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Post funny things from the interweb
Come on, make me LOL.
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I'd be happier if that shirt said "Teh Interweb is AWESOME!"
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go thread, go!
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found on another message board
obsession with language - spelling and grammar
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i *think* this post could be placed in this forum... please tell me i'm not the only one who's extremely *annoyed* (yet somehow strangely "happy", for want of a better word...;-) when he or she finds a misspelled word or a sentence that's really *badly* put together! one of my best friends has dyslexia, and so i'm *not* talking about laughing at this kind of problem... it's just that i feel that if someone's gone through all the trouble of printing a magazine/newspaper/book/pamphlet or something "public", they should/could at least have checked the spelling and grammar! finding a really glossy and expensive-looking brochure with bad spelling and/or grammar is (almost) like *christmas* to me! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sure am - i'm working on "the great swedish novel"! seriously, though: i've *always* been a writer... my first "book" was a little thing i wrote in 3rd grade: "the cat eyes in the closet" - a thriller that was *very* scary!!! i *"love"* writing and languages (do i come off as *too* weird-sounding if i admit to reading dictionaries and thesauri just for *fun*?!), and i also *"love"* reading! i recently read john steinbeck's "east of eden" (in english), and it was *amazing*!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What's wrong with this picture? :rolleyes: |
found on livejournal user info page
not funny at all, but it caught my attention...
Bio: I was conceived one fateful lunch-hour when my nymphomaniac mother decided to fuck my dad while he was taking a shit. So it's no wonder why I'm so fucked up. At a very young age I discovered that i liked to destroy things (stabbing things in particular). I made my first kill on my first and only day of school. Some little cunt stole my heroin so I stabbed him in the heart with a pair of safety scissors (the company who made the scissors was sued not long afterwards). This was also the first time I noticed I had a boner and I proceeded to skull-fuck my victim, thus discovering my love of skull-fucking dead bodies. I spent the next seven years in a strait-jacket in an insane asylum. They tried to teach me to worship God and Jesus Christ but I decided that if God truly existed he/she/it would have ensured I was aborted as a fetus to stop me from enacting my evil before I got the chance. I also decided that if there really was a Jesus Christ that he was a stupid cunt who ate too many psilocybin mushrooms and gained a cult following of cunts even more stupid than he was and they ate too many mushrooms and nailed him to a cross. After seven years in the insane asylum, I finally figured out how to escape my strait-jacket and I waited for the night watchman to make his routine check on me and I ripped out his throat out with my teeth and, naturally, skull-fucked him. I stole his keys and ran to freedom. I had been dreaming about this day for years because nearly the whole time I was incarcerated, I had a painful craving for vagina. I figured I wouldn't have enough time to get a girlfriend and fuck her before being caught by the authorities, so I decided I would have to turn to rape to get some pussy. The time of my escape was rather convenient because there was a bevy of nuns walking down the street a few blocks from the insane asylum and what better way to spite the soul-soliciting religious cocksuckers I was forced to congregate with for the better part of a decade than raping a nun. I followed the nuns until one of them strayed a little behind and I grabbed her by her head, covering her mouth so she couldn't scream and I pulled her into an alley where I knocked her out with a brick I had found and raped her (vaginally and anally). It was the single greatest feeling of my life for I had broken free from my shackles of oppression and shoved them up the ass of the "lord" (metaphorically speaking). Since then I have been on the run from town to town seeking shelter wherever I can ,usually graveyards so I can fulfill my necrophelic lust, raping killing and skull-fucking whoever/whatever I can on the way. I always make sure to carry a good sturdy shovel wherever I go. Aside from the obvious digging I need to do in the graveyards, shovels are excellent weapons. Keep an eye out for me. I may temporarily reside in a graveyard near you. Memories: 1 entry Interests: 12: bass guitar, comedic movies, horror movies, killing, making bongs, marijuana, metal, porno, punk, raping, rock, skull-fucking dead bodies. [Modify yours] |
Re: found on livejournal user info page
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:eek: Oh my jesus, that is just wrong. :( |
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post more funny things from the interweb! entertain me at work!
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I've stumbled upon a wealth of .gifs that are making me LOL
http://www.lastlifemedia.com/board/files/wowparty.gif |
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Heh.
<hijack> I *LOVE* Super Troopers!!!!! </hijack> |
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http://www.humorasylum.com
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations http://www.humorasylum.com/humor_pag.../warning17.gif If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it. http://www.humorasylum.com/humor_pag...s/warning1.gif If you have set yourself on fire, do not run http://www.humorasylum.com/humor_pag.../warning18.gif Do not drive a station wagons if a power pole is protruding from the hood. http://www.humorasylum.com/humor_pag...s/warning6.gif The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand. |
http://www.humorasylum.com/humor_pag.../warning19.gif -- A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.
http://www.humorasylum.com/humor_pag.../warning11.gif Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile. http://www.humorasylum.com/humor_pag...s/warning2.gif If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud. http://www.humorasylum.com/humor_pag...s/warning4.gif If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool design for a new tattoo. |
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thanks for brightening my day here at the mattress store. |
it's not like i beat her up, or even hit her
i only strangled her once, i was testing out some anti depressants at the time anyway, so i was a bit dazed out, i probably just lost control a bit too easily |
Scientific Nutball
This is very old, but funny
The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, RI named Scott Williams who digs things out of his backyard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological finds. This guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Anyway...here's the actual response from the Smithsonian Institution. Bear this in mind next time you think you are challenged in your duty to respond to a difficult situation in writing. Personally, I believe that although this guy really deserves to show up on a 1998 Darwin Awards Nominee list, the world would probably be a much duller place without him. Smithsonian Institute 207 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20078 Dear Mr. Williams: Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post...Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be "Malibu Barbie." It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin: 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone. 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-homonids. 3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that: A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on. B. Clams don't have teeth. It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon-dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin. However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your Newport back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench. Yours in Science, Harvey Rowe Chief Curator-Antiquities |
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I love this thread.
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Those were pretty good, Smiley
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This morning my friend called a guy fat and ugly online.
And then he proceeded to threaten her by saying that he was going to hack into her bank account and steal $3,000. Only she doesn't have $3,000 -- she has a buck fitty. If everyone who I've called fat and ugly did that to me, I'd never get out of the red. :rolleyes: |
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Celebrity prank calls - created by collecting recordings of celebrities and then putting them together to prank call people. I think the Homer Simpson one is the funniest.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/morepranks.shtml |
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A few months old, but ...
http://corvette.boise.wirestone.com/gollum/gollum.swf |
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-Rudey |
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