"He's Just Not That Into You"...
 

Have you heard of this book? Sounds hilarious! Some of the points:

- If a guy give you his number and you call him and he doesn't call back...

-If you give a guy your number and he doesn't call...

-He says that he's been busy...

-You go out, have a good time, you invite him back and he says No...

HE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!

So many others, but the point is simple...Don't be the pursuer!!! If a guy wants you, you'll know. And guys, it's the same way-don't be whipped-you'll know if it's real...

(and yes, I am in a relationship, but believe me, I've been there...)

I saw the author on Oprah a little while ago. It's funny and true. This advice could have saved me some heartache back when I was looking for someone.

I saw the authors on some tv show the other day, and it's about damn time somebody said it. What really sucks is when a woman complains about the guy who doesn't return her calls and her friends all say "Oh, maybe he's busy" so she gets her hopes up that he'll call...but really, he's just not into her. If he was, he'd call.

the fact that 8 months had passed since the "really great date" and he couldnt bother to pick up a phone and talk wasn't a clue? lol

I've seen reviews about it and I've also seen it in the bookstore. It's written by writers for Sex and the City, I think (the title is from a line from the final season, when the girls meet Berger)

YES! Miranda asked Berger what he thought about her date. He said, "It sounds like he's just not that into you." Or something like that. Carrie looks horrified, but Miranda looks liberated in a way. It was funny.

Good advice, but it still sucks when it happens to you!

I haven't purchased the book yet, but I did see the author on Oprah. Ironically, I've liberated myself from defining my worth based on whether the guy is interested in me or not.

The way I see it, if I make a call to a guy and he doesn't call me back it means,

1. that my call wasn't important enough to him to call me OR

2. I didn't happen to cross his mind to such that he would pick up the phone and call me back.

In any case, If a guy doesn't call me back, I WILL NOT call him again until he does. (Its just plain rude not to return a person's call)

AND IF that means I never talk to him again, then so be it. The way I see it, I'm worthy of the interest and attention of a man and if he is interested, I won't have to "force" it out of him...he needs to pursue me!!

Should he decide to call me back, he needs to be in pursuit of me at that point, (i.e.....asking me out on a date, trying to get to know me better, etc.), otherwise, I'm not calling him again.

Trust me, I'm single, but I'm not desperate....men are like buses.....if you miss one, you can catch the next one that comes by.;) :D

Yeah, interesting, because Berger wasn't all that into Carrie.

I know this non-greek woman who met a really wonderful guy back in 1991-92 (I think, I didn't know her then), and they have dated off and on. He has done everything you can think of to break it off with her, but she refuses to listen to reason!

She calls her friends, and cries for hours (literally) over "why would he do this to me?!" - and then can't understand why people dodge her phone calls. I've even "tough loved" her and said horrible things to get her to wake up, as have others.

Is this book good enough to try to get it sent to her anonymously?

I might have to check the book out.

I saw the Oprah episode also...what I thought was funny was all the women that didn't want to hear this answer by rationalizing the scenarios with their own wants and needs...but the author was dead on!!

Love it! :D

What is this book, anyway?

I have some people to purchase this book for, too.

Something about this book really annoys me. It's a bit insulting and has a message that every interaction we have with a man comes with a tinge of desperation attached.

It's not men's "fault" or women's "fault" that there is a gap in communication between the sexes, but to say that we are always thinking that "It's not me, it's him." if he doesn't call makes me mad.

Also, it sort of lets men off of the hook. I am a bit tired of the claim that men "just don't communicate like women". Um, ok, so if they know that, then why aren't there more books and shows telling MEN how to change their methods of communication, both verbal and non-verbal.

Why are women made out to be the seeker and destroyer of all relationships and men made out to be these mindless penises looking to get laid or escape capture?

I'm exhausted. It seems as if we would all be much better off if we just spoke our minds and stopped trying to analyze what was said, how to say it, anticipating the response, anticipating how to react to said response, acting aloof, acting interested, playing it cool, not calling within 2 days, pretending to not be home when someone calls, screening calls, getting someone to call you when you are on a boring date to get out of said date, treating dating like some sort of power play, treating each other as walking genitalia, looking at the shape of her thighs/size of his wallet instead of taking the time to find out the size and shape of someone's heart and soul.................. LORD!!

Was that an exhausting sentence? Yes, because that's how exhausting this cat and mouse game between genders feels!

One more thing: I know that there is something enticing and exciting about the "thrill of the chase", but how much isht would we cut through if we stopped playing it cool all the time and just tell someone we dig them? If they don't reciprocate, then fine, but at least you risked and that's the reward in and of itself!

sigmagrrl, *two thumbs up*

Naaaaah. Its still usually the girl's fault when relationships fail. If only because you have higher expectations then we (men) do.

I just got the book and started reading it. From what I've read so far, sigmagrrl I disagree that this book is insulting to women. Have you actually read this book?

Unfortunately there are guys out there who send mixed signals. Instead of saying ,"hey I don't want to see you anymore" or "It's not going to work out and we see to see other people", they avoid confrontation or the dreaded "the talk". There are many of us who would have appreciated that instead of the breakup via email, phonecall, or etc..I appreciate that Greg Behrendt,one of the authors, actually tells women they don't have to put with men who treat them like dirt. As well Liz Tuccillo provides a womens perspective as to why some women continue to put up with shabby treatment. It will help some see through a mirage of what appears to be a quality guy when he's actually being a jerk.

There are books out there for men about relationships with women. Check amazon.com.

This book is a complete opposite from "The Rules". That book was much more insulting to women and matches your description. It was filled with schemes, lies, and games. Ironically both authors of "The Rules" are now divorced.

Maybe it's the men's fault as well for not having any expectations

:)

wrigley, no I haven't read it, but I will. I was basing my argument on the general idea set forth re: the book in the press, etc. But I will read it and make another assessment....thanks!

"The Rules" blows. If this is completely different than that, I'm going to read it.

They did a follow up of this one today on Oprah. The girl was there and they got the GUY there too. He admitted that he had a girlfriend all that time and was keeping that woman on his plate in case things didn't work out with the girlfriend. He and the girlfriend have now broken up and he indicated he'd like to see this woman now, but she didn't seem too interested, knowing that he had a girlfriend all that time.

Dee

I saw it too. It was fabulous. He looked so pathetic. Every single woman in a America now knows what he looks like and knows to avoid him.

I just bought the book and I am about to start it. I'll get back to y'all on this one.

OK I read the book and I liked it. It's kinda of a relief knowing what I know now. You know I'm sure we can all think of times where we read too much into things when the truth was that he wasn't asking us out, he wasn't putting forth much effort, and he was just not that into us. But instead we over-analyze every little move and convince ourselves that he likes us but he's busy, or scared.

Greg made some good points. I know a few of my friends who need to read it. Especially the pasrt about "He's just not that into you if he's having sex with someone else" I mean I cannot imagine trying to justify that.

It was also refreshing to know that my boyfriend doesn't fall into ANY of those categories.

Well . . even if he was just scared or whatever, it doesn't matter, you can only judge behavior not intent.

So you still have to act as if he wasn't that into you . . . thats also assuming that you have sent all the right obvious messages.

UM, that's what I'm saying.

That's the point of the book as well.

Guys I'm reading this book now. It's horrible - first, they say that fear of intimacy is an urban myth. Hearing that, it was on par with saying traffic patterns are an urban myth. It's horrible to examine the 'rules' of the book not as male vs. female, but as yourself and your past relationships with people who are all men. It's when you personalize the rules that its horrific to examine yourself and your past - that guy, that guy who introduced you to his parents as his girlfriend and then with whom you were very happy with for three months, well then when he got weird, well, then he wasn't weird, he wasn't that into you. I was very happy thinking he was werid, now I'm going to break it off because its him not me. Now, even when I broke it off with that weird guy cause he got weird, it still means that he wasn't that into me. Me. The book says I'm supposed to be empowered by breaking it off and having standards and every couple of sentences they remind me that I'm hot but that still means that most of the guys in my life are not that into me. If they're not running to date me now, they're not that into me. Which is harsh. Its like going back to that day in the third grade and having everyone in the class tell you smell funny or something.

dphies00, I agree. The book kind ablows. I don't think anyone should give this book as a gift to a single woman.

I'm just not that into reading this book.

If I were single...
 

I'd read the book... Just to see what it had to say...

The thing is, it is a matter of how you might actually meet someone to either date seriously or not...

If you are just "hanging out" and not really looking for a relationship, then go out with the guy and have drinks or coffee or whatever...

But, if you are trying to meet that special someone, let me tell you, you had better know yourself fully, what your expectations are of yourself and when you meet a "bonifide" man, you need to pick up his characteristics--even his character flaws... And that takes at least 3 months to have a basic idea...

After the 3 month waiting period, and the man has yet to say something about the future, you need to move on...

However this does not work if you are running all over the place dating whoever, whenever, however, whatever...

So my guess is, don't play ball unless you are willing to risk striking out... You just might put it over the fence... And if you do strike out, you will always be on deck again...

I love how the 20-something American female is assumed to be so gullible that she will be attracted to a pink cover and a 18-month old line from a TV show.

Yawn.

I'm on chapter 8...I'll let you know what I think when I am finished. So far, its just pretty funny.

I, too, have glanced at this book yesterday while in Barnes and Noble and some of it was common sense (at least to me) and the rest was like, you knew, but didn't want to believe that it was that simple.

I agree with AKA Monet that at least if you are single you should read or skim through to know ahead of time so that you don't waste your time.

Q

I think the point of the book is just to be somewhat of an eyeopener to some women who are in denial about the guy who didn't call or whatever. All he's saying is don't waste your time on someone who doesn't put forth some effort with you because you are worth the effort.

I know a lot of people who NEED to read this book.

Do you think this book applies to all of America? I was talking to this guy from my small hometown where dating is different than in big cities. According to the book, "he's just not that into me," but after talking to other people from the area, they think I shouldn't lose hope.