Thoughts on Elopement?
 

While reading through the how was your wedding thread, that got me thinking. So I'm curious for people's thoughts on the matter which is usually not something most people ever actually do... but a few do, hence why it exists!

What is everyone's thoughts on eloping?
Is it something that should be avoided at all costs?
Or do you find it daring and romantic?
Under what circumstances should a couple elope?
Should they still be planning an official ceremony later? How long after?
Best place and way to elope?

I want to elope. Go somewhere and have something romantic between the two of us. (I'm not religious, so the whole "marriage" thing isn't really for me.) It would piss off the families though. I think some people lose track of the point of getting married with all the details of planning a wedding. After I elope, I would come back and have a party.

As an experienced bride, I would highly recommend eloping. Especially if your parents offer you $$$ to do so.

If I could do it all over again, I'd do a destination wedding. Somewhere in the Caribbean.

Eloping is the best idea, ever. I think that 99% of the time, weddings are really just a bunch of crap that distract people from what's really important in a relationship.

after two bat mitzvahs and my sisters wedding, my mom has said multiple times that she'll give me the money the money if i elope. not that it seems like i'm ever getting married, but if i do, i'd seriously consider that. i also love the idea of getting married on a beach int he carribbean with just family and a few close friends present. i guess when i get closer to that time, we'll really have to think about.

What is everyone's thoughts on eloping?
I think it depends on the couple. For some, it's the best thing they can do. For others, it's not. I think eloping still needs the same amount of thought between the couple as a traditional wedding and isn't done a la Britney as a spur-of-the-moment thing.

Is it something that should be avoided at all costs?
No, it depends on the couple. Some good friends of ours eloped because she needed to be married for her job (teacher at a Catholic school). Some churches do not recognize a marriage that isn't done in the church, though, so if that's something that's important to the couple, it needs to be kept in mind.

Or do you find it daring and romantic?
It can be. It can also be a cause for disagreement in a couple if one felt pressured to elope. Depends on the couple.

Under what circumstances should a couple elope?
If after some thought and discussion, the couple feels that's the best choice for them, then I'm all for it. It doesn't matter what circumstancesm are as long as they both understand and are in agreement that this is the best thing for them.

Should they still be planning an official ceremony later?
If they want to, sure! But I don't think it's necessary.

How long after?
However long they want.

Best place and way to elope?
Vegas, Caribbean, Europe, Fiji, wherever!

There were definite times in the wedding planning process when I really wanted to toss everything and run to Vegas but I knew I wouldn't be happy with that. I loved my wedding, loved having all the family and friends who were important to me witness that moment in our lives. Someday, though, I would like to do a vow renewal somewhere private, just us two (and maybe kids).

One of my soror's sister did this in Jamaica, and it turned out cool, the only thing is remember to book the honeymoon suite, if its going to be in the same place, AT A DIFFERENT HOTEL!!! This was one thing they did that was good, because you know if people go to the wedding, they're gonna stay a few days.

But this is also a good way to eliminate a large guest list; everyone can't afford to go ;)

While planning my wedding, I once joked about eloping in front of my mother-in-law. I made it totally obvious that I was joking, but she didn't stop bitching for the next two hours. :rolleyes:

I agree, a couple thinking about eloping should put just as much effort into planning their married life as a couple thinking about a big wedding with a big poofy white dress, marching armies of bridesmaids and groomsmen, and a few thousand of their closest friends in attendance. Eloping is often equated with spur-of-the-moment (Britney) while big weddings are often equated with serious commitment, however this does not hold. I know people who eloped and are still happily married years later; I know people who had big weddings and are now divorced.

Under what circumstances should a couple elope? If they want to, or if they know they want to get married and build a life together but need to get it on paper in a hurry (e.g. for immigration purposes) or they can't afford the big fancy wedding. As for having an official ceremony later, sure, if and when they want to. It is (or should be) up to the couple.

Isn't it illegal to discriminate based on marital status? :confused:

If you're not family or friend-oriented, you should have an elopement. Although, I love the idea of eloping (makes life easier, really), I still want my immediate family and close friends to be a part of the wedding.

I know. Private Catholic high school, weird situation. They hinted she was more likely to be offered the position if she were married and living with her husband instead of engaged and living with her fiance (which was how it was at the time). Plus it made sense for insurance reasons.

We didn't technically elope... we planned our tiny wedding in advance and our immediate family was there... but it was held out of state and felt like an elopement.

I regret it every day of my life.

That was 13 years ago and we have been very happily married every day since. Yes, the marriage is far more important than the wedding.

But we made the decision for financial and practical reasons and now have memories of a friendless wedding... no traditions... just sheer practicality.

If you even suspect that a traditional wedding would be a blessing to you... than don't elope. Imo, some things are meant to be witnessed and celebrated as part of a community. Let those who love you and those who are merely supportive of you surround you with their care and their presence.

.

My mom always told my sister and me that a marriage wasn't official unless she was there to witness it ;)

I know it would be more cost-efficient for my fiance and I to elope, but I know I would be very unhappy down the road. We've been trying to cut our guest list, but there are a lot of people we want to be there. As of now, we're planning for about 200. I know it isn't cheap, but my fiance and I are helping to pay for whatever we can.

I think eloping has a romantic quality to it. Everyone I know who has eloped had a reception afterwards that was nice. But like others have said, if you doubt at all that you will regret not having a ceremony, then don't do it. Just do whatever is right for you :)

I hate weddings, I hate the pomp & circumstance, I would hate dealing with all those people when the focus should be on me and my husband-to-be.

If I were to get married, I would elope.

And then I'd throw a big, casual party to celebrate with my friends. :)

My sister got married at 19 and wanted (and got) a big wedding. My mom practically begged her to elope, because she could give them quite a bit of cash as a wedding gift that way. (Which they really,really could have used). I thought she was crazy for going with the wedding, but she had a great time and was happy. To each their own.

We did the Vegas thang and I wouldn't do it any other way!

I'm all about it! I would rather use the money that would be spent on the wedding towards a new home. My parents have always encouraged me to elope, jokingly of course...maybe they were serious, who knows! Anyways, I wouldn't expect my parents to pay for my wedding. I'm not all about the whole huge dress/reception/flowers everywhere kind of affair. I don't need that but if I did want it, I'd pay for it myself. Since I don't, I think I would definitely like to elope, or else have an extremely small ceremony followed by a dinner party. My English teacher in high school got married on a cruise ship, I thought that was pretty cool!

I wanted to do the Vegas thang with an Elvis Preacher and Motown singers at the "Chapel of Happiness"... But my now Husband was too afraid and chickened out...

But, my husband and I eloped due to an arguement. His mother had issues with us as a couple "rushing into a relationship" too fast. But being 30-something and not getting any younger, neither he nor I wanted a huge shindig with legions of folks that act ignorant and who never RSVP'ed with the whole gambit of formalized invites... We wanted something small and family oriented...

But it did not turn out to be that way and no formal wedding planning ever is no matter what your belief is... Once you tell a location that you want to have your wedding there, the price goes up 100 fold... Then, once you tell family members, they blab to everybody and they mama's about coming...

My parent's eloped (see my past postings). Their marriage has gone 43 years strong...

The only issue with elopement is hardly any pictures. No bridal shower or bachelor parties. No gifts, but each other. There are a few websites on how one might do it.

But my elopement wasn't not a strictly planned event on my part other than showing up at the Judge's court and an appointed time. And I think it was more meaningful for us, as a couple, to do what we did and share that alone--a story we will tell our great-grandchildren one day...

Parent's do get upset... But they eventually get over it. We are all adults and have to live with our choices in life...

And many people have second ceremonies for the family... Some are 2-4 months after the actual legal marriage, some 1 year to 2 years afterward... I think most folks have 2nd ceremonies because they do not want any family member "carousing" the nupitals into getting "cold feet"... Or, that all the hecticness of actually being loving and married to each other would be missed if the paperwork was signed on the day of the crazy wedding... I dunno.

But I eloped because my now husband asked me to get married on such and such day. And I thought, now or never... When will it EVER be a perfect time to get married for me??? That was me...

I've always thought I'd elope, and my mom always jokingly said she'd give me money for a house to do so (we don't have serious talks about weddings). I always thought this would be the most practical way to go...why spend so much money on a day when I will have student loans and other bills? I don't think anything is wrong with it and it may still be the way to go for me. But my biggest fear is regretting it. Ever since I started dating my boyfriend (who is the first man I can see myself marrying) I've imagined a traditional wedding. This is super odd because I was NEVER the girl who dreamed of weddings or planned it since I was young...I just always thought I'd take the money and run. Anyway...I don't think its bad, if it truly makes the couple happy. I will probably have a wedding (not anytime soon though) that isn't too large and on a limited budget and then splurge on the honeymoon and reception...the fun stuff definitely deserves more money!!!

I say elope if:

you can't financially afford the wedding that everyone will pressure you into giving

your family doesn't want to go to the wedding, but wants to attend the reception

you take a few very important people with you that would make the experience exponentially more special


Don't elope:

when it'll deny both your parents (who love and support you) the sight of seeing their children getting married.

if you're big on rituals/traditions like dad walking you down the aisle (bridal showers, bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, post wedding brunch,

if you're parents would be absolutely crushed - like my dad would be if he didn't get to walk me down the aisle or my mom helping me get ready

One of my female cousins had the huge traditional church wedding last november that every girl dreams of when they're 7.

After it was all said and done, her brother, who is a couple years younger than she is, told my aunt "This was fun and all, but it's too much ...when I get married, I'll send you and dad a couple of plane tickets, and we'll see you in Vegas" :p

That's why folks are having 2 ceremonies: one with the J.P. and the formal ceremony with all the families involved...

Ironically, the one with the Judge in my legal marriage was better than the formal ceremony in Sedona, Arizona... See my other topic--how was your wedding???

My parents eloped - this year was their 27th wedding anniversary. My mom drove down to El Paso where my dad was stationed and then when he got moved to Germany, she got a job as a civilian employee (she was a dental hygienist at the time) and went with him. They lived in Germany for a few years, then came home, built a house, and had me. Elopement was the best option for them for a variety of reasons.

The funny part is I never knew they eloped until I was SEVENTEEN - we had no wedding pictures lying around our house and I never even noticed. My friends families don't have wedding pictures out because most of them had shotgun weddings with a very pregnant bride, so I didn't think it was abnormal that we never had them out either.

GPDad has offered me a LARGE sum of money to elope but I think I want a church wedding.

The Munchkin-parents eloped. They've been married over 30 years.

The Munchkin-grandparents eloped. They went diamond in June.

But, that's not happening for me. We both have large families and lots of friends we want to celebrate with. If money was an issue, we were really young, one of us was in danger of losing insurance, or a move was imminent, I'd be all about it. But, as it's not like that. So there will be a shindig like no other. I got to attend some weddings while I lived in Rome, and I wouldn't mind having an old-fashioned Italian wedding.