What Discretion Means to Me...
 

Greetings Everyone!

I was reading e-mail today (big shock) and came across 2 e-mails from 2 different GC regulars asking that I checkout a certain thread on this board. I said to myself "Oh Goodness, what kind of heck has broken loose this time?" I'm not going to call out which thread it was nor will I disclose what the content of the thread was. What I WILL do, however, is ask my interested sisterfriends & brotherfriends of ANY of the NPHC organizations, and my newly initiated (fall 2k and spring 2k+1) NPHC peeps to share what discretion means to them and also how discretion relates to the internet. Those who crossed before fall 2000 may share their opinions as well.

We throw the word "discretion" around quite often, but I just want to know if there's a real understanding of what it means. This is not an attempt to make anyone feel self-conscious or apologetic. Hopefully this exercise will help ALL of us determine what areas we need to work on as interested parties and as members.

I look forward to reading everyone's comments.

Kelli

[This message has been edited by 12dn94dst (edited April 09, 2001).]

Well, I crossed in Spring of 2000 and am still a neophyte. I am learning EVERYDAY and agree that this is something that needs to be carefully thought about and them immediately and promptly PRACTICED!! High five soror for posting this thread!

My definition of discretion is plain and simple: being mindful of what you say and to whom you say it...making sure what you are considering saying or doing is appropriate and will warrant no negative reaction from those who witness your words or acts. If this definition is followed, which it CERTAINLY was by me both prior to and after Spring of 2000, one does not have to worry about their words or actions coming back to haunt them when they least expect it. Its all about you having complete control over what you allow people to know about you.

A quick and simple saying that has been engraved in my mind is "Loose lips sink ships".


Pretty much sums it up for me.



[This message has been edited by CrimsonRage (edited April 09, 2001).]

Hello Sorors,

Discretion was always ingrained into me and my sands as "loose lips sink ships"

Crimsonsoror1913

discretion simply keeping a secret. if you have to ask can you tell, it's a secret. but really, don't share anything that cannot be read in search of sisterhood. that is a public document. everything else is not for the public. and certainly nothing that is not written down should never be written on the internet or anywhere else. do not use the secrets as challenges. your process is personal if you need to talk about call you ls's or your prophytes. do not ask on the internet thinking it is anonymous nothing on the internet is anonymous.

Discretion means being mindful of what you say and to whom you say it.

The question we should ask ourselves before we post is "Could there be negative repercussions if I post this?" Additionally, Sorors and other Greeks should consider if the action violates a vow, oath, bond or trust.

------------------
MCCOYRED
Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

Dynamic...Salient...Temperate...Since 1913

Discretion to me is keeping "house business" in the "house." When in doubt, don't. That's the rule I use for myself. I basically agree with everything that has already been said, especially dstbrat's post.

I could not have said it any better.


------------------
Peace
KL

For me it means KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! Point blank.




[This message has been edited by Mz. Sports Luva (edited April 10, 2001).]

Discretion

D.I.S.C.R.E.T.I.O.N.

Deep
Intelligence
Seeks
Conscientious
Rewards
Every
Time
I'm
On
Now!

D.I.S.C.R.E.T.I.O.N.

Discretion

For me the statement not only embodies what others on this board have said, but D.I.S.C.R.E.T.I.O.N. as well.

112

Hmm... discretion... a good topic!

Discretion means having the common sense not to ask questions related to membership in ANY BGLO on a public forum. If you were truely interested in belonging to that organization, you would have taken it upon yourself to find out about basic questions. National Websites usually have basic information about membership requirements. Besides that, talk to members you know and trust. If you don't know any, GET TO KNOW SOME!
<<<getting off my soapbox>>>>
Oops, I know that this thread is about discretion, but I kinda worry sometimes about prospectives that don't use common sense. If you don't have any now, what makes you think that you will have some if you become a member of XYZ org?

I think we covered it, I was thinking "eyes ahead, ears open, mouth shut" myself.

I am not sure what the poem has to do with discretion, though... ?

Cool Beans! Thanks for your feedback!

(Sorors, why do I feel like I'm running a DID workshop?)

Let me add my 12 cents and summarize b4 I move to my next question.

Like Sorors dstbrat (welcome back!), mccoyred and everyone said, discretion is being careful about what you say and to whom. I think another part of discretion is being mindful of WHERE you say things. It's sounds obvious. HOPEFULLY no soror would scream the motto to another soror across campus. And I pray for the interest who walks up to a Delta on her yard and says "I'm crossing on your next line & there's nothing you can do about it!" If I'm chillin in my living room with mccoyred & we're discussing what happened during one of the sessions at convention and my non-Delta roommate comes in the apartment then, of course, the discussion would stop. But sometimes, like in the case of message boards & chat rooms, it's not all that easy to stop a conversation.

Before you start a thread about the pros & cons of, let's say, having pledges wear the exact same outfit for a week without washing it OR where to buy gifts that will win you a spot on the next line, you should ask yourself "who's going to see this (ie, local, regional and/or national officials)?" and, as mccoyred stated, "could there be negative reprecussions?" Now, as an interest you have no idea what kind of funny little rules we have going on. That's were the brain God gave you and the Delta you've met face to face and have been speaking to for a while (not the one you met in the cafeteria yesterday), come into play. It's my opinion that SHE should be your sounding board, not us on GC because it's harder for the conversation to be controlled on a message board and 8 times out of 10, we can't do anything to help you for real. Honestly speaking, we DON'T KNOW who is looking at these boards. There are 2 National officers/committee members THAT I KNOW OF who post on GC. There's no telling how many more are just reading. Not trying to scare anyone, I'm just being real. Six degrees of separation is a reality on the internet and in Delta. I'd hate to hear about someone's chances being messed up or severely delayed because they didn't know any better (but not so much if they ran their mouth too much).


My next question: If you could a design a workshop/seminar to prepare others for their journey to Deltaland, that is from the firm decision of "I want to be a Delta" to Initiation, what topics would you include & why? In light of this discussion, please keep it general.

OH! Salience, you wanted to know how the poem ties into all this. What I see it to mean is if you think carefully about what you're going to say/type before you do, you'll benefit in the long run. Which brings to mind another good question for my next seminar http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif, but I'll save it.

[This message has been edited by 12dn94dst (edited April 11, 2001).]

Just a few cents from a SF:

I agree with everything else that was posted. Discretion is about being mindful of what you say. I think a good principle to abide by is that if you have to think twice about whether you should say/ask something, you probably shouldn't.

You go, Soror Moderator! Thanks for putting this topic out there because everyone (sisterfriends, neos, oldheads) can benefit from this discussion.

Okay, y'all. What would your workshop consist of? (thoughtful scenarios only!)

------------------
MCCOYRED
Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

Dynamic...Salient...Temperate...Since 1913

For the first session of the workshop(and it would probably be the longest one) I would concentrat on resources for doing research. Excluding GC, I can name at least 4 or 5 different resources I could go to if I were interested in pursuring membership in a BGLO.

During this workshop,prospectives would also learn or enhance their people skills. I would try to make them see that applying for membership in a BGLO is like applying for a job. There are things that you wouldn't do when you are applying for a job so you should hold those same standrads when applying for membership in a BGLO

I like this one!!!

The four necessary workshops or courses I would say:

1) Confidentiality 101

2) Teamwork 101

3) Humbleness 303 (upperlevel) http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

4) Public Service 303 (upperlevel) http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

These courses should be prerequisites for anyone interested in joining any of the Divine Nine orgs.

I said this before on another thread, but in case you missed it, here it is again:

In the spirit of Robert Egan's book "From Here to Fraternity", which discusses everything about Greek life, and what to expect, from rushing, to bids, to pledging, to initiation, and beyond, we as Black Greeks need to publish a book that corresponds to Black Greek life (Note: while From Here to Fraternity discusses about Black Greek life, it is NOWHERE near to the degree as he discusses NIC and NPC orgs culture--plus the book is about 20 years out of date to boot).
I say this because despite the Internet having good tidbits on Black Greeks, it is EXTREMELY naive for us to assume that everyone is going to know the ins and outs on Black Greek culture, and with the anonymous nature of the Internet, the credibility and authenticity of those doing the postings on what Greek life is and isn't is at best questionable. A hard-bound book at least lends itself some credibility.

Preaching discretion does no good if freshmen do not know the purpose or reasons behind it in the first place and no one bothers to tell them because "it's a given"

We have the book "The Divine Nine" (BTW, I hate that term). Let's get a book called "Crossing The Burning Sands" (or something to that effect).

What do yall think?

Match Game '73

I think you did a good job of giving the reasons why I asked "If you could a design a workshop/seminar to prepare others for their journey to Deltaland, that is from the firm decision of "I want to be a Delta" to Initiation, what topics would you include & why?"

Looking forward to more workshop/seminar ideas...



[This message has been edited by 12dn94dst (edited April 11, 2001).]

okay, thank you! And I agree about thinking before typing, because I learned THAt lesson myself!

YOu hit tat right on the head for me. ALthough I might require COnfidentiality 201 and 302 and Teamwork 101 and 102. Somethings you definitely have to bring to the table for yourself and if discretion, teamwork and the ability to keep it to your self are not part of your personal makeup before getting on line, no matter what the process you probably won;t learn them along the way.

Also some indication of the need for thoughtful reflection on WHY you want to join an org. ANy org at all and a specific org in particular. It sould not be joining to join, or joing to belong. It should not be about being seen or social or stepping or the center of atteniton. It should be about something much,m much deeper. No one should have to tell you what that should be. It is like lve- when you know, you know and you won;t have to ask.

Also, I would stress that joing a BGLO is like a JOB. It is WORK to get in and it is MORE WORK once you are in. Fraternity/Sorority business is BUSINESS and that's that.

Okay< I think that is enough for a mini course not just a seminar!

I'd also like to add

Perseverance 111 (Hey, I'm 11 club!) :O)
Truth 230

I would like to add
Staying Financial 301 and Project Management 310.
Snoopy-I'm also a part of 11 club.

Kelli,

Again, what a wonderful topic. You bring up an important subject that everyone (regardless of GLO affiliation) should keep in mind...not only on these boards, but in everyday life. I hope we all can benefit from this topic.

Sandy

I have some courses for everyone...

Protocol 101, 201, 301, 401
I think as some of us get older we tend to forget we represent our organizations 24/7.

Time Management 101

Chapter Management 101

Relationship 101 (keep chapter business out of bedroom business whether as a member or potential member and your frat/soror's partner is off limits).

Greek Unity 101 and 102 (for before and after you cross)

I have a GREAT discretion story!

I was chattign with an undergrad about general stuff, and we saw a flier for a certain sorority, and I asked if she was interested (nosy, I know) in ANY sorority. She replied that her mom wanted her to be interested in HER sorority, but she wasn't sure. The only thing I said was that, if she wanted to do something, she should really try in undergrad, because it becomes more difficult for alumnae interest.

She and her neos just had their show recently, and talk about floored but proud! I was feeling bad, too, because I knew the line was going to be presented, soon, and I was thinking, "dag, she's a junior now, she may have problems next year!" LOL@myself.

I was so proud of her, I had to let her know; now the purchase has to be made, but I know what I'm going to get her.

In my opinion discretion means being careful or mindful of ones actions, statements and questions. It means carrying one's self in a manner that does not elude to ones intention to obtain a goal. In this particular case the goal would be obtaining membership in a sorority. Discretion is someting that should be practiced if for no other reason but for self protection. There are lots of spiteful, vendictive, venemous individuals in this world and they are not always easily identified. If everyone that was interested in joining a BGLO (or ANY organization for that matter) told everyone they knew about their interest, somewhere along the line someone is bound to "throw salt in the prospectives game" Why take that risk? Say only what is necessary only to whom it is necessary to say it to.
End of Story

And the quotes for the topic are:

Under all speech that is good for anything there lies a silence that is better. Silence is deep as Eternity; speech is shallow as Time.
Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)

Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice. (unknown)

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Martin Fraquhar Tupper

Necessary Workshops

Humility 101, 202, 303, 404,620 & INTERNSHIP

Minding Your Own Business 101, 202, 303, 404, INTERNSHIP

Research Skills 101, 202, 303, 404, INDEPENDENT STUDY

Don't Take It Personal: How to Handle Constructive Criticism 101, 202, 303, 404, THESIS, INTERNSHIP

Capitalization, Grammar, Composition & Other E-mail Etiquette Tips 101, 202, 303, THESIS

LMAO!!! Go 'head Miss English!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

Greetings to the ladies of Delta Sigma Theta, and all other posters.

My perspective on discretion:

The most difficult challenge with respect to discretion occurred after I initiated. Two of my closest friends had become Candidates, and were facing a challenge that caused them to question every aspect of their reasons for persuing sisterhood with my sorority. It was a difficult challenge, but it was up to them to resolve it.

They assumed (because of our friendship) that I would be forthcoming about specific details relating to their challenge, and in fact resolve it for them. They were hurt, puzzled, and seeking some kind of equilibrium, because I remained tight-lipped. I knew they were questioning my loyalty as a friend, because of my reticence.

If only they knew...

...but then, part of candidate education is to learn to have faith and trust in those who may be their future Sisters, whether they are your best friends or veritable strangers.

Moral of the story: Most of all, be most aware and careful of the need for discretion closest to home. It can seem to be a hurtful situation...but if there is trust, and discretion, things will become right.


------------------

@-->;---
Pure as Silver, and True Blue!
Alpha Sigma Kappa - Women in Technical Studies

[This message has been edited by equeen (edited April 18, 2001).]

easy....KEEP YA MOUTH CLOSEEEEEE..nuff said

Okay, here's a serious question about discretion.

If you're a wannabe, and you make line, and your best friend is already a member in another chapter, can you tell her about your experiences, because you think she understands where you're coming from? Or do you wait until it's ALL said and done and the bountiful lady has finished wailing?

Chapter business stays in the chapter.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by 12dn94dst:
[B] Chapter business stays in the chapter.

Amen Soror, I couldn't said that better myself. That was something I was TAUGHT!!

Perfect, thank you!

In light of recents posts, I though it would be nice to bring this discussion back to the top.

http://www.plaudersmilies.de/poke2.gif HEY YOU!! READ THIS!! http://www.plaudersmilies.de/person/director.gif

[This message has been edited by CrimsonTide4 (edited June 28, 2001).]

Discretion: THOSE THAT KNOW DON'T TELL
THOSE THAT TELL DON'T KNOW

discreet
 

Discretion: in the context of Greek life. What exactly does this mean to you?

Discresion is, to me, being careful about what you say and to whom you say it. If I'm interested in ABC Sorority, Inc., I shouldn't tell any and everyone one I meet. You never know who you are talking to. They very well could just be a member of the particular sorority that you are interested in.

I also think that discresion is knowing when to keep your mouth shut and knowing when to keep things to yourself. When "on-line" for a particular sorority, you don't tell evreyone. Thats something that you keep to yourself. It's not their place to know your business about anything that is sorority-related.

ttt
 

It might just be me, but I don't think it is wise as prospectives to post your full name all over GC. :o Cool to tell us your first name but when you have told me your name plus the city and state. . . :o


Now some of you as prospectives have gotten to know members and they have gotten to know you in return and based upon a rapport that has been established, there is less anonymity but for a good majority of you, you are still without that rapport.

Just be careful of what information you put out there about yourself.

Just your helpful discretion tip of the day. :)