that's a personal question."

A few minutes later, another male coworker joined us, and completely independently, he asked the same woman when she planned on having kids. Then he turned to me and asked me when I plan to start having kids!

I waved my hand as if I were going to slap him. What I should have done, is ask him when he plans on having kids. :p (He's single.)

As if I don't get enough of this from my mother-in-law :rolleyes:

shoe on the other foot
 

When I was expecting my UNanticipated fifth child, I got the "so haven't you figured out how to stop that" and "don't you think 4 was enough" and "are you catholic?" questions...

(yes I know how to stop it that is why we don't have 12, I guess 4 was not enough, Not catholic just loving and passionate)

I say answer honestly...."It is NONE of your business" and leave the questioner embarrassed.

This can be really hurtful, especially if you've tried to have kids and CAN'T.

I suggest you mention that to any uncouth boor who thinks he/she has a right to ask this question.

Ask them if they are volunteering to serve as a 24/7 babysitter. I'm sure the question will never come up again. :D

People should know better than to ask about others' family plans, but sadly they don't.

Then there's the mothers of twins who have to endure the "Were you on fertility medication?" question. And the really stooopid one that my co-worker got, upon learing she was expecting a boy and a girl, "Are they identical?"

And isn't it amazing that some people feel it's perfectly okay to put their hands on the stomach of a pregnant woman they don't know? Another co-worker got that a lot.

Big, fat, hairy, cosign.

Pregnancy has turned into a major project for me and Mr. A. Fortunately our families (both sides) know to shut their pie holes on the subject. Now we just have to deal w/ the rest of the world. :p

-add

As someone who has had a miscarriage and has quite a few good friends who suffer from various types of infertility, I feel that question is especially tactless and boneheaded. I know people are just trying to make conversation when they ask that (for the most part, anyway!) but it is rather annoying. Thankfully, we haven't had that question many times from family. Many of our friends are currently pregnant or have recently had kids, so everyone's expecting us to be next. I always just say "it happens when it happens, I guess."

Oh my...

At 33, I still have to deal with-"when are you going to get married?". My father gave me a Christmas card that read " to my daughter and her husband"-I am not sure when I got married -I must have slept in that day. I wish I knew who he was talking about and where this guy is.

Feminazi thread alert!

-Rudey

LOL Rudith, you KNOW that's not me and this crap drives me nuts.

Just look at it this way: the people that ask these questions are being tacky, boorish and stupid. So this is an anti-tacky thread. I know you can get on board with that :p.

Hey I just like my ladies all pregnant and barefoot.

It's just a matter of preference you see.

-Rudey

When I was married, I can remember being asked that question maybe two or three times -- and people are always so shocked that I don't want to have kids and like to say "You'll change your mind" or "OMGKIDZ are so great!" Whatever. People that stupid deserve to be given a verbal smackdown. My family knows better than to ask such an inappropriate question.

hell - i'm only 23 and i used to get it ALL THE DAMN time when i worked at a group home - all the older staff just assumed that at 23 that was my life goal, it was almost impossible to explain the concepts of family planning and college to them. ehhh...

- marissa

That question drives my nuts - because my boyfriend and I dated for so long we always got the "when are getting married question" and now that we are getting married I get the "when are you having kids" or "are you planning on having kids" question. Why does getting married mean you to have to start having children - do people think there's nothing else to a marriage - drives me nuts. Our parents know us well and have not asked about grand kids - and friends and acquitances have quickly learned that I will give them the evil stare down if they ask me about kids.

I have a petite figure but my stomach seems to protrude out further than it should because my back is all out of whack. (I'm working on it...)

I've been asked by random people if I'm pregnant. I was even working out at the gym once and this guy passed by and asked "are you having a baby?" and then proceeded to pass by again multiple times, focusing on my stomach.

Sad thing is that I'm at high risk to have a child and probably won't ever have one that way. (YAY for adoption!) But people just have no tact!

When I broke my foot I gained a bunch of weight. This post office clerk squinted at my stomach, patted her own, and said, "Are you getting fat around the middle?"

I was so surprised I didn't even know what to say, other than, "I am getting fat around the middle, but no, I'm not pregnant." Then she told me about her son's wife's pregnancy. In detail.




hahaha. Then I started using an exercise bike until my cast came off. Thanks post office lady.

YES! I can't believe people do that. IF I'm ever pregnant and someone does that to me, I think I'll need to do it back to them, just so they can see how inapprorpiate it is.

Anyway, Mr RedRose and I have been married for 2 years and have no immediate plans for children. Really, I don't like kids. Surprisingly, no one has asked when we're planning to have any.

Rudey, with all the game skillz you got and the "green" issue with your quivering member, your frog princesses will have plenty of tadpoles for you that will crumbsnatch your global investment funds, Roths and life insurance policies... I am so sure you are ready to be "Father of the YEAR"!!!!

YAY for the Rudester!!! He's pregnant!!!

I want kids, but my Mr. AKA_Monet does not right now... He's freaking out... But, I will not press him because in reality, neither of us can afford it even though I am over 35... :(

However, after watching the drama unfold between my brother, my SIL and their kid along with my parents... Whewhoo... I really suggest thoroughly discussing to your S/O EVERY detail about having kids... 'Cuz you cain't send them back--ever... And your time is NEVER you own again--they OWN your azz foreva!!! And if you have already gotten the parental threat of: "yeah we'll take care of the kid, and give it all he needs--and when it's time to go home--we'll send 'em home..."

So I dunno what to say to parents that ask, "when will you have kids?" or if you gain half a pound--and get asked, "are you expecting?" I guess I just smile a say, "no" and try to let it go... But it does drive me to drink copious amounts of alcohol...

Oh yeah....that question!
I got it when the ink was barely dry on the marriage certificate.
Mr. 1228 has a kid from a previous marriage and we plan on having one.

The funny thing is the folx who have been sweating me are my cousins who got knocked up at 16 and have a few kids with a couple of different baby daddies. :rolleyes:

Them: When are you having kids?
Me: When the time is right for US.
Them: Well it is never a right time so you might as well go on and do it.
Me: I will get back to you...I will even call you as we are conceiving :rolleyes:

Whatever! The right time is when you are are damn good amd ready in ALL aspects

There are times when I wanted to lay the smackdown on folx. Thankfully our mothers have been cool and not dumb enough to ask

I ran into a high school friend I hadn't seen in over 10 years. When he asked me if I was married or had children, I WENT OFF ON HIM! LOL!!! I then asked if HE was married and had children.

I usually don't react to that question in that manner. He caught on a bad day. Poor thing. LOL!!

If the can't ask when you're going to have kids, people will always find something nosy to ask. Right after my husband and I got married, people immediately began to ask when we were going to start our family, probably bc we were older. Then after our family began to grow quickly, they asked if we knew what caused it or if we knew how to stop. (Offensive to us because our kids are intelligent, caring, high-achieving, and well-behaved.) We liked to reply that conceiving them was so much fun that we didn't want to stop.

Yup, I have been dating my boyfriend not even a year yet and we hear this all the time. In fact, his 16-year-old sister told him that "it would be the best Sweet 16 present if she could become an aunt". UMMMMM WTF?!!!!!!!! I can barely afford to pay my rent, car and school loans let alone a baby, and hello, I am not married to your brother.......Also I am the only one on my team at work that doesn't have kids yet. I always feel excluded every morning when my co-workers are talking about the recent drama from the day before with their kids/grandkids. Not that I am complaining really but they are always like "You'll understand when you have kids one day, and just hope that you don't have a damn girl..........."

If I become a father this year, I hope a bus takes my face off and I live in the desert with scorpions as my friend.

-Rudey
--Who am I kidding? I'd just say it's not mine and not pay a dime!

Dude, your little horny toads will be ribbiting upto you and you cannot deny them one cent!!!

You'd be cute with a little green apron and a baby buggy... :rolleyes:

I know this question. I'm engaged & had to endure the "When are you getting married?" question left & right. Well, we're still 9 months away from the wedding & now inconsiderate rude morons are asking if we're going to start right away on our honeymoon. I just tell them that we will have kids if and when we feel the time is right. Unfortunately, his over-eager cousin got knocked up on her wedding night & is now having a 2nd child barely 3 years after her wedding so she does the majority of the asking. I just smirk & say that when we have kids, we'll do it so that WE can afford to feed & clothe our children rather than depend on our parents for food, rent, clothes, & bills. That is sadly her situation & it's something I will not do to either of our parents. I just feel that if you're married but your parents are footing the bill for everything b/c you just can't afford it, then you shouldn't be getting married or having kids.
Off the soapbox now.

I feel ya girl! I don't want our families (or worse welfare) footing the bill for our kids.

We footed the wedding bill ourselves. Main reason, we had a way we wanted it...our wedding our way....you want YOU PAY

Uggh, I hate this question. The Mr. and I just got home from visiting family and we got this alot. When I inform people that I don't want kids, they say, oh-you'll change your mind! Ok thanks-you obviously know what I want better than I do, so I'm not sure why I answered the question. Or, I hear, when your 30 you'll change your mind. I'm sorry, but 30 isn't a magical number that on my bday I will wake up and demand my husband to impregnate me. No thanks. People don't listen when you say you don't want kids. And it drives me crazy!! The Mr. finally said, next time someone asks you that burst into tears and scream, we're trying but we just can't!! That would make people quit asking that question pretty fast.

:D That's a damn good answer! I'm going to start saying that one after our I Do's when the pack of nosy people start asking. ;)

JennRN - hahaha I love your husband's suggestion! :D

I know that "you'll change your mind" line well. There are a lot of doctors who will not perform tubal ligations on women under 30 or 35 because "they'll change their minds". :rolleyes:

When asked that question, I would answer:

1) (pause) "I'm not sure that question deserves an answer."

or

2) *sigh* "Okay, first I need to ovulate. Then, we have to have sex. His sperm will hopefully swim and penetrate the egg, which we hope will then attach to my uterine wall..." I rarely had to go that far, but you get my drift.

Nobody has ever asked me that question.

I have a friend of mine who replies "I can't bear children". That shuts folx right up! :D

Everytime my folks get enough wine in them, they start getting onto me about getting them some grandkids.

Hey, I thought you were getting married soon or something? Or may be you moved in with your girlfriend...

I can't keep up with you...

But you'd have some cute grandkiddies for your parents...

Let them take care of lil crumb snatchers...

I hated that while I was pregnant--- strangers in Walmart would touch me. After the first few times of looking shocked I started giving dirty looks-- my husband swore on a really hormonal day I would end up punching some Walmart person who thought it was ok to touch me.

I'm 20, and on my list of stuff I want to do in life, kids arn't anywhere on there. Granted I am 20, and I may change my mind. However, if someone were to pose this question to me right now, I may have to hurt them. If you ever see on the news the woman who started a fight in Wal-Mart in WV, that would probably be me.