Think everybody's doin' it? Think again.
 

Think everybody's doin' it? Think again.
by Jennifer Girardin


Joshua Sazdanoff, 19, has never had sex.

And he doesn't plan to until his wedding night.

Sazdanoff, a kinesiology sophomore, says at age 13 he became a born-again Christian and set the Bible as his truth. According to his beliefs, he mist "keep the marriage bed pure," which means waiting until marriage to have sex.

He attended a Christian school and says he dated Christian girls with similar beliefs about sexual purity. They would set boundaries like avoiding spending time alone at his girlfriend's houses.

Though he says his commitment of abstinence until marriage stems from his spiritual beliefs, he thinks there are benefits even for those who don't hold the same beliefs.

"Even from a non-Christian perspective, waiting makes [sex] more special," says Sanzdanoff.

"Plus, you don't have to worry about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases."

He says he doesn't subscribe to the notion of needing to "try the car before you buy it."

"God knows my heart and he knows me more than anyone else," says Sanzdanoff. "If He has the perfect woman for me, it won't be good or bad."

Sanzdanoff is among only 21 percent of ASU college students who have never engaged in vaginal intercourse, according to the results of a survey conducted in the spring by the American College Health Association in conjunction with the ASU Student Health and Wellness Center.

Karen Moses, assistant director of health education and wellness at the center, says virginity is relative.

"It's all in what someone considers 'sex,'" says Moses, while seated in her office.

Moses says some people consider "sex" to be any type of sexual behavior, like taking a shower naked together or performing other sexual acts such as oral sex.

Sarah Craig, a secondary education junior, says she defines losing her virginity as vaginal intercourse. She says she doesn't believe a person loses their virginity if they have oral sex, but she still doesn't believe the act is right "in God's eyes."

Craig says as a teenager she made a commitment to remain abstinent until marriage. She says she broke the commitment just a few months ago and regrets it.

"It was really weird," Craig says over the phone.

"I had been drinking a little bit, we were lying in my bed and I told him to leave. We discussed how it wasn't meant to be and five minutes later he was kissing my neck and we were having sex."

She says it hasn't completely sunken in and she's not sure how she'll break the news to her mother, who cried when she found out that Craig's older sister engaged in premarital sex.

"I just threw it away," says Craig of her commitment to abstinence.

"I would take it back in a heartbeat."

She says she wanted her "first time" to be with the man she would spend the rest of her life with, the man she loved and would marry.

"I'm sinning, and I'm not happy," says Craig of her continued affairs with her friend.

She says she knows they aren't meant to be together in the future and says when they break up, she plans to abstain from sex again.

"I still believe in abstinence, I'm just not abiding in it right now," says Craig.

"I was strong for four years of saying 'no' for so long. Sex is great, I love it and it will be hard when we break up, but God will give me the strength again."

For now Craig says she has to do many things she didn't have to worry about before when she wasn't having sex, like going to the doctor to make sure she hasn't contracted anything.

"I believe with certain sins, there are consequences," says Craig over the phone.

"It could be disease, heartbreak, a baby; any number of things."

As for advice she has for others struggling with similar issues, Craig says she would encourage them to listen to their "inner voice."

"If you feel any inch of not wanting to do it, don't do it," says Craig.

"It's there for a reason."

79 to 21.... so everyone IS doing it.

Re: Think everybody's doin' it? Think again.
 

If you feel any inch, you're probably already doing it.

Re: Re: Think everybody's doin' it? Think again.
 

if you feel any more inches . . . you're probably not doing it with me. :(

Well that 21% have not engaged in sexual relation in the Clinton-esque definition of the term... ie. not vaginal intercourse....

I'm all for people doing or not doing whatever they think is right for them, but I it sad that young people are living with so much GUILT about issues like sex.

Damn that Jessica Simpson.

Okay, so I really hate hypocrites. If Craig didn't like sinning, and thought that having premarital sex was wrong, why didn't she just not do it anymore? You can't have your cake and eat it to. You did it, and YOU'RE NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!!! I'm sure God just LOVES it that you say "I'm only going to have sex for right now, instead of being sorry for it, I'm going to do it as long as I have the opportunity. But then, when we break up, I'll be a good Christian girl again. Tee hee." She probably tells people that she's a good christian and that they shouldn't have sex til they're married. Wow, I'm glad I'm not religious!

Um...how ELSE are you going to take a shower other than naked? With raincoats?



CRIED? :eek:



Obviously she's a hypocrite, and doesn't want to admit that she's either attached to the guy or really really likes sex. What will mommy think then? :rolleyes:

21 percent is shocking to me. That's surprisingly high. I would have guessed around more like 10 percent. Nothing wrong with that, as long as they buck the trend of saving themselves for marriage, failing, and then not using contraceptives when they do it.

Also, that girl who "accidentally" lost her virginity . . . ummm, shut up. "I told him to go and then suddenly we were having sex! And we're still having sex! But I'm waiting until marriage!"

well if they are only defining sex as "vaginal sex" the gay male population would then be considered "virgins" because they do not engage in vaginal sex.....:rolleyes:

the weeknight sex talk with the old lady on the oxygen channel defines sex as "penis in vagina." she is cool as shitz. some girl had called and asked if doing another girl would still be considered a virgin. the old lady said yes.

When i see this thread I tend to think of that LL Cool J song where it goes:

"Doin It"
(feat. LeShaun)

[Intro: LL Cool J]

Mmmm yeah (mmmmm) check it out baby
Make it hot... then we drop it
(oooooooh!) Uh, yeah
(oooooooh!) Uptown, you know how we do it
Yeah you know
Make it hot

[Verse One:]

[LL Cool J]
It's the first time together and I'm feeling kinda horny
Conventional methods of makin love kinda bore me
I wanna knock your block off, get my rocks off
Blow your socks off make sure your G spots soft
[LeShaun]
I'm gonna call you Big Daddy and scream your name
Matter fact I can't wait for your candy rain
[LL Cool J]
So what cha sayin, I get my swerve on, bring it live
Make it last forever, damn the kitty cat's tight
[LeShaun]
Mmm... daddy slow down your flow
Put it on me like G baby nice and slow
I need a rough neck nigga Mandingo in a sec
Who ain't afraid to pull my hair and spank me from the back
[LL Cool J]
No doubt, I'm the playa that you're talkin about
[LeShaun]
But do you really think that you can work it out
[LL Cool J]
I guarantee shorty it's real, baby stick it out
Here comes the man of steel

[Chorus: LeShaun, LL Cool J]

[LeShaun] Doin it and doin it and doin it well [3X]
[LL Cool J] I respresent Queens, she was raised out in Brooklyn

[repeat 2x]

[Verse Two:]

[LL Cool J]
I'm in the mix now, searching for the right spot
To hit now, get down
[LeShaun]
Damn my lover dig down, you use a rubber?
[LL Cool J]
Damn right
[LeShaun]
You are my lover
[LL Cool J]
All night
[LeShaun]
The putty good to you? Word to momma
[LL Cool J]
Man tight
The only thing left to do is climax
Let's make it last
[LeShaun]
Word we ain't goin out like that
All this time you've been telling that you was a Don
[LL Cool J]
I tried to warn you girl you wouldn't listen
Now let's get it on
[LeShaun]
Mmm, baby wild, don't do that
Chill wait a minute baby let me please you back
[LL Cool J]
You talk a good one shorty now you're makin me sweat
How a live nigga like it girl?
[LeShaun]
Nice and wet
We get it To The Break of Dawn, damn you're large
How a big girl like it Daddy?
[LL Cool J]
Nice and hard
Safe sexin it, flexin it, gettin that affectionate
Chewin it, oohin it, all while we're doin it

[Chorus (repeat 2X)]

[Verse Three:]

[LL Cool J]
Baby, I wanna hit it in the worst way
[LeShaun]
Make it hot
[LL Cool J]
Schemin on the ass since the first day
[LeShaun]
Don't stop
Damn I love it when you talk like that
Make it bounce sugar
[LL Cool J]
Long as you can bounce me back
More flesh than the Greek Fest
[LeShaun]
Roll up the sess
[LL Cool J]
Pass the Hennessee
[LeShaun]
Put my body to the test
Wait wait daddy many niggaz ago
I was a young girl listening to how you flow
Now's my chance to hit you off daddy I'm grown
From the back, from the side
[LL Cool J]
Right, I'm in the zone
One of a kind when it's time to do mine
Camcorder and the whole shit
[LeShaun]
Press rewind
Let it flow on the screen while we puffs the L
Layin back in the cut while we're under the spell
[LL Cool J]
Word life, I like the way the ep went down
Go to sleep, tomorrow I'll take you back downtown
We'll be

I danced to that song at the bars last night.

I completely agree that the girl in the article is a complete hypocrite. You can't be like, well since I'm already sinning with this guy that I'm not even happy with, I'll just keep sinning until I break up with him. WTF?

Re: Think everybody's doin' it? Think again.
 

What she really means...
"I feel kinda guilty when I am doing the nasty with my F**k Buddy, but not guilty enough to stop. I think I'll just keep doing him and then when we break up I'll go back to not having sex. Unless I get really horny, of course."

Re: Re: Think everybody's doin' it? Think again.
 

and she'll probably make the next poor guy wait around for a long time before she has sex . .. . because she feels so guilty for the last time . . . and if the poor schmuck is thick enough to wait.

Adults Only... XXX
 

Hey, the little girl cain't handle the pressure of messin' around with homie... Apparently, he's laying down bricks on her like dat and she don't wanna give up the dick... So she justifies her actions as I am with him for now, but when we break up, then I will allow my stuh to get tight again for the next one--the one that God's wants me to be with...

The fact is, when as a Christian when one has lusted in his or her own heart, he or she has already sinned... That is the point about celibacy and abstinence from a Christian perspective... It was used as birth control in the middle ages during the Crusades Wars with Constantine... That is when reducing sex drive by "blunt force trauma" to the brain makes these kids so guilty now...

Now from a Tantra perspective, wasting time on "pointless and mindless" sex is all out wrong. One's Spirit cannot be misused in that manner. All interactions are there for one reason or another. The point is to learn the lesson that is being taught... Guilt will block one's ability to learn the lesson so that the person is immobilized and stuck in the mental condition possibly forever...

In some respects, true Christianity does reflect that in the parables--what was Mary Magadelene again???

So hey, if folks are out dere gettin' it on like hot budda popcorn--hopefully they are learning their lessons...

An unusual story.

My cousin met his beloved when they were both about 17-18. They were dating different folks, but worked at the same job. I think she might have been a year behind him, but can't remember. Both Cris and Heather were very committed to a strong Christian relationship and they started dating about the time that he started college. They dated the entire time through college, and in his sr. year, Cris asked Heather to marry him, and she said yes. Their entire relationship they had not engaged in premarital sex because being pure was so important for them both for the future of their marriage. They were both virgins on their wedding night when they got married in 2001.

The cool thing with this...I have never seen a couple with such passion for each other as these two. They are very affectionate and have both a strong love and desire for each other.

I'm just glad I don't have the feelings of guilt that the girl in the article does. How sad!

Also, I don't see myself getting married until I am 30. Waiting until you are 22 is one thing, waiting until you are 32 is quite another.

i understand where this girl is coming from... (although my mom took it in a totally opposite way than her mom "would.") i still feel really guilty for loosing my virginity! and i believe that i should have waited, like i wanted to… but since i didn't, my rational is: hey, it's already gone, so why not do what you like???

yes, it's hypocritical... and that's one reason why i decided to step back from my religion - i relate my situation to how the amish have rumspringa. i will eventually go back to practicing, but not until i feel like i'm not a hypocrite anymore. (which will most likely be after i'm married)

does that make any sense?

Your post reminded me of the song "I Miss the Way" by Michael W. Smith.
However you feel about what you are and are not doing...and whenever and whyever you make the decision to embrace your spirituality again, you will be welcomed. Maybe not by the ones who like to call names like "hypocrite" and so forth...but certainly by your Lord who knows your heart and wants you to claim Him...not "step back" from Him.

What many don't seem to grasp...including those of us who are Christians...is that we are all sinners just like everyone else. Being a Christian means that you believe in the teachings of Christ...and try (and constantly fail) to walk in His example. And it is because of our sins...BIG OR SMALL...that we need our Savior.

I am by NO means one who makes all the right decisions...but I could not stumble and get up on my own....and I do not want to.

What I don't really understand about viewpoints like that is WHY does losing your virginity have so much more importance than any of the rest of the times you have sex? I assume that it's still sinning just as much in the eyes of God as the first time was, but people don't treat it like that -- it's like turning in the v-card is a major sin and after that it doesn't really matter what you do. IMO we attach FAR too much importance on losing your virginity in this society and not enough on the sex that comes after that, which leads to situations like these where kids think, "Hey, well, I didn't want to lose it but since I have, I'll just keep having sex!" (which, in conjunction with the "you should wait until marriage and we aren't even going to imagine any other possibilities" brand of sex ed, leads to the fact that a lot of these kids start having sex and DON'T use protection -- fantastic! :rolleyes:)

So yeah. Effective sex ed programs and even effective abstinence-only programs need to be able to work with the kids who have already HAD sex, to get them to see why abstinence after losing your virginity is still possible and important. Too many of them write these kids off as failures, and so these kids end up feeling caught in limbo where they still think of sex as sin but they're not accepted in the virgin camp anymore.

Pledge of Technical Virginity
 

Check this out, from that web site:So, does this mean that Bill Clinton was right?

Know your history...
 

Where did this "Thine shall not have bucket wild sex" commandment come from?

Losing your virginity was not as large issue in the Christian Bible as it is today... How do you account for Mary Magadelene? Jezebel? Hagar? Hey even Sarah for that matter? Hayle, if the story wasn't written the way it is, Joseph would have not married Mary the Mother of Jesus--regardless if it was a virgin birth or not--'cuz ain't nobody seen a human woman get pregnant without sex back in that day...

So when did this No-sex restriction start, confirming virginity for women?

Before and during the Crusades... In fact, the English King did not want any of the Scots and Irish to keep on breeding... So he restricted the women, to be of certain age--trying to make them too old to have children--to stop them from having more Scots and Irish... That just got translated to other ethnic groups that came up through medieval Europe.

Then during the "guilded age" and the "Victorian Era", the high art of restricting a woman's sex drive when into high gear... With ethics upon ethics of how a "lady acts"...

I guess the thought was if we don't teach them about the "do", then they won't do the "do"--and then they won't care about the "progeny" of the result--yeah, right, great birth control there, buddy...

Birth control concept came in the early 20th century during the suffragate movement... A woman NEVER told her husband "no"--hence, mostly European immigrant families, were dying to have their 5+ child... So it was immigrant women that were wondering how to limit their numbers of pregnancies... Then the world wars occurred and changed many things...

And as some of you know, the actual pharmacological birth control method that came out was in the 1960...

And women at that time--mostly younger 20-somethings thought they had a sexual freedom from pregnancy and they relished in it... But they had all kind of bucket wild sex--not really knowing how to explore the truest forms of sex... And that's when several scientists started pursuing answers to what is "orgasm" physiologically, molecularly, psychologically--etc... You know, "Sex and the Single Girl..." stuff...

But the one thing folks did not account for are the socioeconomic-etrangements and problems that result in mass mating without procreation... And the skewing of how young folks coming up would be influenced like that...

Biblically, there is no concept of how to have sex. It just said this what you do and this is what you don't do... Period... It doesn't allow for the concept of "ecstasy" or "sensuality" or "orgasmic"... One has to read into it to defer those concepts of sex from alternative sources... Then once the references from other sources are made, a few of the Christian Biblical concepts about sex can be understood...

Why would God want humans to have sex a certain way? Why not all ways? Personally, IMO, I do not think the Christian Bible says those kinds of things. I do think there is persecution of those that abuse sex. But I do not think that true "loving relationships" (maritial or not) are not God's plan--otherwise explain why the Bible refers to prostitutes--often?

I think the best manual out there about how to approach physical and sexual relationships is the "Kama Sutra" with the concept of the "Tantra"... There are other manuals. But that manual is probably the best that we've got without adding science into the mix...

So let's get it on...