Doubts
 

I've been a member of an NPC org for over a year now and at first I really enjoyed it. But since I've been initiated, my big sis doesn't talk to me anymore, I find it difficult to relate to a lot of the girls just because we have different backgrounds, the energy during rush is non-apparent as so many are apathetic, and even though I try to get involved, I get looked over for any leadership positions.
I try to get involved when I can and am hoping that living in will help get rid of some of these doubts, but it's difficult when a lot of the girls I talk to have the same doubts. I guess I just expected more out of sorority life, find girls (maybe not all of them) who were like me and cared about their house (traditions, getting involved, etc...)
I wish that I would've joined another org and I can understand the rule, but it's kind of disappointing that I can never reverse my decision and join another org, even if it's as an alum and not active (b/c there's another glo out there that I really admire).
There's nothing else I can do besides make the best out of the situation because I'm not a quitter. But I'm just wondering if any of you have had the same thoughts as me or even if you haven't, if you have any words of encouragement? Feel free to pm me and thanks in advance for your help :)

I know my chapter has gone through cycles of apathy and believe me, it is difficult not to get sucked in, much less weather the rough times. My advice to you is take the initiative (if remaining greek if your decision) and organize some group activities that will promote sisterhood bonding. It will not happen overnight, but with time and patience, you should see a change in the morale. The most important thing is to remain positive. I know it is ESPECIALLY difficult to remain positive when your big sister isnt talking to you...a girl in my chapter had this same exact scenario happen to her and as a result, she withdrew a bit from the whole PiPhi scene...but it has gotten better for her, her big sis has graduated, and there were many other sisters for her to rely upon while all the drama w/ her big was happening. The point is: dont give up. Try and strengthen the friendships you have and focus more on the positive and less of bonding w. your sisters through your common frustration with the organization at large...that will only perpetuate the cycle of negativity and you run the risk of girls deactivating. Try and see what you initially saw in your GLO and get excited about it once more. I had some low points, some times where I questioned whether it was worth it for me to stay in....I am so glad I decided to work through the hard times and stay true to my pledge. :) Chin up, babe....it should get better

1st i agree chin up.

Every chapter goes through its rough times whether people admit it or not.

Even if you get passed up for leadership positions..u were initiated and u promised to for a lifetime follow the purpose of the GLO u joined. So take a breather..inhale...exhale.

Go find a copy of ur sisterhood manual, history book wateva you were provided. review everything, often people lose sight of what being a greek is about.

when ur chapter meets next outline a few things that could bring you ladies closer as well as build the strength of ur sisterhood.
- a night out
- community service
-shopping

also open the floor for a discussion. i am sure as u mentioned numerous women are unhappy and it should be discussed

because its not fair to rush ladies each semester and bring them into a sisterhood that is fallin apart.

I hope everything gets worked out..its not the organization that is failin its the way things are being run so dont wish u were initiated elsewhere, just work to improve the great sisterhood u already are apart of

I agree. My chapter had fallen on some tough times not too soon after I graduated and I believe the girls took a semester or two to themselves to grow and learn about each other before recruiting new members. I think that just because you are not in a "leadership position" per se, that does not mean you cannot step up to the plate and plan things for your chapter. Some of the best leaders are in the wings. I think that events focusing on sisterhood as well as a meeting where you can all have a pass-the-gavel type session may work. And I think you mentioned other sisters are feeling you as well, try to work together with them to form a positive, strong front. It may not happen overnight but I am sure that the chapter can be made stronger. I strongly discourage disaffiliating, as you will regret it then as an alumna. Good luck and keep us posted!!!!

Living in helps A LOT if you're not feeling connected. You may end up close to people you thought you had nothing in common with -- I know I did.

It sucks to not be close with your big, but you're far from the only one this has happened to. Try and reverse the situation when you take your little sister. It's nice to have a special relationship with your big, but especially if you do random matches it doesn't always happen. If there are a lot of girls feeling the same way, I would bring up changing the method by which bigs get their littles.

Has the chapter been going through a rough time? The "apathy" may not be true apathy, but just feeling burned out - or the seniors may be conciously trying to separate so graduation isn't so painful.

At any rate - the end of the year is often full of stress and such, so just take the summer off and let everyone come back refreshed.

My big sister told me the reason she treated me so well was because she felt neglected by her big sister and was jealous of the relationship that her big had with her other little. If your big is ignoring you, put your energy into a younger girl or a new little! Set a positive example for her.

I'll admit, at one point this year I drifted from my first little. I was really hurt by how she had treated me with some school stuff and I withdrew from her as a result. But at the end of the year, I put a ton of effort into our relationship and fixed things. That friendship with her is priceless, I realized. Even if she's ignoring you, try to fix things before you lose that friendship completely.

As for the rest of the stuff, I agree with what everyone's said about having an open forum. You have some good ideas being thrown at you in this thread. But I can't emphasize enough that you'll never be happy unless you put an effort into fixing things. I sat back one semester and just let my anger fester and didn't do anything about it. But then I became Chaplain because I wanted to inspire the girls to be better sisters, and I thought the best way for me to do that was using the Ritual. I was so much happier when I started working to make things better.

It's frustrating to get passed up for leadership positions your first year. But quite honestly, not everyone can have a leadership position their freshman/first year. I started off as our Intramural Chair and slowly worked my way up. No position is insignificant, and it gives you great experience.

It's hard with the big and little situation and I understand where you are coming from. I wasn't as close with my big because the way our chapter gave out bigs at the time was based on who was graduating/going inactive, so basically those were the sisters given littles. Also my big lived off campus and due to her cultural background, had a curfew and could not hang out with us late at night. Nothing to do much with commonalities and all that. Not meshing is something that cannot be prevented in all situations. I say put your energy into getting to know other sisters and forming bonds with them. Also, if is unevitable that sisters you were once close with you may drift apart from, that is unfortunately what happens in life, not just in sorority.

VERY good advice from two classy ladies in two great orgs.

It's not your GLO that's failing; it's the chapter, and believe it or not, YOU are part of the problem.

I hate hearing "I wish I'd gone somewhere else." You know what? Things aren't perfect over at XYZ either. You joined for a reason. Focus on that and what you can do to make things better -- you joined for a lifetime, and if you're ready to cut out NOW, in college, with a great house and a ton of sisters? I gotta tell you, you're not a very good sister.

I know things get tough. TRUST me. I know. And I know things get SO discouraging when it seems like no matter what you do, nothing gets better, and no one will help.

But people will. And they need the leadership. Quit ASKING for leadership; take it. Spearhead a group to go out on a sisterhood activity; start posting sisterly poems and such around the house.

And keep in mind, every semester, the girls change, and so does the sisterhood.

Bottom Line here is that no organization, much les chapter, is perfect. You get out of anything what you put into it. You sound like you are willing to make the effort to do what you can to make you chapter a better place to be. And by your example of getting involved and staying motivated, others will follow your lead. Sometimes it takes joining an organization to realize your potential. Maybe you are in this sorority for the reason of uplifting other chapter members, motivating them to put their all into it too. I'm sure you aren't the only one that feels this way, so ban together and do something about it! When I was in high school I heard a statement that has inspired and motivated me for years. It is, "If you aren't part of the solution, then you must be part of the problem." I realize that if I can complain about something, then I must be able to make it better.
I agree---pour your energy into a new member, or get to know someone you wish you knew better, and I bet your big will notice. Just realize that organizations usually have cycles of good/bad or motivated/not motivated times. It will get better. Good Luck!!!!

Went through a somewhat similar period: I joined as a sophomore with two of my best friends from freshman year. After pledging, one transferred schools to be with her fiance, the other refused to move to the floor, and went to an off-campus apt. And my Big graduated.

So I moved onto the floor Junior year with essentially no close friends in the sorority. (Totally my own fault for sticking with my 2 girlfriends and not bothering to reach out to anyone). It was a decently sorority, but we had our problems (a few headcases, but who doesn't).

So I had to go through the process as a Junior that everyone else had already passed through during pledging - really getting to know the other girls in the sorority. It was a tough year, but worth it. I found great dinner partners in an "aloof" Admiral's daughter and a shy girl from "the sticks", both of whom I had totally discounted as potential friends.

Getting a really wonderful little sister was a big help, as was just diving in, making the best of a "bad" situation.

I wouldn't trade my senior year or my sorority experience for anything.

I agree with everything being said. Things are not always what they seem on the other side as well, and everything in life is what YOU make of it. At times, I think as members of GLO's we ALL have been there where we were disappointed in our organization for whatever reason and wished we went XYZ. But the bad times will pass if you are determined. I agree with the wise words about if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem. If you sit back and do nothing, you can't complain when nothing changes.

I also agree with what has been said. I felt the same way many times. I joined as a sophomore and never felt like I bonded with the chapter the same way that girls who pledged as a first year did. When I was feeling distant from the chapter (I never lived in the house or with ADPis) I would try to spend some time with one or two sisters I felt closer to. Maybe go out to dinner or to a social together. I loved my big, but she and I weren't a lot alike and didn't hang out all that much.

If you think the problem is mostly with you...I would suggest talking to your president or another exec officer you feel comfortable with. She will be able to help you find something to get involved with. Maybe she can make you chair or a committee or something. I always felt more connected when I was in a leadership position (I never held an exec office due to other commitments on campus).

If you think the problem is the same for many of the women in your chapter you shoudl consider talking to your president about this. We used to do a violets session. When we needed to clear the air (or right before recruitment). We would sit in a circle and pass an alphie (or whatever) and only the person with the lion could speak (we didn't go in a circle, just whoever wanted to speak did). They could say anything. About how they are feeling and why they are hurt. There were no advisors present. By the end of these things we were usually all in tears and everyone was hugging and feeling much closer. Its a great way to bond and if people have trouble speaking, you can always go around saying why you joined ADPi (this is what we did before recruitment to get spirits up). I know its a little cheesey, but it really is a great way to just get to know sisters on a deeper level.

Another suggestion could be pairing sisters up who normally wouldn't hang out together to work on things. We did a similar thing with our new members during their initial process to prevent the cliquey-ness. It is hard too when it is say house vs. campus. I know a lot of the sisters who lived in the house were overwhelmed with constantly living and breathing sorority stuff day in and day out. Have them over to hang out on campus or in an off-campus apartment. We did this. We had sisters stay over in the dorms sometimes who lived off campus and we bonded this way.

As a chapter, we once made it a point to just sit and talk without judgements about what is bothering us about being in a sorority, Greek life, or our chapter.

My complaint was that I did not see my big. She had a busy schedule and worked a lot so I rarely got to see her. I was told by an advisor that not all bigs are the greatest. All you can do is do your best to be an awesome sister. I am still sometimes bothered but I do realize it's not her fault. She has a busy life & I have mine. I too am moving into the house in the hopes that I will form friendships and relationships with a lot of the other ladies in the sorority beyond those in my pledge class. I also hope to become a big myself this fall.

Just keep your chin up.

I went through some very rough time with my sorority too. I had doubts about joining. But what everyone else is saying is true - focus on why you joined. Remember/Reflect on your ritual. Meet/talk to members from other chapters. Sisters you find online are some of the most wonderful people you meet. They gave me the strength to not give up on my chapter - reminded me why I joined and showed me the beauty of the sisters in my chapter which perhaps I was choosing not to see.

Things improved within my chapter because we pulled together and asked for help, and now I'm happy to be as active an alum as I can be!

As someone who has been out of college now for over 9 years...

You have to think about the big picture.

Get a copy of your ritual book and read--really read it. Really think about what it means to you. Think about how you can incorporate it into your everyday life, and especially in your dealings with your sisters.

I went through some times of doubt with my chapter too--but now I look back and remember a lot more good times than bad ones, and I remember the women who got me through some rough spots in my personal life, and I realize that I am a better person for all of it--good and bad.

We all deal with adversity in our life, and we have to somehow find a way to get through it.

I've often thought of our commitment to a sorority as being similar to a marriage. In the beginning you're in the "honeymoon stage". Then real life kicks in, and it isn't always pretty--but somewhere in there is the heart of why you committed in the first place.

You know, sometimes I think we all need to remind ourselves of why we joined in the first place. I know I do. Even as an alumnae, I realize that maybe there were things that I should've done while in college, but you know what? There's nothing I van do about it now. If I spend all me time thinking about the shoulda,woulda,coulda's, then I'm sure I'm missing out on what is right in front of me.
I urge you to talk to your sisters, whether collectively or otherwise. Sometimes I think we dwell too much on what is wrong, rather on what we do right. What are some of the things that are going well in your chapter? Think about those things, and how the chapter has come to excell in those areas. Can any ways of doing things be implemented in other areas? Remember, it will take time. Rome wasn't built in a day.

It will only be as great to be in that chapter as you help make it. Wishing to have joined another group, while a good thought, won't change the situation. If you get passed up for positions, offer to work as an assistant to that person to learn the position better, so next time you run, you will have experience. If your relationship with your big stinks, make sure when you get a little sister, you learn from that, and have a great relationship. I know my big left school the semester I pledged, and while we were friends, I'm MUCH closer to my little than I ever was to my big. She and I still email and talk and see each other, and we live 2 hours away from each other and I graduated 8 years ago!

Best of luck...

Hey, thanks for all your encouraging responses! It helps to know that I'm not alone out there in having rough times with my sorority. Your suggestions help a lot too. I think that if I found some kind of leadership or activity to get involved with, I'll feel more like an important member to the chapter. Actually, I should've said I've been in for one and a half years...so I already have my little and she's one of my best friends. We want to make her little (my grand little) feel special and want to get involved, so that's one thing to work on, to feel better about my sorority membership. I also think that I'm going to talk to a good friend of mine who is currently on exec and see what she might have to suggest about leadership and possible opportunities. Unfortunately, I think I'll get passed up on for exec because mostly sophomores are slated for exec on my campus and I'll be a junior this fall. But maybe I could be one of their assistants or take on a non-exec leadership position. At least talking to my exec friend will get it out there that I do want to help out!
Or if nothing works out as an active, maybe I can help out more when I graduate and join an alumni chapter.

Anyway...thanks for all your help and encouragement!!! Sometimes it just takes a few helpful and kind words to get your mind back on track.

Executive positions aren't the be-all end-all. I have never been on exec and this past year I had our President tell me I was one of the most influential members of our chapter.

If you find a position you're passionate about, you'll have lots of fun with it and most likely be good at it. But if you really do want to do exec, go for it anyway! If you just let the sophomores win because that's the norm, that's silly.

if your chapter is anything like mine, we were always begging for someone to step up and be a committee chair!!! that would be a good way to get involved.

stick with it and do your best to make it better. also note, that the four years of college are not the end all be all for your sorority life. my last year of college SUCKED mainly because of things that were happening in phi mu. i took a year off and then joined an alumnae group. a few years later, i realized that i never wanted anyone else to have those same terrible experiences and so i have become actively involved with my collegiate chapter. in 5 years, the things you are feeling now will seem so silly and trivial to you. do your part to be involved and remember that there is so much more to your sorority experience. good luck!

I think that I will try to be a committee chair or maybe someone's assistant, but I'm going to start out small and maybe help plan some things first, to show that I do have the leadership capabilities. I'm really excited because I searched GC archives and found that someone did Build A Bear and then decorated their own t-shirts for the bear that they made back at the house...and we have a build a bear opening up near campus soon! I think that could be a good idea, but I'm coming up with more of my own.
If nothing ever amounts during my active years, then I want to see what I can do, following pinkyphimu's lead, and help out with my collegiate chapter, become an advisor or maybe just help lead the alumni chapter.
Whatever happens, thanks again for the advice!

ADVICE, ADVICE, ADVICE and it is all good!:)

Every Chapter has ups and downs.

I hear excuses from my Chapter about why they cannot do things. They have as much backing as can be given to them by Alums, but Alums are not living day to day at The Chapter .

So go in speak your peach and just say, I have made a decision, this is not right and something has to be done.

Reason, if this keeps up, there will be no Chapter. If it is just you, then look in retrospect. If it is a constant problem then think of ways that you as a Member can help change it.

If, it is a major problem, contact your Greek Advisor or/and your Chapter advisor.

If this is a further problem as you do not feel comfortable with, contact your HDQ Reoresenative.:)

well i have an idea I will pm you with it :)

be happy you are not officer - you will be so overwhelmed and sometimes upset that some girls are not moving their butts lol. Its pressure and big responsbility - you get blamed. I was so busy at the cross over party to make sure everything went off iwthout a hitch and smooth and guess what it did BUT I barely remembered the party cuz i was so busy making sure everything was perfect......you can be involved by helping do some stuff like make some copies, spread the word, type something, small things are really really appreciated and helps make a heavy burden a light one!!!! Perhaps you can be involved in upcoming rush and learn more about the girls :) you could be involved in fundraising - a lot of closeness when working together in fundraising events. I know this from my past experience in my honor society AGS.