Everyone around me is getting married!
 

I just came back from a wedding in New York. A girl I knew from high school apparently got engaged last spring. My cousin, who is 16 months older than me got engaged three weeks ago. Another friend of mine got engaged around the same time my cousin did. The list goes on and on. I'm the second oldest out of all of the first cousins on my dad's side, but I don't think I'm going to be the second to marry. It's sort of a competition now, and I don't think I'm going to do very well.

Honey, I'm right there with you :)

My step-mom said to me, after one of my cousins got married in 2000, "You'll be the next one in the family to get married". This would be before another cousin, who's three years older than I am, and my step-sisters. As of this point, I'm still unmarried (no prospect in sight), as is my cousin, and ONE of my three step-sisters.

I also have a majority of my friends from college and high school either already married or engaged to be married within the next year!

It's crazy! :D

OK you know what is completely annoying? My boyfriend and I have a pretty good relationship and I recently found out that all of his friends have a "bet" that we will get married next or at least before this other couple he is friends with that have been together for YEARS and all my boyfriend's friends feel this guy doesn't want to propose to his girlfriend. It was sweet at first but that can be A LOT of pressure to live up to, especially if things don't work out. I mean, it's good now but we all know relationships can often "turn", and hell, we've only been together for 6 months!!!! Sheesh!!!!

And the catching the bouquet thing is a HUGE myth! I caught the bouquet and I was the LAST woman in the wedding party to get married! :Ddo NOT ask how many years passed between catching the bouquet and the wedding! :D

When they all start getting divorced, you can smile smugly.

PLEASE don't feel pressured by others getting married all around you and DON'T marry a man who asks just because of that pressure. Make sure he is someone you want to live with for the rest of your life.

You are a perfectly worthwhile woman and human being without being married.

Dee

Don't feel bad... I've caught the garter several times at weddings and have yet to get married! Not that I'm in a big hurry... :D

If everyone around you was catching AIDS would you feel compelled to do that also?

I'm sorry for ranting like this, but it wouldn't be long before my grandmother starts asking me why I'm not off the market yet! And my grandmother isn't even "old fashioned" (she was sort of a party girl when she was in her 20s. She was very pleased when I told her that I was learning how to swing dance) Part of me wants to remain single, but the other part does not!


Thanks for the messages btw :)

Don't rush it Cynthia, really! Get your career going, live on your own for a while. If people bug you, tell them you haven't met a man good enough for you yet!

Dee

I hear you! I know so many people who got married this year...I was in 2 weddings and was invited to 3 more, plus there were the ones I heard about. And here I am, not sure if I am ever going to get married! (I figure if it is meant to happen, it will. If not, it won't. And I am OK with that.)

... that's kinda happening to me too...

it all started about a year ago when Friend A got engaged and then married in December. Since then, EVERYONE in our "circle of friends" are getting engaged/married.. it's insane.

I'm happy for them and all, but when they get in those "moods" and pull out that Married Card, it drives me nuts. "When you have a house payment, a car payment, and are married you'll understand why I'm so tired sometimes"

Uhh.. yea. I guess until then, I'll be the same happy-go-lucky person driving the car my parents are paying for and visiting the boyfriend with no married-problems attached :D

Ditto this.

Someone was asking a friend why she was still single like it was a disease. :rolleyes: I told her to reply, "I'm too much of a slut to settle down with just one guy." That will shut them up. :p

I'm in a weird situation in my life. I would love to get married, but it's not a huge thing. To me, marriage happens to "other people". All of my co-workers are already married, so there is no marriage pressure there. None of my friends are close to getting married, so there is no pressure there either...

My mother doesn't pressure me to date or isn't hinting about my getting older....My grandparents couldn't care less...


Sometimes I wonder if this is a healthy "place" to be in or am I stuck?


Hell, I don't know what I'm saying anymore...MOVING ON!

:rolleyes:

In my view, you're in a healthy place.

This is what infuriates me about the big "marriage" push by our current political administration. Women already feel a HUGE societal pressure to hurry up and get married. I think this is why the divorce rate is so high. When you meet a person who is right for you, and you take the time to make sure he is right, then you get married. We shouldn't feel pressured by society, family or our "biological clock" to hurry up and get hitched.

Dee

Amongst my friends, at least people my age, it's a trend right now, with people getting engaged to college boyfriends and girlfriends and even high school sweethearts. It's all fine and sweet, but I think some of them feel like engagement and the wedding are the next steps they're supposed to take. Like oh we're so in love - we've met, flirted, dated, dated seriously, maybe even lived together. Why not? Now the next stage on this relationship checklist is engagement, then marriage. This is all fine and good (and logical) but in a cold (logical) sort of way. I'm fine as I hear about another person younger than me getting engaged b/c I think sometimes people loose sight of the fact that they're creating a family, whether they want kids or a dog, a house or a Volvo or a massively huge wedding. Getting married is a very adult thing to do - it's like getting a promotion or buying a house. There's a great deal of choice, compromise, and effort involved in these adult questions and events. If people aren't reassured about their 'standing' as an adult, they might try to take on these adult decisions - and some people make really good choices. And sometimes they don't.

Please don't feel this way! Yeah singledom! Do well at getting a promotion! You'll feel very adult, competitive and rich! :)

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

Seriously. You speak the truth.

Co-sign. Getting married because you feel pressure, or because everyone else is is the WRONG reason to get married, and chances are you'll be setting yourself up for failure. Of all my girlfriends, only two got married very early. The rest of us all got married in our mid- to late-30s.

Getting married younger is sort of cultural for me, I guess. Even though Hong Kong is really progressive, getting married at 30 is kind of "late". A 30 year old bride there is kind of like a 35 year old bride in a bigger city in Canada or the US. I just want to be married, have kids, and stay at home. That's all. Fewer years working, you know?

what's wrong with being a 35 year old bride in the US? i've never heard anything that is bad about that.

I don't think I deserve the "hero" status. It's more like two failed marriages because of said pressure. I screwed up my life so badly by marrying the men who asked me, rather than a man who was my soulmate. I wanted kids so badly and I'm thrilled that I have my kids, because they bring me so much joy in my life. If only I could have had them without dealing with their dad...

Anyway, I'm a very strong, very independent woman who doesn't do well having a man around because I just can't live with one without going bonkers. I am happy for my married friends who are happy, but get frustrated with some who either put up with a horrible situation or those who lament constantly that they don't have a man. When I was contemplating leaving my first husband, a very close friend said "When you would rather be single forever than married to that man, then you know it's time". I'm perfectly ok with being single, even though most of society doesn't approve.

Dee

ETA: My worst day being single is better than my best day of marriage, so that says something right there!

ETA again: I'm from an Italian family.. that's HUGE pressure to be married. I started getting asked when I was getting married at my high school graduation.

Nothing's wrong with that. I was just using it as an example of age. A 40 year old first time bride in HK is a lot "older" than a 40 year old first time bride in the US....youth is more emphasized there than in North America. HK actresses who are the same age as, say, SJP are often playing mothers to teenagers while it's kind of difficult to imagine SJP (or other actresses her age) doing that.

ETA: There aren't too many HK women who marry and have kids in their late teens or early 20s.

Oh, I just meant in general--not even about marriage and relationships--that you say things that make a lot of sense. Kind of the stuff I'd like to say, but am not very eloquent. :)

That's how my parents feel too. They were okay with me going away to school (although they wanted me to live in the dorms for my entire four years, and they got their way), but they're not all that okay with me moving out!

I grew up on the East side! Only a few of us went to college and the rest all got married young!

The way to move out is to get a job that's too far to commute for your first job. It worked like a charm!

Re: Everyone around me is getting married!
 

I feel like a lot of people around me have been getting married. I was just in a wedding a few weeks ago. If it's not mariage...then it's kids.

Every so often my mom or various relatives bring up the fact that I "let Gus get away" and "I'd be living on easy street because he has money and real estate" if I had married him and had children. My comment is yes I could have married him but I thought I was too young to have an ex-husband and be a single mom. Seriously I had more friends willing to drive the getaway car for me that be in the bridal party if it had ever come to fruition between him and I.

There was a commencement speaker at either Wellesley or Smith I think that said something along the lines of what if you are destined to meet "the one" and live happily ever after. But the catch is you won't meet him until you're 40, it's important what you do with your life from now until then.

Re: Re: Everyone around me is getting married!
 

Don't start me on the kids. :rolleyes: If I hear "So when are you two going to settle down and have a baby?" one more time, I will bitch-slap whoever says it.

Don't feel that you have to be in any rush to get married just because a lot of your friends are getting married. Take your time... if and when you do decide to get married, make sure your partner really is your soulmate.

Look at it this way: You'll get better wedding gifts from your friends when they're out in corporate America making big bucks, rather than when they're still poor starving college students. :p

I'm about to hit the ripe old age of 24, and where I'm from, that makes me a spinster. At the moment, though, I don't care...I have enough stress without a man to add some more. Besides, girls, boyfriends cost too much to keep up! :p

I got married when I was 34 years old...

I wanted to get married much younger, but then I weighed my options with who was asking me to marry him... Because I strongly felt I needed to have my own "thang" going--i.e. a higher degree (Ph.D.) with a tight career that I could "write my own ticket", then the man I CHOSE to marry would accept that aspect in my life... My now husband was the ONLY man that I thought and believed that TRULY accepted my life as it stood...

Lemme tell you about having children though... Because I waited to marry the right man, my fertility has dropped and will precipitously drop as I age into my 40's... That is the way the "ball bounces"... So how many of you youngins', under the age of say "35" are want to have children with your husband--meaning you will be married before having children? Then, how many of you want to have "natural genetically related" children without ANY tremendous amount of medical technology?

I say it is a balance between pursuing your life's path versus some level of biology. I also think that anything is possible with the biological aspect. And, I think that if you feel compelled to travel down a life's path "just because"--well, that is what being an adult is about...

Just make sure you do it with your eyes wide open...

My best friend from Junior High just got engaged this week! I however, am in no hurry to find someone to marry. I want to be done with med school first.

I totally feel you all on this topic! Last weekend I went out with my married (younger) sister, her husband, a couple of their engaged couple friend, and another couple that is married. There I sat, on the barstool, by myself. But it was cool because the guys all hung out and the girls hung out. Then I met a guy later that night, but I might need to read that book, "He's Just Not That Into You."

Anyway, it's tough being single, especially at this poing in my life. A lot of people are at that stage where they've been with their SO for a while and are getting engaged/married. I hear and think it goes in waves. Don't worry, we'll all "hang 10" soon!

My family says that too...I've never really understood how someone can be 'next' unless there's a wedding date already set and its coming up....it drives me crazy...its not like a board game! you don't just know when your 'turn' is coming.

Everyone around me is getting married and i'm sick of dropping cash everywhere because of it! Lol. One of my littles just got married, that's fine, I don't mind, though I did end up spending several hundred dollars all together (when you're still in school that's a lot!).

A family friend is getting married in June, just got an invite to her bridal shower. I haven't seen this girl in at least 12 years probably, though her mom always sends Christmas and Bday cards, and one of my parents is the godparent of her brother. Thankfully I'll just go in on a present with my mom for the shower, but then there's also the wedding. But sheesh.... hope no one else gets married for awhile so my pocketbook can recover.

Last summer was the Year of the Wedding for me. My husband and I attended four weddings! They ran the gamut - the spare-no-expense weddings, the simple garden party (the nicest one, IMO), and then there was the wedding where they ran out of food!

BTW, the wedding where they ran out of food was over 6 months ago, and I have not seen a thank-you card. We should have taken our gift and left.

Sadly, one of the couples that got married this summer (my husband was in the wedding party and all) ... is already separated and planning a divorce. :(

There was a point a year or two ago where it seemed like everyone I knew was getting married. I found it hard sometimes, because my b/f and I had been a relationship way longer than some of them. I had a lot of friends get married in their early 20's as well, which is interesting because the average of marriage in Canada now is about 30 for women and 32-33 for men. I'm getting married at 27, and to me that seems old, only perhaps because I have been with my fiance since I was 20.

So far I have a wedding to attend every weekend in July and my nephew (who is 6 yrs older than me) is getting married in June. I think there are one or two weddding I might have to attend in August also.

Here you pretty much get married the summer right after you graduate college. I'm a year behind in school so I have 2 more years to find someone and plan the wedding. :rolleyes:

Wedding Update
 

Still no progress on meeting an SO to marry, so I'm still going no where fast!

But, now I at least think I want to get married....if only for the reception! LOL

Does anyone else want to have an untraditional marriage? I am thinking separate bedrooms...I just LOVE having a big bed by myself...I DON'T WANT A STINKY BOY NEXT TO ME ALL THE TIME!!!:p

Seriously...There was an article in a recent Oprah discussing non-traditional marriage arrangements and, while separate apartments seems a bit extreme, I can so see having another bedroom for the nights we just want to be alone! I LOVE THAT IDEA!!!:D

I can honestly say I've never compared my relationship to those of others.

I've been with my guy for 5 years; I know plenty of people--younger and older--who were married after a year or two of dating. That worked out really well for them; I need time to get my life together.

So I don't understand those girls who get mad when a friend announces her engagement. A twinge of angst is acceptable, but ranting and raving and ultimatums are just immature.