why in the name of all that is reasonable.....
 

will he not stop calling me?

i broke up with my BF last October. it was final after over 3 years together. i needed to be on my own and not have the stressful responsibility of being in a relationship. well i am doing just peachy being single. over Christmas break, he called me three times in one week. in all of the calls, he said "i love you baby and i miss having you around"
i do not ever want to go back to him, but i am sure that he thinks that he can change my mind or something.

during our past breakups, i would always call him within a few weeks and pratically beg him to come back. well it has been almost three months and i have never called him. he has been doing all the calling. there have been other calls outside of the week i was just talking about. sometimes i just do not know what to do. i like it when he calls every once in awhile, cause i do miss hearing his voice. but it is weird when the calls become frequent and he is telling me that he loves and misses me. i could change my number, cause there is another guy that keeps calling lately that i am ignoring. but i have had my cell number for like 5 years so everyone i know has that number.

it is going to drive me insane!

Hang tough sweetie.

If the guy hasn't taken the hint, just try to ignore him. This is so hard especially since you all have been together for so long. I hope that he'll get the message after a few weeks of you doing this.

Sending you strength and courage!

you could always try blocking those numbers, i think some cell phones have that ability, but i'd check with the dealer for your provider. or you could do my personal favorite, screen calls.

but anyway, good luck!

When he calls, answer and then act totally uninterested. While he's talking start talking to someone else or laugh at the TV. Then say "What? Hey I have to go bye" and hang up. Or sigh really loud and be like did you need something? I've found that most guys won't call back if you act like that.

i dont know if he would fall for that. knowing him, he would still call. if i did not answer, he would leave messages.

oh and he has already asked me to dinner. he says it would be just as friends. but we have way too much history. one of the main reasons we have gotten back together in the past, has to do with these 'just as friends' dinners.

Aww man, you're giving away girl secrets. Now guys will know what we're up to when we're not interested! I guess it's a good thing so they won't call a billion times, and maybe get a hint every once in a while!

Okay -- this isn't that tough. You have a cell phone. You can tell when he's calling. Don't pick up.

Eventually he'll get the hint or you'll have to block his number. But you're not giving him a huge reason to think his calls are unwelcome if you're still answering every time he calls you.

ok i think i just covered that. if i do not answer, he leaves messages so he is not getting the hint.

If it's a big enough deal you'll change your number.

If it's too much of a hassle to change your number (assuming you can't have his number blocked), it's not a big enough deal.

it is a big deal. but changing my number is still a hassle and expensive

He can leave messages every day for the rest of his life. So what? You can delete them without listening and not call him back, ever. If he keeps calling even though you don't call him back, he's pretty much admitting that he's a big fat hairy loser, so who cares?

If you're going to talk to him, you can't really post here and complain about it, you know? I don't want to sound harsh, but the way to solve your problem is to stop talking to him, and that's easy. By saying that he's going to leave a message and using that as an excuse to talk to him, you're really not trying to get away from him. Have you ever told him NOT to call you any more? Try that, and don't answer another call from him.

i said that i do not mind getting calls from him now and then to see how each other is doing. that is fine. but it seems like he is trying to turn the calls into something more. i turned him down on the dinner invitation. he knows where i stand.

I think you still want to be with him deep down...it's just right now you don't realize it. If you truely are done with him then you wouldnt answer the phone or ever talk to him again. If you dont answer the phone or talk to him at all...eventually he'll stop calling. He's just playing the card of "Oh, if I can talk to her I can convince her" and you have to look at what he's doing as just that. Being in a relationship for 3 years isnt something you let go of easily nor quickly. Sometimes I still talk to my ex I dated for a loooong time. She'll hit me up on IM but as far as phone calls...we havent spoke in over a yr. She called me when LSU played Florida and she was in Gainesville for the weekend....but I didnt answer her call. Nothing good would have come out of me answering that phone and you need to start looking at his phone calls the same way....that is, of course, if you're truely done with him.

Craig

i am done with him. i do not want to see him ever. man, i am just going to get my number change and just endure the hassle that goes along with that.


but then there is my home number....

Have you ever just considered saying, "Don't call me, ever."? By accepting his calls you are giving him a smidge of hope. I have enough guy friends and know enough guys to know that if there is even a slight chance, they will go for it. If he doesn't get it after you tell him to stop calling you, THEN change your number.

When are people, both women and men, going to start being honest with people and just say, "Hey, don't call. I'm not interested in you and you are wasting your time and mine,"? It may be cruel or mean or rude or bitchy, but it's better than having to deal with phone calls you don't want.

E.T.A. Ladies(and Gents for that matter), if you really don't want the person to call, tell them. Don't beat around the bush. It saves both of you a mess of time and trouble.

You have got to cut all contact. Remember talking to him provides him with intermittent reinforcement....which makes a behavior even more hard to extinguish (yes behavioral psych here ;)

You know the whole "He's Just Not That Into You Thing?" Where guys stop doing things when they're not interested in us and then, as women, we should be smart enough and confident to say, fine, goodbye!

Reverse it.

He's still calling because you're still talking to him. And you must be getting something from his calls or you'd stop talking to him. So you gotta stop. Taking any sort of calls where you see an unfamiliar number, just leave it and let it go to voicemail. If you really want him to stop calling, don't change your number stop talking to him for however long it takes before he gets the picture that you're just not that into him

And if you're a mashcoist, well you're in a d*mn fine position. Enjoy yourself.

This is ridiculous.

If you don't want to talk to him, DON'T TALK TO HIM.

This shit about "oh, we still want to be friends" and "he seems like he's pushing for something else" is bullshit. It was a 3 year relationship. If you don't understand that there ISN'T going to be a smooth transition from 3 years of dating to a post-breakup friendship, I don't know what to tell you.



If you're really done with the relationship (and not just really enjoying the attention, which is what I suspect you're doing) proceed as follows:


(1) (optional)Tell him not to call you again. Ever.
(2) When he calls, don't pick up.
(3) When he leaves messages, delete.
(4) Don't return calls.

If after a month he's still calling frequently, change your phone number. Is it a hassle? Yes. Did you bring it on yourself by dragging this out and not making it clear through your words and actions that his behavior was unacceptable? Yes.

I'm going to vote for the "No Contact Rule". I have been there and done this. You cannot move on as long as you are trying to make a go at friendship. You need some very definite space between you before you can even attempt it (I'd say at least 1 year). Although, I've found by that time I wonder why I was ever with the person and don't want to even consider being friends with them.

This guy is not taking the hint- he sucks. I understand it's hard. Heck- I am still involved with my ex because I can't follow the no contact rule. I’ll do a really good job for a month or so and then decide that I want to see him.

That being said: Don't call him back! Delete his messages! Kiss other boys! (That last one works very well) If you want to tell him not to call you, record it on your outgoing voicemail message or past your original post here on your IM profile so you don't actually have to talk to him. That should get him angry, and then he wan't call you for at least 3 months.

!
 

Have one last conversation and tell him that you can't talk to him for awhile while you both get over your feelings for each other. Ask him not to call, email or contact you until you contact him again. If he truly cares about you, he will honor your wishes.

Tell your family what you are doing, so in case he calls a family or house line, they can back you up. Delete his emails and voicemails. It will take awhile but he will eventually stop. And if and when you are ready, you can contact him.

It's hard to be "friends" when the breakup is fresh, and regardless of who did the breaking up.

Good luck -- be strong-- and go on with your life!

Oh snaps kid....

Winnar of da thread.

I'm just saying -- what gives? This stuff about "this guy isn't taking the hint" and "talk to other people in the room while you're on the phone" is ridiculous.

WHAT hint? She's still picking up the phone! And talking to him! And returning his calls! And how is acting distracted while on the phone going to solve the problem?

She obviously LIKES the attention from him, or she wouldn't keep talking to him. So basically she's enjoying telling anyone that will listen that this guy is SO all about her and SO just can't let her go and blah blah blah, please think I'm desireable.

Be an adult. If you want the attention, date him. If you don't want the relationship, quit talking to him. But quit talking to him, returning his calls, chit-chatting, and generally being two-faced when you're turning around and telling everyone ELSE that she just can't make him understand the relationship is over. How is it over? The only thing you're not doing anymore is having sex!

When she's actually ready to be an adult, she'll realize EXACTLY what everyone else is saying -- that the only way to cut contact is to cut contact.

Shocking idea, but it works.

Damn, HotDamn, right on!

Seems like though you're bitching about it here, you're loving the attention and loving the fact that you're wanted.

It's great to feel loved, but this isn't the way to go about it!