Note: Originally posted in the "Ramblings of a Single Woman" thread
 

While I am still single, my "status" is rather ideal that IMHO I should be getting my pick of a woman. I am a seasoned professional in my career, homeowner, make a decent salary, God-worshiping, and TCBing.

Question: is it me or does it seem that foreign (read: African and Caribbean) women tend to gravitate toward me for friendships and relationships b/c their standards in a man isn't as stringent as an American woman's? No, for real. I have been dating Kenyans, Jamaicans, Bermudans, Malawians, Eritreans/Ethiopians and they all like my "plain" persona as a Black man.

It seems to me that while I prefer Black American women, I probably won't get one b/c in my experience, too many of them are too quick to put me in the "friend" zone b/c I don't meet their criteria of what they want in a man (yes, I am short--5' 6"). Whereas foreign women see me for who I am and accept it.

To make a long story short, do you really want a man, or do you want a living breathing fantasy?

PS: I may have to edit this b/c I asked 5 questions @ once. That's what happens when you are rambling...

I'm not calling any names but the young lady in dc should be able to address this issue - after all, she just wants a decent man to love - she is not at all caught up in all this crazy stuff - sounds like you are an ideal person for her - best of luck -

Re: Question:
 

Rainman, sweetheart, you have to find someone that loves you for just you--just as you are...

Lemme be brutally honest with you: many women who post here find you unattractive without ever having seen you or interacted with you because you ask probing and difficult questions, which gets on their last nerve...

For foreign women, they may have a good command of the English language (if not their native tongue), but because of sheer differences in acculturation, their experiences vary from most women native to the U.S. Dare I say, it varies from state to state...

So when you ask these women questions, they really think about them for whatever reason. It is a part of their learning, a part of their epistemology, a part of the way they learn and grew up... I dunno, but that's the best I can give you, sweetheart...

For sistahs tho' (and you know that euphemism)--especially the educated ones who are the uber-professionals, they do not give a DAYUM about the "moon and the stars" you try to talk about--in fact they see it a picky, harassing, haranguing--rather than highly intelligent, inquisitive, knowledgeable, etc...

I KNOW this is what is going on, because before my illness, I would have written you off in a heartbeat--'cuz after a long, hard days work with bigotted caucasian men and women that you wanted to beat the shit out of, but couldn't because of workplace violence--I dayum sho did not want to justify myself, especially not to you...

But after my illness, when I was ALONE in the hospital without ANYBODY, I had to revise my understanding about caring people--especially men...

My husband is much like you--questions--he thrives on that kind of thing--it is a "survival tactic" in the field of work he's in... Sistahs need to understand that. So we debate, discuss, etc. and may disagree... But it took me to change my understanding of how you smart Black men really are to love y'all... :) ;)

Beloved, you will soon meet the woman of your dreams... She will be everything you have ever hoped for... I cannot guarentee that there won't be trials and tribulations with any relationship, but I can say, you have to take risks sometimes...

Have a Blessed Holiday!!!

Just dropping in to say that was a great post AKA_Monet! :)

Sometimes people come to this realization on their own (that you should be with someone who loves you just as you are - faults, opinions, and all) and sometimes it takes a life changing moment to get you there.

To AKAMonet...
 

....good points! Well said! (and yes, I had a happy holiday) ;)

As far as educated sistas not wanting to be questioned and challenged, I thought that college was to teach you precisely that.

I mean no harm (and you probably already know this) when I ask those probing, challenging questions that I am very famous for here on GC. My objective on GC is to get folk to THINK critically, rather than react radically. And as college educated individuals, IMHO we should be better equipped and able to do this.

Edit: I had more to say about this, but I would be seriously hijacking the thread, but I agree wholeheartedly with your points.

Condescending attitudes are never attractive.
 

There's a difference between being able to and wanting to. The latter is the reality while you choose to see the former.

Re: Condescending attitudes are never attractive.
 

I guess my whole point about college educated foreign women being better able to relate to me than college educated American women b/c of my "I challenge you to THINK" persona comes down to this:

Foreigners see college as a means to get knowledge (critical thinking)

Americans see college as a means to get over (job, more money).

Yes, I'm oversimplifying, but it is to prove a point.

Therefore, foriegn women are probably more apt to accept my persona because the need to think critically has been better ingrained in them from their cultural upbringing.

That has been THE biggest challenge in me finding a suitable Black American mate: Can you THINK?

OTOH, it is probably the reason why I prefer older women as opposed to women my age or younger.

Re: To AKAMonet...
 

I can understand your quandry... Most women will be cursing you out for your statements. But you will handle it... :rolleyes:

And do you really think US colleges "really" prepare folks to think critically given what folks wanna do??? My point is, why take a very difficult professor in a non-majors course who does help you think critically, and have a poor overall GPA when you need that high one to get into graduate/professional school? Even in your majors GPA is high, if your overall GPA is poor, then what?

(And pretty please don't bring up the NPHC affiliates and GPAs here--either make another topic on that subject because we will go off on a tangent about that issue alone...)

Dare I say that most folks don't want the difficulty to think critically outside the box and be passionate about it like you are... ;)

However, when you approach Sistahs, they HATE being challenged--especially on their thoughts about thangs. Rarely do you find many sistahs that can accept your inquisitiveness and take on your challenges--most of them older and more mature... And as far as some foreign women, they may not be understanding you as much as you think and might have other thangs on their mind that you cannot read till its too late... I did not say all, I said some...

All I can say that from the day you challenged my thoughts (good thing I was in grad school HELL) and seeing how you have eased some of your "attack positions"--if you want Sistahgirl, you have to slow your roll a bit... Let it "develop" and "blossom" or "evolve"--and you might be pleasantly suprised...



And to all the single and looking ladies,

As a betting women about to go the vega$, I would bet within 2005, Rainman will be taken off the single block... Because, he is in his prime and very ready... And I mean, really ready... Y'all just have to be up to the challenge...

PM me if you want to know how and why...:o

Re: Re: To AKAMonet...
 

Thank you, AKAMonet! I receive that from the bottom of my heart.
:D :D :D

Your posts on this topic has humbled me. ;)

BTW, I hope you have had a Merry Christmas as well!! :)

How brothaman loves...
 

I know I'm gonna get blasted 'cuz of this...

But one thing I have found out is that most, if not all African American men have extremely sensitive egos...

And they love to have their egos boosted, several times a day if possible.

It is difficult to boost the egos of extremely smart African American men... Because they catch on quickly... But because these fellas are extremely logical and "vulcanesque", you can affect them with sensual innuendoes quickly...

The thugs have the toughest exterior but all gushy in the middle. However, if you have never grown up in that environment, then you have difficulty reaching inside their heart--'cuz they barely have one... But it's in there, somewhere... How you might find it is a pathway you might spend your youthful looks finding...

A playa says he never needs loving... That's what he says... But the more love he "spreads" from woman to woman, the less love he gets in return. That's because he's spent. He doesn't have much love. He barely loves himself, how quite possibly could he love you?

The spoilt brothaman is the hardest one of all. You don't know which way the "wind" will blow with that one--if you catch my drift, or if he would appreciate it. But when he does, you would have an open-access pass to his heart and he will be ever present in all aspects of your life because he is the one who loves you deeply as a friend...

Ladies, and gentlemen, remember that during this NYE season... And protect yourself at all times...

Re: Re: Condescending attitudes are never attractive.
 

My post wasn't in regards to what you deal with outside of GC.

Why are you searching for a suitable American when you have Foreigners (read: African and Caribbean) that you relate better to? What makes the American more preferable to end up with?

So we aren't allowed to prefer tall men without mullets, but you can prefer Americans to Foreigners?

I don't like the way this thread is turning into women being too picky and that's why they are having a hard time finding a mate. I'm pretty sure the women have no problems finding guys and while they may not be perfect, the women will work with them. The problem could be these guys are in turn searching for their own fantasy or don't want a commitment. They want all the perks and benefits of a committed relationship, but don't want the label.

Re: Re: Re: Condescending attitudes are never attractive.
 

I don't think women are too picky... They just have their expectations, as they should. The higher the better. And I think that the expectations should be made known immediately. Most African American men appreciate that--they may not like it, but they like the directness for some reason...

I think it is hard to find a soulmate. A mate is easy to find. But one that you want to get along with for a long time, now that's difficult.

For whatever reasons, most sistahs want a man to love them... A soulmate mostly... A nightstand, some do, some don't. And, one has to be opened to numerous possibilities to find that "special someone". That means you kiss frogs, often... And if the frog treats you well, then you will have baby tadpoles. But they will be yours...

However, I don't think Rain man's assessment is to bash African American women here... I really think he's waiting for that special somebody to come into his life and "sweep" him off his feet--or rock his world (if you catch my drift). And he has practiced so much stand offishness over the years, that he is outta tune with the beat of a sistah that might be the "one he is searching for"...

You just have to know those kinds of things about men... Sometimes they let anything come outta their mouths without thinking...

Re: Re: Re: Re: Condescending attitudes are never attractive.
 

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
I don't think women are too picky... They just have their expectations, as they should. The higher the better. And I think that the expectations should be made known immediately. Most African American men appreciate that--they may not like it, but they like the directness for some reason...

Very true, AKAMonet.

I think it is hard to find a soulmate. A mate is easy to find. But one that you want to get along with for a long time, now that's difficult. For whatever reasons, most sistahs want a man to love them... A soulmate mostly... A nightstand, some do, some don't. And, one has to be opened to numerous possibilities to find that "special someone". That means you kiss frogs, often... And if the frog treats you well, then you will have baby tadpoles. But they will be yours...

Again, so true!

However, I don't think Rain man's assessment is to bash African American women here... I really think he's waiting for that special somebody to come into his life and "sweep" him off his feet--or rock his world (if you catch my drift). And he has practiced so much stand offishness over the years, that he is outta tune with the beat of a sistah that might be the "one he is searching for"...

BINGO! AKAMonet, you are batting 1000 here!

Many women here on GC confuse my constructive criticism with ______ bashing. Only a handful has successfully been able to discern the core messages I have been conveying in my posts, and from that, I have received great rapport from these individuals.

One thing women must understand about me is that I am NOT a politically correct person; I do not cater to egos, but I do cater to a person's character. That does not mean that I will not stroke someone's ego from time to time, but that is only after I have discerned the nature of your spirit and character and I am comfortable with you in such a way that I would not mind giving you an occasional ego boost, which I have done, albeit on a sparingly basis.

My un-PC nature is IMHO the real reason why I am not popular with a lot of women here on GC, but I am OK with that.

Here is a little known secret about me regarding the perm/mullet appearance: I would LOVE to be able to get rid of it for the woman I love. The thing about it is: Do you have the spirit and character that is so attractive to me, that it would make me WANT to get rid of it because my heart's desire is to please you? If you love my heart and character (the internal) as is, I would have no problems with working on my physical appearace (the external), b/c AFAIC the external is merely the icing (read: bonus) on an already excellent tasting cake, which I would be glad to perfect.

As it stands now, all the perm/mullet jokes and snide comments are merely encouraging me to keep it rather than discouraging me from keeping it. In other words, you can catch more flies with honey rather than with vinegar.

You just have to know those kinds of things about men... Sometimes they let anything come outta their mouths without thinking...

No comment :p

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Condescending attitudes are never attractive.
 

RainMan,
I have no doubt that you will be off the market soon and very soon.! And you're so right, if a woman doesn't like you because of your hair and because you challenge them to think outside the box, forget them and keep moving. To use as an example, no one really thought Will Smith was cute...until Jada got with him..changed up his clothes, HAIR and whole style... the old saying a good woman can make or break a man is so true.

Hold fast for the one that God has for you, and when you meet her, you will know. Don't get caught up in what the women here on GC say that don't know you.

You'll be AIGHT!!! :D ;)

Wait, Rainman, you have a mullet...
 

Hey, what is up with the very, skurry needs a new curl, permed out mullet, dude... That like went out in the Reagan administration... :rolleyes:

Rainman, lets be honest, you want honey without the bees... You cain't be swangin' the hottest chick and you ain't flashin' major cash or looking "smoove, suave and deboner" (a husband euphemism). And it don't matta how clean you are, 'cuz there's some luser chick that lovvveddd them some former Miami Dolphins Ricky--had his kid, too...

You on the other hand, ain't swinging it like dat, dere... So, if you want the big ticketed, endowed women who wear 6 inch heels, you are gonna have to step it up a notch, or two... That's what I am talking about when I say taking risks...

You can be your inquisitive self as much as you want. But, if you ain't footin' the bill, then you can't go where the playas go..

Okey, I break it down like this to you. Mr. AKA_Monet, has a very terrible skin condition... His own boys call him "wolverine" from X-men... Along with that, he had acne even at his age--30-something. When he was a teen, he tried Retin-A. It never worked... Then I watched him and his skin care regimen. He was caring for his skin all wrong!!! So, a Mary Kay consultant and I organized a skin care maintenence regimen and I had to teach my husband how to care for his face... Within 3 months, he was clear of his bruising adult acne. When his mother came for a visit, she was amazed how clear his face looked... And now he can shave without breaking out in hives...

So, your problem is you either don't know what to do and need a caring female opinion that is not your mama's or auntie's. Or you want your hair full on matted--which is fine--but you reap what you sow... You ain't gonna get the one you look for if you refuse to take a risk and change a bit...

Re: Re: Question:
 

See, barely anyone said that to me when I was single... I guess they saw that when a princess walks though the door, only a prince can handle her... BTW, my husband has yet to pick me up and ride me off into the sunset...

What is wrong with pickiness? I guess the statements were made based on the descriptions you all made on the kind of fellas you would like to encounter... If so, nothing is wrong with having high expectations--but you have to reach them yourself--or exuding them yourself--a living example...

Like I said, a lot of African American men have extremely sensitive egos and like to have them stroked on several different occasions. Some of those men also have extremely low self-esteem in general... And a "powerhouse" sistah, they don't like to deal with because not only does it bruise their egos, it also terrorizes their self-esteem... Most sistas don't know this without having been married or living with brothaman...

At the same time you ain't no psychologist... You dayum sho ain't the boys mama... So you ought not have to deal with self-esteem issues when you've got to be dealing with your own... But, think about it... Most brothas that have barely assimilated into the "mainstream" culture, with all the statistics abound about brothaman, where do you think their psyches have gone??? Really??? So you have to understand that aspect about them and their logic for acting out of turn, sometimes...

Re: Re: Question:
 

The basis for the obsessions, simply put, are as follows:

Hair: when I was a child, I wanted straight hair, b/c there was a variety of hair styles I saw on TV I liked that I wanted. Since my mother would not let me get my hair straightened, I would improvise. From age 13 to age 17, I would brush my hair obsessively trying to get my hair straight (it was a TWA style), and to some extent, it worked; it was more wavy rather than curly, but it was a start. When I got my hair officially straightened, I was in hog heaven, and I went to town on it.

Game shows: as a child, game shows predominated daytime television, and prime time (read: 7-8 pm EST) television. I was fascinated with the sets, lights, theme music, color schemes, etc. It just looked and screamed pure EXCITEMENT and FUN. To me, heaven resembled a game show set. When the game show craze began dying down (early 90s), it seemed that the magic and nostalgia of the genre was long gone. It wasn't until GSN and the Internet (tape trading) was introduced that the nostalgia was re-ignited. I didn't get GSN until 1999 and my first tape trade was in 2000. I once said that game shows were better than sex and when GSN and tape trading reached my life, I felt like a life-sentence convict with his first conjugal visit in 10 years, it was that invigorating.

But I seriouly digress. Thanx for the support, abaici, and I hope this helps.

Re: Wait, Rainman, you have a mullet...
 

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
Hey, what is up with the very, skurry needs a new curl, permed out mullet, dude... That like went out in the Reagan administration... :rolleyes:

I do not have a mullet, yall. Just a perm (redone as of Sunday night) Please see the latest entries of pics in the Look At Me thread.

Rainman, lets be honest, you want honey without the bees... You cain't be swangin' the hottest chick and you ain't flashin' major cash or looking "smoove, suave and deboner" (a husband euphemism). And it don't matta how clean you are, 'cuz there's some luser chick that lovvveddd them some former Miami Dolphins Ricky--had his kid, too...

You on the other hand, ain't swinging it like dat, dere... So, if you want the big ticketed, endowed women who wear 6 inch heels, you are gonna have to step it up a notch, or two... That's what I am talking about when I say taking risks...

The only "big-ticketed" *LOL* endowed women I would think about (heavy on the "think about") taking risks for is Toccara Jones (America's Next Top Model).

You can be your inquisitive self as much as you want. But, if you ain't footin' the bill, then you can't go where the playas go..

[scenario deleted by RM for brevity]

So, your problem is you either don't know what to do and need a caring female opinion that is not your mama's or auntie's. Or you want your hair full on matted--which is fine--but you reap what you sow... You ain't gonna get the one you look for if you refuse to take a risk and change a bit...

I have taken risks and changed, but nothing came of it; I was just a "weird nerdy boy with a nice haircut". My mentality is, "If you don't like me now, why should I change for the sake of illusionary pipe dreams that you will like me later?"

True change comes from within, not from without

Re: Re: Wait, Rainman, you have a mullet...
 

But when you feel somewhat bad about something (maybe you don't, ever), you can start from the outside eventually working it in...

Or beauty is in the eye of the beholder...

Well, maybe there are some sistahs that do like brotha's hair permed out... Panties do get thrown at Snoop... He perms his hair constantly...

But you said it, not me... Ladies outta like you from within... Do you really believe that's true? Just asking...

Because, I think you swingin' for the high falluntin' girls... And they have no brains because it went into their boob implants, and their turn around time is quick--they've got 5 years, tops, then it's on with the newest and latest...

It's not that I think you really truly WANT one of them... You could buy a blow up doll for that. And if you pay $20 in the "tittie bar", you can have a "lap dance" for about 5 minutes--so I've heard that is the going rate these days. But, you are a man and you have certain "needs", and any self-respecting man would like some arm "jewelry"...

What you really want is a "tight, powerhouse sistah" (based on what you've said)... And what I am telling you is you are going to have to up your game a notch or two... The easiest is to change your outsides, because I really don't think you need to change your insides--you are fine in that department... It is your outsides--UNRELATED TO YOUR HEIGHT!!! Permed out hair isn't the problem either... So I don't think it's that...

I think it is the male sexiness that you have not mastered, yet... What can I say? Other guys of GC have a bit of it... Like James, probably... Cashmoney is uber-male sexy--gets panties thrown at him all the time--way out in cyberspace... Even Rudey, with his little punk ass sometimes comes out saying sexy things... I think its mis-queueing--you are not on the same vibe, yet... You just need a woman to put you on the right vibe. This woman will not be your wife--she can't... But the next one will be... I may be off in 1 or 2 relationships. But I think you need a "vibrator"... :rolleyes:

Re: Re: Re: Wait, Rainman, you have a mullet...
 

Oh, now I get what you are saying....

I'm a filet mignon steak with no sizzle

Re: Re: Re: Re: Wait, Rainman, you have a mullet...
 

Let's just say you are a true to life Angus T-bone cooked medium to well done with no A-1 steak sauce...

And you are coming from Ruth Chris' Steak House...

Basically, your girl needs to know what she's sinking her teeth into... You know, to get your juices flowing...

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wait, Rainman, you have a mullet...
 

No, you are not right. LOL!

Re: Re: Wait, Rainman, you have a mullet...
 

RainMan, here's an idea - forget everyone else in the whole world. Leave the past in the past, stop worrying about how your mother wouldn't let you get a perm, stop worrying about whether women like the perm or not and therefore you must rebel against them - and just focus on the present and the future, and WHAT IS IN YOUR HEART. Do you *still* want to wear a perm or is that what you are doing in stiff rebellion to everyone (your mother, women who don't like it)? If you do, then do and let that be the end of it. If you don't, then get rid of it and stop living for other people. Whether you know it or not, if you act based upon what someone did or didn't let you do in the past or based on whether someone will or won't like your hair today, you are being controlled - even if you profess rebellion to all control. Your rebellion is the manifestation of the control.

Whew! Alright, the psychology lesson is over.

Have a good night RM,
SC

Re: Wait, Rainman...
 

SummerChild, you and I are actually on the same wavelength as to what I am trying to make a point on, we are just not quite

===========>here<=========== yet:

I am in essence doing what I am doing, and not really caring what anyone else says or thinks; the perm is still there, and I still love it.

My point on getting rid of it is that I would only get rid of it if I was in a committed relationship with a woman and she absolutely despised it and insisted that I get my hair cut; I would then get rid of it to be a blessing to her. Thereby, I would be sacrificing/forsaking something I really liked and enjoyed for the benefit of her happiness and to be a blessing to her, not because I was "living for other people"

Your post was on the right track; it just indicated the wrong motive for why I would've gotten rid of it.

Thanx for the psychology lesson :D

Have a good one.

Re: Re: Wait, Rainman...
 

Oh! I got it. I hear it and think that that would be very thoughtful.
SC

Re: Re: Wait, Rainman, you have a mullet...
 

enough eligible women in this world. someone's bound to like you.

What a twist and turn this has taken. Too funny! RainMan if I met you (and I'm serious too) I think we'd be good friends and it could "evolve". But I'm already taken. ;)

*Rain Man drops his head and walks offstage dejected* :p

Naw, seriously, BlueReign, thank you for the compliment; that was so sweet of you. :)

Dag Rainman, you have your own thread! :)

But anyway, I'm writing this all to say that no matter if you have a bald head, fade, perm, or even a even a rainbow colored clown wig on your head, if God intends for you to have a wife, she will be EXACTLY what you need and love you for you - perm and all.

From working in healthcare, there is one thing I know and that is looks are fleeting and can be gone in a blink of eye. I've seen the photographs of once physically beautful people scarred beyond recognition due to burns, illness and any host of other ailments. And let me tell you - it takes more than the love based on how someone looks to keep it together. Yes, I know physical attraction is probably what initially will cause someone to even give you the time of day, but it does not guarentee anything - not happiness, not a long lasting relationship, nothing.

One thing God is CONSTANTLY teaching us is to not only wait on His time, but to seek our what TRULY is important when seeking a wife? So regardless if she's from the US, African, the islands, etc. are you truly seeking God's definition of a wife (I say that because I know you are a Christian man ;) ). Notice how God never mentions how she looks.

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
(Proverbs 31:10-31)

Thank you, Honeykiss!
 

I know that I am in my season for finding a wife; it has been mentioned to me quite frequently over the last few weeks.

Thank you for referring me to Proverbs 31; it has been a while since I read that; I will need to revisit that sometime this week.

All I can say now is that 2005 will be the year that I will reap the harvest and partake of the fruits of God's labor.

So many jokes, so little time
 

J/K- Rain Man, there is someone for everyone. Good luck.

Remaining Blessed...
 

So you've got it like that? I dunno Rainman, I just finished reading "So I Kissed Dating, Goodbye" by Joshua Harris. It is a Christian based perspective on singleness and patiently waiting on God's promise on marriage...

I just want you to be very careful with "the one" that you perceive is sent to you... While I find you extremely witty, intelligent and have a lot going for yourself in many, many departments, I also find you a bit naive with the repartee and rapport of whooing and bedazzling the "God chosen woman"...

Yeah, you might meet her at Church and I sure hope you do... But, I am unsure if that is what you really truly desire and even if you convince yourself with all your effort that "that woman" is the woman that "God sent to you"... Well, sweetheart... I just think...

Lemme put it to you this way, could you love a "Mary Magdelene" after she repented and broke the bottle on Jesus' feet and wiped His feet with her tears? Would that be a problem for you in your God-sent love of your life?

Also, you do not FIND a wife--God sends you to her by directing your path... Are you hearing Him?

Re: Remaining Blessed...
 

YES! I have been in deep prayer with Him every day and/or night this week. I am just waiting for Him to reveal and direct my path(s).

ETA: My pastor, Apostle Eric Warren, prophesied (sp?) to my congregation on New Year's that 2005 will be a year of harvest for the congregation; we will only need to stay in prayer and to not lose faith.

Re: Re: Remaining Blessed...
 

Based on your past comments regarding the type of women you would have some adjustments for, i.e. the next top model you said you liked, I think you may have a few misconceptions of what might be involved in a marriage--something that marriage enrichment can enhance... And marriage enrichment information is abound throughout the internet if you just Google...

I do not take you for being a "dawg", "playa", "pimp" or have pimped the "scene" too much--because honestly, one has to have A LOT of extramarital sex in order to do that and you cain't be coming across THAT WAY... Especially since you are so entrenched in the Gospel, which is fine (no problemo), however, it does leave you rather naive or shall I say, "open" to the temptations regarding the matters of love and marriage...

Should you lessen your knowledge and love for the Gospel, NO!!! Definitely NOT!!! That is your GREATEST ASSET OF ALL!!! Devotion to Christ!!! Bless you, always...

And I am just concerned about getting your hopes up for "things" based on your descriptions of what you desire in a woman that you'd want as a wife, that well, sweetheart, it is a tad bit unrealistic...

Lemme put it to you like this, I know and understand that you pray often for God to reveal and direct your path(s)... And as in matters of the heart, say you have read Harris' book, the heart does some misguiding and can override your logic and your mind... As you may be aware and probably have had some experiences already, desiring marriage and going from the heart can open you up to an attack from principalities that are not in your best interests...

Since you are trying to not be of the "world", then you have to remember that not all women you encounter, especially in church, are at your same level... That in fact, the woman you most desire, and is the most compatible for you and possibly be the one that God is directing to you might also be a "unbeliever", which may be your "path" to "convert"... You had indicated you like "foreign" women... What does The Bible say about King Solomon and "being equally yoked"... May be you have already considered that a possibility... I dunno... I can only go by your posts...

So the best thing to pray for is asking Christ for the strength while opening your eyes to see your path(s) in affairs of the heart and marriage... May be you do this already... And I am only going what you have posted on this topic...

Am I making any sense?

Re: Remaining Blessed...
 

A little more so now. Sounds like you are saying, "Be prepared for whomever God sends my way, be she unsaved, a little less attractive physically, etc."

Re: Re: Remaining Blessed...
 

You would truly be blessed by God if He sent you one with all the attributes you desire... I hope you do get that... And do you think that you could "SETTLE" for your top 1 or 2 attributes you need the most?

Because I can tell you, marriage is still about some "settling"... My husband is not my dream date... He is the man in my dreams... And he was a "paradigm shift" as to what I wanted vs. what God said was the one for me... Moreover, it took an Act of God to even look as this man before I started courting him...

So could you take a few of your desired attributes from the woman that God sent to you?

And now we are about to get into a Biblical philosophical discussion. It may require some chapter and verse.

How do you explain Hosea's circumstances... His wife philandered... And don't go into the fact that is "wife" was suppose to symbolize "the Children of Israel", etc. Just the basic premise...

And then, what about Mary Magdelene before she was about to get stoned and before she met Christ?

That may be the type of woman that God has ordained for you... Could you handle that?

Re: Remaining Blessed...
 

Seeing some of the issues-filled women that came into my life (and all of them were rather unique characters), I pretty much prepared myself to handle anything God sent my way.

But again: what temptations would I be subjecting myself to (see my previous post)?

Re: Re: Remaining Blessed...
 

How badly do you want to be married? I don't know that and you don't have to tell me. But, most men that I know of, when they get ready to be married, it is within 2-5 months after they make that decision that they meet their fiancee, soon to be their wife...

Some women, who are not of the Spirit, prey on nice guys like you. May be you are able to handle it, I dunno. And without going into the sordid details of your past situations, it does seem that your past girlfriends are not as altruistic as you desired them to be. That means either they weren't that way to begin with or you ain't picking the right ones or both... Which essentially means that you MUST have your heart directed by God moreso now if you desire a wife... These women are temptuous to say the least... If it is too perfect, stand back and rethink...

So, in that case, you are really gonna haveta know yourself and why your past relationships failed and the part you place into them before God can present your future wife into your life. I am not saying you are not ready, because you are... I am saying that you might get a bit entrenched in the searching and the acquisition, rather than the sustenance of the marriage... Like you might overlook some personal facts about yourself or her that you might be unable to deal with after the marriage...

And yeah, it is easy to walk away... And a strong faith in God will not stop you... But making the "COVENANT" before God, your wife and yourself, will make you rethink your position in leaving...

I am basically saying, the more expensive the wedding, the quicker the divorce...

And Secret Marriage Vows last forever...

Re: Re: Re: Remaining Blessed...
 

OK, gotcha! I am aware of that (women who might prey on me), and I am more on my guard now more than ever to prevent that from happening. In addition, my church congregation is very tight-knit and spares no expense to make sure its members aren't subjecting themselves to any "demonic influences", and if so, the issue(s) are addressed immediately upon detection.

But that's a very good point, nonetheless.

Good looking out, AKAMonet ;)

Re: Re: Re: Re: Remaining Blessed...
 

Even if your guard somehow is lowered when you think you met the "one" God has sent to you, but they are actually not, please do not feel you have failed...

I thought 5 years ago, that I met the love of my life... He was the one... But it turned out he did not love me nor wanted to get married... That was a hard lesson to swallow... I in fact thought he was sent by God, he was my angel. I was wrapped up in the whole glimmer of the idea of marriage... But he was not.

Now, for my husband and I, before we got married, we both prayed alot before our decision to get married in the manner that we did. There was no fanfare, no rice, no parents, nothing. But that is what we did. It turns out to be one of the best decisions of my life. That's how I know that God directed this man into my life--hopefully till death do we part, if that (but that's another topic)...

Hopefully your are correct in your Church looking out for demonic influences on your life... However, this path you want is walking, lonesome "in the valley of the shadow of death..."