Do you care about getting married?
 

I don't care if I don't get married at all. This is because I'm trying to find the right man. I do not want to be like my mother. My mother was divorced three times. A lot of people would think that I'm crazy about not getting married at all, but that's the way I feel.

I figure if it's meant to happen for me, it will. If it's not, then I'll be the crazy dog lady at the end of the block. And I am really fine with either thing happening.

I was looking forward to getting married but I was hella determined to learn from the stupid mistakes my mother made. Best thing is to take your time...forget about that "old maid" isht!

I was 17 days away from 35 when I got married...I only plan on doing this once (can't say the same for Mr. 1228...this is his second marriage) :)

Honestly, I want to be married. It's what I've always wanted. I didn't care about college (at first). I just wanted a family.

But, I'm waiting for God to put the right man in my path. I've decided to take the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" advice and wait for God to send a man my way and then enter into courtship rather than dating.

Not anymore. Of course when I was younger, I dreamed about a big white wedding and all that jazz. But since I'm more grown up, it doesn't matter. I'm not religious and that's what getting married is about. Mayeb a commitment ceremony or something or like just being legally "married" somehow.

I married fairly young and very stupidly, therefore, I am divorced.

I wouldn't even date until I was comfortable with who I am, and have met a wonderful man.

If I had to give one bit of advice, I'd say that you really need that time to "know thyself" prior to bringing someone else into the equation. Some of y'all will, others won't - but being lonely while you are married is a thousand times worse than learning to be happy when you're alone.

I just have to ditto this. I have said this many times. Being lonely while married is far worse. I strongly discourage anybody from getting married just to be married.

I've always felt that I would get married if the right man came into my life, but I wouldn't settle for marrying the wrong man just for the sake of being married. I dated a few "wrong men" and I know I'd have been miserable, and probably divorced, if I'd married any of them.

Then the right man came into my life. ;)

These days, there's no stigma associated with being an unmarried woman. You don't have to either get married or become an "old maid" and have people looking at you and going "poor thing" - you can have a very full and rewarding life without ever taking a trip down the aisle.

I've been thinking a lot about it lately.

Yes, I want to be married. But the steps necessary to get to that level of intimacy scare the living isht outta me....I can't imagine trusting someone to love and care about me that much that I can let them into my life and soul that deeply...I want to, though....I have just been hurt too much (by life, not just by men) that I fear letting someone in that deeply. I'm even having trouble with my SO now...I don't share a lot because I feel he won't care. I won't give anyone the chance to hurt me....

I want it but am too afraid...

Absolutely not. The more I think about it, the more I don't give a rat's ass about it.

Nope. Maybe I will in my 30's or something...

Yes. I care a lot. I mean A LOT. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, and I joke (half joke?) that he's got 7 years to propose (he's got 4 left). If by that time he hasn't made any effort to settle down, i'm moving on. Also, I don't enjoy the "long engagement". I thought the engagement period was supposed to be long enough to plan the wedding and get your living situation worked out...not 6 years of dating with a ring on your finger. Might as well just be dating.

I do care about it, but I am not going to get married just bc I want to get married. I have seen plenty of girls more excited about getting engaged and planning the wedding then on the relationship itself.

Sigmagrrl, Im not sure of your reasons but I have some of the same feelings as well. I don’t want to get hurt as I have been in the past. When I get married I want to make sure it’s the only time I get married.

Why don't you propose?

I have a different outlook on it all. Yes, I want to get married. But, for me, the purpose of getting married is for breeding purposes. Its to have kids. And thats because me and my friends all know this is true....somebody in the relationship will not stay faithfull. Whether its one of us or its our spouses. Someone is going to cheat at some point. Given the type of males we are and the type of females we go after and are used to....someone will phuck up somewhere. And once its happened, shit wont be the same. I know for me, if my wife cheated on me....I'd kick her ass to the curb. And if I cheated on her....things would be totally different between us. I wouldn't treat her the same. For me, I'm still trying to figure out when exactly is it the right time. Honestly, I think the people who get married in their 30s-40s don't realize why it works for them. Its because they waited later to marry, and when they hit the point where they cant stand each other...they're too old to divorce. Think about it, the average couple stays married how long? 30 yrs? Say you get married when you're 20...30yrs go by. You're 50 yrs old, there's still people out there for you. Lets say you're married at 30-35 yrs old. Stay married 30 yrs....that would make you 60-65 yrs old by the time you're fed up with each other. You can't get divorced at that age. You're too old. No one's going to want your wrinkled ass. Thats why you see old people always bitching at each other because there's nothing they can do about it. And the funny part is, they know that...thats why they laugh after they get in a fight.


Telling you guys...marriage, it's for breeding purposes. Its about having kids and raising them with two parents.

Well, I was the one who initiated the action in this relationship. We have a 5 year age difference, and I definitely had to be aggressive to get him to consider me. But this is the one instance, the only instance, where I will not do the asking. I've always been the initiator, kissing, dating, etc etc. This is ONE TIME I want him to do this on his own. Plus my parents want him to ask for permission. My dad won't give him permission unless he has a ring...my dad proposed to my mom without a ring, and now he's totally against it...kinda odd.

Re: Do you care about getting married?
 

Do you care about getting married?

Nope. Got better things to worry about:)

Yeah. That's one reason I would want to be married. I also don't want to have to explain or have my kids explain to their friends or who ever that thier mommy and daddy aren't married, but have boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time. The kids see parents as being married, having last names, etc.

I do care. It's something that I do want in my life, definitely, but not right now. I'm not ready. But one day......

I cared about getting married, but I waited until I was 34ish-35 years old...

I HIGHLY suggest that if you truly know yourself and you do find that magical person that you want to marry that you seriously have "marriage education"...

Many churches have these kinds of classes... If you can ignore the religious connotations, then the actual classes are pretty good because they teach you on how to argue, fairly rather than explosive arguing...

But secular marriage education classes are on the lines of that from The Gottman Institute that teaches you how to be in a relationship with somebody else...

Do a "google search" on marriage education/enrichment and you will find that there is a whole subculture out there on improving the quality of lives of couples. The government has an invested interest in this prospect because it releases funds lost when a couple divorces and one spouse becomes destituted--especially along with children...

Divorces do impact the state monetarily... The issue is when couples divorce at no fault (i.e. they are tired of each other--irreconciable differences) there are some courts that will force the couple to go through some level and months of counseling before the divorce decree is signed... That is true with states that have covenant marriage laws.

So at some level, I'd say in the next decade or so, marriages will be rather rare and couples will cease the knowing the logic of being married. And those fancy free and foot loose single at 40 something will be the norm, whereas those who are married with children will be the oddballs... Folks will still be in monagomous relationships, but the legalities will not be there of a maritial relationship. And marriage will be like going and joining a church--something that seriously religious/spiritual folks do...

Nope. No wife, no kids, and in no hurry for either.

I think about it, but I'm not worried about getting married. I am happy the way things are right now. Maybe that will change one day.

I'd like to get married...or at least move out (I have a feeling my parents want me to live at home until I'm married....cultural issues, you know?)...my parents' tastes are a little too much on the modern/contemporary side for me. There are some things that are nice, but there are also things we have that aren't!

I'd like to eventually. But at my age... I couldn't dream of being permanently attached to one guy right now. I'm enjoying my independence and just sorta taking guys as they come and go.

It's funny... the guy I'm sorta seeing now asked about if I ever dressed up as a kid and dreamed about big fairy tale weddings. I didn't really.

I want to get married - definately! - because I really want a family of my own. I've always wanted four or five kids and a husband and a house and soccer practices. Its not so much about getting married as I can't wait to be a mom and have a partner in life. My parents are each others' best friends and will be celebrating 25 years together in April. I can't wait for that kind of friendship and love in a family.

Wait yes I mean I can wait, for chrissake's I'm only 22. I'd like to meet a guy in like three yearsish - or five yearsish - that really inspires me to make the commitment. But definately not right now.

I didn't care, and if it weren't for the fact that we had to deal with immigration, I would've been happy to live "in sin" with MisterMadly for the rest of my life instead of getting hitched.

It's never been a big priority in my life. I'm glad I found the person who makes me happiest, but on my list of "to dos", marriage was way, way down there.

i definitely care about eventually getting married. my boyfriend and i talk about it all the time, it's just a matter of having enough money for a wedding and house, since we'll be paying for everything ourselves.

i've always been the one to want a husband and kids. i always thought i'd get married young and have 2 kids by now (i'm 26), but obviously that didn't happen.

I have no problems with getting "married" so long as I am not legallly and financially liable for the dissolution of that "marrriage" because its a state entity.

Marriage has become a state sponsored economic unit, a sort of mini-corporation. No man in his right mind should enter into a corporate contract that has such an enormous penalty clause for leaving early (before death).

Its just insane.

However, I would agree to any religious or cultural ceremony the lady wanted .. . as long as it isn't llegally binding.

That should make her happy right?

I mean, why would she want more?

Yes, I do care. But obviously, we're waiting until we get out of college at least.

i want to get married, but i'm not exactly worried about it. i'm only 23....my sister was married at 21 and divorced a year later. she'll be 25 in january and getting married again in may. i wanna find the right one.....not get married b/c everyone else is, or i'm getting older, or i'm bored or whatever......and if that happens, fantastic. if not, i will also be that old bitter lady at the end of the street throwing rocks at little kids when they get into my yard.

both plans sound fun to me. :)

the only part of that i'm concerned with, is that i DO really wanna have kids. two of my own, and then, like, 6 adopted. :D but i don't think i can handle that by myself, ya know?

I want to, one day-when I find the right person and the time feels right. But I would never get married just because I thought it was time, etc. I think too many people get married for the wrong reasons.

the last one i wanted to marry....

right now, i'm single and the GM of a team...

:cool:

marriage is the last thing on my mind

I care about getting married, sure. I'd like to have a family, and to me there's no other option than to get married or to be in some sort of committed relationship.

But I care more about a lot of other things, such as:

1. establishing my financial and emotional independence.
2. finishing my education.
3. establishing a career in something I enjoy.
4. traveling when and where I want.
5. experiencing new and diferent things.

...and that's just the beginning...

AKA Monet,
I definitely agree! My fiance and I completed our Catholic "marriage encounter" and I was an amazing experience! It forces couples to discuss so many aspects of their relationship and how each their shared future together like children, religion, parents-in-law, etc. Luckily, my fiance and I have been together for over six years and have discussed all of these things, but I actually met a girl there who's sister went on her weekend retreat and decided not to get married! I also helps couples learn to communicate with one another in a more positive way.

At the end of the weekend, everyone said they felt so emotionally drained!

Do I want to get married? Yes, I want to get married TO someone, and that particular someone is my boyfriend. But I'm not going to get married for the sake of having a family. I want to get married because I love him.

I've noticed lately that half my friends are getting/are married, with a few rocky spots in the relationship and the other half (I'm in this group) either living together or single and not looking into getting married.

Sometimes I think it has to do with how we're brought up...a friend got married because this was the only way she was able to move out of her house.


I was engaged once at a VERY young age and can't believe that I almost made the biggest mistake ever! Now I feel that I would like to get married, but I sometimes think its more because I want that " fairytell" day...

-big gown
-big party
and of course....ALL EYES ON ME

If I had to be really honest with all of you right now, I'd have to say: ...not getting married is OK with me...just give me an engagment ring. :D

I think you are wise to follow your heart on this one. The shift that is likely to occur in your relationship when he is the one to do the asking (including his decision to talk to your parents) sounds like it is what you are ultimately looking for...or you would have already posed the question. Something is telling you NOT to do this, and it is probably a good idea to listen to that "something"...that tells you this is right for you.
The same is true about giving an "ultimatum". Of course, it is reasonable to set a time for yourself in one relationship before saying "okay...this is clearly not moving forward..." But at that point, it is probably wiser just to end the relationship and move on. After all, if he has to be told "your time is up...pick me or lose me" before making the decision, then, if he proposes after that, you may be faced with a very unsettling feeling of not knowing whether he proposed for the right reasons or simply because he was afraid to be alone.

I'm all for it... we've already been ring shopping... and he just recently lavaliered me to his fraternity this past Friday... I love him so very much... he's really the most amazing man I've ever dated... and by far my longest relationship :) There's just something about us that clicks... we fit together like perfectly matched puzzle pieces...

I hear ya...You want to be the GIRL!!!

Yes, I do care about getting married. I've always wanted to get married, to the right person of course! Which thankfully will happening next summer!