Undecided about rushing
 

I'm attending UF pretty soon and have signed up for rush but I'm not sure I can through with it.

I'm not a typical sorority girl like the ones at UF. I'm not a beauty queen, more like very plain looking and pretty shy and reserved. One of my best friends from HS who graduated last year is in a sorority at UF, but we're total opposites. She was 6th in our class, a cheerleader, extremely outgoing, the type of girl everyone loves. She encouraged me to rush which is why I signed up in the first place but I'm having doubts. Some other friends told me a lot of girls get cut from every house but one or two during the first round.

Should I still go through recruitment? I've had self esteem issues about my appearance since middle school (I was bullied for a couple of years and haven't gotten over it completely) and getting cut from every house would just really, really hurt.

Is there room in a sorority for someone who is quiet? Even if I do get in, won't I just be the girl that no one knows about?

Sorry, I don't really have a ton of issues, but I'm not sure if through recruitment or not. If I was going to a different school with a smaller Greek system like up north I definitely would.

~Lindsey

I don't have time to write an extensive reply, but maybe you could use this as a perfect time to go through some personal growth.

Don't label yourself as the shy quiet girl that's going to get cut. This is the perfect chance to become more outgoing and have a more positive attitude, and to build up some self esteem.

I'm sure more GCers will be around shortly with more advice.

I think that if you're shy and quiet, Recruitment would be a very good thing for you. It will give you some practice meeting new people and interacting with them.

College is a time to invent a new you. It's a time where you can finally get away from those old stereotypes that haunted you in your hometown. That's why I went to school 1200 miles from home!

If your friend is encouraging you to Rush, she obviously sees something in you that she thinks would contribute to a sorority. We don't just want the outgoing and crazy types. I fully believe that a sorority is a place for girls to grow into women.

I won't kid you, you might get cut. But it won't ruin your life if it happens, either.

Don't let first impressions deceive you. You honestly never know until you try. There are alot of girls who decided not to rush and regret it. Don't leave room for regret, go for it! I'm sure you have lots of accomplishments to be proud of (even if they aren't pageant titles or cheerleading trophies).

Those things are nice, but being well rounded is what gets girls bids. Sororities take alot of things into account. Being neat and put together is more important than being a "beauty queen". Having alot of different activities in high school looks alot better than a long list of just "pageant titles".

Rush is a great time to think about your positive attributes and what you could potentially contribute to a chapter. Use it to develop self-esteem.

Don't label yourself, just be you and let the chips fall where they may. Best of luck :)

I'm also not sure about rushing myself. I rushed in the spring of my freshman year, and got cut really badly after Philanthropy night down to one which cut me before Bid Day and during COB. I really want to go back to rush informally in the fall, but as I get closer and closer to school I'm beginning to have doubts. Most likely I will end up rushing, I've decided not to accept a bid from one particular sorority that cut me twice, should they offer me one(which I doubt they will). I know I make no sense saying that, but I realized that sorority is not for me.

I feel you should rush at least for the experience. You will meet alot of great girls rushing, even if you don't make it into any sorority. Trust me, if you have your priorities straight, getting cut from all the houses won't be the worse thing that will ever happen to you. I was at first a bit disappointed, but got over it when I was working on a project with some pledges from the sorority that cut me. I then realized that I couldn't call those girls my sisters. I don't have a problem with that sorority or their sisters(they're the nicest GLO on my campus), but I don't feel that's my home.

Rush won't be the worst thing you'll go through. Just smile, and remember that the sisters aren't monsters--they're nice girls who are proud to be where they are and continue their legacy. Have fun!

I just want to give you a big gigantic hug! I really do! I think that my response may not be the majority of the caring wonderful positive thinking people that are on greek chat. And, if you were rushing at a less competitive school, I probably would have a different opinion for you.

Do I think you should rush? Yes. But with a HUGH however. If you are as "fragile" as you claim self esteem wise, then yes you may get crushed. Be prepared for the worse. BUT! Weigh that with the "I wonder ifs." You having an outgoing friend already in a sorority is GREAT! Are you still great friends with you? Will she welcome you in her sisterhood? Do you have recommendations FROM EVERY SINGLE SORORITY at UF?

I know many girls who have been crushed by their less than successful rush experience and it does stay with them unfortunately no matter how wonderful they already are! (And I bet you are greater than you give yourself credit for!) However, UF is very competitive and if you feel like you are setting yourself up to fail, then you need to acknowledge that.

If you are a freshman, that will work in your favor. If you decide to rush next year as a sophmore then it becomes harder.

I just get the vibe that you are so tenderhearted and I don't want you to be hurt. Though you may surprise yourself (but noone here on GC) and get the house of your dreams! Regardless, good luck and please keep us all posted.

As someone who is neither a beauty queen or from the south, take my words as you will Gatorgirl :) I know that UF recruitment can be extremely competitive, but college is an opportunity for you to build your confidence. It's a chance to make a "new" you, if you're not particularly fond of the old...it's a chance to work on the parts of you that need it, and make yourself a wholly great girl! With all that sunshine, here's a little thought. What, in your life, have you ever gained that wasn't worth taking a risk? You say you'll be very, very hurt if you got cut, but what if you got a bid from your first choice house? Without going through recruitment, you'll never know...you need to weigh what is more important, your hurt feelings from getting cut or the opportunity to possibly join a fabulous group of women.

One word of advice...if you're shy, that's one thing. If you're on the low self-esteem thing, that's wholly another. It's ok to be nervous, but be confident in the person you are, and try it. The worst that can happen is that you leave with a new group of friends (all the girls that go through rush!).

Best of luck, no matter what your choice.

Co-sign everything written above! The ladies of GC give great advice!

Going through recruitment could be a wonderful way to boost your communication skills and help you conquer your shyness - especially if you remember not to label yourself as "the shy girl", as everyone else has said. And, during recruitment, if you get nervous about talking to a sorority member, just remember that she's probably just as nervous as you! Recruitment is a two way street - we are just as eager to impress the PNMs as you are to make a good impression on us! :)

Secondly, there is always room for a "shy" girl in any sorority. Every group needs to be made up of diverse personalities; not everyone can be the outgoing cheerleader type, and that is perfectly okay, especially in a sorority. It takes many types of people to make a chapter run smoothly - leaders, supporters, girls who like to talk, girls who like to listen, etc. I have a feeling that someone as thoughtful and sensitive as you seem to be would be an asset to any chapter!

Additionally, you clearly realize the competitiveness of recruitment at UF, and it seems as if your friend has done a great job of preparing you for the realities of rushing - i.e. the possibility of being cut, etc. It seems that being aware of what could happen but keeping a positive attitude is the best policy. But I'm not the first to say that. :)

Best of luck with your decision!

Eeks, I forgot about Recommendations. You will definitely want to work on getting those right away.

aww i totally understand how you feel!! i'm extremely quiet and reserved, definitely not a beauty queen type, and not too big on the self esteem either..but then i think--do i really want to miss out on this great experience? there's so many "what if's"..i know if i don't rush, i will regret it. it's hard for me to open up to people at first and i think that will hurt me during rush, as there is such a small amount of time to get to know the girls..but there's still that little spark of hope in me that says "maybe you will find your home in one of those sororities, and you will never know unless you try!"

rush is also great practice for meeting new people and becoming more comfortable making conversation with them. i want to try to become a little more outgoing and confident..what better time to practice than rush? the girls truly don't want to hurt you--and just because they didn't keep you doesn't mean youre not a wonderful person..i think i have a lot of great qualities (not trying to be cocky!!), but it takes more than 30 minutes of talking to somebody to really come out of my shell..i'm just pretty shy.

but i definitely think you should rush. if nothing else, it will be a tremendous learning experience. rejection hurts, i definitely agree, but if anything, it will help you grow as a person. *hug* good luck :)

gatorgirl04
 

you say that your uf sorority friend has encouraged you to rush. i don't think she would do that if she didn't think that you stood a chance of getting a bid. she wouldn't want you to get hurt. your friend is a wonderful resource for you and can really give you an edge if you will take advantage of her.ask her to "play" rush with you. make arrangements to go over to her house and stand out side, pretending this is a sorority house you are standing outside of. have her come out like she would on the first day of recruitment and treat you like you are her rush guest and a total stranger. she can walk you through what it will be like at the ice water party, so that you get a feel for what sort of questions you might hear. if you do this it will probably help you feel more comfortable with "the unknown" and it will help her hone her recruitment skills. have her go through your wardrobe and make sure that your outfits are appropriate for each day of recruitment. if she has not already done so, have her describe each round of parties for you and the procedure pnm's go thru at uf each day. in the time you have before you leave for gainesville, make a concerted effort to strike up a conversation with people you do not know-while you are standing in line somewhere, with the sales clerk as you shop. it is excellent practice for recruitment. all of this is entirely appropriate and is not a recruitment violation. you are not asking her about her sorority, just recruitment in general. you admit you are shy. that's the first step-now you must try to overcome your shyness. you don't have to be the life of the party-just make an effort to carry on your end of the conversation. have a few topics ready to use if your rush hostess runs out of things to talk about. current movies, books, good clothing stores in gainesville, gator football, good restaurants in g-ville-you get the idea. your statement about getting into a sorority and just being the "girl no one notices" bothered me. that will only happen if you let it happen. if you go to your new member meetings, go to the activities, go over to the house for lunch and dinner and TALK to the sisters, there is no way you will go unnoticed, but it is totally up to you. i wish you the best of luck . let us know what happens. lisa

co-sign astroaphi-recommendations are a must. no excuses!!

All of these ladies have said everything I wanted to say, but here's my two cents: (and I apologize if anything has been repeated.)

Go through recruitment even if you're having doubts. You don't want to be in your senior year of college saying "Man, I wish I went through recruitment when I had the chance." I know a lot of girls like that. They didn't want to go through recruitment for the
fear of being cut, or being shy or something like that.


You just have to BE YOURSELF. That's really the only advice I can give any person. Most people can pick up on fakeness. Just go through and even if you don't happen to get a bid, it's definitely an experience and you will meet some really cool people!
If you don't find a home within the NPC, there are other fabulous organizations at Florida you can join!
Good luck in making your decision!

Dear Lindsey -

You are NOT shy. You are DEEP and MYSTERIOUS.

You are NOT plain - you have CLASSIC GOOD LOOKS or are FRESH-SCRUBBED (whichever you like better).

You are NOT quiet. You FULLY EVALUATE THE SITUATION BEFORE GIVING YOUR OPINION.

:D :D

Believe me, I know what it's like to get treated like crap to the nth power - and even though I rushed as a sophomore and knew people already, I definitely had some worries about how it would affect me when I got cut from groups (which I knew I would) because I was afraid it would freak me out and give me junior high flashbacks, but it all worked out OK.

If nothing else, you'll meet a lot of people and get practice at that - good luck!

Hello Lindsey!
I am going to have to agree with what everyone has already said. I was kinda like you in that I was very quiet and not too self confident before rush. As hard as it was to put myself out there and be outgoing and talk to all these amazing girls, I am soooooooooo happy I did it. Going through rush was totally not something I would normally do, but I have loved every minute of my 'sorority life' since then. Plus, I am more confident in myself and am WAY more outgoing now, which is definetely a plus!Ultimately, this is your decision, but I think you should go through with it!! :D :D

I always say its better to regret the things you've done instead of the things you haven't done.......

AZSigKap

you better go for it!!:D seriously, i have been in your shoes. don't knock it til you try it. you have already signed up for it, so what if it meant to be that you go through rush. it is a great experience. and rush at UF? that means that you have a wonderful opportunity ahead of you. just go in with a happy heart and put your best self forward. you have no idea of the sororities that can benefit well from you. it is not as bad as you think. just give EVERY sorority a chance. if you want to be in a sorority, then just follow your heart.

Yes! With a caveat...

If fall will be formal recruitment, you should go through sort of as though you were a freshman PNM-- look at each and every sorority, and give them *full* consideration in the first round or two. You may find that your third choice from last year has done a lot of restructuring without you knowing it, and might even be a better fit than last year's second choice! While you think you're a great fit for your second choice, they may see things differently and cut you in the second round. As with freshmen, if you look only at your "dream group", you may not see the other orgs that may be a good fit for you this year.

You'll have some stereotypes and knowledge about each group that can color your feelings about them, good and bad. Keep that in the back of your mind when you rush again. That said, if you know there's a group that just does *not* fit, like AB1 from last year, then politely decline their invitation to a further round.

OTOH, if fall is informal recruitment or COR/COB, then I don't see why you shouldn't keep your eyes out for XY2 events and try to mostly focus on them. Don't totally stalk them, but chat with the friends you have in the org and do normal stuff with them as often as possible (studying, movies, dinner, etc.). Being over-eager can turn some people off, but be genuine. If it doesn't work out, then go through formal in spring with the same advice as listed above.

Best wishes to you, whatever the outcome may be!

Go for it! :) If you don't, you'll always wonder "what if".

If you're shy and quiet, you can try to overcome that by practicing your conversation skills with friends and family and even strangers. And smile! :) Good luck!

Go through with it!

If anything just have fun with recruitment.

From personal experience, I do have a little advice--it might help and it might not, but see if you would like to use any of these.

If you decide to rush, make a small mini goal--someone you would like to meet by going through rush. Something like "I would like to meet a girl who shares a hobby with me" or "I would like to meet someone who educates me on something I have never experienced before" or even "I want to meet someone outside my dorm." It doesn't matter if you end up pledging or not, if you go into recruitment with the mindset of trying to meet diverse personalities, then you win all-around. You meet so many girls--your horizons really broaden.

Don't get swayed by the wealth of opinions and information you will be bombarded with. Think about what you are looking for if you pledge a house--every house will emphasize philanthropy, academics, etc. Figure out what you want in a house and give all houses the chance display its strengths then decide accordingly. You are rushing for yourself and only yourself, so use your own judgement and make the choices you make in rush will make YOU happy.

This might be risky but use your nervousness as an icebreaker if you can. I remember telling my rusher about how nervous I was before the first night and I mentioned how I played 80's Madonna songs in my dorm and sang into my hairbrush before I met with my Rho Chi (they still call them that at my campus)--that got us into a conversation about their tacky 80's prom mixer and "I love the '80's" and other gems from that awesome decade. Maybe mention to your rusher that this is a new experience because you are usually reserved, etc...If I were the rusher and a rushee told me this, I would emphasize and try to make her more comfortable--and I would think the rushee is down-to-earth because she is being real and not Ms.Outgoing when she is not. Don't be afraid to be yourself and to put yourself out there.

I hope this all helped. Whatever you decide to do, good luck with it and post a rush thread!

gatorgirl04...give it a try or else you will never know. i don't know anything about uf's greek life, but give all of the houses the same chance. if you don't get invited to the top house, don't be upset, just keep an open mind about the others. good luck!

Go for it! Just as everyone else as said...its worth it. I was in a similar situation. I grew up in a very small town and none of my friends were attending Texas Tech. I knew literally NO ONE at Tech. I went from a town with a population of 900, to Texas Tech w/a student body of 25,000. It was quite an adjustment, but being in a sorority and having the sisterhood helped me to adjust to the extreme change.

My mom was greek and she is the one that encouraged me to just give it a try. I went into it with an open mind. I knew absolutely NOTHING about any of the sororities except for KD (my mom was a KD). Recruitment was quite an experience and I wasn't for sure if it was for me. I kept an open mind throughout the week and I found my home. It was a perfect match.

I encourage you to continue on and go through recruitment. You don't want to look back 3 years from now when you are a jr. and when that you would've gone through. I had friends that were that way. You will find somewhere that you feel comfortable.

Keep your chin up! SMILE :)!!! and Keep an open mind!!!!

Honey all I can say is go for it!! I'm the type of person that if you told people I graduated with that I joined a sorority last year they would laugh in your face. But I have to say that my decision to rush and initiate have been some of the best decisions I've made. If you go through rush and feel uncomfortable joining a sorority at the end then you don't have to accept a bid but I would recommend tha you go through because you will make friends that will last regardless of whether or not you choose to join. Good Luck and I hope you find yourself a home away from home.

If you dont go through with it you will want to shoot yourself in your foot later bc you never know what could have been!!! Good luck girl :)

You sound just like me. If you saw me in high school you would have never thought I would be in a sorority. I am very shy and I wasn't popular. Ever since I joined a sorority I have changed a lot, in good ways. I am more outgoing and have a lot more friends. I would never change my decision to join a sorority. I say you should go ahead and go through recruitment. If you feel like it isn't you then that is ok, atleast you tried. But if you don't go through with it you will never know and you might always regret it. Good luck with what you decide. I hope you find a great house!

For those who are undecided....

Just go through recruitment. YES, you will be cut from houses. YES, there will be some feelings of rejection. But ultimately, recruitment is one week out of your life, and it is an opportunity to learn how to network and "sell" yourself-- something you will be doing constantly in the real world.

If you're not someone who enjoys large groups or being around lots of girls, then I advise against actually joining a sorority. However, I'm sure those of you undecided's out there have given at least some thought as to why you want to join.

Give it a shot. Don't ever go through life wondering, "Well, what if?" about ANYTHING.

A word of caution, however. You are not going into a sorority to pay for your friends. You do need to make an effort to go out, smile and laugh, have fun and engage people.

Going through recruitment in no way obligates you to join a sorority. This is a time to test the waters and determine if the ladies you meet are people who you would consider being friends with.

Remember, college is teeming with wonderful activities for the students in a wide range of areas! Greek Life, Student Gov't, campus ministries, sports, honors societies, service clubs, special interest groups (UCF has a Chocolate Club!!!)! Get involved!

Has anyone ever heard of anything like this before? I am an alum now and don't remember this situation coming up while I was in school, but that sounds kind of strange! If a PNM went through formal recruitment, would she have to sit outside the house of all groups with this policy during first rounds?

I think what she means is that she can't come to any parties that are invite only. There's no way Panhel is going to make a rushee "sit out" a party, no matter what the sorority's particular policy may be.

If anyone from the sorority in question wants to clear this up (if you are able to without spilling important beans of course) it would be faboo.

I've heard that some sororities (or individual chapters) have a "cut once, cut always" policy. Maybe this is one of them? A PNM might be reconsidered under certain circumstances, e.g. if she had been cut for grades but has since brought her GPA up. Otherwise, you'd go to them during round 1 like everyone else, then be cut.

I don't like "cut once, cut always" policies, especially if the only reason you cut Susie PNM was because of release numbers. We did cut people during FR who later came to IR, and some of them were offered bids. So you never know... :)

Thanks, 33girl! That makes WAY more sense than what I was envisioning!

I'm actually quite surprised that the girls told you that over MSN Messenger... that comes a little close to need-to-know members-only Membership Selection information. I will say that such a policy makes sense within the grounds of one year of formal recruitment, but given release figures from year to year I do not know how hard-and-fast such a rule is after each year's formal recruitment sessions.

If that sorority is #1 on your list, I would try to contact an advisor for the organization. Don't necessarily name names, but tell her that you heard some information through the grapevine, and ask her if can she realistically tell you whether you have any chance to be invited back during formal or informal recruitment. She may say that she can't tell you, she may say that you'll have to go through for yourself, she may tell you exactly what the national policy is. If the sisters wanted to make an exception and go through council, an advisor would probably need to be involved anyway...

Other sisters on this board may be willing and able to give further information on this topic, but I'm uncomfortable delving in any further, especially since I am not an expert on such things. I would definitely take the word of national and regional advisors over anything that I would suggest.

That said, I'd still rush again. There may be other groups that would be a good fit for you. It may be your destiny not to belong to a social GLO. -shrug- But you won't know unless you give yourself, and the other sororities, a full chance.

If a PNM goes to pref parties, she is on the bid list, it's just a matter of where--she hasn't been cut. Now, it's possible that she may get closed out of all of her choices because quotas were full by the time they get to her on the list, and if that particular school doesn't take quota additions, she wouldn't get placed.

Depending on the organization and how their membership selection works, the same could apply to other rounds depending upon release figures--it's not that a group "cut" her, it's that there were other women they were more interested in and had to cut the rest at a certain point due to release figures.

Mermaid Girl... that sorority cannot prevent you from going through Formal Recruitment. They can choose not to invite you back, or not invite you to COB/COR events, but they cannot prevent you from going to Panhellenic recruitment events.

call me crazy, but this just doesn't sound right. There must be some sort of miscommunication or the girls you're talking too don't really know how things work (which is also very likely....especially in bigger chapters, if they're not very very involved in the rush process as a chair or something, they might not fully understand how things work)

ETA: i further think they're confused b/c they shouldn't be talking about this with you on MSN. Furthermore, it may very likely be a rush violation for them to be talking to you at all, particularly about recruitment, if you're even thinking about going through

Mermaid Girl, are there only 2 sororities on your campus?

What I'm talking about is if you went through formal rush and went to parties at all the sororities, they could not keep you from coming through the first round of parties. If you only have 2 groups though, rush might be handled differently.

ummm... just a point of advice.... you may want to use some discretion. I can just about guarantee you that there are people from your school on here. Talking poorly about chapters and people is not going to get you anywhere and can likely bite you in the ass, so I strongly suggest you edit that last post. This is not an anonymous place when you're giving us so much detail.

Mermaid Girl,
I have two suggestions for you.

1- Please go and speak to your campus' greek affairs office. The greek adviser is going to be the best person to:
A-explain your campus' recruitment process
B-be a liason between you and any issues you may be having with a particualr groups recruitment process (i.e-she can contact advsiors and seek information as a third party)

2- Please also keep an open mind. It pains me for you to call out two great organizations negatively. Each chapter is unique and I apologize for the difficulty you are having, but each org on a national and chapter level has ups and downs.

I wish I knew more about your campus? I could have missed an earlier post, but could you break it down?

-Number of orgs (national and local)
-when is recruitment (formal/informal)
-who can be a PNM (credit requirements?)
-how are the orgs organized (houses, suites, rooms on campus, etc.)

I am from a small campus also and there were plenty of women who went through recruitment more than once, sometimes more than twice. Many found homes, some became part of a new colony, some are still independent.

Oh, okay, I'm sorry.......I think all the ADPi's at my school are awesome girls, honestly, otherwise I wouldn't want to join.....it's not their fault I didn't get in, and I'm sorry if I made it seem like I was thinking that. I'm not mad at them at all, I'm more just mad at myself, like I've permanently foreclosed myself from something I really want to do, and I don't even really know why. The Phi's are nice girls too, and I don't really know what went wrong with them. Maybe it wasn't even anyone's fault......so many times, I've fallen out of touch with my friends just because of conflicting schedules, misunderstandings, etc., and it's probably entirely possible that that happened to them. For the most part, my school's a really friendly place, and I seriously don't know anyone there who would purposely try to instigate an argument or make things unpleasant.

I'll have to co-sign this. Giving the names of the chapters as well as a lot of information about yourself makes your school recognizable to people who attend it, and considering that you seem to be an active member of your school, makes YOU recognizable.

Also, didn't this start out as a shy girl asking for rush advice? :) Not trying to be rude, just trying to get back on track, maybe this issue needs it's own thread.

Co-sign. I think this is why most of us choose to use ABC or XYZ when referring to certain orgs as to not cause friction or upset anyone.