Stupid Question
 

ok, so should i go see my ex boyfriend for one night as he's coming back from being shipped out to i don't even know where. he flies into baltimore, and he wants me to be there when he gets off the plane and then just go back the next day b/c his flight home to CA is the next afternoon. i WANT to, but i dunno. the ticket is only $154.......i haven't seen him in a long azz time........but this is the air force ex who's used and abused and i doubt he's worth the $154......but i can't help but want to go. :confused:

someone talk me out of this or tell me to just do it. the whole time before he left we were talking, the whole time he's been gone we've been talking....and a lot of things SEEM to be worked out, but there's still BS. i wanna see him, but i know if i see him....esp the first night he's back..... <porn music plays softly in the background>.......and i don't wanna deal with all that right now.

arg. tell me i'm an idiot and get it over with. :p

Um, if you can see him realizing that most likely it's just for the sex and not have a big emotional freakout afterwards, go for it. Otherwise don't.

Wise and cougarly advice.

heaven forbid i take "cougarly" advice. ;) :p :D

I'm like the queen of hooking up with exes. It needs to be clear what the boundaries are.

And there are worse things to be than Cougarly. :)

Don't do it!

I say go for it, but he should be the one paying for the booty call, not you. ;) Or at least go halfsies.

Just say no and walk away!

$154- is a lot of money to spend on a booty call of a guy that you said treated you like crap, unless I misread your post.

Let's give this a little more thought.

Are you going to get wined and dined at a nice restaurant or is it going to be a chincy chain type place? Is it going to be a good booty call or a so-so booty call? Is he going to want to cuddle afterwards, or will he let you roll over and get your sleep? Is he gonna' want it again first thing in the morning?

I firmly believe he should be offering to pay for part, if not all, of your ticket.

Just say no!
Save your money, and spend it on something else, or yourself for that matter!

Mon, listen to me, I'm your sister.

Even if he's willing to pay $154, you shouldn't go because he treated you like shit.

Don't pay $154 to be his piece of ass.

If you're feenin' the ass, I'm sure you could get some free ones at home.

You're better than that and definitely worth more than $154.

Necrophile. (wow, sorry)



also AlphaGamDivia - you're right, this is a stupid question, that can't be denied. re-fing-read what you posted, boss - just a bad deal.

Oh man, that was definitely good.

And yet very wrong. Now have you seen my shovel? ;)

at least in this case, the boundaries are clearly defined by walnut with a nice finish

Holy crap! :eek:

Monica, I agree completely with OTW. I think that you know that you shouldn't go and that he's not worth $154. I also think that if you do go, you will be terribly disappointed. My friend did a similar thing, but her ticket cost over $300. It was a disaster, but she was mostly mad about spending her hard earned money to see an idiot who treated her without an ounce of respect.

It wasn't that nice of a finish, it was silver and really quite ostentatious and tacky.

We're going to Hell.

I'm finished with this - any NAMBLA jokes?

Do what you want. You're paying for it. I think paying for you is the bad thing but hey whatever.

-Rudey

Naaah, I think paying for herself gives her a kind of power. She wants the sex she is going for it.

Him paying for her in this booty call makes her a prostitute. In which case she should charge more.

Don't go, its too much effort for an EX it will never ever work out with.

to make this story even BETTER.....lemme just say that a few years ago he was in AIT in tx, and i drove 14 hrs by myself to see his ass......and two months later he was married to....wait for it.....wait for it.......waaaaaait for it.........someone else. he is now divorced with a 2 yr old. i can pick 'em, huh? :cool:

go back to telling me not to go. thanks! :D

**as far as me paying for it, i'd be paying for the ticket, but he's paying for dinner, going out, blah blah.....i doubt that will equal what i'd pay, but still. he told me to bring no cash. i dunno....he left me a voice mail while i was at work saying that we'll have to play the whole thing "by ear"......i'm feeling "Texas, the remix" right now......** :p :rolleyes:

ETA: AXiD670....i wouldn't even consider this if it was a "so-so" booty call. ;) :D no worries!

Ok, so let me get this straight...he treated you like crap, married someone else two months after you were seeing each other, has a kid, is telling you "let's play it by ear" and you are actually contemplating spending money to see his lame-a$$? And him taking you to dinner? Please, you are worth SO much more than that.

NOOOOO! Don't do it. Damn, I'm not even your sister and I'm telling ya don't do it. If you want to spend $154 to fly some where, get a girlfriend to go with ya and head to Vegas instead. At least the memories will be more worth it in the long run, and who knows a few good bets and you might even come home with some $$.

the answer!
 

ok, so after thinking this thing all over, keeping your thoughts and opinions in mind ;) (sandy, truer words were never spoken), this is my decision.

i will be going to louisville that friday night and staying with my old roomie/sorority sister....we will get up the next morning and drive to baltimore B/C: her AF boyfriend is in DC and she wants to see him, we have a sorority sister who lives there now with her hubby, and then, of course, my lil whatever he is will be there that night. this means that a) i don't have to fly alone, b) i don't have to drive alone, and c) that if things don't go how i want them to go/we get into it, i have another free place to crash. plus, this way, we can stay an extra day and hang out with her and not have to just leave the next morning. splitting gas and stuff, this shouldn't be a bad trip.

better?

No. ITs. Not. Better.

You wanted to be talked out of going on the merits of the boy, or his lack merit, not becaue of the travel arrangements.

He remains a tool that treated you like a Desperate Skank.

If you haul your cookies up there and see him, it just validates the way he treated you.

Seriously, you are rewarding his behavoir by going. It encourages him to continue in the same way as before.


Do you really want be a Desperate Skank?

dammit, james.......why must you make sense NOW? ;)
nothing is firmly decided....i mean, we know the plan, but it's not in concrete.

desperate skank....ouch. that right there may keep me from going........

Well . . you are a cool girl.

If you were just some unfortunate looking, passive agressive, low-self-esteem waste of a pair of X-chromosones like some girls I know, I would say go and get your groove on, because not only will you never get anyone better, but you really don't deserve better either.

But since you have a lot more going on than that, why cater to someone that undervalues you?

Especially when you can cater to people that will value you highly.

I mean damn, even a true player that just wants to hang with you and have fun will usually be a pleasure to be around before he moves on.

Never ever hang with people that bring out your weak traits, your insecurities, your flaws, only allow people that bring out the best thats inside you access to your life.

If that were a girl that treated me badly I would rather sodomize myself with a 2-foot dildo than admit to myself that I was so weak I was at her beck and call by going . . . regardless of how I had rationalized the trip to myself.

OH, in case I didn't mention it: I don't think you should go :)

Seriously Mon. I can't believe you're still considering going to see this guy that treated you like shit.

I hate to be a bitch but really, only desperate skanks drive all that way to get some ass. I'm just being truthful.

And I hope you don't go.

If I had a copy of that book "He's Just Not That Into You", I would send it.

Don't go.

You're worth more than that!

Dee

"may"? jesus fucking christ dude

Bottom Line here: We all think you are worth more than this stupid guy thinks, CLEARLY. Otherwise, do you think we'd make such a big deal of it?
So you shouldn't go----it seems like a hard decision because of the feelings you had for him in the past, and maybe you still have some of those feelings now, but let's be logical here. Why would you continue to give him more chances when he has already proven himself unworthy of you (i.e. the marriage you spoke of)?

When women act like this it breaks my heart. It hurts that a lot women allow guys to treat them like shit, it is even worse when cool women like you put up with shit.

DON'T GO!

Reasons why I think you shouldn't go:

1.) Everyone thinks you are cool *and you went to a Kentucky school - how could you not be cool?* - so you obviously don't deserve this treatment.

2.) I like the idea of using the 154.00 towards a good trip *like AOII_LB93 said above* or a nice spa package! Better yet - jewerly!

3.) It would give him the power in the "relationship"

4.) OohTeenyWahine and James agree on something. This is an automatic sign that you can not go.

Now.....if you do decide to go ....do what Sam on SATC didn't do with Dom whatever. You get the best of him! You make him buy you dinner, wine, flowers, etc. And then you leave for a fun evening with the gals.

"A smart girl makes a man sweat." - Rule #15 - The Southern Belle's Handbook

yeah, yeah....this has been a 5 year long ordeal.....ya can't change stupid with the snap of your fingers. :p ;)


ok....so i talked to my friend who is ready for this adventure with me......the plan for NOW is:

--we go, chill with our sor. sis. in baltimore, her hubby, and my friend's b/f.....we meet up with my idiot, and he has a 10 minute window to not piss me off (trust me, this is plenty of time for him to insert his foot into his mouth)....after those 10 minutes are up, we decide to either chill with him, OR just leave him and go do our own thing. :) i'm ALL ready for option B. :D then all day sunday, we're going to DC since the last time i was there i was 2 (AF boy leaves sunday am, so there's no chance of meeting up again). this idea/plan/thought has turned now into more of a rachael/monica road trip than a meeting the idiot thing......i rarely get to see rachael, and i haven't seen our baltimore sister in a year, so ya know.....she's excited, i'm excited.....so, we've decided good ideas come out of really stupid ones.

4.) OohTeenyWahine and James agree on something. This is an automatic sign that you can not go.-----ain't that it? :D

thanks for being brutally honest, guys.....always helps. ;)

so now you either

a.) fall back into a shit hole relationship with a douchebag
b.) allow the douchebag 'ample time' to piss you off and take a dump on your night
c.) BOTH (the most likely scenario, I might add)





OK, so, still not seeing any problems with this plan? But I'm sure you're oh-so-prepared, and more than ready to walk away. That would explain why you concocted this road trip to begin with.

Mon, you know I'll love you no matter what, but you know that when me and James agree on something then it's a sign. :p

AlphaGamDiva,

Like everyone else has stated, it would be very unwise to go...

Even "rationalizing" a road trip with sorority sisters still does not give you justification in going...

Either way, you will have your feelings hurt... Because within 2 seconds of seeing homeboy, all your "lovey-dovey-ness" will be amplified 100000000000 times... And all brain power will go to the toilet...

Homey KNOWS how to play... He WILL be sweet within your "minimizing" time frame--then where would that put you and your feelings?

Since you are more than insistant on going near that fool, then ask yourself this question: Are you going to have fun with girlfriends without rationalization of it? Or are you going to see sparks fly given the sordid history that you all told us? And you are probably going to do both...

So in that instance, you are allowing yourself to be "doormatted"... Accept your "wishy washiness" and have the best fcuk in town... Do not bring ANY $$$... And leave when you need to--meaning if there is dead silence other than sleeping, and the conversation is estranged, then go... Do not stay, you will only get hurt... Do what Kantrelle Blu says, make sure to blow up his credit card and get everything you can--no madda how it looks, come out on top...

My point being, if you gonna allow yourself to be pimped and prostituted (like dat), then do as the playas do, play the role all the way--don't do it half-assed--make that money and clock those dollars...

If you gonna be hardcore, swing it like that... And move on... 'Cuz obviously, you wanna set yourself up and hey, it's gonna hurt anyways--at least minimize the severity of the pain...

so, i'm guessing the ol' "but i LOVE him" thing doesn't really work with you? ;) lol

the bottom line is, i am a glutton for punishment. anyone who knows me knows this. (paging ilovemyglo) i think i LIKE the whole drama/torture thing b/c i know nothing can come with him......like, he's a "safe" zone for me b/c he's not marriage potential. (which, i believe, i am somewhat afraid of seeing as though i broke off 2 perfectly good relationships for no defined reason) so, really....if i go up there, it doesn't matter if he's a dick or prince charming. i know that a wk later all will be back to "normal" either way. make sense? prob not.....but, ya know. i got nothin better to do that wknd...... :p


OH....and just to throw this in there......there will be no <porn music>......none, natta, zipola.....i done said. :D TMI, but there it is.

I'd still save myself the gas money.

I wouldn't drive that far to see an ex, let alone fly.

I disagree that he's a "safe zone" or that things will go back to "normal". He's toxic to you and as long as you let him back into your life even for five minutes he will effect you. The fact that you have to orchestrate support just in case date night with him turns sour is such a waste of your time as well as your friends who I doubt think highly of him either. You've lived this long without him I think you're onto something.

As for ending your relationships maybe you just need some time away from baby daddy drama boy and figure out what's best for you without being in a relationship.

Mon, apparently not even calling you a desperate skank won't get you to change your mind. You seem pretty adamant in going but I doubt that you're going to convince any of us that what you are doing is a good thing.

So if I were you I'd leave the discussion be just so you don't look any more of an idiot for going.