Update on ex-misscashmoney
 

I got a call yesterday from her best friend telling me ex-miss cashmoney isnt doing too well. Her friend said she isnt eating well, isnt going to the gym, cries about me all the time, when they go out all she can do is start up about me and then ends up crying. She got a job right when she graduated but has since been fired/or quit because she didnt go to work for a week and half. She layed in bed whining.

Her friend thinks that I need to call her. I'm not. So what do some of you think I should do? Calling her is out of the question. Thats what she wants and I'm not doing it. However, I am a little concerned about her safety. I mean, I called it out that this would happen once she realized how bad she fucked up. She hurt me really bad, as gay as it sounds. I told her back when we first started dating that if we ever spilt she wouldn't have to worrry about me calling her up ever ( some of her exes call her up randomly) I told her she just wouldn't ever hear from me or see me again. Now, I think she realizes I wasnt fucking around. All my boys say I shouldn't call her and that when her friends call me that I shouldn't answer the phone. But like I said, I'm a little worried about her safety/health. I mean, I don't want her to be in severe depression to the point where she's not healthy and where she lost her job. So what should I do? I'm not getting back with her and I'm definitely not going to have sex with her or else I will get back with her. If I talk to her, which I'm not, but if I did it'd only hurt me more and anger me more towards her mother. It would probably help her, but it'd do me more harm than it would help her. I believe in forgiveness but not in being stupid.

So, any advice?

The last time I was dumped, it took me three weeks of bawling, insomnia, and not eating before I was able to function again, and it it was a good two years before I realized that we weren't ever going to get back together.

The XBF didn't help matters because he insisted on calling and staying around to "make sure I was okay." The fact that he kept coming around was, to me, a sign that he still loved me and was having second thoughts about dumping me. I couldn't move on because he was still in my world.

So if you're really serious about the breakup, don't call her. Don't talk to her friends. Make it final. It hurts her more now, but will be better in the long run. I know you're concerned about her health and safety, but she could use that as a tool to keep you close. Trust that her friends aren't going to let her do anything stupid. Stand your ground.

You probably already know what I'm going to say but I'll say it anyway....

Call her.

Just call her. You obviously liked/loved her to be engaged.....surely those feelings don't just go away in a week or two.

I say don't call her.
If she's really that depressed her mother/friends should be encouraging her to seek some counselling.

If you do end up call her, just make sure she knows 100% that you have no interest in getting back together with her.

Don't call her.

Yes, she's hurting, she may not be healthy - but what is a call from you going to do to that? How is it going to help? Tell her friend to call her, reinforce that you two are not getting back together and that this girl needs to get her life back on track.

Perhaps in a few months, once she's better, you can call her and let her know you were really worried about her etc - but not now, imho. You'll just hurt her more.

Well if she's depressed and getting skinnier that's a bonus right?

-Rudey
--But if she's ballooning up because of this...

Hi Cashmoney. I don't know the whole situation and events leading up to your break up. I went through a really rough break-up in my past and I was feeling very depressed and wondering "why", and all the other loss feelings associated with a rough breakup. At the time, I hoped he would call me because I thought "if we can just talk one time, maybe it will work out". But he had his mind up and I am glad we didn't talk about the breakup. It made me realize how wrong we were for each other. It was a horrible first month after the break up, the second month was difficult too, but by the third month, although I still thought about him and wondered "why", I was able to move on. He had called me AND my friends several timesfor 2 weeks right after breaking up with me and it only led me and my friends to think he wanted to get back with me because every time he said how concerned he was and he missed me and loved me and blah blah blah. Finally we all yelled at him to stop and leave us all alone, especially me. I say that as hard as it is to turn your back on someone you once loved, unless you are completely serious about getting back with her and working through the problems, do not do it. It will only make the situation worse. Her reaction is not your problem. She needs to work her feelings out on her own. I was glad that I did because it made me learn so many things about myself I was blind to, and negative patterns in past relationships.

I had a very similar situation to Kitty Cat's and my suggestions is to NOT call her! It is true that it is so hard to get over someone and it took me over a year-- and I lost a dramatic amount of weight and even went to counseling for it!! In the end it was best for both of us to be apart and that is what I recommend for you! Hope that helps!

PS: Tell her friends to take care of her-- they are her friends for goodness sakes!

Ditto with the people who said don't call. As much as you may make it clear that there is no hope of getting back together, there are some people who want to live in fantasy land and think that maybe you really don't mean it and do want to get back together. Don't talk to her friends either.

I'm sure that you are concerned, heck you were engaged right? I would be too, but there comes a time when you just have to let it be and not do anything. It's not going to do anyone any good if you call.

You're right, but still....do you actually think that would be best for me or for her or for the both of us? I mean, I'm not sweatin shit. I'm not whining at night time, I don't cry to my friends and I don't have my boys calling her up telling her about my current mental status. And why? I didn't do anything wrong. I guess I'm more angry than anything else. I feel like if we were to talk I'd blow up at her, kind of like the way ZTAngel did at her apt complex manager ( thats how pissed I am)

And say what?

Don't call her. She'll just turn a friend's concern into something it's not - you wanting to get back with her.

You're always going to have some feelings for her and worry about her - that's normal - but she needs to work her present problems out on her own.

Is this the girl from 8th Street Latinas or the one from Captain Stabbin?

-Rudey

Pooh-


Here you go, read about it.












quote:
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Originally posted by ZTAngel
What happened??? What did she do?
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Long Story. Lets just say she did some really fucked up shit and I didnt even realize it until people from "outside the box" let me know how bad things really were, my parents included. According to her mother I'm good for nothing other than giving her a nice house and a nice lifestyle. Its a combination of things she's did to me/said to me/expected of me along with her mentality changing to that of her mother's. Her mother is a selfish bitch, told her she was a mistake and that she feels like she missed out on everything in life because miss cashmoney was born.....her mother is married to a man she's not in love with and the list goes on and on. And so since it's her mother she's begining to take on her mentality....as well as all her faults. Seriously, the woman has major issues. For example, I'm the bad guy because I didnt come and help her family remodel their house before they moved into it. I'm also the bad guy becuse I don't offer to help her mother clean her house when I'm visiting. I'm also the bad guy because I'm supposedly stealing her daughter. I'm also the bad guy because I havent made the initial effort to kiss her mother's ass and sort of apologize for not being her little bitch...despite the fact that I havent done anything wrong. What it all boils down to is, her mother doesnt like me because I remind her of miss cashmoney's father to a point to where it's scary....and since her mother feels like she's had such a shitty life and a shitty marriage, I'm therefore not good enough for her daughter other than for money and now miss cashmoney is starting to buy into her mother's own bullshit. So what happens? Miss cashmoney starts to see how far she can have me wrapped around her finger and how much power she has over me in a sense. She puposely tries to make me go back on something I'm standing firm on just to see if she can get me do what she wants....no matter how firm I am about something. And whats worse is that she admits to it and tells me thats what she was trying to do, which is like a double slap in the face. She tells me that I dont do enough to help her family.....despite the fact that I've already gone in to business with one of her uncles to help get the exporting business offf the ground.

What I've realized is....her mother is basically telling her to wear the pants in the relationship or else its going to be a living hell. And thats exactly what she's been trying to do for the past 2 weeks. It got to the point where she told me this is how its going to be and that I needed to change and be like this.....and that if I loved her enough I would do all of it along with all the bullshit with her mother....it was too much. All my friends and family were in shock when I told them whats been going on. Everyone says that shit isnt normal and that it sounded like i was marrying into the mafia. Its all fucked up and now I'm out of a 2 kt diamond ring. I just couldnt handle going into a family where I know the mother will never accept me. I hate the fact that I can stand right there in front of her mother and be talking to her and she has this big smile on her face and is always nice to me...but then behind my back she does nothing but talk shit about me. Everyone else in her family adores me except her mother. Literally, I've done nothing wrong to her...she's the first girl I've been totally right with and never cheated on.

Believe me, there's so much more to this story but I dont have the time nor do I want to get in my personal life very much on a public message board.....am I hurting? Very much so. Can I do anything about it? No. I told her I want nothing to do with her until she changes...she comes back with "You're the one that needs to do the changing." When she said that, I knew there was no hope. The way I look at it...she fucked up big time. She doesnt realize it now...but very soon she will.

I don't know what the situation is surrounding your break up but coming from someone who was on her side.......DON'T call her. I wanted my ex to call me and let me know that I would be OK and when he did I started try to get him to get back together with me. Luckily for me shortly after he went to London for a semester and I had all that time to realize that weren't getting back together.

I would also tell her friends that. They need to let her know that you care about her well being but you are still upset about the "hurt" and can't talk to her yet.

You dirty bitch. :D Ever notice that Captain Stabbin looks like a knock off of a dirty south old dirty bastard?

Thanks, here you go....

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...threadid=54441

co-sign! co-sign! co-sign!!! i just went through this. maybe not to the FULLEST extent as what has been described, but i did quit eating and all i did was sleep. i went to the doc the other day b/c i got sick (probably from not eating) and she questioned me on my weight loss (i don't need to lose any weight). my ex did contact me about 3 weeks after we broke up and it really made it all worse. it made me think oh, maybe he wants to get back together. i'm fine now, and i know he cares about me. he has communicated that to me and i know that if i were to need anything i could call him.

don't contact her unless you are serious about being back together with her!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you absolutely, positively 100% convinced that you don't ever want to get back with her again?

Do you think that this is something that, in time, you guys can get past and maybe work out?

I guess it's maybe because I know her and I know she's a really great person. Also, she seems to have changed you for the better.

If you are positive that you want nothing to do with her ever again, then don't call her. But, if you still do love her and still hope that maybe things could work out, then I think you should call her.

When I first read your story, I had hoped that you would work things out and get back together. Sometimes couples take a break and reunite stronger than ever. She probably wants that.

If you want to get back together, call her and tell her and try to work it out.

If you don't want to get back together, I think that she needs closure. I'm not sure how to go about that or what role you can play in that. I think that she just needs time. She loved you enough to begin to build a life with you. It is painful to give up on that dream. :(

Things that are broken don't mend well.

You can make any relationship last or work if you just . . . stay.

But usually everytime there is a break-up it weakens the feelings a little.

And sometimes the reason why people can get back together is that the feelings have faded enough so that things don' t hurt as badly. The intensity of the relationship grows less, but the familiarity keeps people coming back for more.

But in that situation the amount of passionate love or like has become less than it was, a sad state of affairs.

In your case Craig. ITs like addiction. If you want her to get over it and recover, don't contact her. ITs a process, she is not going to die and as time goes on she will feel better.

If you want to renew her suffering giver her another puff on your crack pipe.

Her friends are harrassing you by calling. This is not your problem anymore and you really can't help her. She had her chance.

You really liked her the ONLY she had to do was not stuff it up. And she stuffed it up.

A week on 10mg of valium and some sleeping aids would speed her recovery.

I don't know. Maybe I look at things differently. I don't know if I could fully get past the fact that she vaules her mother's advice more than she cares about the two of us. And the fact that she had put her family before me when we were supposed to be getting married. The way I see it, if you're married to someone then that person IS your new family. You should put your husband/wife above your other family. If you don't, then your marriage isnt going to work in the long run. Yes, she was good for me and I was good for her. The problem came when her mother got caught up in the mix and started yapping shit off in her ear. Now there were things I could have dealt with differently. I look back and realize I shouldn't have told her that her mother was selfish, unhappy bitch. I'd probably be pissed if she would have said that about my mother....but if it were true I wouldn't hold it against her. The fact that she hasnt called me at all herself proves to me that she thinks she didnt do anything wrong and that, in her words, the problem was me. I mean, I'd probably feel different about it all if she called me and told me that she messed up and that she was sorry for being the way she was and that from now on she'll put me first and not listen to her mother when it comes to our relationship.....but I don't forsee that coming out of her mouth. I've given thought to the whole pre-marital counseling thing but realized thats too gay. Besides, I don't know how she'd react to me suggesting something like that. She'd probably tell me I'm crazy.

Now I'm even more confused than I was before I started this thread. :(

I don't know. I have mixed reactions after reading your post Cashmoney. For one, she is not gonna change unless she goes through some serious therapy and cuts the cord with her mother. Both are not easy things for a person to commit to. It is clear that you probably do love her still and want things to work but sometimes it just won't. I guess what it comes down to is are you ready to take on all this family stuff for the rest of your life? And what if you decide to have kids with her? Then what? What will Grandma-ex-cash-money do then?

After a break up with an abusive boy, I felt sick all the time, didn't want to go to classes, my blood sugars were out of control, etc. I know now that the break up was the best thing for me, but at the time, I loved the guy, even though the relationship was crap. He wanted to jump right into a "friends" thing. So he would call or IM me, and I'd do the same. We'd end up fighting and it was just stupid. I was depressed and I ended up going to counceling to find a balance. It helped more than chatting with my ex on the phone.

My advice is similar to someone's above: Don't call her if you want to end things completely. Call her if you are willing to give her another chance. Giving her a call, I think, would give her something to cling onto even if there is no intention of getting back together. She'll heal eventually. The wounds are still fresh so it could take a while. I'd say that if her friends are still calling you after another month saying she is still acting like this, tell her friends/sisters/whomever to get her into counceling. It will help to talk to someone non-judgemental.

My $.02.

See, I'm the type of person where once you get back it just doesnt feel right. I don't treat the person the same and I don't feel like I'm treated the same and in the past it never worked out each time I did. All it ever did was hurt me more and led to me going out and picking up random chicks.

How does it work? I mean I know it's fake but it somewhat looks real. Do they just get actors and then tape in public? Do you see them down there ever?

-Rudey

Never seen them and I don't know how it works. But I hate Captain Stabbin.

DO NOT CALL

I have to second this one.... STRONGLY. I could have written it myself but decided not to "recreate the wheel".

You're absolutely right in that if you marry someone that they are now you're new family and that your husband/wife should be your first priority. But, I wouldn't exactly call your parents your second priority. They're still extremely important although you obviously have a different relationship with your parents than you do with your spouse. :) Maybe I think that way because I come from a very close-knit family (I suspect you do, too).
Maybe the reason she's not calling you isn't because she still thinks she's right. Maybe it's because she's afraid of how you'll react to her. She's obviously already hurting. If she calls you and you completely blow her off, she'll feel twice as hurt. You came out your argument as the angrier one so I'm guessing she's hoping you'll cool off and then maybe call her.
I doubt that she'll tell you that she will never listen to her mother again. If she does tell you that, she's lying. ;) What if you all compromised on something?
What if you made a deal that if she says something to the effect of, "Well, my mother thinks that I should blah, blah, blah" that you will call her out on it and she has to stop right then? If she says, "My mom feels this way". Say to her, "How do you feel?" The answer could be different.
I know I PMed you about this. Many women tend to have a very close relationship with their mothers. Unfortunately, a lot of girls take their mom's advice as the gospel word. She just needs to learn how to trust her own instincts rather than her mother's. Obviously, things were working out fine before her mom decided to throw in her 2 cents.
I can tell you still love her a lot. You wouldn't have come on here asking for advice about what to do if you weren't really considering calling her and getting back together. And, I have to admit, I'm biased in that I hope you guys get back together since she's my chapter sister and I hope she ends up happy. :) At the same time, you need to ask yourself if you really think you can find someone else that has made you as happy as she has or if you could see yourself in another relationship and not compare your new girlfriend to Miss Cashmoney.
But, if you really think there is no way things will work out and that she will just keep on listening to her mother, don't get back together with her. Just make sure the decision you make is made in a thought out process rather than out of anger for what she did.

ETA:
You probably shouldn't have called her mom a selfish, unhappy bitch. ;)

Laying it down for yah...
 

Sweetheart--

This time in your life is going to be tough for you... Over time, it will improve to something...

Either way, BOTH of you made the CHOICE to be together...

BOTH of you made the CHOICE to end it...

Your reasons are valid. "Let no one put asunder..."

But her reasons are valid, too...

Allow me to break it down for you:

Both of you are probably too young to really THINK about being married.

For her, she hasn't let go of the "umbilical cord".

For you, Honey, you've got some anger management issues... What you are doing is tryin' to ante up chit on your girl's table--when you OUTTA be goin' skrait up to that Mama and MAKE those statements to her point blank...

Y'all been done had needed some time to think about WHO YOU ARE, WHERE YOU STAND ON THINGS IN LIFE and WHO CAN FIT INTO YOUR REALM OF REALITY!!! It's like y'all SKIPPED the getting-you-to-know-you phase and jumped into the engagement phase... Honey, Marriage is an ADULT SWIM... You be best to know what you want waaayyy before you jump into the deep end with full on freestyles under 1:30 minutes...

Meaning--you both are too immature to handle the nature of a FULLY ADULT maritial relationship--at least with EACH OTHER...

You told your girlfriend that she would have no need to worry about you and call about you if y'all broke up from JUMP??? WTH??? When y'all JUST STARTED DATING??? Honey... That's harsh... Too domineering--too demanding...

Who do you think she is gonna trust more? You? The man she has known for I dunno how long--a year at least? Or her Mother, the woman that had dayum near changed her shitty assed diapers for ALL HER LIFE??? Regardless of WHAT YOU THINK OR SAY, her Mother reigns--trumphs over you ANYTIME, ANYDAY in her reality of thinking...

Making your EX much more immature in her little life to be thinking you and her can fathom the reality of marriage...

Basically, y'all won't have no honeymoon... Y'all won't start off on any good foot--no matter how much money you are willing to pony up... Because, this chicky ain't feelin' hearin' nor heedin' your words over her Mama's... She ain't EVA gonna SURRENDER herself to you... PERIOD... Especially, not now...

Then, what's this "head of household" chit I'm hearing from you? How are gonna dictate WHAT SHE SAYS OR WHAT THE NATURE OF HER RELATIONSHIP IS TO HER FAMILY??? Believe me, you CANNOT be a SOLE PROVIDER into her heart... AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN--YOU EITHER FIT INTO THE GAMEPLAN OR YOU DON'T. THAT IS HER LIFE... RESTRICTING HER COULD ESCALATE INTO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE--AND IT WILL BE YOUR OWN FAULT...

You need a WOMAN... NOT a little GIRL--which she is with this princess fairytale belief of life... Cuz are you REALLY a prince charming on a white horse that will take this girl off into the sunset to live happily ever after??? I don't think so--you are probably a nice, hard working fellow just being a squirrel tryin' to get a nut... Which is cool for most women...

But this girl wants a fairy tale reality that you can't give her... She wants a fairytale her Mama put into her head a LOOOONNNNNGGGG time ago in a galaxy FAR, FAR AWAY... And you will constantly be fighting HERSTORY--rather than living in reality, together...

So, on that note--like all the other folks said... Put her on the DO NOT CALL LIST... BLOCK HER CALLS... DO NOT SPEAK TO HER FRIENDS...

But if homegirl gets the guts to show up at your front door to NOT return the ring, but tries to mend things, you need to take her to get some coffee--a public place, and explain to her under no specific circumstances will you NEVER have your heart broken like you did this FINAL time... She needs to grow up AND she needs to move on... 'Cuz really, you ain't the ONE for her...

And I tell yah, the Mama is chiming in all day long with SATISFACTION!!! Saying chit like "the no good _____". Look like how he is to you??? WTF??? He's a no good _____...

Your EX needs to know that Mama needs to stay out of grown folks biz ness...

I could go ON AND ON... But, if you want to recover from this with more of an insightful knowledge about yourself and move on, then you can PM me if you'd like to ask questions... Your issues deal with the soul and the spirit. Been there, done that and GOT a HUGE, BIG OL FAT T-shirt for all the luser assed relationships I've been in BEFORE I GOT married to the BEST MAN EVER IN MY LIFE!!!

cashmoney- i sent you a pm

Do the human thing ......call her and say hey were not getting back together, make it clear, but tell her she needs to get on with her life and stop hoping for something that will never happen. Tell her you are concerned for her health and tell her maybe she needs t o get some help for it but to try and move on for her sake.

I wouldn't call her.

You don't need reasons from me why.

Re: Laying it down for yah...
 

Damn, you make me feel like I'm some bad person here. I'm the fucking victim. I wasn't being domineering. I wasnt trying to turn her against her mom. Besides, who the fuck are you to tell me I'm too young to be thinking about getting married? I'm almost 25 fucking years old. How old are you? And to set the record straight, I was the one who walked out. She didnt choose to end anything.....I did.

I don't have anger issues. I've tried to talk to her mom. You know what her mom said to her when she found out I tried to get a hold of her to come have a talk with her face to face??? She told her to tell me that she (her mom) was CRAZY and that coming and talking to her wasnt in my best interest.

As far as the get to know you phase, we did that. She knows more about me than my own parents, and my family and I are pretty fucking close. And I wasnt trying to dictate her relationship to her family at all.....thats why I fucking left. Her entire family, including extended, loves me. Its just her mother who doesnt like me. Her dad tells me I'm like his son. And domestic violence?? WTF are you talking aboout? I've never hit a chick in my life, never even came close to it.

And just to add....I'm not trying to recover from this. I don't feel bad about anything. What the hell do you mean by me recover? I know myself, there isnt any insight I need in regards to knowing myself.


:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Nic, you're amazing. Thanks for the advice. ;) I think you're right in more ways than you know. My thing is when someone really close to me, like her, breaks the trust factor.....thats it. Most of the time they don't get it back. And if they do get my trust back, it's really hard if not impossible. Thats why i don't think things could ever be right between her mother and I. I know she talks shit behind my back all the time but then is nice to me to my face. Imagine if we had kids, which she totally wanted really soon, and think of the kind of situation that would leave me in when it'd be time for them to go see/stay with her mother. I wouldn't want my kids being around a grandmother who talks bad about their father and thinks he isnt good enough for her daughter. The woman would fuck me over in a heartbeat. How could anyone have a mother-in-law like that and be expected to act like everything was fine or should live with it? Would any of you? Maybe I'm just overreacting, I was in 2 car accidents in a week after all this happened. I might be a little stressed out right now...but still, do you think I have valid reasons for being the way I am as far as dealing with this?

A friend of mine had a MIL like that. She was very sweet outwardly, but you could tell she didn't think this girl was good enough for her baby boy - and if she was a proper wife her darling son wouldn't have all these probs and yadda yadda. She's now an ex-MIL. She wasn't the main cause, but she sure as hell didn't help the situation.

I totally agree. Because that's what she's going to think is going to happen if you call her, no matter why you are doing it. No contact is the best way to go in matters like this, although it is tough.

Good thoughts going out to you.

I'd agree with you if missexcashmoney was emotionally stable. I suspect if he were to do that, she'd spin it to her advantage with her family and friends. Her friends called to give him a guilt trip and they succeeded.

Cashmoney had every right to walk away when he was getting treated the way he was. When you marry you don't just marry the person. You marry the immediate family. Why should he continue to expose himself to such a toxic environment?. He's not the one who decided to play games in the relationship. She gambled and she lost. It's that simple.

As for her mother's influence, she was raised in a toxic situation. It's up to her whether she chooses to follow in mama's footsteps or not. It's unfortunate that she's lost her job after the breakup but it's not his fault. Even if they were to move to the opposite coast together the problems would still be there. He can't change her and any ultimatums he'd demand would be pointless. They would be a temporary fix to a larger problem. Unless she wants to get help for herself no one is going to do it for her. I agree with whoever said that her friends will be there for her.

Breakups suck no doubt about that. You can't rush the healing process. In a world of instant everything, it's one of the few things that has to run its course. If you start dating anyone now it would be a rebound relationship.

Cashmoney be glad the only thing you have to deal with is the loss of the engagement ring. It took have been worse. Take care of yourself. Avoid all contact with her. Get her out of your system before you start dating again.