Dates for Weddings
 

Can someone explain why it seems to be SOOOO imperative to some people that they have a date to bring with them to a wedding?

No one in my family seems to want to get married, so I've only been to two in my entire life, but I never felt like I needed to bring a date....

Why do you feel/not feel that a date is a necessary accessory at someone elses's wedding?




Let's discuss...

It really all depends on how well you know people who will be there -- if you know a ton of people, it's not so important to bring a date. It's more important when you're going to the wedding of a casual friend or when you won't know many people -- it can get quite boring to hang out with a bunch of couples you don't know terribly well if you're alone.

I was in a wedding for a sister in August and the bride and groom decided that when it came to inviting their group of friends unless you've been dating someone for a very long time you were did not get an "and guest" invite. I wasnt seeing anyone at the time and so since all the single people can solo it was so much fun! There were definitely matches made during the course of the reception ;).

But I think that some people feel the need to bring dates if they think they need to show off. Especially if there is a former fling there or someone they want to upstage some will go rush out to find a date. People sometimes forget that the point of a wedding is to celebrate the couple not try and get yourself in the spotlight for coming with a good looking date.

I also think a date for a wedding is also only really neccesary for weddings where you don't know many people. For sisters weddings I have never felt the need to bring dates because I know so many people there. I actually didn't bring my boyfriend at the time to an egagement party (which was fine with him) b/c I knew he wouldn't have a good time since e didn't know many people there.

With weddings being so expensive I have told sisters they do not need to invite me with a date. Why should they have to pay more money just for me to have someone on my arm.

When the midshipman we sponsored got married two Octobers ago, I went technically dateless because Mr. KR was deployed to the United Arab Emirates at the time. I was actually a little nervous because I knew I wouldn't know that many people there so I wondered where I'd sit, who I'd talk to, etc. So I can definitely understand someone's reluctance to go alone. That doesn't mean, however, that one can demand to be allowed to bring a date.

Luckily, my other mids were there and the groom's family all knew about my husband being away and they all made a special effort to make sure I was never by myself (which I really appreciated).

There really is no reason to have a date at a wedding. Presumably you will know at least a few other people there, and if the bride and groom do their job right, you'll be seated with them. So meet new people and have fun! You never know who you're going to meet (as DZGirl just attested ;) ).

If your wedding invitation doesn't say "and guest", you do not get to bring a date or twist the bride's and groom's arms to invite someone for you to have on your arm. Weddings are expensive enough as it is! However, both members of a married, engaged, or living-together couple should be invited.

Besides, if you bring a date, it's hard to flirt with the hot groomsmen.

hehehe.

I totally agree. There was a 6-month window that I was single almost exactly a year ago and both the bride and groom of a wedding I was attending were very good friends of mine.

I knew most of guests... what I DIDN'T know was the groom had a very nice-looking and charming younger brother (he was my age).... :D

He lived too far for anything to happen on the relationship level, but we're really great pals now :)

So you see... dates to weddings aren't always the way to go.. you never know.. you might meet the grooms hot younger brother :p

When my sorority sister got married last year, her wedding was over three hours away from where I live. I knew I couldn't stand the six-plus hours in the car by myself and it wasn't an option to carpool with anyone else because I was living back home. So I asked this guy I really liked. It turned out great...he got along with my friends really well and I had a wonderful time. Now we've been together for over a year and just looked at rings! You just never know what might come of wedding dates!

I really like this thread! I think that some of us tend to equate weddings with semi-formal and formal date parties. We're used to having a date. I used to get miffed if my invitations didn't say "plus guest." But I've realized over the years that it isn't my call, and I'm there to share in my friends' special day!

But realistically, the wedding is a party where the bride and the groom dictate the guest list. It's THEIR event, and they should invite whomever they please.

However, I do think it only logical if you're attending solo that there should be some opportunity for you to meet other guests prior to the wedding, through the pre-wedding events. Esp. if you're coming from out of town and know only the bride/groom.

Agreed, some people include their out of town guests at the rehearsal dinner and I think its a fabulous idea.

I forgot to add earlier that this summer at the wedding I was in, the entire bridal party had such a blast together (and we were all single and didnt bring dates) that one of the groomsmen is planning a trip to Oktoberfest in Germany next year for all of us. One week in september, everyone pays for their own tickets, we all split the cost of hotel and we get to spend a week together that is definitely a lot less stressful than the week before a wedding and we dont have to worry about waking up the day of a wedding with a hangover ;).

I don't see why there's a need if you're friendly with the couple of part of the family. The only way I'd see for it to be a problem is if you don't really know anyone at the wedding, or if you ONLY knew the bride and groom and thus had no one else to talk to.

On the other hand, you're at an event celebrating the love two people have for one another. If someone is uncertain/uncomfortable with their own relationship situation, I can see how it would be awkward in that way.

I've only been to three weddings (and am going to at least one more before my own), and both have been since I've been dating my fiancee, so a date has never been a problem.

With our wedding, it's good in that there are groups of people who know each other. There's not really any one person who doesn't have a connection to another group invited (i.e. group of friends from school, family friends and family).

since I started college, i've been to 3 weddings. Two I took dates to, one I did. The two times that i've taken dates, i've had to babysit them. The one wasn't too bad, but the other refused to dance, and I had to drag him up to dance floor for even a slow dance (and he wasn't a random date, was my at that time boyfriend). I ended up having less fun at that one because I couldn't really be with my friends, since I couldn't just leave him there because he didn't know anyone.

The wedding that I didn't take a date to, I had the BEST time, met the infamous navy boy ;) etc.

One of my littles is getting married in March, and i'm in the wedding. I know i'm going to be debating whether or not to bring my bf (well, if he's still around then). On one hand, I want to not have to worry about someone else when i'm trying to be a bridesmaid, but on the other hand, I only really know the bride and one of the other bridesmaids. I've met the other ones, but don't really know them. But then again, she wants to invite more people that she knows b/c else it'll all be her hubby's (super religious, non-drinking) family who won't be any fun! (there will be alcohol!). Who knows?

Obviously if you are married engaged or otherwise a "unit" bringing a date seems kind of obligatory .. unless you lucked out and thy didn't have a provision for them to come.

I guess bringing a date in other circumstances has a lot to dowith your people skills.

If you have excellent or even good people skills you will meet others and have fun no matter what the situation. Even if the wedding only had the elderly in attendance.

On the other hand. If your people skills aren't so good, and you kind of have a child like need for attention and entertainment . . . and can't deal with the possible prospect of being "bored" for a infintesimal amount of time like a couple hours of your life.

If you can't do that for a good enough friend that invites you to share an important experience with them . . . well I guess you need to think about brining a date :p

Random observation: Why do girls expect men that don't dance to suddenly start dancing just because its that kind of event?

I mean do you ladies expect them to spontaneously generate both the knowledge and desire to start dancing even though they have never done so before?

That doesn't seem rational. :p

In my own experience, unless you're dating someone REALLY seriously, going to a wedding without a date is infinitely preferable to taking "just a guy".

The best scenario (when you're not involved) is to plan to meet up with some people you know, male and/or female, then you can have fun either way.

The wedding at which I had THE most fun was one that I dreaded. My now-fiance & I were broken up at the time, and he was Best Man - but I knew a lot of the other people there. We all checked into the hotel (me alone, no other single women), and the guys told me to "pick up Ted at Room 209, then get the rest of the guys". When I was ready, and knocked on Room 209, this totally GORGEOUS man opened the door, and I gasped, "You're not Ted!" He said, "I can be, if you want me to!" The guys came out in the hall and rescued me - but Mr. Gorgeous was at the wedding! In one fell swoop, I was able to signal to mr. honeychile, "Hah! You're not the only fish in the sea!", have a GREAT time with "the guys", and meet someone new!

Sidenote: I had somewhat forgotten about the whole story until Thanksgiving weekend, when we were at the Nelsons' & looking at the wedding pictures. Someone said, "Oh, there's honey's OTHER Ted!" to which mr. honeychile admitted that he (mr.h) had needed to be put in his place. :D

Because what they might be saying is, "Even if you don't dance, how about standing on the dance floor, somewhat holding me while swaying to the music for a while?" It's an invitation to get to know said lady, even if you say, "I don't dance, but why don't I get you a drink (why don't you sit down for a while, or whatever)?" in response.

Besides, most women realize that the majority of men either can't or don't dance well in the first place.

I'd rather not dance at all than dance with some guy who doesn't know how to dance. Hell, I don't know how to DANCE dance either -- if it's not shakin' your ass to some hip hop or house, I'm not doing it.

I'm coming up on the age where in the next few years my friends are going to get married. The only wedding I've been to as an adult was that of my bosses daughter (who I also know from HS). The reception was not really a dance/party type reception so I didn't need to bring a date.

I'm a bridesmaid in my nephews (hes 26) wedding on January 1st. Their reception is going to be a big affair with a band, dancing, etc. I wasn't told I could bring a date, but I also wasn't told I couldn't. However, I'm going to the wedding single. All my good guy friends are going to be out of town, plus I'm looking forward to meeting some of my nephews cute friends and seeing old friends from high school.

Okay so speaking of weddings and dates....
I have a wedding to go to in April and I'm the maid of honor (it's my best friend from home). The thing is, the wedding is taking place on a cruise for 4 days...which is going to be SO fun. I have a guy friend (sort of more than a friend) who I would love to take as my date because I know he'd have a blast and he loves taking random trips like that. The thing is, will this freak him out to invite him? He invited me on a weekend trip with some of his friends a couple weeks ago but it didn't work out that I could go. I'm not really sure what to do here...

ITs a cruise. Why bring sand to the beach so to speak?

Like why bring a guy when I could meet one there? Well most of the wedding party are all taking dates, I don't particularly want to be the one person there without a date...and I think it would be fun to take him in particular because we have so much fun together.

Otter,

Your above post is EXACTLY why I started this thread! WHY do you feel the need to take a date? What would it imply if you DON'T HAVE ONE???

Maybe this is just an extension of the pressure we are put under in this society to be coupled up??

I don't mean to single you out, but I read the other responses and everyone kept saying "I don't need one" and so on and so forth, but this is what people really feel...

When a wedding comes up, or any party, why can't we ever go alone? Why is being a "party of one" seen as a bad thing??

:confused: :(

Well her situation is different. It's a 4 day cruise. Not just a few hours for an evening.

Like kddani said, this is different because it's a cruise and because I WANT to take this particular guy. I wouldn't just ask some random dude to go to this with me. Trust me, I have no problem doing things on my own including going to weddings. I just think I would have so much fun with this guy and he would have fun too, but I'm worried it might freak him out to invite him...that was actually my question, not whether or not I should take a date.

Yea, it might freak him out unless he wants to date you. Either that or he'd love to go thinking he was getting laid for 4 days straight on a boat.




Thats how'd I'd look at it.

Not having a date in her situation would imply that it is boring as all hell to be on a cruise for four days by yourself, hanging out with a bunch of couples. That sounds like the first ring of Dante's Inferno.

Cash is the Tucker Max of Greek Chat.

The boy and I are in the 'hanging out' phase but we've been friends for awhile and we've discussed the possiblility of more down the road after a few issues are dealt with. He invited me on a weekend trip with his friends...so he can't really get all freaked out about the "trip" part of it, if he did he would be a complete idiot. Although I wouldn't put it past a guy to let something freak them out that they did to me a couple weeks before...haha

I think the situation is kinda different if you KNOW everyone else WILL have dates. (and not in the high-school-over-exaggeration sense like "EVERYONE is going to be wearing this same dress!"). Like when you KNOW without a doubt that everyone else there will be in pairs, it kinda does suck to be the odd one out.

For example: this isn't a wedding situation, but I have 3 really good friends that my boyfriend & I regularly hang out with. 2 of those 3 are married to each other.

so when the 5 of us get together to do something ... like play pool for instance... it's kinda hard when you have an odd number.

another example: there was this girl i knew that had 2 female roommates - both of them had boyfriends and she did not. for halloween one couple was going to dress as Fred and Wilma, the other couple was going to dress as Barney & Betty... and they asked her if she would dress up as Dino :(

Now, that's just cruel!!!!

Some people do feel tremendous pressure to be "coupled up". A group of my co-workers plan social things from time to time.. picnic, bowling, Tiger game, comedy club, etc. One of the women in the group (who I am good friends with) will never go because "I don't have a date and everybody will have their spouses with them". There are singles who go and not everybody brings their spouses. Heck, I'm divorced too and I always go. I'm socializing with my co-workers.. who cares if I have a date? Chances are, even if I was married, my spouse wouldn't come because someone has to watch the kids! It's silly.

As for weddings, it does depend on whether you know anybody else or not, who the wedding is for, whether you're dating someone or not, etc. I wouldn't just find some random man to drag to a wedding for the sake of having a date. If I did have a boyfriend, I'd want to take him, so we could dance. (if he doesn't dance, I don't date him, so I don't drag non-dancers to the dance floor!)

Dee

I didn't go to a wedding because I didn't have anyone to go with and my friend already started throwing her friendships out the door before she got married, so there really wasn't a point in going.

Is there no sorority sister she could ask? maybe a cousin? My point being is the reason we bring a date to show we are dateable? Or because being "paired up" is more comfortable?

I think this society's focus on being in a "couple" is so overwhelmingly suffocating that we cannot feel whole unless we "obey".

Personally, I do understand her fear (and that what it is, a fear). But, why is the first impulse to bring a member of the opposite sex and NOT just another friend??

Yes, I'm pushing the topic because I don't think people (not just GCers, but everyone) like to admit their fear of being the single one in a group of couples....

She can bring a date or not bring a date, whatever the hell she wants to do. Stop talking about people like they're clinical examples or something. You believe what you want to believe and let them believe what they want to believe and do what they want to do :)

It's not your job to "diagnose" her as having a fear of being single.

Basically stop talking about like she's not standing right in front of you, which she basically is.

I feel sorrier for people who try to make someone think there's someone wrong with them for feeling a certain way than for someone who has a "fear" of being alone.

Exactly - yo, this isn't some sort of endemic sociological flaw, it's the fact that some people want to have a date to a f-ing wedding. Maybe it's less societal pressure, and maybe more wanting to get laid? Maybe it's a lack of desire to 'make new friends' in an environment that may consist of people you don't want to see? Who knows - who cares?



ETA: If you bring a sorority sister to a wedding as your 'date', you are a tool.

I think to say that everyone has a fear of being the single one in a group of couples is highly-over generalizing.

It may be that they don't know anyone at the wedding so they bring a nice guy they know. Maybe they are taking the guy b/c they are great friends. You or anyone else doesnt know that. Maybe they are taking the guy b/c they think he's great and they want to hook him up with another female friend that will be there. Maybe they are taking the guy because he's a good dancer and because of that he will be good company. It's not always a "fear" of being alone. :)

I second what everyone else has said in response to this. Honey...first of all the point of me asking is that he IS A FRIEND WHO I WOULD HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH! I specifically said that I would not want to take some random dude on this cruise. I will go alone if this guy doesn't want to go. Secondly, the psychoanalysis can stop because you don't know me well enough (or actually at all) to know whether or not I have a "fear" of being single. Trust me when I say that I don't. If I wanted to be in a serious relationship because I was scared of being single, trust me, right now I would be in one. My first impulse with this cruise is to bring a FRIEND who I LIKE who I WILL HAVE FUN WITH...everyone clear now? thanks

ETA: and as KSig RC said...it would be fun to get 4 straight days of action on the boat...haha

If you want to date women, that's cool, but there's no reason to pretend it's about making a statement regarding the pressure people may feel to "couple up" for events like weddings.

Yes, you feel that I'm attacking her. Fine..

But, a few threads down there is a Single and Proud thread. It's HUGE. And I find it a bit ironic that on one hand we thrust our fists up in solidarity to say "Yeah, men suck!" or "Girls are yucky!", yet a wedding, a company holiday party, or hell, just any ol' party comes up and all of a sudden that pride we so proudly wore on our sleeve disappears faster than panties on prom night.

Otter, you can do what you want. No matter what anyone on here says, you are ultimately in control. God's speed. Have fun.

To whoever else accused me of "analyzing" her, I agree. I was. But she is an adult who will make her own choices regardless. So, she is going to be fine no matter what I say. Relax, OK?

So, my attempt to start a semi-intellectual conversation got taken out of context. What else can I expect?

It seems no topic around here can be discussed without the attacking and flaming starting...so, whatever...