Outside The Greek Circle...
 

I went to school out of state and joined the Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity and it was the best thing that happend to me. Coming back home, I have gotten a not so welcoming from people. Mixed emotions... now I am looked upon by everyone like some kind of person that parties and drinks till I pass out. I am sure most of you have heard this "why do you pay money just to have friends?".
In addition, I have a gf who is a SK and they say that I have a "sorority girl as a gf" Like this are going to fall apart because all they do is party. I do my best to explain, but I dont think that I should have to, so I just shrug it off. They dont know what goes on.

QUESTION: What should I say or do to make them see things are much deeper than that? They dont know how much my Fraternity and the greek community means to all of us.

A lot of people have dealt with this same situation.

Basically, all you can do is show your old friends that yes, maybe you've changed - but it is a change for the better. Your dues don't pay for friends, they pay for housing and programming and insurance. It sounds like they are jealous that you went away and did something different than they did. Everyone changes and grows when they go to college - unless they keep themselves closed off to any kind of new experience.

Just tell them that while you're still their friend, you won't put up with having something you care about denigrated - any more than they would put up with you saying mean things about their family or career choices. If they can't understand that, they're not really friends at all.

I hate to say it, but this is a constant frustration amongst Greeks, and I'd have to say we're at a loss as to what exactly to "say" to change people's minds.

My little sister was anti-Greek her first year or so and finally joined my sorority her second semester of junior year. Through me and some of the other girls, she saw what it really meant to be part of a sorority and, in turn, how much it meant to us.

Be yourself. Live your ritual every day and it will make you a better person. In time, hopefully your friends will see the change it has made in you (or the changes it HASN'T made), and maybe they'll at least accept it, even if they don't like it.

I get this from some of my co-workers now who can't believe that I'm still involved in my sorority. They are the same co-workers who think any team building retreats, etc are sheer torture. One of them even pledged and initiated a sorority but disaffiliated because there were too many rules. I simply tell them that some people are "joiners" and some are not and that I enjoy being part of an organization and helping to ensure the continued success of that organization.

I do make a point to mention some things... Like, my mom just started getting Meals on Wheels and one of my co-workers had some questions about it because she was thinking a relative of hers could use it. I used that opportunity to mention that an Alpha Gam founded Meals on Wheels. I mentioned to them that I got an emergency grant when I had surgery and was only getting 60% of my pay while on medical leave. As a single mom, it was impossible to make ends meet on 60% of my salary and our Foundation gave me a "SIS" grant to help in that situation. One of our departments were selling "casual day" stickers, to wear jeans and sneakers to work, for the JDF walk coming up in September. I mentioned then that our alumnae club and junior circle were participating in the walk because diabetes is our national philanthropy.

By bringing it up casually, and in a positive light, I hope to make them see it a little less negatively than they did before. All I can do is be a positive example of AGD so that (as our purpose says) "This shall be my purpose, that those who know me may esteem Alpha Gamma Delta for her attainments, revere her for her purposes and love her for her womanhood". By being a good representative of AGD, I hope to be a good representative for all sororities out there.

Dee

But team building retreats ARE sheer torture. :D

I love em! If they want to pay me to throw beach balls around a room and do puzzles, that's AOK with me! I'm a team building activity geekstress! I guess that comes from 13 years of running those kinds of activities on psych units as an Occupational Therapist!

Dee

I agree with 33! I hate team building retreats -- or at least the ones from my old company! The vast majority of my former office were ex-college athletes (who woulda thought?) and then... there's me... I'm the unathletic, screaming fan in the stands who makes pretty signs. And my boss, every quarter would sigh and say, "But adpiucf, you LOOK like you'd be good at sports!"

Fast metabolism.... I'm really a cream puff.

And if your co-workers are teasing you about your alumnae involvement, and it gets to a point where it is a bit much, open your mouth!!! Say, "What I do in my after work time really doesn't have relevance to what I do here. Please stop. You're making me feel really uncomfortable at work."

Nothing shuts people up like fear of a harrassment suit.

And if they don't stop, talk to your boss about your co-worker's unhealthy attachment to your community volunteerism and how it is making you uncomfortable at work. That will nip it right there.

It's not tattling. It's called ZIP IT.

Re: Outside The Greek Circle...
 

I think this is your best way to reply: http://www.pikes.org/wourcreed.html

OMG, can totally relate to this.

Been doing this for 40 Years.:D

Went General Assembly, My First, 2 weeks ago.

Wow, you must have partied like crazy!

BS, Left room at 7:00 AM, got back at 10:00 PM. Only time out of the Hotel was a smoke break.

Boy did I have fun. Had a beer in the hotel bar one night and off again.

Oh, hell yes do I get pissed about all you Greeks do is party!:mad:

Then I tell them about Our Great North American Food Drive, the biggest in the Nation, Western Week, Hot Tub A Thon, that is jsut us.

Some do a teeter Thon, and water melon fest.

That is Just LXA, not counting all of the Other Greek Organizatoins.:)

Damn, I hate stupid people!:rolleyes: :mad:

LOL.. Believe it or not, these are my "friends" who I eat lunch with every day. They just don't get the greek thing, they are otherwise decent people.

Dee

I deal with this crap all the time. Most of the time it is just made to be funny/cute but people have commented about how now I am the "sorority girl." My family has made comments that imply all my sorority membership means is beer and parties. When people find out I'm in a sorority and they are unfamiliar with greek life this look comes upon their faces that I can't describe. It's almost like "oo it's one of those type."

It's very annoying.

it was hard for me at work bc they would always accuse me of being drunk or hungover just bc i am in a sorority. also people that i was friends with way before i thought of joining are no longer my friends bc they thought that i have changed or that i have no time for them which is bs. but idk..they just dont understand

I agree with 33girl's post. I would also be sure to not be argumentative or defensive about my membership when discussing it. If they don't get it, or care to get it, then no need to get into a discussion that isn't going to change anyone's perceptions.

Or you can always just reply with a hardy "Hell yes I'm a Pike!" and leave it at that. :cool:

I dont really care about people who hold somethin against fraternities and sororities. My parents dont care because they respect that I'm an individual and I can make choices for myself. If they were the wrong decisions then I would learn. But to this day I do not regret joining Kappa Alpha Order. If you feel like theres no place for you in the Greek System thats probably a good reason to be bitter and assume that we pay for friends.

You got that right!

There are always going to be people around you that don't like the greek system, that think you have purchased friendship. There are so many others that support it, though. The thing you have to decide is whether someone else's opinion matters to you regarding your fraternity or sorority. My brother opposed me joining ADPi, and he is a Lambda Chi!!(just because I joined as a junior) If it's your family, or someone you work with, try to present greek life as a positive thing. Unfortunately, there are greeks out there that cast negative light on the greek community, but that is not the norm! Our (the greek system as a whole) work with philanthropies can speak postively for itself. I think sometimes part of the problem is that people don't know how much volunteer and community service work greeks participate, or the organizations they support. Be proud of your organization, and get the word out about your philanthropy, and others!!! Let this speak for itself.
If others cannot see the greek system in a positive way, then your conversations with co-workers and family members in opposition to greeks should not exist, sad as that is. Some people will never change......and it's not your job to try to change them.

jerks
 

your "friends" are either jerks or ignorant.
they should have been altered at puberty

If you think its difficult explaining your fraternity/sorority membership/volunteerism to others, try explaining it when you are a campus advisor! My father, to his dying day, thought that I planned keg parties for a living! I tried to explain what I actually did, but I don't think he ever really understood. Most people now, I initially tell them that I'm a university administrator, and if they're interested (which most people really aren't, they're just being polite), they'll ask what that means. Then I'll explain.

Ignorance of the unknown is common place.

Just remember the fond memories of what was and is accomplished in Your Greek Life time.

I find it absolutely hilarious that almost everyone on the outside sees us "buying friends." Here at Louisville its a huge running joke within the greek community because we know what really seals our bonds. I think it is just a justification for people who don't understand, when in reality we are all just paying THOUSANDS of dollars in insurance. Like they say..."From the outside looking in, you can never understand it. From the inside looking out, you can never explain it."

You put that so well. I always here the buying friends thing too. That is so incredibly stupid.

Another angle that sucks about this...I graduated high school EXTREMELY close to about 15 of my classmates. In college only one girl at another school, two guys at two other schools(Alpha Sigma Phi and TKE), my roommate and I(both Pike) went greek. Well, now when we all get together the rest of the group seems to hold something against us. I'm not gonna lie, I have grown closer to the other greeks, even though theyre not all Pikes, just becuase of what being greek means. My friends are all dealing with it differently. Some make fun of it, some act like they might want to go greek, some really dont care. All I know is that we all HAVE changed, but thats not bad. We have all changed for the better, becoming the better men and women that we are.

i say... if i pay for my friends, i didn't pay enough... no amount of money would ever cover the love and friendship i have.

alethia - you stole what i was going to say :D

i constantly get "you still go up (to my chapter) to do sorority stuff? didn't you get over that?" - um, no - i'm the advisor!!!!

also, i get "you're in a sorority> i never would have thought of you as a sorority girl."

to that i say "thank you!"

Most of the people I've encountered who feel as though greeks are "buying friends" are people who are too insecure about themselves to open up to a group of people, be it fraternity brothers or sorority sisters. They feel like they can never be a greek because they won't be accepted. It's sad, but that's how it comes across.

A lot of my friends within my fraternity are in relationships with girls in sororities on campus...namely two sororities. I don't really advocate a fraternity guy going out with a sorority girl. It has nothing to do with them being greek, it's just my view on college relationships in general. However, it seems like the majority of these "greek relationships" work out pretty well because the two people involved seem to "get" each other and understand what each person is about, pertaining to greek life, etc...Greek life being a common ground for a relationship is good in my opinion. I was in a relationship with a sorority girl last year and it didn't work out because she was always partying with another fraternity on campus and I was always partying with my fraternity brothers and other sorority girls at our house...but that's just one isolated incident, so I don't think it would be fair to say that no fraternity guy should ever be involved with a sorority girl or vice versa. You just gotta see what's right for you.

i have to be honest, i was once one of "those" people who openly wondered whether my friend had essentially 'bought' her friends by joining DZ, but now that i've got more perspective on the situation, i realize how incredibly wrong i was. yes, she said and did things that deeply hurt me as a friend, but i chalk that up to her immaturity and the rush of finally belonging (in general, not just through her sorority) than to her being in a sorority.

i think what really changed my mind though, was my brother becoming a greek - it's very hard to remain anti-greek when i see how much being a part of a fraternity has done for him. it's pushed him to be really active on campus, to be more confident, to develop his leadership talents, and it's even gotten him great jobs on campus (his chapter advisor is his boss!) it makes it that much harder to hate when people realize that the very traits they're admiring or complimenting you on have been developed and refined through your involvement.

Buying Your Friends! That is the oldest thing in the world!

Being a member of a GLO teaches so much more to place you on a plain farther above your so called friends!:D

Little do they really know!