Ex-boyfriend confusion
 

So I get a text message at 12:45am this morning from my ex. He broke things off with me about 3 weeks ago. This is the first contact we have had since breaking up. His text message was in reference to an email I had sent his roommate (a girl whom i'm friends with). In his text he asked for me to call him, so I did. Why? I don't know....

We talked for 2 hours about everything and clarified a few things. The break up came out of nowhere and it took me by complete shock. He says he misses me and what not and he thinks of me often. He never said the exact words- 'I want us to get back together.' - but he would not get off the phone with me. He kept calling me babe and sweetie. I have no beef with him nor am I enemies with him.

He had a party this past saturday and he said the he had hoped that I was going to show up. Why in the hell I would show up to my ex-boyfriends party, I have no idea?!?!

I guess I'm just confused and not really sure what to think of all of this!

this is not meant to be rude... but was he drunk or had he been drinking last night?

the liquid confidence builder always gets people to do things they might not normally do.

lol!!!!!!! no, he was not. he had softball last night and does not drink on softball nights.

A song dedication to peanutttu
 

Listen to what dear Lauryn Hill has to say. I just had a conversation with a friend this morning about how women need to hear this song when dealing with men.

Ex-factor

It could all be so simple
But you’d rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity see
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can’t stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity see
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Hook:
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain’t workin’
It ain’t workin’
And when I try to walk away
You’d hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can’t be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I’ll let go too
’cause no one’s hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

Repeat hook

Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me

There for me, there for me
Said you’d be there for me

Cry for me, cry for me
You said you’d die for me

Give to me, give to me
Why won’t you live for me
(repeat)

Hi. My ex kind of did the same type of break up out of the blue like that. I pined over him for awhile trying to figure out *WHY* and I came to the conclusion that he was simply not worth it. Anyone who breaks your heart out of the blue and you have to ask why is not worth it. You are a better person than that. I know a lot of the GC guys will say females play games but guys are capable of playing games too. And as humans I think we all want what we can't have. Oh, also, I have had so many guys tell me that guys being guys, even if they have no intention of "getting back" with you they will keep you in their life anyways, because there is "always a chance" they can make you into a booty call until something better comes along if you get my drift. Take it from someone who has been there and don't take yourself down the hurtful road, move on now............

It sounds like he expected you to be at that party. You gave him a reality check that you're not the type of girl that plays games. He iniated the break up and it sounds like he's having regrets. It sounds like you've already have moved on with your life and without him..

Sounds about right. wrigley- may I call you Dr. Phil? :D

I even asked him, 'why would i show up at your party?'. he never really gave me an answer. yes, i have moved on, but we broke up a little over 3 weeks ago and it was a realtionship that got too serious too quickly. It was him that moved the realtionship quickly and I put on the brakes (somewhat). I wasn't ready for it yet, but soon got caught up in the whirlwind. So, yes I have moved on in a sense, and I wanted the ball in my court to contact him when I felt the desire to contact him. Unfortunately, it didn't happen that way and so all of his feelings were put back out there. :confused:

At the time when we broke up, he had a lot of stress (outside of the relationship) on his plate. I sometimes wondered how he handled all of it. As he said last night, he ran away from it. I think (as sad as it sounds) I was the easiest thing to run from and now he regrets it. He knows that he made the wrong decision.

The name is Wrigley. Dr. Wrigley :cool: Lol.

Go slow. If you still care for/love him, give him the opportunity to earn your trust. Don’t just give it to him automatically. It sounds to me like he is trying to manipulate you a little. If you really have moved on, stay moved on. I’ll keep the rest of my thoughts to myself, because they are not very nice… lol.

LOL! There is no way in hell he would get my trust back automatically. If he wants to chase me then, so be it. He's got a lot to show to me that he wants me back - if that is what he's trying to do. In the meantime, I'm going to keep moving forward with my life. Its just frustrating b/c I had put all of this behind me and moved on, yet now its all thrown back out in my face!:mad:

girl....lets get together for drinks and share stories! I am going through the same thing right now. My relationship w/ my guy lasted almost 4 years and all 4 where long distance. (granted we did go to college together and were friends before, we just started dating after we graduated and he moved 250 miles away!) I am just as lost. I love the boy to death, but this wishy washy stuff is killing me! What makes it harder is the fact he is not here and its hard to talk and sort stuff out. The 4 years we were together, it was great. We really did our best with the distance...but after graduating, having steady jobs, and dating for 4 years...there is a next step, right? I don't think he has figured that out yet. You'll get through it....:)

Sign me up for those margaritas. I'm going through the same kind of thing except we just totally broke it off (after four years) and I just got a call from his best friend inviting me to a party they're throwing on Saturday. Sigh. I think he has hurt me enough.

"The CIA ain't got $^*% on a woman with a plan"
 

Have you seen that movie "Two Can Play That Game" w/ Vivica Fox?

Great movie! :)

I love watching it.. esp. after a breakup.

Oh my, I feel like I could have written your post.

My advice............RUN AWAY. VERY FAST.

I didn't, and the guy is still playing games with my head (and heart).

thanks all for the advice. after hearing more from him yesterday during the day and hearing a bunch of B.S. that just killed me to hear........i'm DONE!

'No man is worth your tears and the one who is - won't make you cry!'

Its not worth the heartaches and stress to put up with this. He told me yesterday, "You haven't lost me yet, its not that easy." Whatever...i never asked if i had lost him. I never said I wanted him back!

Texas*Princess, yes i have seen that movie! It is a great movie!!!

:)

peanuttu, I'm glad you're putting your foot down and letting this poor, pathetic fool know that you're not going to deal with his BS anymore!!!

A lot of ppl just give in and let the dorks toy with their affections all over again.

At the risk of sounding very retro, "YOU GO GIRL!"

hehehe

thanks girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

peanut- most boys aint worth it.
Join me in my quest for Bitter world domination. :p

My ex is doing the same thing. "But we are friends right?" He'll say. Riiiight! Problem is I keep falling for it (4 times now). I want to tell you to not call him back at all for at least another month. In doing so, I shall follow my own advice!

I hear ya!! I've been telling myself the same thing....not to call him or answer the phone/text messages.

That is what my ex said to me, 'No matter what happens b/w us, we can still be friends, right?' I want to be his friend and I couldn't tell him that I can't be his friend. Being his friend and hearing about other girls is the hard part. I don't think he would like it if the tables were turned. The hard part is keeping the distance and contact from him right now.

Whenever I'm in a breakup situation, my bestest friend in the whole wide world (who is a guy) told me that if I EVER feel like calling the Ex, to call him [the best friend] instead. No matter what time, day, or where he may be!

And it's always helped :)

definitely.........i've got 2 younger brothers who are pretty damn protective of me. calling them always helps and gives me a good laugh to hear them talk the way they do. :D

my situation like that has been going on for about a year now. i always do good with the not calling or emailing him, but when he does then i fall right back into that trap.

that's what I don't want to happen. unfortunately, its easier said than done! :mad: the break up prior this one was similar but him and i've gotten past all of this and do communicate via email (and talk about everything, including relationships w/other people).

Re: Ex-boyfriend confusion
 

Let him go totally... He needs to get out of sandbox if he cannot play properly...

I like your attitude already in handling this type of break up. To be so young and so positive is a good thing. I wish I thought like you about this kind of stuff when I was your age...

The fact that he is saying stuff, per your statements, that "You haven't lost me yet, its not that easy." bothers me immensely because those are the beginning signs of a "possessiveness" that may lead to "domestic violence"...

If he was tryin' to be a player and dumped you without provacation--I don't care how much stress he thinks you caused him and there is NO EXPLANATION for that--then he whines to get back up with you... No honey, he has more issues than you are equiped to handle... Are you a psychiatrist?

it's definitely easier said then done.. sometimes it's really hard to hear people tell you to just move on and get over it, b/c even though you know you should and need to, it's hard. we've gotten more and more distant lately, but i'm still supposed to se him next weekend for something that was planned awhile ago and i'm definitely nervous about that.

I shall as well.............

Re: Re: Ex-boyfriend confusion
 

Thanks! I am a very optimistic person and I guess that is where my positive attitude stems from.

The "possessiveness"....I'm not concerned about that. I think the context of his comment was more towards the fact that I was sad to see him with someone else. He knows that I've been out with other guys as well. I've seen "possessiveness" and how it leads to domestic violence....this guy by no means would ever do that. (I'm not just being nieve....)

LOL!! No, I'm not a psychiatrist by any means! He does have a lot of issues and I guess that's where the 'I want to be his friend' comes into play. Its like I feel obilgated to listen and talk to him about everything. I can handle most of it....except for when it comes to other girls (one specifically that i know). He's got a confused soul....:rolleyes:

Love sucks sometimes and its hard to get over, but ya just gotta suck it up and move on. One day he'll realize what he lost and he'll be sorry! :D

Re: Re: Re: Ex-boyfriend confusion
 

Well, did he get all mushy and gushy before or after he saw you with other guys?

If he got all mushy-gushy after he saw you with other guys, then why does he got to be paging you at 12 AMish?

A man respects your time and gives you the time that you need...

It sounds like he's hatin' the player but not the game...

Re: Re: Re: Re: Ex-boyfriend confusion
 

LOL!!!!!!! He hasn't actually seen me with other guys but he knows through our conversation that I have been talking/seeing someone (i kinda am...i'm not looking to get into anything right now).

When he sent me the text...that was the first time we had been in contact since we broke up. He had heard that day through his roommate (a girl whom i'm friends with) that i was doing great and happy.

Everyone repeat after me:

"I will not speak to my Ex. I will have no contact. I will block his number, email and IM. I will not pick up an unscreened phone call or a strange number."

Seriously. Its not easy to just stop talking to someone. Its just necessary. Kind of like someone with a drinking problem that has decided to quit drinking.

Don't grab another drink until you don't want another.

And like drinking, we all want another no matter how bad our last hang over was. We forget the pain and remember the pleasure.

ETA: We can only help you if you want to quit, and stop sneaking drinks now and again :)

LOL!! Thanks James, I have taken the 'Pledge' and will abide by it.

(that was a very good analogy b/w relationships and drinking!!!) :D

Ok...so i took James' Pledge.....THEN.........

as I was sitting here last night spending time with my mom (who is in town for the weekend), my house phone rings. (i only use my house phone for the internet so therefore I do not have caller id.) i usually do not answer my house phone b/c 9 times out of 10 it is a telemarketer. it was kinda late and so i knew it couldn't have been a telemarketer, so i answered and to my dismay it was the EX!!!!!!!!! UGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! UGGHH!!!!! :mad:

i try to run away and it just keeps following me. yes, i did say that it was kinda late....but no he wasn't calling for a booty call. it has been made clear to him that if he were to attempt something like that it would result in failure. he just wanted to talk....so i talked....its soooo frustrating. i explained to him my frustrations and he understood. we had about a 20 minute conversation. one minute i think i'm being played for as a fool and the next i think he's being sincere....UGHHH!! UGHHH!!! UGHHH!!!! :mad:

Actually it less like taking another drink and more like getting over a harder addiction, like cocaine or pain killers.

So like you discover a new drug and its wonderful, all highs no lows. And then there highs and lows. Then the lows get kind of bad.

Then you feel really bad about doing something that makes you feel bad, so you decide to quit.

Well whenever you give up something that affects your brain chemistry, crack, heroin, or an Ex-BF . . . the brain and body take a while to adjust. We could addict you to an electric current that affects the pleasure center of your brain, love is a definite brain/body reaction.

And everytime after you quit you take another hit off that crack pipe, or phone call, you feel elated, frustrated, guilty and upset. As well as stress, anxiety and maybe some depression.

Also, every time you take a hit, you delay your rceovery because it brings it all up. Its almost like starting over.

So Peanut, you got to get off the pipe babe.

You could had your mom answer the phone. It was your own unconscious self destructiveness that sold you out.

Kind of like telling yourself you are going to go where all your friends are hanging out but this time you aren't going to take a hit of that pipe.

Just say NO to Crack :)

Go us! It's been a week since we have spoken. That means I have three weeks to go.

"I will not speak to my ex for one month (except over the phone to ask his mom to read my medical school essays)."

yeah, me too...hopefully :rolleyes:

LOL - I did the same thing- the guy recently broke up with a girl who was cheating on him and we were talking/friends few months before they broke up and a couple of months after the break up - we dated and he wanted me to be his girlfriend and invited me to his family's house to play pool and introduced me to his friends as HIS GIRLFRIEND.That night (afterwards when we were alone) i told him to slow his roll and he should date other girls and have fun since he just recently broke up from a long term relationship in a harsh way (cheating is not good way to end a long term relationship so i dont htink he was over it) and i said to go for other girls and kept pushing him. Few more months - i became "busy" and he finally realized that he should date other girls and he kind of started the break up so ..... but really it was I that started it by pushing him to go out with other girls. then FEW more months later even now a YEAR later he is still trying to hook up with me!! LOL, I dont play that - too bad for him cuz he acted immature and BRAGGED about other girls he was dating especially blonde white girls (no offense but we are both middle eastern so this was a shock) and I realized that i did the right thing cuz he wasnt ready... so remember girl WHY it was over okay .......... its easy to remember the good but remember the BAD - you are not the GUYS BACKUP OKAY!!!

Your boy sounds exactly like the boy I just recently got out of a "relationship" with (he told me he had broken up with his girlfriend..but in reality, he hadn't). We had broken up before and he really put a LOT of effort into getting me back. I'm talking apologizing a bajillion times, calling me nightly, and just being soo nice and everything, promised he wouldn't hurt me and all that bull, but then I found out the truth and promptly dumped his butt.

Of course, we had the "I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK WITH YOU EVER AGAIN" argument but then he called me like a week ago "I'm so sorry. I'm not sure if you still want to be friends or not...?" I said I didn't...that's how the whole mess got started after our frist breakup. It's really confusing because I was unblocked for a few days and he IMed me asking me something, but I wasn't there, so then the next day I'm blocked, and now 3 days later, I'm unblocked again, and he went to my website (I have a stat counter)..I dunno I don't understand it because he told me he never wanted to talk to me ever again, and that I wouldn't be able to sleep at night because I would still be thinking of him, but he wouldn't have that problem because he wouldn't be thinking about me (yes he said that)...but here he is all interested in my life still. Grr. Boys suck.

Moral of the story, PLEASE ignore him!! He'll get the hint eventually!!

Oh, PS...my guy is from Texas too. I wonder if it's the same dude because he really sounds like the same person.