Pregnant Pledge
 

Has anyone ever rushed/or intaked a young woman who was pregnant?

Is this downed on some sororities?

Uh yes it is downed on by SOME sororities. Sometimes it just depends on the guy that got you prego.

I know of a chapter of Alpha Phi Omega who took a pregnant pledge. It also pledged her husband the same semester. (Alpha Phi Omega is co-ed, community service)

Randy

Re: Pregnant Pledge
 

It's frowned upon by many organizations, not because it's seen as "OMG baby out of wedlock shock horror!" but because it's seen as "you're in school, and you're about to have *a child*. There's much more important stuff that you should focus on and will need to devote your time to than pledging a sorority and trying to go through mandatory recruitment events next year with a three-month-old that's still breastfeeding."

My chapter never took a pregnant pledge when I was there, but we had a married pledge in my pledge class (his wife was active VP of Membership, he was president of the pledge class) A couple years after I graduated, the spring semester chapter president found out she was pregnant shortly after taking office. (she was a senior) She held her office and gave birth over the summer.

i agree w/ kateshort.

here are more comments on a similar topic:
http://forums.greekchat.com/gcforums...gnant+pledging

My chapter has never taken a pregent pledge. However, we have taken pledges that already had their baby. The girls in the house and chapter help out with the baby.

I really don't see anything wrong with taking a pregent pledge if she is willing to put up the time and financial stuff to be part of the sorority.

the point is that
 

if the young woman has opted to keep her baby and wants to be a member of a sorority and go to school full time, something is going to be neglected and get less time and energy devoted to it, and i bet it will be the baby.

That is pretty judgmental.

Just because a woman chooses to have a baby doesn't mean she can't also go to school full time, be in good sister, and be a good mom. A lot depends on her personal circumstances. Sometimes being a good mother means making sure that you have things which you do for yourself. Not every woman needs to be with her baby 24/7 to be a good mom.

Re: the point is that
 

That's a HUGE assumption.

Some people can do 10 things at a time and do them all very well. Some people can only do one thing and they suck at it.

And I agree with what HelloKitty said - you need to do things for yourself to be a good mom. The moms I've seen who are completely focused on their children and have zero outside interests or activities are pretty miserable people.

Almost ALL. Whether they want to admit in public, or not.

ladies,
 

i have two children who are now teenagers and i know how much time it takes to be a good and responsible parent, especially when the child is young. i also know how much time a sorority takes up in college, how much time classes take and how much time it takes to study and get good grades. something will be neglected if a young woman is a full time student, a single parent and a sorority member. if she neglects her studies she may be dismissed from school, thus making it harder to make a good living and be able to support the child. if she neglects her sorority duties she will be hassled by the other members and made to feel guilty for not participating in the activities. if the baby gets short shrift of her time, it really can't complain because it is a baby.i have also done volunteer work with unwed teenage mothers(which may have jaded my opinion) and most of them keep their babies, not realizing how much time, energy and money it takes to raise a child. they want to go out like the average teen to movies, parties, sporting events or just hang with their friends, but they often can't because of the baby, or the grandmother has to babysit. so yes i am judgemental. i feel that if a young woman (and i mean high school or college age) gets pregnant and keeps her baby, then the baby should be her top priority. and yes, mothers should treat themselves ,but the time and money it takes be a good, contributing member of a sorority will take time away from her baby. i think that you would find that most mothers treat themselves to the occasional manicure or pedicure, the occasional lunch with the girls or some quiet time alone. their treats don't happen everyday, cost a lot of money or take up hours of time.

I have two children who are 9 and 11 and I'm a single mom. I'm also a cub scout leader, a Province Director for AGD and I work full time. Granted, I was not a single mom when my children were infants but I may as well have been since my (now) ex-husband was worked 70 hours a week. I have also been a full time college student and sorority member. Going to college full time is MUCH less demanding than a 40 hour/week job. In college, I had 10-15 hours of actual class time with about 10 hours of homework a week. It wasn't even close to working full time. IF I had financial support from my family or lived at home, joining a sorority while in school full time with an infant would have been FAR less stressful than working full time, having an infant, a house to maintain, and volunteering for AGD.

Everybody has different situations. Every University has different types of students. I'm fairly sure I posted this in the other thread before, but if you're at a commuter campus in an urban area, this situation wouldn't be all that rare. If you're at a traditional 4 year University in the South, it would be very rare.

It just depends.

Dee

but dee,
 

were you attending college full time , in agd and did you have a child at that time?

Re: but dee,
 

You're missing the point. Going to college and being in a sorority is often LESS time consuming than working a full time job. Are you also saying that if a single mother works full time she's neglecting her child?

I was working full time and a Finance Specialist for AGD when I had my kids. I wasn't a collegian. The Finance Specialist position took about 8 hours a month, which is slightly less than the time I spent on sorority things while in college.

But seriously, working full time is far more time consuming than college ever was. I leave for work at 7 am daily and return home at 5:30 pm. I was never in school that many hours, even if you counted homework time.

I did qualify that I think a woman's family would need to be VERY supportive of her continuing to live a "typical" college student life in spite of accidentally having a child at a young age. At one of the chapters I supervise now they had a young woman join who had a two year old. She lived with her parents who helped her with babysitting and she brought the child to Exec Council meetings because she was the VP Finance for the chapter. She was active and seemed to be very involved with her child as well. At some campuses, we need to be more open minded because the students just aren't traditional students.

Dee

As previously said, I think it depends on where you are and what that chapter's attitude is. The year I went through, another chapter on campus bidded a girl that almost every chapter wanted. At Bid Day festivities, someone asked her if the child she was holding was her little brother. She said, "No, he's my child." Three hours later, she was no longer a new member of that sorority.

Keep in mind though, the prevailing attitude of many in Alabama is "OMG, she has a baby and she's not married/in a committed relationship, so she must be a slut." Even if the sisters didn't think that, other people would have, and this campus/town is still small enough for something like that to ruin the reputation of all the girls in a chapter. It may very well be different somewhere else.

I don't think it's our business to decide whether or not a woman has the time to be in a sorority and have a baby at the same time. After all, it's not like we tell girls who are pre-med not to rush because "they have more important things to be concentrating on" during their college careers, even though everybody knows that there are some majors that take up a lot more time than others.

That said, I don't think that there is a chapter at my school that would take a pregnant girl (although clearly I can't speak for any of these chapters, including my own), and I will straight-out admit that it is for more shallow reasons than those listed above.

have i ever personally seen a sorority take a pregnant new member? no. have i seen a sister who became pregnant while she was active? yes. now this was not from my own chapter, but a sister of one of the other chapters on my campus. the woman also happened to be panhel vp recruitment that year. she did carry the pregnancy through, but did give the child up for adoption. she gave birth over christman break and came back a few weeks later and ran formal recruitment without breaking stride.

now, taking this into the pregnant pnm/new member issue, i think many of you are not thinking about adoption as a possibility. i agree having to take care of a newborn infant, go to school, and being a new member in a sorority would be quite taxing, but we are not even considering the possibility of a woman who is not keeping the child for her own. now this situation, i feel, would be slightly more do-able.

I'm sorry I know I'm a little off topic but I just had to respond to this...

Your statements are some of the most judgemental and baseless comments I've heard on this board. Considering that you have no children and you're too young to have had a full time job for more than a summer, I find it really bizarre that you are lecturing people about how to live their lives, handle their jobs and raise their children. First, not every woman who works full time and has a child does it because she "forced" to do so because of "socio/economic status." Many women simply want to work!! I could never stay home and take care of a child because I need the stimulation of work. I enjoy going to work and whether I have a child with a man or not or whether I need the money or not, I will always work. Working is very personally satisfying and many people enjoy it and can balance it with having children. For me, if I had no job I would be bored and frustrated and would be a much worse mother. Second, my entire life I had a mother who worked full time and then some (sometimes as much as 60+ hours per week) and I never once felt that she was unavailable to me or that I was scarred for life in some way. I remember my mother always being there because she was the kind of woman who could make time for everything. I have an excellent close relationship with my mother, and I grew up to be a successful, well adjusted, normal person.
My secretary had her daughter at 15 and worked full time throughout her child's life. She did a great job raising her daughter. They have a great relationship and her daughter has grown to be a beautiful, talented, smart, and wonderful girl.
Maybe having one person stay at home would be optimal for YOU but that doesn't mean that is the only way to raise a child. Maybe you should look beyond your child development books (which have their own biases) and actually talk to some people who have done it or who have lived through it.
You have a very myopic view of how children should be raised and what is and is not going to "damage" them. You should recognize that there are lots of ways to raise a healthy child and that the two parent household with one breadwinner is not the "optimal" choice and doesn't work for everyone.

In a word no, but I am basing this on my chapter when I was active. It would not have happened, and if it did by mistake (and was found out) then she would not have been initiated.

Leaving your infant at daycare because you are working to make money to support your family = OK.

Leaving your infant at daycare because you are going bowling with a fraternity = not OK.

Maybe it's easier to be in some of your sororities... but I can't imagine trying to be an active member while managing an infant. Although I still think it would awkward and hard to manage, I can potentially see having a sister with an older child. But, in case some of you have forgotten, when your 9 months of pregnancy are over, the end result is a NEWBORN who needs loads of care. And while I realize that there are many different family situations, I don't support leaving your child with alternate care while you have your many hours a week of sorority fun time.

Edited to add: I don't think this is a subject about which you can make a definite decision. I feel like all of the pieces should be carefully examined before you can make a choice. But I'd have to say, there would have to be some serious extenuating circumstances for me to be into it...

I would like to echo the sentiment posted earlier. Our organizations were fought for by our founders. Our founders were often women who were ahead of their time by entering college when it was still a boys club. Again, women fought for the right to vote and be equal in the eyes of the law.

I do not think a chapter should be deciding for a woman if she can or cannot handle the membership requirements. Unless you carry her burden, you do not make her decisions.

I am suprised that so many college educated women are willing to discriminate based on someone's parental status. I do think women should be given every opportunity to do things. Would a fraternity discriminate against a man with a child. You know that answer is NO. So why do we? Do we honestly think that a woman who is choosing to raise a child cannot make this decision for herself?

If this was put to me, and I thought the woman would make a great sister by personality, presentation, academic excellence, etc I would give her a bid. It is not for me to decide FOR her. If she expressed interest, then the decision would be up to her.

Maybe I'm just naive and don't get it, but why can't you take your child with you to sisterhood things? I mean I know that I am attempting to joina sorority through AI so I don't claim to know "how much time" a collegiate sorority experience requires. I am the member of a professional GLO and I do hold a couple of offices with my chapter and my four month old son goes to all of the events with me. He's actually going to my Provincial meeting this weekend with me. Now I am 26 and work full time so no I'm not an undergrad, I'm a part-time grad student, but I just don't see why you can't take your child to things with you. That's just my thought though.

How much time it requires varies greatly by chapter, college and the individual. For some commuter campuses, it is simply an hour long meeting a week, plus a few philanthropies a semester, with maybe two socials and two sisterhoods a semester. If you held an exec office like Treasurer, then it's like having an additional class. The week of Recruitment and Initiation take up a lot more time, possibly 8-10 hours a week. Are there women who spend more time than that on their sorority? Absolutely. But, to do the "minimum" doesn't have to be that time consuming.

For those who say that a woman shouldn't have a babysitter while they go do something social... Does that include all the married people who hire a babysitter to go to dinner and a movie? To bowl on their bowling league? Who utilize the babysitting services at the gym to work out? Let's be real here. Parents don't stop having social lives when they have kids. I have friends who left their kids with grandparents while they went on a vacation with their husband to Hawaii or on cruises, and the kids are not damaged by it.

Dee

If you are pregnant why would you want to pledge? Or do you mean someone gets pregnant why going through membership intake??

I think a lot of guys would get the freshmen girls preggers if the fascist government wouldn't make them pay child support.

-Rudey
--Spread your seed gentlemen.

This is my thought also...

That is judgemental. How can you know what she is or is not capeable of in regards to her time? I'm not saying it isn't hard, but the realworld isn't any easier.

Pros/Cons
 

I think that joining a sorority is a very beneficial addition to any girl's life. However, you get out of it what you put into it. If she dedicates a lot of time, then it will mean more than if she just shows up at chapter meetings. If she has full time classes, a job (full or part time) and has studying on top of raising a child (which is supposed to be a full time job) then either one thing will get the short end of her time, or everything will get partial attention. Studying is important! After all we are in college to get an education, not be in a sorority. Another thing to contemplate is why is she joining a sorority. Is it because it is the "cool" thing to do or is there other reasons why she is interested. A lot of my friends jumped on the sorority boat the second we got into college and had a hard time balancing school, sorority, studying, social life as well as family/job commitments. I waited a few years and by then I was ready to balance everything. If her child is fairly young maybe she is not taking into account how much it takes to "raise" a child. I agree that IF she has a supportive family it helps, but even so I would hate to think that she would want to live the normal collegiate life so much that she never sees the child or worse yet the child thinks his grandparents are his parents. I was involved in several other organizations when I joined sorority and my love for sorority made me slowly become less active in the others. Just a thought. Obviously no one will really know the benefits/consequences until it really happens. I also agree that "society" judges girls who are unwed/young mothers and that is also a dilemma. I woudl say if it is possible, take a chapter vote and let the majority rule?

!Re: Pros/Cons
 

I'm going into diabetic shock!

Okay, I have read all the thoughts on this topic and I have to agree with all the people who say that it is that woman's call. If she feels that she can balance being in a sorority, being a full time student and being a mother, who are we to totally blackball her and not give her a chance. Doesn't she deserve a chance just like all the other PNM's going through formal or informal recruitment? Plus, for all we know this hypothetical sister could be a better sister than the girl who doesn't have a kid.

I don't think it is for us to "punish" these girls. I had a friend who got pregnant at 14. It's not like she chose to get pregnant, it was an accident. She kept her daughter and went to college. Now had she decided to rush, should she continue to be "punished" over something that happened when she was 14? No she should't.

Now if the girl were actually pregnant going through recruitment I think it's our job as sisters to ask her what her plans are. Should we just jump to the assumption that she is keeping the baby? No. Just like we shouldn't jump to the assumption that she is giving the baby up for adoption. For all we know she could have an incredibly supportive family who is encouraging her to rush. Plus, the father might still be in the picture giving his encouragement.

I wonder how people would feel if this hypothetical PNM were a legacy?

Re: !Re: Pros/Cons
 

You are going into diabetic shock because some of it may actually be a legitimate point. You response orginally stated the word "preggo". I rest my case.

Well that could be said for anyone. Suzy Sadistic Druggie Prostitute could totally turn a new leaf. Does she deserve a fair chance?

No one said the girl couldn't rush. But rush is MUTUAL SELECTION. Both sides have to make choices... someone's gotta go. Just like in hiring a new person for a job... you might have a ton of people who could do the job, but you have to pick the one that can do it the best.

The exact same way. And she would probably get cut, too.

Re: Re: !Re: Pros/Cons
 

I was talking about that sweet and colorful post of yours.

Being a drug addict or a prostitute are both illegal and are also things which society as a general rule doesn't want to promote. Being pregnant is nothing like being either a drug addict or a prostitute. In fact, I find it a reflection of your own prejudices that you would use such a comparison.

Generally speaking society wants to support women's choice to have a child and to aid pregnant women (hence the WIC program, subsidized day care, free pre-natal care, etc.).

Why would you equate being pregnant, one of the most important jobs in society, with being a prostitute?

Furthermore, the comparison you make to job selection is also false. Are you aware that is illegal to discriminate against a women in hiring because she is pregnant or has a child? It is even illegal to ASK a women during a job interview if she is pregnant, planning to become pregnant, or if she has a child.

Sorority women historically have been trailblazers in terms of securing education and rights for women, so why are you so behind the times on this issue? Many women fought long and hard to prevent employers from discriminating against women based on their reproductive status, so isn't it ironic that the women in the country who should be the most educated and aware of these issues would be participating in it themselves?

I find that you're being totally oversensitive, overzealous and oversanxious to write a long post criticizing someone on their opinions. You do not know me, do not know anything about my so-called prejudices, etc. You shouldn't tell someone that they're prejudiced when you're being entirely judgmental on your own right.

I was using an extreme example. Where is the line, then? Yes they're two different things, but where's the line? If you're going to make an exception for one circumstance, why not all circumstances? it's more of a theoretical question.

And if i'm prejudiced for thinking that a teenager with a child shouldn't be spending her "spare" time between class, raising a child, work, etc worrying about being in a sorority and all the hours of time involved, then so be it. Never knew I was prejudiced for valuing my ideal that one should spend time with her child.

Again, it's not leaving the child to go to work, or school or something else. It's to do a mainly social activity.

It's different that a mom having friends, going out, etc. Myself and everyone else in my chapter put a lot of time in. It's not equivalent in any way to going out once or twice a week and leaving the kid with a sitter.

Hey, it might work in some chapters, but it wouldn't work in mine. And it wouldn't work in most chapters.